


Elysian

by aesthetv



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Alan Ginsberg, American Football, Angst, Coming Out, Drunk Texting, Drunken Confessions, Female Characters, First Kiss, First Meetings, Friendship, Gareth "Grizz" Visser Uses Sign Language, Gay Male Character, High School, Insecurity, Library, Loss of Trust, M/M, Making Out, Male Protagonist, Male-Female Friendship, POV Male Character, Party Games, Partying, Poetry, Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Teen Angst, Trust Issues, alternative universe, library dates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 123,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25616461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesthetv/pseuds/aesthetv
Summary: What if Sam and Grizz met way before the events in New Ham? What if they went into this new world together?After Grizz was interviewed by Sam for the school newspaper, Grizz acts on his monumental crush on Sam and they slowly grow closer. Things start out so well, but turn upside down really fast. What obstacles do they have to overcome?
Relationships: Allie Pressman & Gareth "Grizz" Visser, Gareth "Grizz" Visser & The Guard, Luke Holbrook & Gareth "Grizz" Visser, Luke Holbrook & Helena Wu, Sam Eliot & Becca Gelb, Sam Eliot & Gareth "Grizz" Visser, Sam Eliot/Gareth "Grizz" Visser
Comments: 62
Kudos: 131





	1. ✩ Interviews

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first chapter of this new grizzam fanfiction. I'm kind of new to writing such long stories (this will be a looong story, about 50 chapters) so please forgive me if I mke any mistakes. Secondly, I'm not from America so I barely know anything about football or high school. Also I don't have experience with deaf people or sign language so please correct me at any time! I'll make sure to add trigger warnings at the beginning or end (to avoid spoilers) of the chapters.  
> Please note that I do not own The Society or any characters in this story. The beginning will mostly be from my imagination, however when they get to New Ham, plotlines and dialogues will mostly be the same. Apart from that I hope you'll enjoy my story :)
> 
> I created a playlist called "Elysian" inspired by this fanfiction. Every song represents one chapter (mostly the mood) and it is updated every time a new chapter comes out. If you like, you can listen to it while reading through my fanfic! You can find it on my spotify @softvanne :) Here's the link to it: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FLYSPH2F8e14QovxAD6DN?si=lUkZg6_FS2Cmn6BnUGO4ow

"Do we really have to visit that game tonight?" Sam signed to Becca while mouthing the words.  
"I already told you. We have to do the interviews for the school newspaper. It's the first game of their season and Ms. Burton assigned us for this, remember?" the brown haired girl replied while signing the words with her hands.  
Sam sighed, not wanting to watch the football players throwing a ball over the field and tackling each other to the ground, just to talk to them afterwards. Talking wasn't really Sams favorite thing to do, since he was always insecure about his deaf voice. He's been made fun of on way to many occasions already and he didn't want to make a fool of himself at these interviews.

"I don't really feel like going Becca and you know exactly why."  
She knew why he was afraid of this. He's always been insecure about using his voice and an interview was literally all about that. When he was younger being bullied, especially by the jocks of the football team, didn't help Sam grow much self confidence in his own body. He has always just been the ginger gay retard to most of his class members, thanks to his brother Campbell.

Campbell was the definition of a psychopath. And he indeed was a psychopath. After that incident with their pet bird, his parents got him tested, with the results of him actually being one. Ever since Sam has been afraid of his brother and loathed him, not only because he never knew what he was about to do to him. Calling him a fag almost every day never relaxed the situation between these two. Campbell felt jealousy towards his brother, him being always the center of attention and receiving more love from their parents Lynette and Doug. Nevertheless the two never had a typical brother-brother relationship, despite the fact that Campbell was just crazy.

"I know Sam. I'm sorry okay? But we really have to do this. I don't want to fail this class already," Becca replied, "listen, I do the interviews and you the photographs, okay?" Sam nodded, giving Becca a slight smile and thanking her for helping him out of this situation.  
"Maybe you'll feel like talking later," she added jokingly, knowing that her best friend would never speak a word to these jocks. Sam rolled his eyes in annoyance, returning himself to the book he had to read for his english class.

☾°✩↴

After spending minutes in the bathroom, Sam finally felt ready for these interviews. At least for taking the photographs and standing next to Becca who he felt comfortable with; not talking of course. While taking a look in the mirror and trying to fix his hair, the thought, why he had voluntarily taken part in the school newspaper, crossed his mind and at this point it was a mystery to him. He knew talking would be essential in this course, so why the hell did he pick the newspaper over creative writing?

Wearing a white shirt with a gray jumper over it, some brown cargo pants and white shoes, Sam considered himself as good looking that evening. He didn't feel as uncomfortable with his looks as he usually did. Maybe he felt relieved that Campbell mostly ignored him that day and he didn't have to worry about any weird comments. Maybe he also hoped that he wouldn't show up at the game, since he never visited them. Until then he was only sighted at the partys after the game, which Sam was definitely not going to attend.

Sam startled slightly as Becca touched his shoulder, making sure he is okay and ready to leave. He quickly grabbed his camera and phone before leaving his house with Becca.  
Sam considered Becca a better driver than himself. It isn't really that hard to drive with no sense of hearing, since you mostly just see things. But Sam always felt a bit anxious that he wouldn't hear the ambulance coming from behind or not noticing a car honk.

While driving to their school Becca blasted some music in the car, humming and singing to it. Sam couldn't hear it of course, but he felt the vibrations running through his body. He enjoyed the feeling, even though he kind of missed hearing songs. He used to love it when his mum sang songs to him and Campbell when they were little.

Sam smiled at the sight of Becca wiggling her head around, fitting the pace of the beat. He even tried to join in a bit, making his best friend giggle.  
She enjoyed being friends with Sam, as he always knew how to cheer her up, when to listen and when to talk. Becca never minded the fact that Sam was deaf. She had learned sign language as soon as she got to know him, in order to communicate with him in a proper way. To this point she was such an expert to it, that she even used sign language when she talked to other people. Not on purpose of course, but a lot of people were really entertained by the sight of her signing things they didn't understand.

Becca was Sams only real friend and he was definitely more than happy to have her. He found it too complicated to talk to other people so he just stood by his friends side all the time, not minding only having her. And Becca was more than delighted to have a best friend like Sam.

Arriving at the school, Becca parked the car in the parking lot before getting out of it. Sam followed her with a worried expression on his face, carrying the camera with him. She grabbed his hand, as she noticed Sam getting nervous.

"It will be fine, Sam. Campbell is not here to annoy," she calmed him down, "and yes, we can definitely admire the hot football players together. Maybe that will cheer you up." Sam rolled his eyes, chuckling at the thought.  
Becca knew Sam was desperately searching for a boy he could be with. Someone who would accept him the way he is, just like she did. Someone who would love and care for him, so he would finally feel more comfortable with himself. Sam never felt ashamed of being gay. He just never really admired the environment he grew up in. A conservative city is not really the place to be as a homosexual person.

After she led him towards their seats, they both watched the cheerleading performance before the game started. Neither Sam nor Becca were into football but nevertheless they had to do their assignment.  
The ginger boy though rather observed the football players itself than following anything of the game. He noticed one boy in particular with brown hair who was pretty good at throwing and catching the ball. He might have been as good as the others but he still stood out to Sam and he didn't even know why.  
It was to his surprise as that particular boy scored the final goal which led their team to win the whole game. The whole crowd cheered and all the players went nuts about their win, hugging and throwing each other to the ground.

With the opposing team slowly leaving the field, Becca approached Sam to finally start with the interviews before they all leave to a party. Sam got nervous again, afraid of how the jocks would react to him.  
It turned out to not be as bad as Sam thought, everyone mostly ignored him and just answered Beccas questions. She didn't have to take any notes, she just recorded everything on her phone which made it easier for her to remember afterwards. Sam of course couldn't relive the interviews like that, a reason why he was definitely a good photographer and not interviewer.

They started interviewing Luke Holbrook, the quarterback of the team. He seemed pretty nice to both of them, even offering to do multiple shots of him after Beccas talked to him. Luke was also never really the one that bullied Sam. It was mostly the more "dumb" football players, just like you would imagine them. Even though they haven't said anything to Sam in a while, he was still a bit frightened as his best friend approached Clark Beecher and Jason Alvarado.  
Probably high from endorphin, they didn't even seem to notice Sam until it was his turn to take pictures. Yet they didn't say anything. He even thought they smiled at him, but it was probably just the happiness they had after their big win. The two friends continued interviewing two more players, as most of them already left, but both really wanted to get to the party to get themselves drunk and high.

Becca rushed to the last player, which was the boy who shot the final goal. It was no other than Grizz Visser. Sam felt himself blush a bit as they approached him. He just stared at Grizz the whole time during the game and he didn't even realize it was him.

"Hey, Grizz. We're from the school newspaper and we are interviewing the most important players today. Do you have time to answer some questions?" Becca spoke and signed at the same time.  
"Oh, yeah sure," he answered while sticking a strain of his slightly wet and sweaty hair behind his ear. Sam watched his movements carefully, trying to read his lips but it was harder than he thought. Grizz shortly locked eyes with the ginger but was ultimately drawn away as Beccas phone started to ring.  
"Shit," she murmured, "just a second." She picked up her phone, walking a couple of steps away from them so she could talk to the person on the phone.

Meanwhile Grizz bit his lip, returning his gaze to Sam again who shakily held the camera in his one hand and slid his other through his red hair.  
"So you're the photographer?" Grizz asked out of nowhere. Sam nodded after reading his lips again, finding it still a bit hard, and giving him a slight smile which the jock returned. Sam kind of hoped he would not ask him anything else. He still didn't feel like talking, especially not in front of someone that good looking.

Of course Sam had noticed Grizz before. Sometimes he spotted Grizz being in the school library, looking at poem books mostly. Maybe he was interested in poetry. Sam didn't know yet, but of course he was too cautious to approach him in any way. Sometimes when he was in the hallways, he would notice Grizz glancing over at him, some days even smiling. It always made him curious, why someone like him would look at the deaf and lonely boy. Why would someone like Grizz Visser pay attention to him? That didn't make any sense, Sam thought. He was pretty sure Grizz Visser was straight and not in any kind of way interested in him.

"Got any plans for tonight?" Grizz asked, breaking the short silence between them and wanting to keep up a conversation while Becca was still busy talking on the phone. Sam just wanted to disappear as soon as possible and now Grizz was asking him a question, which he couldn't just answer with a nod.  
"No, I'm just going to head home after the interview," Sam spoke quietly while signing the words. His voice was trembling and too quiet for Grizz to understand properly.  
"Sorry, what?" Sam blushed again. Of course he had just been too quiet for him to understand. This happened way to often to Sam.

"Sorry, I don't speak very well. I said, that I'm going to head home after the interview," he declared with a louder voice this time.  
"Oh no you speak fine, really good actually. It's just still pretty loud here with all these people talking," Grizz replied quickly, trying to mouth the words clear enough for Sam to read them while rubbing his neck shortly in embarrassment. It was never his intention to make Sam feel ashamed and he wanted to make that clear.

Sam could feel a little smile grow on his face. He had never gotten a compliment for his voice before. People mostly annoyed it but Grizz seemed to not mind. Sam seemed to have gotten some sort of confidence boost, because he tried to continue the conversation.  
"Shouldn't you be at this party now? Everyone was pretty excited to go there."  
"Yeah, I should but I just like staying on the field for a while. It makes me more calm after the game, you know," Grizz tried to explain to the smaller boy, who nodded.

"Sorry guys," Becca interrupted, "that was my mum, I really need to go home now." Sam was kind of relieved for a second, finally being able to go home soon, as Becca could drop him of on her way. He just wanted to read his book again although he kind of liked the short conversation with the football player.  
"Sam, could you finish the interview with Grizz? I really need to get home," Becca signed so Grizz couldn't understand what she was talking. Sam was confused, how was he supposed to get home then? And he should talk to Grizz even more? Becca couldn't do this to him.

"How am I supposed to get home? And how should I finish the interview? You know I don't like talking," Sam responded concerned about the whole situation.  
"I don't know Sam, ask Grizz to give you a ride? I'm really sorry, but it's an emergency. You got this okay? See you tomorrow?" she signed, already putting her jacket on and ready to leave. Sam had no other choice. He had to finish this interview, and even worse as Grizz for a ride home.  
"You own me on this one Becca."  
"Love you. Bye Grizz," she signed and called out as she was already walking away from the two.

"What did she say?" Grizz asked curiously.  
"She has to get home, I don't know. Apparently it's an emergency. But we should start the interview then if you still have time," the ginger proposed.  
"Plenty. The party can wait."


	2. ✩ His voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 recap: Sam and Becca did interviews for the school newspaper, including Grizz. Becca did the talking while Sam only did photographs as he is not comfortable enough with his voice. However, Becca had to leave Sam and Grizz alone after someone called her and instructed Sam to do the interview alone.

Grizz didn't really know how he got into this. The only thing he knew was that he was about to have an interview with Sam Eliot. Grizz wasn't really sure if being nervous or excited would make the situation better. All he knew was that he was talking to his crush.

It wasn't a major crush that he had on the ginger, but there were enough butterflies in his stomach to actually make him nervously rub his neck and bite his lip as he looked at the smaller boy.  
Of course Grizz had noticed Sam before, mostly in the library where Sam would spend most of his time if he wasn't with Becca, but also in the hallways and the cafeteria; basically everywhere in school.  
Sometimes Grizz caught himself visiting the library to check on Sam, to see if he is there and doing well. But he would never approach him because he was too afraid.

Nobody knew Grizz was gay, except his mother who was some kind of homophobic. As Grizz loved tap dance as a child, his mother signed him up for football, not wanting him to become gay. But apparently a sport can't change that, why should it?  
The jock was afraid of his friends reaction, if he came out to them. That's why he had decided to cut them off after high school, start a new life and come out as gay in college. He didn't believe all of them were homophobic. Maybe Luke would accept him the way he is and would not make a big deal out of it. But Luke wasn't his only friend that he would have to come out to obviously.

Sometimes in the cafeteria, when he caught himself glancing over to Sam, he would notice Sam looking back, even smiling at him. He was probably just being nice. The ginger didn't even know Grizz was gay because he had always been labeled as straight, kissing and making out with girls. But in reality Grizz never felt anything with girls, breaking things off shortly before anything too personal could happen. Sleeping with girls was always a non sober decision to him.  
Despite that, fact is that his mom would never fully accept him the way he is and he knew that.

After scoring the final goal at the football game, he was more than happy to see Becca and Sam approaching him. While Becca was on her phone, he actually tried talking to Sam for the first time, although he never wanted him to feel uncomfortable in any way, especially not about his voice.  
Grizz had never really heard Sams voice before, but it was soft and careful, more gentle than any other voice he had heard. Even though he was deaf, and Grizz was really aware of that, his voice sounded like music in his hears and it made his butterflies in his stomach flutter even more than before.

As Sam talked to him, he studied the boys face in detail. His bright and blue eyes shimmered in the light, his cheeks turned into a slightly peach tone as he talked and his smile was the most beautiful smile Grizz has ever seen. He had never gotten to see Sam this close.  
They barely had any classes together anyway. English was the only one and they didn't even sit close together, with Grizz being in the back and Sam in the front.

As Becca got of her phone, she signed something to Sam without talking. Grizz didn't understand anything. He wish he would have known sign language in that moment already, but the only sign he knew was bullshit. Definitely not an appropriate one at this point.

"What did she say?" Grizz asked curiously.  
"She has to get home, I don't know. Apparently it's an emergency. But we should start the interview then if you still have time," the ginger proposed.  
"Plenty. The party can wait." Grizz was fully aware of the situation now. He was alone now with Sam Eliot.

There were barely any left fans at the football pitch anymore and the whole atmosphere got more quiet. Grizz suggested sitting down on a bench nearby.  
"I'm going to write down your answers on my phone, if that's okay. I don't have a notebook with me," the ginger noted.  
"Sure," Grizz replied simply.

"Okay so, I'm not really prepared for this," Sam confessed. In fact he wasn't prepared at all. He hasn't really payed attention to the other interviews before because he had caught himself thinking about that specific boy and his good looking figure. Yes, it was Grizz that he had caught his thoughts in and he was actually talking to him in that moment. Sam hadn't planned on talking to anyone that day, but apparently the future had other things on the schedule.

Sam got his thoughts together, thinking about what to ask Grizz. He pulled his phone out of his jumper, opening the notes app, ready to type in Grizzs answers.  
"So let's just start with some basics. What's your real name?"  
"Gareth. But I prefer going by Grizz." Sam looked rather fascinated as he heard his name. Even the teachers called him Grizz, so it was a new information to him. The name had always reminded Sam of a grizzly bear. He typed the name into his notes before locking his eyes onto his lips again, making sure to read them properly.

"And you are 17, turning 18 soon, right?" Grizz nodded, staring at Sam, as he typed the answer into his phone. He was fascinated by the way he talked and signed at the same time, making him want to learn the language to impress Sam. Now that he was talking to him, he actually had a chance to stay in contact with him. He would definitely try to as he couldn't miss out the opportunity to talk to him again.  
"When did you start playing football?", the ginger boy asked.  
"I think I was 9, maybe 10. My mum signed me up for peewee football and I was really good at it. So I continued it until now." Sam smiled at him slightly as he read his gentle lips. It was still a bit difficult for him, but he got more used to it the more the brown haired boy talked.

Sam found him more attractive, the longer they talked but he couldn't convince himself to go any further. He thought Grizz wasn't gay and all the times he had smiled at him was just out of kindness. Maybe even pity.  
Grizz was never the one who bullied him though. He never even laughed at him, when all this friends did. He was always the one that tried to keep things fair. Maybe that's why Sam always found him some sort of handsome, even though he was convinced of his straight sexuality.

After asking him a couple of more questions, Sam thought it would be best to not keep Grizz from going to that party for too long.  
"Okay so the last question. How did you feel, when you scored the final goal?" Grizz hestitated for a moment, thinking about the moment he actually scored the goal. The only significant thing he can remember was looking at the audience and spotting a ginger boy sitting besides Becca and clapping at the win.

"I was shocked at first but also relieved, that we won this game. Also really happy at the same time of course. I guess scoring a goal always arouses some sort of excitement in me. It makes me feel like I've achieved something amazing. Something great for my whole team." Grizz was pouring his feelings out towards sam, and even if it was for an interview, he probably wouldn't have been so specific if Becca had asked the same question. Sam nodded mesmerized of the description while watching Grizzs lips that he didn't even notice the end of his speech.

The short silence between the two boys was stopped after Sam caught his connection to reality again.  
"Okay, great. Thank you so much Grizz."  
"You're welcome. You had great questions," he complimented Sam.  
"So see you tomorrow in english?" the jock added. Sam nodded and gave Grizz a light grin. As he was walking away, he remembered something. Becca was gone, how was he supposed to get home?

"Uhm, Grizz?" Sam spoke while turning around to face him again. Grizz looked at him with a questioning look.  
"I actually don't know how I should get home. Could you give me a ride?" he asked shyly.  
"Oh yeah sure. Was Becca supposed to get you home?"  
"Yeah, I don't know what has gotten into her, leaving me here alone. She owes me something." Grizz chuckled about Sams statement, making him smile too. Sam was a funny person, Grizz thought, making him smile even more.

☾°✩↴

Sam was genuinely happy that Grizz gave him a ride home. He had no idea who else to ask. Allie and Cassandra, his cousins, weren't at the game and he couldn't call them. And despite Becca not being available, he didn't know anyone as good. He trusted Grizz that he wouldn't kidnapp him, since they knew each other at least a bit now.  
While Grizz hummed to the song blasting from the radio, Sam showed him the route to his house, not knowing if he wanted the car ride to end so fast. So he spontaneously made Grizz drive a detour, not wanting to leave his company and enjoying the way he tilted his head to the music. Sam felt the vibrations again, making him feel more comfortable in Grizzs' car.

Even though he had only talked to him because of an interview, he felt relaxed around him. He didn't have to worry about his voice, just like when he talked to Becca. It was of course more difficult to read lips than to speak in ASL but he would take on this difficulty.  
"At the next crossing left and then my house should be in sight," Sam explained.  
Grizz nodded while concentrating on the road in front of him.

Approaching my house, I got out of his car and turned around to thank him, before closing the door.  
"Thanks for driving me. See you tomorrow then?"  
"No problem. Can't wait to talk about boring poems tomorrow," Grizz joked while turning towards him.  
"Boring? I thought you liked poetry." Grizz wondered how he knew about this passion for poetry. He squeezed his eyebrows slightly.  
"Not those kinds we read in school. I'm more into Ginsberg, not Aristotle." Sam looked interested, but didn't want to keep Grizz from visiting the party that he has already missed for at least an hour.

"Ginsberg? I will definitely check him out," Sam chuckled his cheeks blushing a bit. Even Grizz had a bright smile on his face.  
"Okay, so have fun at the party."  
"See you tomorrow, Sam," the jock said before the ginger turned around and walked towards his house.  
Grizz waited until he was inside his house, Sam not noticing that he was still there watching him.  
As the door of his house closed, he started the engine and made his way to the party, although he didn't really feel like partying anymore. All he wanted to do in this moment was talking to Sam.

☾°✩↴

Sam had texted his best friend after getting ready for bed that night about the interview, but she seemed to be asleep already. He really wanted to know why she had to leave so quickly, what kind of emergency she was in. What emergency could be so bad that she would leave her best friend alone?

"I'm really sorry about yesterday," Becca explained to him the next day at school.  
"I'll tell you about it at lunch, okay?" Sam nodded, taking his books out of his locker and closing it. The two made their way down the hallway to their next class.  
"So your interview was fine?" she signed to me.  
"Yeah, Grizz was pretty chill. I have the notes on my phone, I can send them to you later so we can write the article soon."  
"Remember when I told you that Grizz isn't like the others?" Sam didn't really remember that conversation. But he definitely agreed with that statement. He didn't laugh at Sam, he never made fun of him and he was extremly polite to him yesterday. He was definitely not the typical jock he had expected him to be.

"Not really, but I guess you're right about that. He's definitely not like his friends," Sam responded. Becca agreed, while checking her phone for a minute and stopping besides some lockers.  
"My plans just got cancelled. Wanna hang out tonight?" she asked the ginger who was distracted by a certain football player who was just walking by while chatting to his friends.  
As Grizz noticed Sam, he gave him a small smile and tucked his hair behind his ear before turning to his friends again.  
Sam noticed some of his hair up in a bun today, looking really handsome on him. He surely couldn't take his eyes of of him for a second.

"Sam?" Becca touched his shoulder as she signed his name.  
"Sorry what?"  
"I just said my plans got cancelled tonight, do you wanna hang out at mine? We could get some wine and watch a movie or something since it's the weekend," the brunette suggested.  
"Sure, i'm in. But only if I can choose what to watch." Becca rolled her eyes, knowing that Sam sometimes had a terrible taste in movies.

☾°✩↴

Sam made his way into his next class, english. Sitting down next to allie, he unpacked his stuff while waiting for the teacher. He briefly noticed that someone suddenly was standing in front of him. Looking up he saw Grizz, holding a book in his hands. He held the book into Sams direction, pointing at the author.  
"Here. It's a book from Ginsberg. You said you wanted to check him out."  
Sam was surprised at first, not realizing what was really happening. Grizz had really payed attention yesterday and it was making Sam smile, while taking the book out of his hand.

"Thanks," Sam answered while signing.  
And to Sams surprise, Grizz signed "you're welcome," before walking to his seat in the back. The confused look of the ginger turned into a small smirk and he couldn't stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be up in a couple of days.


	3. ✩ Ginsberg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 recap: After getting to know some background information about Grizz, the interview between Sam and him goes pretty well. Grizz gives Sam a ride home and they firstly talk about poetry for a sec (this will get important in the future plot). The next day, Becca's sorry about leaving him and promises to explain her emergency later on. In English class, Grizz surprises Sam with a poetry book from Ginsberg.

"Earth to Sam?" Becca shook one of her hands in front him. He was quickly torn from his thoughts about the book he started to read before. The book Grizz gave him.  
"What?" Sam replied confused.  
"What's going on with you tonight? Daydreaming about someone?" Becca smirked.

In fact Sam was exactly doing that but never wanted to admit it to himself or his best friend. He seriously couldn't be caught thinking about a straight boy, especially not from Becca who was always aware of his interests. Sam just rolled his eyes.  
"I was just thinking about a book I started reading today but I guess you have better things to listen to than poetry, right?" Sam lied while jokingly smiling at her.  
"You know me too well. Anyways, you want to finish the episode?" she suggested. The two of them had continued watching one of their favorite show called _Please Like Me_ , pausing in between to grab some food from Beccas kitchen.

The comedic show is about a gay man called Josh, exploring his sexuality after getting dumped by his girlfriend. He tries to navigate his first decade of adulthood as best as possible, having different lovers over the time.  
It was one of Sam's favorite shows but also Becca never minded watching it. It felt good to have someone to binge your beloved series with, especially if that someone was your best friend.

Sam was only able to concentrate on the show for maybe 5 minutes, his thoughts were drifting away again. Thinking about the jock he only had talked to once properly wouldn't seem to get off his mind. It was approved by Sam to think about a handsome boy for a certain amount of time a day, but Grizz was definitely not in his league with being straight. Not that Sam had much experience anyway, but he always made sure to check on someones sexuality before approaching anything. And with Grizz Sam was pretty sure he wasn't his dating type.

"Can you get me some coke from the fridge, please?" Sam asked after tapping her shoulder to get her attention.  
"Why don't you get it yourself?" she signed back with a confused look upon her face.  
"You still owe me for letting me down at the football game, remember?" Becca rolled her eyes in annoyance and rose from the bed to get Sam his drink.

Becca had told him about her 'emergency' earlier at lunch. Apparently it was something with her mother who drank too much and accidentally hit her head against a table. Her mother has been an alcoholic ever since Sam knew her. Of course she had gotten help but always seemed to fall back into old habits. Becca sometimes let out her frustration at Sam but luckily he always knew what made her behave like that. After having a tantrum, she mostly cried into his arms and Sam held her until she calmed down. The fear of losing her mother to alcohol was driving her crazy sometimes. Fortunately she had Sam, always listening and cheering her up.

"The interview wasn't too bad though," Becca signed after giving Sam a glass with his drink, "Grizz wouldn't have given you a ride home if it had been terrible."  
She was right about that, it wasn't the worst thing Sam had done. He actually had felt quite comfortable talking to Grizz.  
"It was all right. Just never do that to me again. Next time Grizz might not be as generous," Sam snapped back.  
"I'm sorry Sam. Will you ever forgive me?" Becca said with a theatrical voice while grabbing Sams shoulders, asking for forgiveness.  
"Not until you put this on the nightstand," he responded, holding the glass into Beccas face. With rolled eyes and a smile on her face, she took the coke and placed it on the small table next to her.

☾°✩↴

After placing his books from his locker once he was done with his classes, Grizz made his way down to the school library. He needed a chemistry book their teacher demanded, hoping they would still have a copy left.  
He shortly checked his phone for new messages before opening the door to the library but there were all from group chats he didn't really care about.

He gave the librarian a slight nod before walking towards the chemistry section in the big room. Sometimes their library reminded Grizz of the one from Harry Potter with similar high shelves, desks at every corner and a lamp on each one of them.  
Trying to remember the name of the book, he searched through the shelves to find the right one. As soon as he spotted it he quickly grabbed it feeling relieved they still had a copy in their range.  
Whilst wanting to get the book reserved Grizz couldn't stop himself from visiting the poetry aisle, too curious what new things he might discover.

He browsed through all the books, finding every single one interesting but he knew he couldn't take all of them home. Grizz indeed had a passion for poetry that he pursued, mostly when he wasn't hanging out with his friends, trained for football or studied for school.  
Not many people expected Grizz to be such a big reader. Only his closest friends knew about his passion, however mostly finding it more ridiculous than interesting. He didn't really care about his friends opinion though since his fascination had no effect on their lives anyways.  
Grizz had dreamed about a different future everyone else assumed him to have. He never wanted to become a professional football player. Besides the chances of receiving a scholarship in football being very low, he had pictured himself becoming a writer one day. Or anything that had to do with writing, he didn't care as long as it made him happy.

_"The weight of the world is love.  
Under the burden of solitude,  
under the burden of dissatisfaction.  
the weight, the weight we carry is love."_

Grizz recognized the voice immediately, turning around to spot the ginger boy he was hoping to find. Sam saw Grizz's confused look, wondering if he understood what he had just said.  
The jock noticed Sam was holding a familiar book in his hand while giving him a slight smile.  
"Ginsberg," Grizz finally remembered, "I suppose you read it then."  
"Yeah I did, I had enough spare time this weekend. And you were right, definitely better than Aristotle," Sam responded in a soft voice while signing the words along. Grizz's butterflies were back, making him chuckle at his statement.

He was fascinated by Sam's gesturing although he couldn't decipher the signs he made.  
However, Grizz had learned a new sign before he approaching Sam in school before the weekend. He had watched youtube videos about sign language all night but only remembered "you're welcome" which he ultimately used after handing him the book. He enjoyed the face Sam made as he had signed it, being shook and confused at the same time.

"His poems have so much more charm to them. Although ancient poets might bear a lot more wisdom, Ginsbergs poems contain so much passion, don't you think?" the ginger added.  
"Totally agree. Him opposing topics like sexual repression or militarism was pretty progressive for a generation like his." Sam nodded fascinated, although he wasn't sure if he was more caught by the topic itself or by Grizz using words like 'sexual repression'.

While talking to Sam, Grizz made sure to annunciate the words clearly with his lips, assuring the smaller boy could read them properly.  
"Since when are you into poetry? I've never expected a football player to like that sort of stuff," Sam asked while watching Grizz's facial expression. He wanted to continue talking to him but of course not bore his opponent. However the way the jocks eyebrows rose and his eyes looked at the ginger, it seemed obvious he longed for a conversation.

"I've always liked reading, being able to escape reality for some time. You know, with all the school stress and football training for me. But I discovered poetry last year and I have to admit, it's my guilty pleasure now."  
"Guilty pleasure, huh?" Sam tilted his head a bit, watching Grizz tuck a strand of hair that fell out of his bun behind his ear. Wearing a black shirt, the schools varsity jacket, some jeans and vans, Sam found him very handsome that day.  
Little did he know that Grizz thought the same about him.

"Yeah, my friends all think it's ridiculous. All they can think about is football and partying. They haven't even touched a book in ages, so how would they know?"  
To Grizz's surprise, Sam's giggle sounded like the sweetest thing he had ever heard. He adored his voice already, although the ginger himself was uncomfortable with it.  
"I think it's a really smart passion to have. Poetry makes you think about so much more than just the artificial aspects of life," Sam responded, while looking down at the books he held in his hands, on top the one Grizz lend him.  
"Totally agree on that."

"Here," Sam interrupted trying to give Grizz his book back, "I definitely have to read more about Ginsberg."  
"Oh, you can keep it. I have another copy of it," Grizz replied while shouldering his bag nervously. Sam opened his mouth slightly, trying to get some words out. He hadn't really expected Grizz to gift him the book now. The ginger had been reading it the whole weekend, even until 3am, forgetting about the time at some point.  
The poems fascinated Sam, making him feel better in his own body. With Ginsberg being gay, he was able to identify himself with some of the aspects the poet approached.

"Thanks," Sam finally answered and packed the book back into his backpack.  
"I can lend you some more, if you like. I have lots at home," Grizz offered with a smile on his face. He thought this would be the best way to communicate with him. In fact, talking about books and poetry was something Sam was interested in, too.

"Sure, but ... I don't know how to pay you back for lending me the books." Sam was pretty sure Grizz wanted something in return for his actions. He wouldn't just do it out of kindness.  
"Oh that's fine. It's just books and I've already read them, so why not lend them to someone who is interested in it as well," Grizz replied while observing Sams reaction. He didn't exactly know if Sam was interested in reading, he sort of assumed it since he always found him in the library.

Sam's eyes widened and the smile on his face grew bigger while nodding towards his opponent. He was kind of happy to have found someone who he could actually have proper conversations about books with. Becca wasn't as much into reading as he was although she had massive piles of books at home as well. However, probaly most of them had never even been touched.  
Despite the fact that Sam has never really gathered poetry before, Grizz definitely made it more interesting to him.

Grizz rubbed his neck shortly whilst alternately watching Sams eyes and lips. The grin he had on his face made Grizz more and more confident while talking to him. It made his butterflies inside his stomach go crazy.

"So, I could bring you another book tomorrow," Grizz broke the silence that shortly occurred after exchanging interested looks.  
"Meet me here? Same time?" Sam signed while shouldering his bag, ready to head home soon. Grizz nodded in response, thrilled about being able to talk to him once again the next day.  
Giving Grizz a last smirk, he waved at him shortly before leaving the library. Again, he couldn't stop smiling for another 5 minutes.

Before the jock left the library, he continued his search for a poetry book and reserved the one he found and his chemistry book. While heading home, he wondered if Sam would ever teach him some sign language.

☾°✩↴

The next morning passed as slowly as never before. Grizz felt tired in every class, almost falling asleep in geometry. He had stayed up almost the whole night, searching for the perfect book to give to Sam, making sure there were no notes in the copy.  
Sometimes Grizz liked highlighting different aspects of a poem, being able to remember them easier. Yet he still wanted to hand Sam a clean one.  
In the end he had decided on another book from Ginsberg, as Sam really seemed to like the poet.

Grizz admired his poetry, always experiencing that feeling of acceptance while reading it. He was able to identify with Ginsberg being a gay man.  
Sometimes all he wanted is his mom showing him approval of who he is, not who she wants him to be. Surely, being straight made some aspects of life easier but Grizz couldn't change who he was. He couldn't suddenly start falling in love with girls, as he clearly didn't feel any affection towards them. His mother though secretly wished for this to happen.

As Grizz got older, he couldn't identify with going to church anymore which made his mother sad and frustrated at some point. When he was little, he loved going there, reading out of the bible and praying. But as soon as he realized the town was rather conservative, he found excuses to dismiss church services.  
Why would he want to visit a place where he couldn't be accepted the way he is?

Sam's morning went by rather slow, too. After replaying the conversation between Grizz and him for about 10 times, it was around 2am as he went to sleep that night. He woke up with an extremly positive mood that day, which would have stayed even longer if Campbell hadn't called him a fag twice at breakfast. Nevertheless he was eager for meeting Grizz in the library, wondering what book he might lend him. At the same time he speculated what the jock would wear.

Strangely Becca seemed to notice Sams happiness throughout the day although he had been tired most of the times.  
"You've been grinning like a cheshire cat the whole morning. Are you okay?" Becca asked signing during lunch break while eating the cafeteria food.  
"Can't I be happy for once?" Sam countered. Becca just rolled her eyes.  
"You know that's not what I meant."  
Becca was wondering what made her best friend so joyful that day. She was sure it wasn't his brother.

"Wait Sam, are you going on a date?" Becca smirked curiously. Sam wasn't really sure how to reply to that without her picking it up the wrong way.  
"No, not a date. I'm meeting with Grizz later in the library."  
"With Grizz?" Becca asked with a questioning face, "Did I miss anything?"  
Usually Sam told her everything about his life and what was happening. He wasn't really sure why he hadn't told her about Grizz giving him a book before.

"Not really, he lends me books about poetry. That's all." Sam didn't mention the interesting conversations the two had besides exchanging poetry copies. It was obvious that Becca would fall asleep as soon as her best friend would start talking about poetry in any way.  
"Poetry? How boring," she yawned before returning herself to the food on her plate.  
Sam took a deep breath before continuing to eat the indefinable mash from the cafeteria.

If Sam only knew that while he was eating and signing to Becca, Grizz had kept an eye on him, wondering again if he would ever teach him some sign language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my new chapter! If there is anything in any chapter that I should possibly tags as a trigger warning on, please let me know asap.


	4. ✩ Your language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 recap: Quick conversation between Becca and Sam hanging out at the beginning where Beccas emergency with her mum was explained. Sam however is quite caught up in thoughts about Grizz. The next week, Grizz randomly meets Sam at the library and the two start talking about the poetry book Grizz gave him. As the conversation between them is comfortable and exciting for both, they make up a new meeting for the next day, same time, same place. The next day, Becca notices Sam being extremly happy and he confesses he's meeting with Grizz later on.

Sam had been waiting in the library for about 10 minutes before Grizz showed up. The jock was actually expected to attend football training after school, making up an excuse in order to meet with the ginger boy.  
Becca had also planned on visiting Sam directly after school but couldn't in the end. Therefore he suggested texting her as soon as he was done so they could study together.

Sam was sitting at one of the many desks checking his phone as Grizz came walking in. He immediately noticed the ginger, hesitating at first but eventually approaching him slowly, not wanting to scare him. As Sam noticed a figure appearing in front of him, he was pleased to see Grizz standing ahead.  
The jock smiled as soon as he was able to look into Sams eyes, showing him a small wave.

"I hope you haven't been waiting for too long. My friends were wondering about why I would ditch training," Grizz explained while sitting down and placing his bag on the floor.  
"Let me guess, you definitely told them you would drop it for Ginsberg, right?" Sam joked ironically.  
"Definitely," Grizz responded chuckling, "they would have punched me if I had told the truth. I hope my lie about my mum needing help building up a new cabinet was convincing though."  
Grizz really wished they wouldn't be suspicious about it. Normally the jock never missed his training sessions. That one time was an exception. He only did it for Sam. And for his precious smile.

Grizz grabbed his bag, pulling out the book he had picked for Sam all night long.  
"Here, another Ginsberg one since you liked the first one so much," he added while he pushed the book into Sams direction.  
"Thank you," Sam responded while signing before inspecting the book. Grizz tried to remember the gesture he made.  
"You're welcome," Grizz signed back, just as he already did once. Sams astonished look made Grizz smile.

"You did it again," Sam determined, "since when do you know sign language?"  
Grizz really had made an impression on him with his almost only sign he knew. It was so worth spending some time watching videos about it, Grizz thought.  
"I don't, trust me. It's the only sign I know besides..." Grizz stopped talking before forming it with his hands. Sam watched him as he licked his lips while concentrating on signing. He thought he looked absolutey adorable.

But as soon as he recognized the meaning of the sign, he raised his eyebrows, holding back his laughing as best as he could.  
" _Bullshit_? Really? Where did you get that from?" Sam was making sure not to laugh too much, since they were in a quiet library with almost nobody else there at this time of the day.  
"I saw Becca sign it once actually. It was so incisive, i could not _not_ remember it."

Sam couldn't hold back his smiling again. He was grinning like a cheshire cat once more, just like Becca noticed before. He felt happy around Grizz and he didn't even know why. Grizz didn't feel any less happy than Sam did. Quite the reverse actually. The butterflies were once again going crazy inside his stomach.

"So," Grizz started hesitant, "I was wondering if you could teach me some sign language then." Sams facial expression turned into a bit of a confused look.  
"Why do you want to learn sign language? Are you planning on going deaf?", Sam asked ironically.  
"No, I'm not. I just ... I want to be able to talk to you. Or you know, sign to you." Sam got even more baffled by that. They barely knew each other, why would he want to sign to him?

"I can read lips," Sam replied while tilting his head a bit.  
"I know but I want to be able to talk to you, you know, in your language," Grizz admitted. He imagined it would be easier for Sam to understand him, if he could sign a bit while talking.  
The ginger felt flattered, raising his eyebrows once more. He almost believed Grizz had flirted with him. But he immediately tried to get rid of the thought, not wanting to set his hopes too high.

"Oh, okay. Sure I can teach you some."  
Grizz felt relieved as he looked pleased, finally being able to learn Sams language. Even though there was already enough school stress and training for him, he still wanted to take the chance of experiencing something new. Apparently something new with a person he liked.

"So I think we should start with the basics then," Sam began, "I'm going to show you the alphabet first." He started by going through the alphabet one time, letting Grizz just watch his hands move. He somehow hardly concentrated on just Sams hand. The jocks eyes sometimes slowly wandered to his.  
Sam noticed the looks Grizz gave him, but he never minded it much, thinking it was just out of distraction. So he continued showing it to him a second time, this time Grizz tried signing all the letters along.

Sam believed he was pretty good at it but as he seemed to struggle with the letter 'p' he helped the jock by forming his fingers into the right position. Just as Sam touched his hand, Grizz started to blush a bit, having the strange feeling to just kiss his hand. But he couldn't do it, especially not in public. He couldn't help it but his crush towards Sam grew bigger.  
After they went through the rest of the alphabet once again, Sam showed Grizz how to spell his name.

Sam was proud of Grizz, how fast of a learner he was. He easily got his name right after one try and he was able to remember the alphabet, too, after just a couple of times.  
"Very impressive. You're doing pretty good," Sam admired his skills. And again, he was more than impressed as Grizz signed thank you. He must have caught that from him signing it earlier, Sam thought. In fact, he did.

"I think I should give you a sign name," Sam suggested.  
"Sign name?" Grizz didn't exactly know what that was but maybe his thoughts went into the right direction.  
"It's a sign standing for your name, so you don't have to spell it every time." Grizz nodded in response. Sam thought about a creative sign, trying to come up with something interesting and special.  
He decided on something similar to "grizzly bear" since his name reminded him of one. While forming it with his hand, it reminded Grizz of something similar to a 'g'.

"And what does that sign mean?" Grizz asked curiously what Sam had chosen for him.  
"It stands for 'grizzly bear'. You know, because of your name and you maybe also have some similarities with that animal." Grizz surely didn't know how to take the last part but he liked it. The sign was easy and special at the same time.  
"I totally like it, but you sure I'm like a bear?" Sam shrugged while smiling.  
"I don't know, maybe. I guess, you're as tall as a one?" Sam joked, unsure of what he was even talking about.  
Grizz definitely took that as a compliment and had to laugh at the thought of him as a bear. Nevertheless he liked his sign name and he would use it from now on.

"What's your sign name then?" Grizz was curious how he could say Sams name without spelling the three letters over and over again.  
As he showed it to him, Grizz looked amazed at the movements Sams hand made and instantly repeated them with his own.

While looking Sam into his eyes, Grizz felt some sort of warm feeling spread inside of him. He felt comfortable around him, he could be who he wanted to be with him. Although Grizz always fit in with his friends, he never experienced it to be so easy talking with someone. Sometimes the conversations between him and his friends felt off, artificial even. Them always bragging about with how many girls they have already slept with made Grizz internally barf.  
With Sam it was different, even though they had only properly known each other for a couple of days.

Sam has never felt so relaxed with someone who didn't speak sign language. Grizz wouldn't make fun of his voice, like others sometimes did. Grizzs humor made him become a more cheerful person in the moment. Sam was usually only comfortable laughing so much with Becca but with Grizz he didn't mind.  
Sam secretly started to hope that this whole thing they had wouldn't just end up in a good friendship. He definitely felt some sort of attraction towards the taller boy.

After spending almost another hour in the library talking about sign language, poetry and school, Sam had to leave.  
"I really have to go now, I promised Becca to still study with her." Grizz was a bit sad about Sam needing to leave him. At the same time he was so happy that he had spend almost two hours talking to him, laughing and joking around. For Grizz it had definitely been worth ditching his football training for Sam. He didn't even care anymore if his friends got suspicious.

"We should definitely repeat this," Grizz admitted, as they both stood up to grab their bags. Sam nodded, really eager to meet with Grizz again.  
"Sure, I'll text you," Sam replied, watching Grizz's lips.  
"Great. See you then." With one last smile Sam left the library first, heading home. He was still smiling, thinking about Grizz and the way his lips curled up when he laughed.

Sam usually didn't mind his deafness. But at this moment, all he wanted was to hear Grizz's voice.

☾°✩↴

"Sure you don't want to tell me what you guys talked about? You spend two hours with him in the library!" Becca was really curious about his friends activities, especially when they included a possible love interest for Sam. She had always encouraged him to talk to someone who he thought was cute, not wanting him to die as a christian virgin in the end, but he always passed, being way to insecure about his voice.  
Sam put his pencil down, focusing on Becca instead of his homework.

"I told you we talked about poetry, and I taught him some sign language because he wanted to learn some. I don't really know why though. He said, he wanted to be able to talk to me in my language, but still," Sam recounted. Becca widened her eyes, slapping her thigh with her hand.  
"That is the cutest thing I ever heard. He surely has a crush on you."  
Sam frowned. Although he definitely felt an attraction towards Grizz, he wasn't really fond of Beccas statement. How could he be sure, Grizz was gay? It could all just be a joke set up by his friends, wanting to make fun of him. He just couldn't believe, Grizz could have a crush on him.

"I don't think so. Grizz probably isn't gay, he's slept with girls before. Everyone knows that," Sam replied shaking his head in disbelief.  
"Well, maybe he is bi? But come on, he wants to learn sign language for _you_. Isn't that cute?" Sam shrugged, not really sure if he could believe Becca. Sometimes she has a habit of interpreting too much into things. He believed that it was her being way too excited over this.  
But maybe she was right. It was subtle of him, finding a way to communicate better. Sams lips rose a bit as he thought about Grizz's smile again.

"You fancy him, too, don't you?"  
Sam just rolled his eyes again, but this time Becca was not wrong.  
"I've known him for less than a week, I barely know anything about him." Surely Sam knew about his existence for longer than that but he has never properly talked to him before the football game. Not more than once in class, as Grizz needed a pen.  
"Well, you are going to meet again though, right? So you can get to know him better then," Becca laughed slightly. She was pretty sure her best friend had a thing for Grizz. And she would definitely help him out in any way she could. That's what best friends are for.

"Okay okay, message received Becca," Sam signed annoyed but at the same time smiling. He was glad to have her, even if she got on his nerves sometimes.  
"So tell me more, when are you gonna meet the next time?" she wanted to know.  
"I said I'll text him about it. Maybe he's free on thursday or friday. I don't think there is a football training or something."  
"Well, what are you waiting for then? Text him!" He sure wanted to but at the same time he didn't want to be pushy towards him. If Grizz really had a crush on him, he would have to make the first step, Sam wasn't ready to risk his feelings.

"I'll text him tomorrow, don't want to seem obtrusive," he explained.  
"So, you obviously do like him." Sam rolled his eyes in annoyance again, signing shut up before concentrating on his homework again. It had already been way too late, since he had spend two hours with Grizz after school. But Sam thought, it had definitely been worth the time he lost for homework.

☾°✩↴

Grizz was barely able to concentrate on the book he was reading, thinking about Sam way too much. He couldn't get him out of his mind, even while showering, eating dinner or finishing school work.  
He had enjoyed talking to him in the library a lot, more than he ever expected. But it surely wasn't a bad thing.  
Although he had had a positive day with him, Grizz wasn't sure if Sam would ever be interested in him in a romantic way.  
Sam was gay, but that didn't mean he would fall in love with every boy he talked to. Surely that wasn't how love worked.  
But Grizz didn't knew, how love functioned. He had never experienced it before, always imagining how it would feel like. However, he would find out soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This time it was lots of cute grizzam, I hope you liked that ;)


	5. ✩ Messages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 recap: Sam and Grizz finally meet in the library. They talk about poetry, Grizz gives him a new book and Sam teaches Grizz sign language after he requested it. Sam also gives Grizz his sign name which is similar to grizzly bear. They agree on seeing each other again soon.  
> Becca notices quickly that Sam is definitely not averse of Grizz even if he denies it. However he's convinced Grizz is straight.  
> Grizz on the other hand is definitely enjoying the time he had spent with Sam but is unsure if the ginger could ever like him.

Both of them felt there was something going on. Something between the two. They both weren't exactly sure what it was. Grizz was just as hestitant about it as Sam. The two had exchanged suspicious looks during class, in the hallway or at lunch. At one point Grizz's friends wondered, why he had been so distracted that day but never questioned again after he lied to them about being tired. The jock was waiting for a text the whole wednesday, checking his phone at least every 5 minutes after class.

Meanwhile Sam was uncertain when and what to text to the person he wanted to meet so badly again. He had writen at least 10 messages already but deleted every single one of them. He felt ridiculous at some point, not being able to text someone such a simple message. Luckily Becca didn't say anything about the topic that day, otherwise she would have forced him. The only thing she was worried about were her bothering period cramps.

As Grizz was done with training that day, he had almost forgotten about Sam wanting to get in touch with him. He thought, he would text him another day lowering his expectations a bit.  
He had gotten way to excited everytime his phone vibrated. It had mostly been the group chat of his friends sending meme pictures. However, he was suprised to see a message from Luke after he was done eating his dinner.

_**Luke:** hi, just wanted to check if everything is alright with you? you've been acting a bit strange since the game_  
Grizz almost slapped himself for being so suspicious in front of his friends. He for sure didn't want them to find out about his meetings.  
_**Grizz:** i've had some trouble with my mum recently but it's nothing to worry about. thanks for checking on me though :)_  
That was the best lie Grizz could come up with at that point. His friends knew he didn't have the best relationship with his mother so Luke probably wouldn't ask any further questions.  
_**Luke:** oh shit, sorry about that. what about that party on saturday at harrys, care to join us? you definitely need distraction from your mum  
**Grizz:** sure, c you there!_

Joining his friends and partying a bit. Not exactly what Grizz wanted but why not? He would rather spend his weekend with Sam, talking all night long. However, he wasn't certain if Sam wished the same. He definitely hoped for it.

After Grizz hopped out of the relaxing shower, he dried himself of and got ready for bed. He felt tired after training, his strained muscles hurting. The coach had made him do some additional throws since he had ditched training but he didn't care. Missing once for a certain reason was definitely worth it.  
He layed down on his bed, grabing his phone to set his alarm lock but his heart jumped. He had received a message from Sam.

_**Sam:** Hi Grizz, it's Sam. Just wanted to ask if you would be free on friday? I'll be done with the book by then :)_  
His day immediately got better as he read through the message and a smile grew on the tired face.  
_**Grizz:** Hi Sam, yes I am. Same time, same place? I'll bring you a new one, if you like!_

Sam didn't take long to reply as he received the message while sitting on his bed and reading the book Grizz lend him.  
_**Sam:** okay great, i'll be there. Can't wait what book you'll choose this time! I'm really starting to love poetry the more I read it._  
Grizz's smile got bigger, the more he read the message over and over again. How had he gotten Sam so interested in poetry that he actually loved it now?  
_**Grizz:** i'll be punctual this time, I don't have training on friday. I see, so it's in my hands now if you'll become as passionate as I am?_  
Sam was kind of relieved Grizz wouldn't have to ditch his football training again just to meet with him. He didn't want to get in the way with his hobbies all the time.

_**Sam:** yes, it definitely is. But I trust you with your choice, i'm not very picky  
**Grizz:** should I feel honored now? I've never had such a big challenge to master, but you not being picky definitely makes the next decision easier  
**Sam:** you definitely should, you're great at choosing though (side note: and good at learning sign language)  
**Grizz:** thank you so much, I hope i'll choose the right one for you (side note: and you're good at teaching it :))_

Sam couldn't stop smiling. Even the texts he sent were funny and charming. This had made his whole day a lot better. With a growing grin on his face he replied again.  
_**Sam** : thanks Grizz :) Good night!  
**Grizz:** Good night._  
And in that night, both fell asleep, thinking about each other. The two slept as peacefully as never before.

☾°✩↴

On thursday, Becca asked Sam if he would care to join her at a party on saturday. He wasn't really in the mood to but accepted anyways because she was really eager to visit. Sam would rather read the book Grizz was going to give him but he felt like he had to accompany her. He wasn't really sure why she was so encouraged to go to a party at Harrys'. They both didn't like the rich boy and neither his friends. Why was she so hyped about it then?

Grizz had spent most of his thursday with studying, doing homework and football, again. He had training almost every day, except for friday and the weekend. His coach was really ambitious and therefore demanding, assuring the team to win most games.  
The only thing Grizz worried about that day was choosing another book for Sam. He even wondered texting him, if he prefered a poem collection from different authors or just one specific poet. But as he wanted the choise to be a suprise, he didn't.

Nevertheless he still felt the need to text him somehow although he didn't want to be clingy or annoying. The thought how Sam looked that day at school made Grizz smile. With his brown cargo pants and the dark green hoodie he looked absolutely beautiful in the jocks eyes.  
But what should he text him? Grizz surely couldn't compliment him so obvious.  
In the end, the brown haired boy got too nervous and anxious about texting the ginger and dismissed the opportunity. He would be talking to Sam the next day anyways.

☾°✩↴

Grizz checked the time on his phone, standing in front of the library. Exactly 4pm. That's the time they have met the last couple of times, after they were done with afternoon classes.  
Making his way into the room he immediately spotted the ginger, his heart starting to beat faster as he approached him.

"Exactly 4pm, punctual as you said," Sam greeted him.  
"No friends around to distract me this time," Grizz chuckled grabing a chair and sitting down at the desk Sam already was. The smaller boy fumbled around at the corners the book that Grizz had borrowed him, being nervous but happy at the same time.

"So, was your day alright?" Grizz wanted to know more about Sam. Not only his day of course but he wanted to get this conversation a small start.  
"Yeah, nothing special. English was kind of weird, don't you think? Mr. Foster seemed pretty annoyed at us for no reason apparently," he reported, signing along the words he spoke.  
"I noticed that, too. But I couldn't really concentrate on the lesson anyways."  
"Really?"

The reason Grizz wasn't able to concentrate was sitting in front of him in that moment. Obviously he couldn't tell him the real reason.  
"I don't know, just didn't sleep very well."  
It wasn't a total lie. He had woken up several times that night, not being able to fall into a deep slumber. The night before he had slept like a baby, probably because he had texted with Sam before.

Sam nodded, biting his lip softly.  
"I also didn't sleep well. Or much actually. I just had to finish the book of yours," he explained pointing towards copy.  
"Oh wow, taking night shifts for a book? Impressive," Grizz chuckled, making Sam smile.  
"It was so good, I couldn't stop. I'm definitely a bookworm, so it's not new for me, staying up until 3am reading." Grizz was fascinated the way Sam could get interested in something. He didn't even know much about poetry yet but still had decided to spend his on it instead of sleeping.

"Well then, I hope the next one will keep you up late, too." Grizz pulled the new book out of his bag, exchanging it for his old. Sam inspected it, reading the summary on the back before thanking him once again. He was happy about receiving new reading material, after he had run out of books he was interested in.

"I still don't know how to pay you back, it's such a generous thing of you to do." Sam was worried Grizz would be mad at not receiving anything in exchange. But the jock didn't demand anything, it was just books. However, Sam really insisted on it.  
"Really, I want to give you something in exchange," the ginger explained.  
Grizz thought about what he would want, and one thing came to his mind immediately.  
"What if you teach me some more sign language and i'll give you new books once in a while?" he suggested. Sam nodded, agreeing on the proposition.

"Okay then, show me what you remember from last time," Sam demanded and rested his head on his hands.  
Grizz had a great memory, almost able to retell every sign the ginger had taught him. He even remembered Sams and his own sign name. The jock was impressed by himself and how much he could retell. But it wasn't only the signs that had fascinated him, it was more likely the deaf boy sitting in front of him, wanting to learn his language as soon as possible.  
"Wow, you're a fast learner," Sam estimated while nodding his head in amazement.  
"Thank you so much. I mean, I have the best teacher." Sam blushed at Grizz's compliment, as a small smirk appeared on his lips.

The connection between them grew bigger the more they talked. Both of them were able to feel and experience it.  
Grizz and his butterflies were freaking out over the amount of endorphine his brain released during the conversation.  
Sam was slowly doubting his knowledge about Grizz's sexuality, as he noticed the tension and flirting happening between them. But he was still too unsure to accelerate things.  
After talking for almost another hour, Grizz was feeling more confident than ever before to make a suggestion.

"Should we go to my place? The library is closing soon I think, since it's friday. And I still want to learn more about you ... and sign language, of course." Grizz had gotten so nervous asking, he didn't even realize he said ‚you' for a second.  
Sam's heart rate became faster, thinking about visiting Grizzs' home. At the same time he was unsure whether it was a good idea or not, not wanting to step into his privacy. The taller boy noticed his uncertain face and tried to calm him down.  
"My parents aren't home, you don't have to worry about them."  
"Okay, yeah sure," Sam agreed after hesitating for a moment, giving Grizz a slight smile.

☾°✩↴

The jock opened the door to his room after a silent car ride, arriving at his house.  
"So this is my room. Make yourself at home!" Grizz said, putting his bag down and nervously sticking his hands in his pockets.  
Sam carefully looked around, noticing all the books, trophies and certificates on the shelves. Dark furniture adorned his room. He felt comfortable, as it had a kind of cozy feeling to it.

Turning towards Grizz again, Sam sat down on his bed besides the taller boy, looking at his soft lips and shining eyes.  
"I kind of imagined your room to look like that." Grizz skeptically raised an eyebrow.  
"Really? It's the throphies right?"  
Sure, that Grizz had all these awards was obvious since he had been a football player for so long.  
"Kind of, but you also don't seem like someone who would have bright furniture," Sam chuckled. Grizz agreed on that one, he had never been a really colorful guy.

While he was watching Sam sign, he tried remembering some of his movements, asking what they meant.  
"Does this mean furniture?" Grizz asked while signing it. Sam nodded, being impressed by his ability to learn the language so fast. And sign language was different to spoken ones for sure.  
"It's extraordinary how fast you catch up certain things," the ginger explained, making Grizz blush slightly.  
"My mum used to say that, too. I guess I'm fast at understanding things and how they work."

Grizz was one of the smarter students at their high school, his friends not being able to keep up with him. He had always passed his classes with at least a B. That could also explain his love for poetry, understanding the meaning behind the phrases easily.  
"Very smart," Sam replied, "but can you also decipher the sign just from watching?" Grizz shrugged, not really knowing what sign the ginger would show him now. He thought that some signs looked like the meaning behind it but most also didn't.

As Sam signed then phrase, Grizz watched his hand carefully but he couldn't not understand it. He couldn't assign the movements to any words. Sam raised an eyebrow, smirking and waiting for an answer.  
"I have no clue what that just meant," he confessed while rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Sam hesitated for a bit, knowing exactly what he would have to tell Grizz now. Not really being aware of the situation, he had just signed something to the jock that wasn't anything about poetry, books or school. He took a deep breath.

"I like you," Sam almost whispered while showing him the phrase again, giving him a shy smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea how boys text so if anythings weird forgive me!! But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Let me know what you think!


	6. ✩ Misunderstanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 recap: Luke notices something is off with Grizz but Grizz reassures him nothing is wrong. Grizz definitely doesn't want anyone to know about him meeting Sam.  
> Sam asks for another meeting in the library. As this happens, the two talk, have fun and do some more sign language lessons. As the library is about to close, Grizz and Sam head to Grizz's house. During some more sign language conversation, Sam takes all the courage he has and tells Grizz that he likes him.

Grizz couldn't believe the words that had just left the gingers mouth. He was even wondering if he had understood him right. In fact, he definitely didn't misunderstand Sam. The jock wasn't sure how he meant it. In what way did Sam like him? Just as a friend? More than that? Or just as a person? He felt confused but happy at the same time. He was sure, it was something positive. So at least Sam had been able to sympathize with Grizz.

Sam was more and more aware of the words he had spoken the longer his opponent hesitated. He could see the confused look in his eyes, making Sam want to run away. He had felt so confident in that moment, after talking for so long to the taller boy. However, that courage was mostly gone by then.  
Grizz knew he had to say something as he saw Sam getting more uncomfortable the longer he waited.

"You ... you like me?"  
"Uh yeah ... in a friendship way. You're really good to talk to, you know," the ginger told, his voice growing quieter.  
Sam would have loved to facepalm himself for lying but maybe that was the best and only option in that moment. He never wanted to make Grizz feel uncomfortable. The ginger looked away awkwardly, not wanting to stare at his face. But that didn't really work out as he needed to read his lips.

Grizz felt somehow disappointed. He had really thought, Sam could and would like him, more than just that. Maybe he should have reacted quicker, tell Sam that he liked him too, but he had been too slow and careful in that moment. He deepfully regreted it.  
"Oh, yeah ... I like you too, as a friend," Grizz responded while signing the words he knew. He surely felt as irritated as his opponent in that moment but at least Sam gave him a unsure smirk after that.  
Sam still felt embarrased. He wanted to get away from this place as soon possible, to go to bed and burry himself afterwards. He felt way too uncomfortable to continue talking. He suddenly didn't wish using his voice any longer.

"I ... I have to go now," Sam broke the silence, hastily packing his things and grabing his bag. Grizz stood up from his bed, not knowing what else to do. He knew stopping him wouldn't really help the situation. He knew he fucked things up by reacting too slow.  
"See you then ... i guess," he added before rushing off. The jock walked behind him and watched, as he left his house. He continued starring at the front door for another minute, not realizing what had just happened. How did their conversation end up like this?

☾°✩↴

Grizz wasn't able to concentrate on anything that night. Even when his best friends asked him to come over to Clarks' he didn't answer them, feeling way to unhappy.  
Laying in his bed at night, starring at the ceiling, he was caught up in replaying the situation over and over again. He could have answered the same, impress him with his sign language skills or even just give him a hug to assure he liked him, too. But Grizz had been way too shocked in that moment. His expression and his body had frozen. Obviously, Sam took it the wrong way. Of course he did. Who wouldn't in that case? Grizz took the blame.

Sam felt hurt. The jocks reaction to his confession, made him unsettled. He had opened up to him, made himself vulnerable. He had expected a more positive or at least even funny reaction, but it never came.  
Nevertheless, how could have Grizz known in what way he meant it? How could he have guessed that Sam wasn't talking about friendship? Maybe he also didn't understand him properly at first. Sam knew his voice was too indistinct while whispering. No, he did understand him. Otherwise he wouldn't have answered. Anyhow he took the blame.

All these questions were running through his head that night while laying in bed and starring at the ceiling. And he laid there the whole night until the sun came up, rarely shifting his position. He even felt some tears running down his checks, but he never wanted to admit he was crying over a boy he has just met. At around 3am, Sam got up once, grabing the book Grizz gave him. On the one hand he wanted to slam it against the ground, but he didn't. Instead he took it with him and placed it next to him.  
The connection between them suddenly felt far. Far away from where it was before.

Sam had finally fallen asleep at around 7am, too tired to let his feelings guide him anymore. He slept terrible, not because of any dreams, more because of his back hurting from not getting up for so long.  
He couldn't rest for long anyways. At 11am he got up to eat some breakfast before his mum would cook them lunch. Even though his parents and brother tried to talk to him, he used his deafness to ignore them as best as possible, getting something out of the fridge and hiding in his room again.

After a silent lunch with his family, he had received a message from his best friend. But it wasn't a pleasure at all for him.  
_**Becca:** can you come over before the party tonight? I can't decide on what to wear!!!_  
Sam usually loved giving Becca style tips but this time, he wasn't in the mood at all, feeling too tired and grumpy to do anything.  
_**Sam:** sorry, not feeling in the mood to party._

Becca immediately felt something was off with her best friend. She knew she had kind of convinced him to join her but he would never break a promise if it wasn't an emergency. The thought of this having something to do with Grizz instantly crossed her mind.

_**Becca:** what's going on??_  
Sam didn't feel like telling her about what happend the day before. She wouldn't be able to cheer him up anyways, the ginger thought.  
_**Sam:** feeling sick today, only slept 4 hours  
**Becca:** can i help you with anything? get you some food or bring your fav snack?  
**Sam:** no it's fine_  
That was it for Becca, she was running of to his house as soon as possible.  
_**Becca:** okay i'm coming over, see you in 5 min_  
Sam sighed, letting himself fall down to his bed. He started to think how he could get so depressed over a boy he just started to like. He didn't even have strong feelings yet and he was being a total mess after one short incident.

Becca arrived exactly 5 minutes after she texted, bringing his favorite chocolate along. She was the absolute best. She instantly made him feel better, even though he had doubted it before. The two were made to be best friends forever, that was for sure. She was able to care for him in situations like this, and he did the same. Everytime she felt down because of someone she was interested in or her mother, he did the same. One time he had brought her her favorite snack in the middle of the night after her mom had been yelling at her for leaving a cupboard open. But as Sam assumed, she had been pretty drunk.

"So, what happened? Something with Grizz?" Becca asked in sign language after she had opened the chocolate.  
Sam nodded, eating a piece and making himself comfortable on his own bed, taking a deep breath.  
"We met in the library again and everything was fine, we talked lots and it was great. It honestly felt amazing. We even went to his house afterwards," he explained.  
"Sounds great," his best friend replied.  
"Yeah well, I kinda messed it up."  
"Did you break any of his throphies?" she joked, wanting him to feel better.  
"Haha, very funny." Sam grabbed another piece of the chocolate and ate it before continued.

"He wanted to learn more sign language, and I don't know I ... I told him I liked him." Becca choked on the piece in her mouth.  
"And he doesn't like you back?"  
"No ... I don't know. He just looked so shook and didn't say anything for at least a minute."  
"Okay wait, how did you say it?" Becca almost choked again, not really believing how bizarre the story was.  
" _I like you._ I literally showed him that sign in ASL."

Becca thought it had been a smart idea of Sam somehow, but maybe also a bit rash.  
"And what happened then? Did he send you away?"  
"No, he didn't. I rushed off, after telling him it was just meant in a friendship sort of way." Retelling the moment made Sam worried. Not worried what Becca might think about it, more worried about how Grizz must have felt in that moment. He had played it of pretty well by returning the compliment. But Sam noticed it hadn't been the happy side of him.

"Why did you do that Sam Eliot?!" Becca couldn't believe what he had just said.  
"He was looking so ... disgusted and shocked, I couldn't help it! I got way too uncomfortable after this, I just had to leave!" A small tear made his way down Sams cheek as he became pessimistic and doubtful. How could he have read Grizz's signs so wrong?  
"Hey, it's okay," Becca tried to calm him down, touching his shoulder, "it's just a boy, and you don't even know him that well. You just talked about poetry and sign language. It's not like you two were engaged."  
Becca was right about that, but it still hurted Sam. He had enjoyed the talks to Grizz a lot, looking forward to it the whole day everytime before it happened.

"I don't even know why I did it. I felt so confident in that moment, I just ... I was brave enough to do it and now ... what am I supposed to do?" Becca felt the pain she saw in Sams eyes. The experience had been a hit in Sams confidence, for sure. And that wasn't good at all.  
"Hey, maybe he didn't mean it like that. Did he say anything or did he just look?"  
"He said _you like me?_ after like a minute of silence and I don't know what to think about that. It surely felt like he was about to barf."

Maybe Sam had catched Grizzs body language up in this particular way, but in reality it was the complete opposite. But Sam didn't know that.  
"Okay, I can't really tell you what it means either. But you shouldn't give up on yourself because of that. You deserve so much more."  
While whiping away his tears in his eyes, he had to smile a little again, making him feel better. After whispering a small _thanks_ , Becca gave him a hug, making sure he felt loved.

"So now that we got this problem solved, how about some distraction with that party tonight?" Right, the party that Sam absolutely didn't want to visit. But maybe it wasn't a bad idea of Becca. Perhaps this could really make Sam feel better.  
"Okay fine," he agreed rolling his eyes slightly.  
What Sam didn't know, Grizz was visiting the same party that night.

☾°✩↴

The jock rarely slept. He had rather been in a light slumber all the time, waking up at almost every noise occuring from outside. He rolled over in his bed many times, finding a comfortable sleeping position but failing.  
He woke up way too tired at 7am, not being able to fall asleep again. After getting some breakfast, he had decided on doing some school work since he knew he would have a hangover on sunday.

Distraction was Grizzs favorite way to deal with his problems, which didn't always help him though. Sooner or later he had to face them, but for now his school work had managed to get Sam off of his mind for a while. He had been on it way too much recently.  
But as soon as he had no chores to do, the ginger with his soft smile and beautiful eyes came back. Distraction didn't seem to work anymore after that.

The group chat of his friends had reminded Grizz of the party again that night. He decided he definitely wanted to go, even if that ginger was on his mind. Maybe he could get him off with some alcohol. Maybe he should drink because he was being an absolute idiot. Maybe the only solution he saw right now was beer.

☾°✩↴

Self confidence is what Sam needed in that moment before throwing himself into a group of people he mostly didn't even know. But as he has been pretty sad the whole day, he barely had any courage. What he really needed in that moment was distraction and some beers to help his mood brighten up.  
As Becca and him arrived at Harrys gigantic house, Sam was already able to fell vibrations coming from the music. His best friend looked absolutely amazed and excited while he himself seemed more reserved.

"Come on, this will be fun," Becca motivated him after getting out of the car. She grabbed his hand and walked towards the mansion type of building. Some teenagers were in the front yard, talking, kissing, getting drunk. The door was wide open for everyone to enter, and the two took advantage of that. Sams heartbeat slowly adjusted to the beat of the music coming from big speakers, standing in the corner of the big room.

"Just how I had imagined it," Becca signed before guiding him towards some type of bar. She handed him a beer as the two sat down on some high chairs.  
Sam watched the situation around him. Through a big glass sliding door he saw a pool, full of drunk teenagers, although it had been freezing outside that day.  
As he looked through the whole crowd he noticed lots of people he knew. His cousins Allie and Cassandra were dancing together, his classmate Gordie was apparently watching the two and all the football jocks were standing on the other side of the room.

Helena was kissing Luke while Clark and Jason each chugged a beer can. And to Sam's surprise, Grizz was standing next to them. Holding a beer bottle in his hand he laughed at his friends failing at the attempt to chug the alcohol. Sam's eyes lasted on him for a while, trying to memorize every part of him.  
Suddenly the jock turned around, his eyes meeting Sam's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, poor Sam and Grizz. Kind of a depressing chapter honestly. But can we appreciate Becca being the cutest best friend ever?  
> I hope you enjoyed it ! <3 If I need to add a trigger warning with anything, let me know asap!


	7. ✩ Too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 recap: After Grizz takes way too long to answer to Sam's confession, Sam just claimes the "I like you" as a friendship "I like you" (obviously it was not). Sam becomes a sad mess after leaving Grizz's house and talks to Becca about it. Becca is being the most supportive friend ever. However, she convinces him to go to a party at Harry's where he sees Grizz with his friends.  
> \----  
> also little trigger warning: Drinking too much alcohol and Grizz's friends being idiots towards Sam

Before arriving at the party, Grizz met up with his best friends at Lukes' house to pregame. All he wanted was to get distraction, as he already tried the whole day. So what was better than partying?  
The four, Luke, Jason, Clark and Grizz drank a couple of beers before walking to Harrys mansion, only a couple blocks away from Lukes house.  
They immediately got more drunk, wildly danced to the music and did dumb stuff together, like they always did. Grizz had so much fun, he actually had forgotten about the rest of his day.

However, seeing Sam just a couple of moments after that thought came to his head, he was immediately being drawn back to reality. Although he felt kind of dim and woozy from all the alcohol pumping through his veins, he still knew exactly what had happend the day before. Feeling regretful, he had the urge to apologize to him right now. He was totally that he and Sam were drunk, he knew it couldn't end good, but he still wanted to do it. He liked Sam, a lot. The ginger deserved to know that.

Sam was getting a bit anxious as he saw Grizz coming his way. He had definitely not prepared for this, especially not meeting him at such a big party. Sam could have guessed Grizz would visit this occasion too, but he hadn't planned talking to him at all. Most of all he just wanted to disappear again in that moment.  
As Grizz came closer, he noticed him weave while walking. Sam immediately guessed he was pretty drunk, and he was more than right about it.

Becca didn't seem to notice the drunk jock approaching Sam as she was talking to Gwen Patterson. The ginger had wished though, she maybe could have saved him from the conversation.  
Grizz waved as a greeting to Sam. He just nodded in response, trying to avoid direct eye contact.  
"You're here," the jock determined. He nodded again, not really knowing what to answer to this. Grizz sat down besides Sam, almost falling from the high chair as he sat down. The smaller boy had to giggle a bit, immediately repressing it, wanting to stay serious about this. Grizz slammed his beer onto the counter from the bar.

"How are you?" Grizz asked, while turning towards Sam.  
"I'm fine," he replied simply, taking another sip from the bottle he was holding.  
"Okay great, uh ..." the jock stammered, his minds racing through his head and his vision getting more blurry, "I actually ... wanted to talk to you, about yesterday."  
Sam raised his eyebrows and tried to look disinterested, although he really wanted everything to be normal again. However he could not ignore the fact that he was somehow hurt.

"I uh ... I'm sorry how I reacted. It was wrong," he began explaining with as much of a non-drunk mindset as possible. But the fact that he was even talking to Sam was thanks to the alcohol.  
"I should have ... told you quicker that ..."  
Sam startled slightly as his friends Clark and Jason appeared by his side.

"Dude, what are you doing here with ... him?" Clark said while tumbling towards Grizz, giving Sam an averse look.  
"I was just talking to him about school, calm down," Grizz responded, not sure what his friend thought about this situation.  
"Seriously? School? Is the deaf kid really that boring?" Sam was able to read Clarks lips the whole time. His self confidence sunk more and more.  
"Hey come on, don't call him like that. His name is Sam." Grizz voice got gentle, not wanting to get any attention from the other guests.

"What's your problem? He is deaf Grizz, he can't hear you."  
"That doesn't mean he isn't able to communicate Clark, have you learned nothing?!" Grizz trying to keep it down already didn't work anymore. He was getting more furious, having the urge to protect Sam from his friends. He had always noticed him getting bullied before, not ever joining in because he thought it was unfair.

"Guys guys, stop it," Jason stepped in, avoiding things to escalate.  
"Come on," he mumbled, placing an arm each around Clark and Grizz, pushing the two away from Sam. Definitely not how Grizz had expected this to work out.

☾°✩↴

Grizz had kept an eye on Sam the whole time, not wanting to miss the next opportunity to talk to him. He definitely wanted to get things cleared up, but his friends shouldn't notice that again. Drunk Clark would probably say more senseless and stupid statements again, which made Sam feel uncomfortable. Although Grizz was feeling dizzy and somehow out of his mind, he was definitely able to differentiate between welcoming and ignorant propositions.  
He couldn't hold himself back, staring at him almost the whole time and finding the ginger as handsome as never before.

It was just a second where he didn't check on him, and in the next he was gone. Grizz thought, he had probably left and was devastated about it. He searched for him, not finding him anywhere in the full crowd besides his best friend Becca still sitting on one of the high chairs.  
"Hey Becca, have you seen Sam around?" Grizz asked her after escaping from his group of friends for a second.  
"Uh no, but he's probably on the toilet," she answered shortly before getting up, making her way into the crowd.

Following Becca's advice, he made his way to the toilet upstairs, tripping over a couple of beer cans and stairs. He suddenly felt nauseous, not knowing if he was about to throw up his dinner. However he wanted to find Sam.  
As he reached one of the many bathrooms in Harrys house, no one was insight. Even the second and third were empty, only a couple making out in the bathtub. But no Sam.

Grizz knew Harrys gigantic house. The Binghams had 7 bathrooms, the jock couldn't tell why his family would need so many though. He had been to Harrys occasionaly, mostly at partys like the one he was at in that moment. Sometimes Grizz and his friends included Harry into their friend group, but Grizz never sympathized a lot with him. He was just a normal classmate to him.  
On his way to the next bathroom, his stomach almost turned upside down, telling him he had definitely drank to much. Nevertheless, he finally spotted a smaller ginger boy coming out of the restroom. The jock almost sprinted towards him, touching his shoulder as he approached him.

Sam startled at the sudden touch on his shoulder. As if that wouldn't be enough, it was Grizz again, wanting to talk to him. His face looked pale, he was almost close to tumbling to the ground and he definitely drank too much.  
"Are you okay? You don't look so good," Sam asked, wanting to care about Grizz all of the sudden.  
"Yeah, I'm ... shit," the jock mumbled before rushing into the lavatory, stumbling to the toilet and throwing up. Sam followed him, closing the door behind. He immediately wanted to help Grizz although he was hurt and sad about what happend. He just couldn't let him alone in his condition of being way too drunk to do anything.

The smaller boy knelt next to him, trying to hold his hair out of his face as best as he could. Sam was definitely not the type to get that drunk at a party, but he had imagined how it would feel like. And if he had been in Grizz's situation, he would have wanted help from someone.  
"How much did you drunk, gosh," Sam mumbled while the other was still leaning over the toilet coughing.

Grizz was definitely better used to alcohol than it seemed in that moment. He just didn't recognize his limit fast enough and had at least four beers too much. At least Sam was helping him in his horrible situation, but at the same time he felt sorry for him. He never wanted to blame himself in front of him.  
As Grizz felt a bit better after at least five minutes of throwing up, he let himself sink down to the ground, leaning against the bathroom tiles on the wall. His head was hurting and his vision was still blurry.

"Thank you," he muttered towards Sam who had grabbed a wet towel to clean up Grizz's mouth.  
"That's what friends are for, right?" Sam responded, smirking slightly at the sight of the jock.  
"I thought you were mad at me," whispered again. It didn't matter how loud Grizz spoke, Sam wasn't able to hear it. He just needed to make sure to read his lips correct. The ginger put the cloth away, sitting down facing Grizz.  
"Why should I be mad at you?"  
"Because I was an asshole yesterday."  
Did Sam just read his lips correctly? Grizz had mentioned something before that he had reacted wrong at the conversation the day before. And now he was calling himself an asshole for what he did.

"You weren't, it's fine," Sam said, not wanting to be agitated about it anymore.  
"No, no ... I was. I should have told you, how I feel." Grizz was definitely braver than he usually was, thanks to the beer and the rising self confidence.  
Sam was confused at first, what Grizz was trying to tell him. He couldn't really believe it would be something positive.  
"What do you mean?"  
Grizz suddenly felt tired, shutting his eyes and leaning his head towards the wall. He took a deep breath before confessing.  
"I like you, too, Sam."

The ginger couldn't help himself but smile at the words that left Grizz's lips. He immediately knew he meant it in a romantical way. But then he thought about Grizz's condition. He was totally drunk, probably not even remembering what he had just said. He presumably would not be able to retell anything the next day.  
"Let's get you home," Sam mumbled before getting up, helping Grizz too. Grizz was now completely out of his mind, not remembering anything what had just happend. He was confused as never before.

Sam decided to give him a ride home. The problem was, he didn't know how to get to his house and the jock would definitely not be a big help with his physical state. Sam couldn't even ask anyone else, everyone was way too drunk. Luckily the ginger had only drank one beer and was still able to drive. Although he disliked driving, he had to do it now just for Grizz.

As he helped Grizz walk towards Sam's car, leaving the party behind, he asked him for his adress, which he luckily remembered. The ginger figured he could use his phone as a navigation system instead. He shortly texted Becca where he was before softly shoving Grizz into the car, making sure he had his seat belt on. While he strapped the buckle up around Grizz, he had the small urge to just kiss him on his lips. The lips he suddenly found so beautiful and tender. However, he didn't act on his feeling, not wanting to cause any trouble.

Sam got into the car itself and drove off in the direction his phone told him.  
He turned on the radio for Grizz, as he knew he liked music. Sam still remembered the last time and how he swung his head to the beat. This time the jock barely moved, his hand leaned against his forehead, his elebow supported by the door of the car. But although he had been in a terrible condition, Grizz slightly rocked his head from side to side, fitting the beat of the song that was playing.

_When did we lose our way?  
Easier to let it go  
So many, can't tell anybody  
Harder to let you know_

_Call me when you made up your mind  
But you won't  
Caught up in the way that you played my heart  
Only love could ever hit this hard_

_Oh, don't be scared about it  
Don't forget it was real  
Do you remember the way it made you feel?  
Do you remember the things it let you feel?_

Sam enjoyed the boy slightly dancing to the rythm and mumbling the lyrics. Even though he was drunk, he still had the audacity to enjoy the song. Sam was slightly scared, Grizz would throw up again if he would continue but luckily he didn't. Instead he felt the rythm of the song and was enjoying the feeling of sitting besides Sam again. He could be who he wanted to be, even drunk.

_How do I make you stay?  
When it's easier to let you go  
Nobody knows what we know about it  
No one needs to know_

_Call me when you made up your mind  
But you won't  
Caught up in the way that you played my heart  
Only love could ever hit this hard_

_Oh, don't be scared about it  
Don't forget it was real  
Do you remember the way it made you feel?  
Do you remember the things it let you feel?_

Sam glanced at Grizz on multiple occasions, enjoying the view he had right next to him. He couldn't hold back some giggles but Grizz didn't seem to notice.  
Sam couldn't be angry at the jock anymore. He just couldn't, because he made him so happy. Even just with his existence.  
Once they reached Grizz's house, after two more short songs they both had rocked their heads to, Sam helped him get out of the car. Grizz made sure he would make it to his room alone, without his help. As soon as he would get through the door, his mum would be there to help him anyways.

"Thank you," Grizz signed, still remembering even though his head was spinning like crazy.  
Sam had to smile again, suddenly feeling a slight warm sense in his stomach.  
"Go get some rest now, and drink lots tomorrow, okay?" Sam suggested. The jock slowly nodded with a smile before staggering towards his house.  
Sam got into his car, waiting until Grizz was safe and secure through the door of his house. He was really happy, he was able to help him.

However, he couldn't get Grizz's words out of his mind. Now Sam knew, he liked him, too and he was pretty sure he didn't mean it in a friendship way. But what if it was all just a joke, because he was drunk? What if he didn't mean it like he said it? Even worse, what if his friends just told him to hit on Sam on purpose? What if he read Grizz's kindness wrong?  
Sam would find that out soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty passionate about music, that's why I included this and I also had this little grizzam moment in my head for ages. The song that I used here is _Do You Remember_ by _Jarryd James_.  
> Hope you enjoyed reading this a little more positive chapter! <3


	8. ✩ Mental blank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 recap: Drunk Grizz approaches Sam at that party shortly and is willing to tell him his feelings as well. However his (stupid) friends interrupt.  
> Grizz keeps Sam in sight and finally meets him at one of the bathrooms at Harrys. However, Grizz needs to throw up but Sam is caring and helps him clean up. Grizz then confesses that he likes Sam but Sam doesn't know what to think about it since Grizz was drunk as hell.

_**Sam:** i'm giving grizz a ride, brb in 20_  
Becca had already searched for Sam because he was gone for half an hour already, not finding him anywhere. But no wonder, he wasn't even at the party anymore. Why was he giving Grizz a ride though? Had he gotten to drunk to do anything? Sam would tell her the story after the party.  
Becca was sitting alone on one of the sofas in Harrys big living room. Gwen who she was talking to had already left her and was standing with the jocks now, obviously flirting with Clark Beecher.

The brown haired girl got herself another beer before accidentaly running into someone.  
"Shit, sorry," Becca apologized, looking into Jason Alvarados face. She had accidentaly spilled some of her beer onto his varsity jacket.  
"It's fine," the boy responded, trying to brush some of the alcohol out of his jacket, obviously not working. He was too drunk to know. Becca turned away in embarrassment, quickly wanting to leave the situation. To her surprise, Jason stopped her by grabbing her shoulder

"Do you wanna play beer pong with us?" he asked while gesturing towards Luke, Harry, Clark and Gwen, putting up some cups on a table. Becca was definitely bored by just sitting around, waiting for Sam. So why not waste some time with a drinking game?  
She agreed to his suggestion and followed him towards the others. Everyone didn't seem to mind Becca playing with them. But surely she was kind of wondering, why Jason invited her. She concluded, he was probably just very drunk and would have picked anyone.

They set up 2 teams, the first one consisting of Jason, Harry and Becca, the second one of Gwen, Clark and Luke. Within the groups they took turns, throwing the ball into a opponent cup. While Becca and Gwen were not missing any shots at the beginning, the other boys in their conditions were sometimes not even close at scoring a goal. However, Becca had a lot of fun, cheering and clapping for her other team mates at every throw.

With Becca getting more and more drunk, she didn't mind getting closer to Harry or Jason after a win, touching or hugging them. Somehow she had lots of fun with the latter, joking around about everything.  
Even when two more people joined each team, she still continued staying at Jasons side most of the times. He had been funny, clumsy and nice to her in any way possible. It was the alcohol making them both behave like that, but maybe the jock was a great friend after all. Jason thought the same of Becca.

As Becca noticed Sam watching her drink another cup, she shortly left the group to talk to him.  
"What are you doing?" Sam signed, being a bit worried about his best friend. She usually wasn't the type to hang out with people like that.  
"I was just having some fun, Sam. Calm down," she responded, burping slightly and signing the words a bit slopy. The ginger noticed she had a massive smell of alcohol to her. He had just gotten Grizz home, who was definitely way too drunk to even walk properly and now he had to take care for Becca, too? He had at least expected her to drink normal amounts.

"I should get you home." However, Becca didn't want to get home yet. He still wanted to continue playing with her friends, if she could even call them that. It would probably be a one time thing and after the party, they would never even consider talking again.  
"I still want to play, my team needs meee," she slurred, almost tripping over her own feet while taking a step forward.  
Sam definitely thought that it would not be a good idea to continue playing, but Becca had always been a stubborn person, even drunk.

"I'm tired Becca, can we please go?"  
"You get home Sam ... I can get a ride somewhere," she responded before saying goodbye by giving Sam a short hug. He would have loved to just slap her across the face because she was definitely going to end up like her mum if she continued like that. But he was aware of the fact he couldn't change her mind anyways.  
Making sure she still got a ride home, Sam searched for Allie and Cassandra, asking them to give her a ride later which they agreed to. Luckily the older cousin hadn't drunk anything, she was still able to drive not like most of the teens at the party.

Sam left Harry's house at around 1:30am, making sure to go to bed immediately after arriving at his house. After putting on his pyjamas and brushing his teeth, he got under his covers, trying to fall asleep. The last thing that came to his mind was Grizz and his adorable smile before falling into a deep slumber.

☾°✩↴

The jock woke up with a pounding head and a horrible nauseous feeling in his stomach. He really shouldn't have drunk so much, definitely regretting it now.  
As he reached for his phone wanting to check the time, he spotted at least 30 messages from his friends and even one from Sam. He read Sams first, as he was more interested in him than his friends asking where he was. Those were probably all drunk messages anyways.

 _ **Sam:** hey Grizz, just shortly wanted to check on you. How are u feeling?_  
Grizz couldn't really remember what happend at the party. And he was definitely shocked about Sam texting him, asking how he felt. He wasn't able to remember everything that happend with Sam, only that he threw up.  
_**Grizz:** hi, i'm pretty hungover. My head is killing me! Definitely not drinking so much anymore the next time_

Even though he thought Sam was still mad at him about the library conversatipn between the two on friday, he was trying to sound as calm as possible.  
Checking into his friends chat, he was finding the messages he had expected from them.  
_**Luke:** where r u grizz???  
**Luke:** u okay?!  
**Clark:** YO COME HERE DUDE  
**Clark:** BEER PONG GAME IN 5  
**Jason:** WE HAVE BECCA  
**Jason:** PLAYIN WITH US  
**Clark:** GRIZZLY BEAR WERE WAITING  
**Jason:** U DEFINITELY MISSING SOMETHING_

There was a beer pong game apparently, and Becca was playing? Becca Gelb? Grizz would have never thought she would be the type to play with his friends. She had seemed more reserved to the jock, just like Sam had. The two were always together at school, barely talking to anyone else.  
As he was about to put his phone away, he remebered why he had actually picked it up. It was 12:28pm, his mum would most definitely not be happy about it but he didn't care.

Grizz slowly got out of his bed, his head hurting even more. He would definitely need some advil to kill some of the pain.  
_**Sam:** take some medicine and drink lots, hopefully you'll feel better soon!_  
Grizz smiled at the message he received after he had washed his face in his small bathroom and got some advil from one of the drawers.  
_**Grizz:** already have advil in my hand, and don't worry I will. Thanks for checking on me :)_  
Grizz slowly got his memory back, but still didn't fully remember what happend with Sam that night. He had approached him, wanting to talk to the ginger but he didn't. The next thing he could retell was him throwing up while Sam was helping him hold his hair back. Grizz thought it was a really nice thing to do of Sam and he appreciated it. He would definitely have to thank him for that some other time. But other than that, he wasn't sure what had gotten him home and in his bed.

After taking the pain reliever, his mum wasn't pleased about his son getting up so late and having a hangover, but she didn't yell at him. She was definitely nicer to him than usual, even making him some tea as he felt too nauseous to eat anything.  
Grizz mostly spend his day in his room, trying to get rid of his headache. But as he noticed his car was still at Luke's house, he decided to take a walk and get some fresh air.

It was a cold and windy, though sunny day in West Ham. The air was fresh and running through Grizz's lungs sharply. His head felt less heavy after the advil, but going outside made it even better. He needed this short walk to get everything out of his mind.  
As he reached Lukes front yard after 20 min, he didn't want to disrupt the Holbrook family by ringing on the door. He just got into his car, making his way home again. However, as Grizz buckled his seat belt, he suddenly was able to remember something.

He memorized Sam leaning over him, putting Grizz's seat belt on and driving him home afterwards. But that was all he was able to retell. At least the jock now knew, how he got home that night. But he still didn't remember anything he had said to Sam.

☾°✩↴

After Sam had woken up, he had texted Grizz straight away, having the urge to check on him as soon as possible. He wanted to make sure he wasn't having too bad of a hangover.  
He already assumed the jock had forgotten about what he had told Sam on the toilet, even though he wasn't even awake. Obviously the ginger couldn't get it out of his mind, but he wasn't eager to tell Grizz anything. Despite the doubts he had about this, he wanted to avoid another embarrassing situation with him anyways. Sam had been brave enough for his circumstances.

After texting Grizz, he immediately thought about Becca. He shouldn't have left her alone at the party but he also wasn't keen on watching her play a stupid drinking game. He just hoped Allie and Cassandra had brought her home safely. As it was only 10:30am, Sam was sure Becca wouldn't be awake. She would presumably call or text him, when she woke up.  
Luckily Campbell was in his room almost the whole day so Sam didn't have to endure him. He surely would be in a pretty bad mood, as he went to that party, too. Sam had been more than happy that he hadn't met him there either. It would have only ended up in a disaster.

After he had some coffee and breakfast downstairs with his mum, he went back to his room, wanting to study and finish homework. Unlike Grizz, Sam wasn't feeling bad at all, even persuaded to wrap up some work. But in the middle of his sudden motivation boost, his phone's flashlight lighted up, meaning someone was facetiming him.  
It was Becca, sounding and looking like a zombie that woke up from his grave. Sam raised his eyebrows in amusement even though he was happy she was save and home.

"Already awake? It's only 12pm," Sam signed to her with a smirk on his face.  
"Haha, very funny. I have the worst headache, send help!" Becca complained. She definitely shouldn't have gotten so drunk.  
"I told you to leave early, but you wanted to stay and play with the others. Why were you hanging with them anyways? It's not like Jason or Harry are your friends."  
"I know, I should have listened to you. And I actually don't know why I did that. Jason asked me to join, I have no clue," Becca responded confused and muddled up. Sam knew his best friend was persistent in terms of stubborness, but she mostly just had to live with the consequences then. He couldn't really help her besides giving her advice.

"You should take some advil or something. And drink water, get some fresh air," he instructed.  
"Thanks, will do. But I still have one question." Sam turned his head slightly.  
"What happend with you and Grizz? I thought you were still mad at him?"  
Of course Becca had to ask that, she was as curious as always. Sam rolled his eyes slightly.  
"I just gave him a ride home, he was so drunk he threw up." Becca nodded, wondering why Sam had found him throwing up.

"And you found him throwing up randomly or?"  
"No, he was searching for me. He wanted to talk but then he suddenly jumped into a bathroom and yeah. I helped him clean up and stuff afterwards." Becca had to smile at Sam being a great help.  
"And you totally confessed your love to him while holding back his hair, right?" she joked. After all she still had her usual humour, always knowing how to tease Sam.

After still chatting for a bit, Becca hung up, needing to get ready somehow even though she was feeling horrible. Nevertheless Sam was able to continue his work, at least he thought so. His phone buzzed again, a message from Grizz. Apparently his head was killing him, so Sam advised him to take medicine and drink lots, too. He wasn't sure if he should adress anything that had happend. Maybe the jock would remember himself, so he didn't and concentrated on his work again. However, the brown haired boy still crossed his mind.

☾°✩↴

Later in the evening, Sam received another message while he was reading the book Grizz gave him on friday. And to his surprise, it was the jock that had texted him.  
_**Grizz:** so it seems that I have a mental blank of what happened yesterday_  
Sam smiled slightly as he read the message, not because of the content but more because of the person that wrote it.  
_**Sam:** do you remember anything?  
**Grizz:** only me throwing up and you giving me a ride home. But I barely remember anything I said, I surely did right?_  
The jock had definitely talked, maybe something he didn't even mean. But Sam didn't know unless he asked.

 _ **Sam:** yes you did. Nothing bad though, don't worry about that.  
**Grizz:** oh okay, good. I sometimes say stupid stuff when I'm drunk. I still wanted to thank you for helping me yesterday  
**Sam:** so I shouldn't take anything of what you said to me serious? You were pretty eager on telling me... oh and that was no big deal to me :)_  
Another information Grizz could add to his blackout: he wanted to talk to Sam. Presumably because of friday, he thought and he was more than right about it. But he still didn't know what he told Sam. Maybe he confessed that he liked him, too? Maybe he told him how handsome he looked?

 _ **Grizz:** depending on what I said, sometimes I also just need alcohol to get enough courage! Kind of a stupid idea actually, if you don't know your limits  
**Sam:** would it help you to know what you said had something to do with friday? Maybe you can remember now_  
Sam was too unsure of the situation to tell him directly, so he wanted to play it off as best as possible, trying to get Grizz's memory back.  
After Grizz read the message, he didn't have to think long. It suddenly came to his mind. I like you, too. That's what he had told Sam.

 _ **Grizz:** i think I remember now. Should we meet up to talk about it?  
**Sam:** okay sure, what about tuesday?_  
Sam wasn't sure if he should be excited though. He was afraid of Grizz telling him, he never meant anything serious and it was all just a joke.  
_**Grizz:** 5pm at my place? I think you know the adress now :)  
**Sam:** great, i'll be there. See you :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess a lot of people can imagine what way this Becca story is going but you'll see! I hope you enjoyed this chapter which included lots of text messages.  
> New chapter will be up in a couple of days <3


	9. ✩ I like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 recap: While Sam drives Grizz home, Becca is playing beer pong with some of the jocks, having lots of fun. The next morning, Sam checks on hungover Grizz and Becca. Grizz can't remember anything at first but as the day goes on, the memories pop back into his mind as Sam is trying to explain what happened via text. The two decide to meet up a couple days later to discuss everything that happened.

Usually Grizz felt confident with his appearance and his words. He often knew what to say in the right moment and didn't care about what to wear. But on that tuesday he had spent more than 20 minutes in the morning, searching for the right outfit that looked appealing enough. Normally he would just grab one of his hoodies out of his closet, but this time he couldn't really decide which one would be the best looking to Sam.  
Yes, he was mostly doing it for him, wanting to show him his best side and not the _I was too lazy this morning_ side of him. Although the ginger would visit him in the afternoon and Grizz would still be able to change, he still wanted to impress him as they had English together, just like every week.  
After finally choosing his darkgreen hoodie and some jeans - he would typically go for some sweatpants rather than uncomfortable ones - he ran a bit late, making him skip breakfast at home and instead eating a snack on his way to school.

Grizz's day went by slowly again. They always had when he somehow met up with Sam. He had thought about the party over and over again, how he told the truth. Somehow he felt embarrased that it happend after he just threw up because he had been too drunk. However he would still be able to make up for it in the afternoon.

Seeing the ginger in English made Grizz nervous and happy at the same time. He caught himself rather concentrating on him than the lesson most of the time. The ginger had turned around several times, making eye contact with him but looking rather unsure while doing so, maybe also shy. The jock wasn't surprised seeing Sam a bit unsettled as he could imagine how he must feel. He wasn't sure what he would tell him after all. But Grizz was trying to comfort him a bit with some slight smiles as their eyes met several times.

As he had been running late for school that day, he wasn't able to meet with his whole friend group yet. He had kind of tried to avoid them the day before already, somehow not even wanting to meet them anyways. They would just ask stupid questions about where he had been the whole night and what had happened. Furthermore Grizz wasn't really in the mood to talk to Clark, because of what he said at the party. He had been able to remember everything he said that day after Sam had helped him to remember.  
At lunch break, he sat down next to Luke who was waiting for Jason and Clark still standing in the line to get their food.

"Yo, where have you been after you left us at the party?" Luke immediately wanted to know. Grizz started poking his food with the fork, trying to get out of the situation as best as possible.  
"Sorry, I wasn't feeling well after all that beer. Someone gave me a ride home," Grizz explained, hoping Luke wouldn't ask any further questions.  
"Oh okay, you're better now?"  
"Yeah yeah, i'm fine. Still a bit of a headache actually, but nothing bad."  
"But who drove you? Barely anyone was sober to some extent," Luke asked curiously. Of course he wanted to know who gave him a ride. Grizz wasn't sure if he could tell him the truth.

"Um...Sam, actually. But don't tell Clark or Jason, they don't really like him but you know that," the jock tried to explain. He felt more secure with Luke than with the others, that's why he trusted him with that. However, he wouldn't tell him anything else happening between the two for now. It was just that one car ride his friend would know about.  
"Ok, sure..." he hesitantly answered and continued eating his lunch.  
"Grizz, where have you been on saturday?" Clark almost screamed as he and Jason approached the table and sat down across from Luke and him.

He was pretty sure he could tell the two the same, without Sam's name of course. However Jason and Clark wouldn't ask any further questions for sure.  
"Sorry, guys. I already told Luke I was feeling shit after the alcohol so I went home," he explained once again.  
"Oh come on, we already thought you hooked up with a girl again," Jason laughed stupidly. Grizz raised his eyebrows in annoyance, trying to keep up with the food on his tray.

"Dude, we haven't seen you kiss a girl in ages. We should find you someone," Clark suggested. Grizz would have loved to just slap him across the face for that but obviously he couldn't. He was still kind of annoyed by his appearance at the party.  
"Actually I've been pretty busy lately, haven't thought about getting with a girl a lot," he lied to his friends as best as he could. He just hoped they would believe it.  
"How about that girl that played beerpong with us? What's her name again? Ah yeah, Becca. She is pretty hot." Clark talking about girls like they were objects made Grizz internally throw up again. Weirdly he noticed Jason giving his friend a weird look, as he said the name of Sam's best friend.

"Nah, not really my type," he lied once again, receiving a confused look from all three.  
"All the girls you've been with looked exactly like her. Brown hair, hot body, what do you want more?" Grizz never really noticed with what type of girl he was. He mostly had taken them as a cover up. At least he had tried to feel something when he kissed them, but he kind of never did. He couldn't really comprehend how his friends found them so attractive either.  
Nevertheless, he had to think of something better the next time the boys came up with a topic like that. For now, a simple lie would be enough to fix the mistake.

"She's too small."  
"Since when are you so picky? Well, whatever. We'll get you a girl," Clark determined, finally starting to eat his food too.  
But Grizz didn't want a random girl. At that moment, all he wanted was the ginger sitting across the big cafeteria hall, talking to Becca.

☾°✩↴

Just like Grizz, Sam had been critical about his outfit choice that day. Whereas he didn't want to appear overdressed, he still decided on a casual dark purple sweater and some beige pants. In English class he had noticed Grizz almost starring at him several times but giving him a slight smile once in a while. He wasn't sure on how to feel about the meeting with the jock. It could end up either ways, positive or negative. But why would he have invited him anyways, if it was bad news he had to tell? He could have also told him over text. So maybe it was important to him, Sam thought.

Nevertheless it's not like the ginger hadn't caught himself glimpsing over to Grizz in class and during lunch break.  
He had been sitting with his friends, talking about something but Sam could clearly see he wasn't really interested. Even though Sam was too far away from him, he was sure he saw him mouthing his name. And the ginger was mostly convinced about his lip reading skills since he had done it most of his life.

After all Sam had still been pretty nervous about meeting Grizz. As school ended at 3pm and the agreed time came even closer, his pulse ultimately became faster with every second. He hadn't been so nervous about something for a long time, maybe besides seeing Campbell everyday just waiting for the next dumb action he would do.  
Becca had wished him good luck after he had told him about the meet up and tried to be as supportive as possible. She even texted his best friend shortly before he made his way to Grizz's place.  
_**Becca:** you got this!!! Fingers crossed ;)_  
She surely had noticed how nervous Sam had been. But the brown haired girl also tried to calm him down by giving good arguments about a probably positive conversation. Why would he have invited him if he had bad news? Becca was definitely able to encourage Sam a little bit.

As the time said 4:45pm, the ginger made sure to pack the poetry book he had finished the night before and got into his car to drive to Grizz. He'd been a bit more shaky than usual on the ride, as he still didn't fancy driving but he had safely arrived at the familiar house.  
Sam knew Grizz had football practice, so he made sure to send him a short text before ringing at his doorbell, not knowing if his parents were home or not. He definitely wanted to avoid an awkward conversation with them as he was already nervous in the first first place.  
Grizz assured him he was home and his parents wouldn't come back until 8. Therefore he got out of his car and walked towards the house where Grizz was already waiting for him in the doorway.

Sam was feeling as nervous as never before, but the smile the jock gave him, as soon as he saw him, spread some calmness through his body.  
"Thanks for coming. Uh... do you want something to drink or?" Grizz asked after he had closed the door behind them.  
"No, I'm fine thanks," Sam responded as he took a look around. He had been to his house before, but the last time the two went straight to Grizz's room so the smaller boy had no chance of exploring the place.  
He didn't have much time for it though as he lead Sam towards his room upstairs again. The familiar range made the situation at least a bit more cozy for the ginger.

Before making himself comfortable in his room, he looked around again, finding it fascinating how much had changed since the last time he had seen it. A lot of books were at different places as they were before, he had new sheets on his bed and his desk looked cleaner. After inspecting everything, he sat down on Grizz's bed, followed by the jock who was tucking strands of hair being his ear.

"So uh ... this is kinda awkward. I mean, last time we talked I was so drunk I vomitted. Really sorry about that," Grizz spoke with a rather hoarse voice but Sam couldn't hear it crack at some point. He just concentrated on reading his lips.  
"It's fine really, you didn't force me to help you. I did it by my own will. And I guess after you defended me in front of Clark, I owed you something," Sam explained while signing along to his words.  
Grizz remembered him standing up for the ginger, still being angry about it at that day because Clark had been kind of rude.  
Even though he didn't insult him directly, the words he said sounded more than condescending to Grizz.

"Yeah Clark, he is a tough man to deal with. Obviously he has never really liked you, probably because you're uh... deaf, gay, ginger and Campbell's brother. Sorry about that, he's pretty immature." Sam smiled slightly at the jock struggling with his words as he didn't want to insult him. But being called deaf and gay wasn't an offense to him, it was literally just the truth he was not afraid to admit.  
"You don't have to be sorry for someone elses behaviour. But thank you for... standing up for me, pretty brave going against your friends."  
Grizz smirked lightly at the thought of him being brave for Sam, rubbing his neck slightly with his palm for a second. But he stayed quiet, not knowing how to continue.

"So, you remember what happened at the party again? I don't have to retell everything, right?" Grizz shook his head  
"No you don't, I mostly know everything," he responded while changing the position of his feet.  
"What did you want to talk about then?" Sam asked, although he knew what it was. He had thought about it so many times, repeated the words in his head over and over again, and in that conversation he would find out if they meant something for Grizz.  
"I wanted to talk about uh... what happened in the restroom," the jock started nervously. He had suddenly gotten all shaky about the fact he was about to tell Sam the truth again.

"I know I sometimes... most of the times actually, say a lot of stupid things when I'm drunk," he began, while fumbling with the hem of his hoodie, "but I wasn't joking about what I said to you."  
Sam was already feeling some sort of relieve inside of him. He now knew that Grizz was being serious, although there was still some doubt coming along.  
To the gingers surprise, the jock was able to sign along the next words that left his mouth.  
"I like you."

Sam couldn't hold himself back. He just smiled while blushing lightly, his checks turning into a soft shade of pink.  
He had worried about Grizz not liking him in vain for these past couple of days. But he wondered, how were they going to continue? What would happen next between him and the taller boy?  
He wasn't sure about how to react, but he came up with a good idea.  
Sam signed something to Grizz, without mouthing his words to it. He didn't want him to know yet and he wouldn't tell him unless the time was right.

"What did that just mean?" he asked curiously, not knowing any of the signs he had formed with his hands.  
"You'll find out soon enough," Sam smirked, making Grizz a bit disappointed at him not telling the meaning behind it.  
"Come on, that's not fair." Sam just shrugged his shoulders while still grinning at his opponent.  
"Okay okay, can you at least teach me some more stuff? I really want to be able to communicate better," Grizz suggested instead. Sam agreed, helping him learn more of this language.

The two had suddenly felt relieved as they had their answers to their worries. The relationship they had before was about to blossom again. While Sam was pretty secure about Grizz's sexuality now, the opponent knew Sam was also interested. Otherwise he would have ran away instead of smiling at him like a cheshire cat.

What Sam had signed was a brave step, but as Grizz didn't know what it meant, he wouldn't have to worry until the time was right to tell him.  
However, he couldn't wait until the time arrived where he could tell him the meaning behind the sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Sam signed there. You'll find out soon ;) But I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!


	10. ✩ Ginger aura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 recap: Grizz's friends slowly start pushing Grizz towards getting with a girl again but he refuses, without trying to look suspicious. Luke notices him acting weird lately as well but doesn't think too much about it. In the afternoon Sam finally comes to his house and Grizz tells him that he likes him too. Nothing else happens besides more sign language lesson and a phrase that Sam signs without revealing the meaning behind it.

Sam startled slightly and layed his book down, as he felt someone touch his shoulder. It was Becca who had just arrived at his house the next day, after Grizz and Sam had met. His parents must have let her in and of course he didn't hear her coming into his room.  
"Oh Becca, don't scare me," the ginger signed, standing up from his desk chair. The smaller girl seemed really happy and curious. Sam had texted her after he and Grizz had met, and now she wanted to know everything that happened. He didn't give any details, only that the meeting went very good. She couldn't be happier for her best friend.

"You need to tell me everything that happened. And when I say everything I mean everything." The two sat down on Sams bed, making themselves comfortable.  
"So what did he tell you? He meant what he said at that party, right?" She asked curiously, taking one of Sam's pillows into her lap.  
"In the beginning it was kind of awkward. I mean, he still felt embarrased for throwing up and being so drunk. But yeah, he assured me that he meant what he said. He even remembered the words I like you and signed them. He is indeed really smart," he raved about Grizz. Becca instantly had to smile, gripping onto the pillow in excitement. She always got way too enthusiastic about possible love interests for Sam. He thought this feature of hers was sometimes annoying but also supporting.

"That is the cutest! He really wants to impress you, you know." Maybe she was right. Grizz definitely tried to fancy Sam in the smartest way possible. He could compliment him or give him gifts but instead he learned sign language just for him. This wasn't something the jock would ever need besides when he was around Sam. It made the ginger feel special, like someone really cares about him for once besides Becca.

"So what did you do? Did you kiss or?" the brown haired girl wanted to know.  
"No, I just taught him some more sign language and we talked about books and stuff. He actually gave me a new one again to read."  
Sam had to admit, he would have enjoyed some intimacy with Grizz but he was still not willing to take risk again, like he did before. Not at that time at least.  
"I uh ... I actually signed something to him. And he still doesn't know what it means," Sam confessed and showed her the sign he was talking about.  
"Well, you better tell him in the right moment then," she smirked, raising an eyebrow. The ginger had to blush slightly at the thought of Grizz's reaction.

Although Sam knew, the jock liked him, he still was doubting the truth behind it somehow. He couldn't really believe that he meant it how the words left his mouth. And how exactly did he mean the _I like you_? More than friends? Just a little crush? Very romantically? Sam couldn't tell. If he only knew how much he was on Grizz's mind every day, before he went to sleep and after he woke up, even sometimes in his dreams.

Becca was rooting for his best friend, really wanting to support him in the best way. She thought, Grizz was a really nice and funny guy to be around. He was perfectly made for Sam. The way the ginger described him and their meetings made Becca happy for him. She was as curious as never before when it came to the two. Therefore, Sam was thankful for Becca being a really supportive friend to him. She always knew when to listen and when to talk.  
Nevertheless, the conversations between the two best friends were never just about Sam. The ginger wanted to know the same amount about Beccas life as well.

"How's your mum doing?" Her delighted expression turned more serious rapidly.  
"She's fine, I mean ... not drinking as much as before her incident at the football game." Sam quickly saw Beccas pain in her eyes as she talked and tried to comfort her as best as possible by laying an arm around her shoulders.  
"See, that's a start. Maybe she'll get better this time."  
"She won't. In a couple of weeks she will almost drink herself to death again until something happens. It's always the same. She just doesn't want to get any help," Becca revealed.

The smaller girl was never the type to be vulnerable towards others. When it came to her mother though, she feels hurt and defenseless. She couldn't bare her being an alcoholic, seeing her hurting and destroying herself. She was still her mother.  
Becca tried to help but her mother wouldn't listen. She wouldn't listen to her doctor either. Maybe she was able to stop for two days but then it started again. And she wasn't ready to go into a clinic either, not wanting to leave her daughter alone.

"I'm really sorry, Becca. What if you just get help from someone professional instead of her? Ask them what you can do about it or how you can convince her to get help herself," Sam suggested. He knew how much it bothered her, seeing her drunk mother every day didn't make it better. But the ginger was somehow able to relate, as he never really wanted to cross paths with his brother either.  
"I don't want to force her going to a clinic or something."  
"It won't get better if you don't do something at least. She maybe just needs a good therapist and not a clinic. I can help you with it, okay?"

Becca had tears in her eyes as she looked at Sam. Her smile grew bigger as she suddenly hugged him as tight as possible.  
"Thank you," she mumbled into his sweater. He was not able to hear it but he felt the vibrations of her voice slightly at his shoulder. He just assumed she had thanked him. Sam laying his arms around her made the girl feel more and more comfort. She was really happy to have a best friend like Sam.

She still remembered how she had been the only one in elementary school who wanted to talk to him. She was as curious as always, wanting to know how it is to be deaf and speak sign language. She had always been fascinated by the way he formed his hands as he spoke.  
Sam remembered the day Becca talked to him for the first time. It was at lunch break in 3rd grade, as he was sitting alone at a table as always. Out of nowhere she had appeared, sat besides him and introduced herself. She showed interest in his sign language, especially funny curse words.

The two quickly became friends after that and grew an even closer bond as they reached high school together. He had taught her sign language over the years, and she became an expert in it.  
Becca had always been loyal, not ever wanting anything more than a friendship. Even though Sam came out at the end of freshmen year, she had always noticed him being different than the others before. And she never minded him being gay, deaf or ginger at all, not like other people in his life.

"Want to watch some Netflix? We both really need some distraction," Sam suggested as she had let go of her hug after some time. Becca nodded with a little smile, wiping away some tears from her cheek.  
"Same as always?"  
"Same as always."

☾°✩↴

_**Sam:** "I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched."_  
Grizz knew these familiar words and rapidly remembered the author who wrote them.  
_**Grizz:** Edgar Allan Poe?  
**Sam:** correct, my favorite quote from the book so far. I still have lots of pages to go, but it's still such a creative poem_  
Grizz had to smile, he always did when he texted with Sam. He didn't even know how to stop.  
_**Grizz:** "Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of it's constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts."_

The smaller boy wondered, if the jock wanted to tell him something with this.  
_**Sam:** you're definitely the master at quoting Grizz!  
**Grizz:** thank you so much, i've had years of practice ;) maybe that's why I can remember signs so well ... who knows?_

The ginger couldn't stop smiling either. He had this constant grin on his face everytime he just thought of the jock.  
Grizz only shortly locked his phone while reading a book, as well as Sam, before he received aother message from him some seconds later.  
A couple of days have passed since the two have last met and both boys were longing to seeing each other again. At the same time, they were both too shy to ask even though they had texted almost every day since.

_**Sam:** that must be the real reason then. Already hoped it would be my beautiful ginger aura that let you remember them  
**Grizz:** oh no, your extraordinary and fascinating aura is definitely helpful and keeping me motivated_  
Yes, the two had been flirting with each other quite a bit. However the two didn't mind it at all, they rather enjoyed it, receiving and giving hidden compliments to one another.

_**Grizz:** actually I'm kind of having a lack of motivation lately. No ginger aura around me for days  
**Sam:** well, you want to change that?_  
Sam smiled, biting his lip softly as he sat down from his laying position in his bed, starring at the screen of his phone, waiting for an answer. The two never talked in school, Grizz's friends always being around him. They had just exchanged some intense looks during English class that week.  
_**Grizz:** i need to! when are you free?  
**Sam:** always, except from 12pm til 7am. I really need my sleep you know_

Grizz enjoyed Sams humour just as much as he enjoyed looking into his eyes. He had found the ginger more and more flawless everytime he saw him.  
_**Grizz:** monday, after school? We could get some starbucks or something, just wait at my car  
**Sam:** sure, sounds great :)_  
He locked his phone in satisfaction and happiness, trying to concentrate on his book again. Grizz did the same but wondered, if he should tell him, what he felt in that moment.

Sam became tired fast, putting his phone and book away and turning of his lights. But just as he wanted to pull the covers over his body, his phone flashed. Another message from Grizz. He couldn't help but smile again, the adrenaline rushing through his veins.  
_**Grizz:** i miss you_  
Sam never knew how much such a short message would mean to him until he received one.

The jock had hesitated for at least 10 minutes before tapping the send button. As he saw Sam reading the message he got even more nervous, almost wanting to delete it. But it had been too late at that point anyways. All he could do was wait and it was worth it, putting an instant smile on Grizz's face.  
_**Sam:** i miss you too, good night :)_

☾°✩↴

Grizz had been as tired as never before as he sat in his classes the next monday. He had stayed up texting Sam until at least 1am and after that he wasn't able to fall asleep quickly with all the adrenaline still rushing through his veins. You could count the number of hours he slept that night on the fingers of one hand. Even though he hadn't been able to concentrate on school anyways for the past few weeks, it was even harder for him now as he was barely able to keep his eyes open. However the fact that he would see Sam that day made him survive the morning at least until he felt a bit more awake around lunch time.

The jock approached his friends at lunch, sitting with them as always. He wasn't surprised though as they brought up their favorite topic: girls. As far as Grizz could tell, Jason was being interested in a girl named Erica. Grizz had geometry with her but didn't know her very well.  
"You should ask her out, man. Go on a date and stuff," Clark suggested as he chewed on his cafeteria food.  
"Yo, you really should. She's clearly looking over right now," Luke added, turning slightly towards where the brown haired girl was sitting. Grizz followed his eyes, seeing that she was just turning around shyly, giggling with her friends. She must have gazed over before.

Coincidentally, Sam and Becca had been sitting at the table besides Erica and her friends. Grizz couldn't resist but give him a short glance and smile which the ginger returned. The jock again thought that he looked absolutely handsome that day.  
"Grizz man, what do you think?" Clark asked, making Grizz turn around hastily.  
"What?" he respondef confused. He had been a bit too distracted by the ginger boy.  
"Yo, are you into Erica or something because otherwise we need to clarify this," Jason determined quickly.  
"What? No...no don't worry. You should ask her out, yeah if you're interested," he stammered, continuing to eat his food as the break only lasted an hour.

Jason agreed to his friends' suggestions even though he felt a small amount of attraction towards a different girl as well. But since, in his and his friends opinion, she wasn't really the best option to choose, he decided on Erica first.  
"I think I might know a girl for you too, Grizz," Clark continued, immediately making him raise his eyebrows.  
"Thanks Clark, but I can still choose a girl myself," Grizz turned down the submission, not being interested in seeing anyone else besides that familiar ginger.

"Man you've been acting so weird lately," his opponent mumbled.  
Grizz took it as a warning sign, knowing that even his "not so intelligent" friends noticed him acting different lately. He needed to be more careful how he behaved and he definitely pretend being straight again, at least towards his friends. Not towards Sam of course. And even though he would have loved to show his interest in the ginger to the whole world, he wasn't ready to risk anything. Not as long as he lived in this conservative town called West Ham.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the little Becca content I included in this. I just think it's really important to convey this message with her mother. And this book shouldn't just plainly be about Grizz and Sam anyways haha  
> Also Grizz earning some confidence with what he's saying to Sam is amazing, right? I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter!! <3


	11. ✩ Eternal bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 recap: Becca visits Sam and asks him about his meeting with Grizz. She also tells him about her situation with her alcoholic mother, which is quite bad. Poor Becca.  
> Grizz and Sam text a lot and flirt. Grizz even tells Sam he misses him in the end and they plan a Starbucks date (this thing between them is definitely more than just normal meetings ;)). Grizz's friends are being assholes again, wanting to get him a girl but obviously Grizz doesn't want one. He only wants Sam.

Grizz tried to get rid of his friends after school as soon as possible, not wanting them to see Sam anywhere near him. He really wanted to avoid a similar situation like the one at the party. He needed to be more careful, not standing out to his friends so much.  
The jock had texted Sam before that he would be waiting at his car for him at the school parking lot. The ginger showed up punctually as always.

Sam had watched Grizz and his friends walk out of school towards his car. He also wasn't keen on meeting them again since that incident at the party. Especially Clark was what he wanted to avoid, knowing he didn't like the ginger boy a lot.  
Sam waited for them to disappear before he approached Grizz, not wanting to make him or himself uncomfortable.  
"Hey," the ginger greeted with a slight smile, being happy to be with him.  
"Hey, ready to get some coffee? I really need some," Grizz responded while tucking some of his hair behind his ear that had fallen out of his bun. Sam nodded while getting into his car.

Grizz had found the ginger especially handsome that day. With his blue hoodie and brown pants he had made quite an impression on the jock. However, Sam hasn't been able to keep his eyes of him as well. He had thought the exact same way about the taller boy and his messy hair.  
He followed the ginger into his car, driving it towards their local starbucks. As Grizz loved jamming to the music in his car, he turned the volume up a bit. He didn't even have to care about it, Sam wouldn't mind it. Indeed Sam liked the feeling of vibrations running through his body and his heart beat adjusting to the rythm.

_I see you  
You see me  
How pleasant  
This feeling_

_The moment  
You hold me  
I missed you  
I'm sorry_

Trying to read Grizz's lips as he hummed to the song, Sam nodded his head to the rythm. He knew the familiar song; Becca used listen to it all day long and Sam had to endure it.  
The jock noticed that not only he but his passenger was enjoying the song as well. He was a bit confused at first because of Sam's deafness, looking at the ginger in fascination. Grizz taped his shoulder slightly to get his attention. Sam noticed his confused look, immediately knowing he had watched him rock his head to the beat.

_I've given  
What I have  
I showed you  
I'm growing_

_The ashes  
Fall slowly  
As your voice  
Consoles me_

"I can feel the vibrations of the beat. And I also know the song." Grizz nodded in delight, trying to concentrate on the road again. But he couldn't keep his mind of the fact that Sam was able to still feel music, instead of hearing it.  
He couldn't help but glance over multiple times at the ginger, looking so attractive and beautiful besides him. Grizz himself continued singing along and moving his body slightly. He loved this song.

_As the hours pass  
I will let you know  
That I need to ask  
Before I'm alone  
How it feels to rest  
On your patient lips  
To eternal bliss  
I'm so glad to know_

As Grizz listened more carefully to the lyrics, he secretly wished he was able to feel Sam's lips. As he watched him rock his head to the music, he had the big urge to just kiss him. But he didn't, as firstly he was driving and secondly he didn't want to rush things. He was trying to not fuck things up again. In that moment he was just so happy to have a smiling Sam sitting in his car, enjoying the vibrations of the song.

_We're swaying  
To drum beats  
In motion  
I'm feeling  
My patience  
Controlling  
The question  
I won't speak_

Sam wished the car ride would have taken forever. The company of Grizz made him feel comfortable and secure, especially sitting in a car with him with nobody else around.  
He noticed the glances Grizz gave him, blushing slightly at the thought. But it didn't stop him from being himself while listening to the song. The song with these wonderful lyrics. Sam had to admit, he would have secretly admired to feel Grizz's patient lips on his own.

_We're telling  
The stories  
Our laughter  
He knows me  
We're leaving  
We're talking  
You're closer  
It's calming_

As the starbucks came into sight after just about 3 minutes, Grizz had searched for a parking spot near the shop. Their high school had been pretty central in their city, so they were able to reach coffee shops in less than a couple of minutes.  
The song stopped in the middle of the lyrics, as he turned of his car and they both got out to go inside.  
Sam shortly told Grizz what he wanted to drink before searching for a spot to sit with him. As the jock ordered their drinks, the ginger couldn't take his eyes of him while sitting down at a desk besides the window.

After a couple of minutes, he returned with their freshly brewed coffees to their seats, sitting down facing the ginger. Sam thanked Grizz before trying to give him the money.  
"Oh Sam, it's fine. I'll pay your drink," he insisted. But he couldn't really accept the offer, couldn't he?  
"Come on, Grizz. You lend me books and drive me around and everything. You don't have to pay for my drink, too." Sam didn't really like accepting gifts or small gestures from others, especially if he didn't have anything to give them as a payback. However, the jock didn't mind spending some money on Sam. He would have done it for any other friend, too. Yet the ginger wasn't just a friend to him.

"It's fine really, it's just a couple of dollars. And I wanted to buy it for you anyways."  
Sam blushed again, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. He didn't have a different choice but to accept Grizz's offer now, and he had to admit he felt a bit flattered by his kindness.  
"Thanks," he responded quietly taking a sip of his coffee, almost burning himself. He had to cough a bit, which made them both laugh slightly.

"So, you can feel vibrations from songs?" Grizz asked curiously, taking of his jacket in the warm coffee shop.  
"Yeah, it actually makes me feel like a normal person for a moment. Of course it's not the same as hearing, it still makes you feel alive though."  
Grizz bit his lip slightly as Sam told him about his experiences, being sunk into his blue eyes. He wanted to know more about Sam and his past but wasn't sure if it was appropriated and if his opponent was comfortable with talking about it. He made sure to not ask him to directly.

"So, have you been deaf all your life or ... just a long time?"  
"I've lost my hearing when I was 3, maybe 4. I had meningitis," he explained while signing along.  
"Meningitis? Wow that's ... you remember before then? Do you remember hearing at all?" Grizz took another mouthful of his coffee.  
"Some. I remember my mum's voice, the way she would sign to me and Campbell," Sam started to explain. He noticed the sign of his brothers name had just been the simple letter c.

"My dad's laugh, too," the ginger added.  
"Cool," Grizz responded signing the word, making Sam smile slightly. The jock didn't have to ask for more, the boy just kept telling him about himself and it made him more than happy.  
"When I dream, I still dream with sound. But not new sounds."  
Sam was able to recall the sounds he remembered in his head. His mum, his dad or his brothers old voice mostly. But also daily things like birds or water rushing in a river or from the water tap. Sometimes he wished he could hear again, but at other times he was quite glad about it, not having to hear certain sounds in his environment.

"What would be a new sound?"  
"My voice. I remember my voice when I was a kid. But I'm guessing it's a little deeper now," Sam chuckled and so did Grizz as a response. A slightly warm feeling spread inside of the ginger, relaxing and getting more comfortable the more they talked. In the next moment he didn't really know why he added what he said to the jock.  
"I wish I could hear yours."

It was true. Sam almost craved for hearing Grizz's voice, as much as never before. He didn't even care for Becca's that much, even though he knew her way longer.  
However, he had felt the connection between the jock and him growing more and more. Ever since he had been brave enough to expose his developing feelings, Grizz had been acting more than just nice, more than just interested.

Indeed, Grizz's heart dropped at the thought of Sam wanting to hear his voice. That was one thing he hadn't thought about before. For Grizz it was self-evident to hear the tone of your inteluctor but of course it wasn't for Sam.  
In that moment he craved for nothing else but his lips that looked soft in the sunlight shining into the small coffee shop. However he couldn't act on the urge once again, being out in public. It was a small town the two had lived in. You never knew who was around to see you.

Sam felt more confident after he had been brave again than the last time. He had seen Grizz's facial expression as a compliment this time, his shocked face had rather turned into a smile than a disgust emotion.  
More than satisfied for a moment, he took another sip of his coffee while still not being able to take his eyes of the jock.  
Meanwhile every stranger passing them could have noticed the obvious tension between the two students.

The two sat in silence for a while, and it didn't feel uncomfortable. They had almost liked just looking at each other while enjoying their coffee. But Grizz had other plans, not wanting to sit around the whole time with his love interest.  
"We should go soon, the sun is already setting down. I still want to take you somewhere,"  
Sam immediately wondered, where he would take him, especially now since the sky was slowly becoming more dark.

"You can take your coffee, drink it on the way. We might drive a little longer," he explained while he threw on his jacket.  
Sam quickly followed him with curiousity building up inside him. What was Grizz about to do with him?  
Rapidly the two sat in his car again, the song continuing where it had stopped before.

_As the hours pass  
I will let you know  
That I need to ask  
Before I'm alone  
How it feels to rest  
On your patient lips  
To eternal bliss  
I'm so glad to know_

Sam watched the streets of New Ham being filled with orange evening sunlight. It felt like a dream to him, driving with Grizz to an unknown place in this atmosphere. He noticed the driver was quickly singing along with the lyrics again, making Sam move his head and body even more than before. He could definitely be himself when he was around the special boy. Grizz felt the exact same way.

The night will hold us close and the stars will guide us home  
I've been waiting for this moment, we're finally alone  
I turn to ask the question, so anxious, my thoughts  
Your lips were soft like winter, in your passion, I was lost

Sam was, as far as he was able to read Grizz's lips, amazed by the lyrics and in what way they fitted the situation the two were in. He was almost so sure about Grizz being attracted to him in somewhat romantic way, internally he was barely able to hold himself back, doing something he might regret later again.  
With all the positive feelings the jock triggered in Sam came some doubts with it. What if he was just playing with him? What if he was just trying to be nice? What if he wasn't in some way interested in men?

_As the hours pass  
I will let you know  
That I need to ask  
Before I'm alone  
How it feels to rest  
On your patient lips  
To eternal bliss  
I'm so glad to know_

To both of their loss, the song ended and was followed by some instrumental song where no one was really signing. While Grizz still enjoyed the beat, Sam looked out of the window, wondering where they would go to. He saw houses around him and fields in the front, meaning they must have been reached the edge of the city. And Grizz continued to drive into the fields, through a forest until they reached a remote bridge.

After leaving his car once again, he approached the bridge, being amazed by the view he discovered as soon as walking on it. The river beneath it rustled quietly while the trees slightly moved in the wind. The orange, almost red sunset reflected in the water and the sunrays hit Sam's skin, making him feel warm in the cold breeze. The sun was going down directly above the water, making it shimmer in a beautiful way.  
Sam had never seen this part of the town, they must have at least driven 10 minutes and taken some roadways he hadn't recognized. However, he found it beautiful and especially attracting because of Grizz. He had to smile all over his face.

"I didn't even know this river and bridge existed. It's beautiful," Sam told as Grizz stood next to him leaned on the railing.  
"I sometimes come here to get things off my mind. Mostly school of course. And this time of the year is the best to watch sunsets here," the jock explained while looking towards Sam who was reading his lips carefully.  
"I think it looks amazing, really. I've always liked nature, you know." Sam took a deep breathe of the cold november air.  
"Nature doesn't judge you, for who you are," he added, looking down to the ground for a bit, before turning towards the jock again.

Grizz knew what he meant and immediately related to Sam. For normal people like Allie or Becca, life had been more easy. But with his disability, Sam had some strings attached to his daily activities. Not every person in his environment was being nice to him about it. It had already been hard enough for him to have this handicap, but some humans still used to make his life even harder.

Grizz felt he could relate to Sam, knowing he never fully fit in with his friends. Even though he didn't get bullied or anything, he still always had to hide his true self from them. He was too afraid to ever tell them the truth.  
"Agree," Grizz responded as he bit his lip once again, not knowing where this conversation would lead to next. Sam simpered at the jock, enjoying more than just the view of the sunset.

As the sun was setting down more and more, the two still remained at the bridge, sitting on the railing and relishing the sunrays falling onto their skin.  
Grizz couldn't withstand his upcoming desire, wanting to finally lay his lips on Sam's while glancing at him in the sunlight.  
The ginger was feeling a similar urge but didn't want to act on it. There were still these doubts in his mind. However, as he noticed Grizz almost undressing him with his look, he couldn't resist but to look into the jocks eyes, feeling that warm sensation inside of him.

Both of them slowly came closer to each other, Grizz's hand touching Sam's. Both of them just wanted one thing in that moment. Both had the desire inside them to just lean in and kiss the other.  
But it never happened that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you all probably know, the second season of The Society got cancelled. I am more than sad about this. This show has brought me through quarantine and I couldn't be more thankful to have it. However, the cast and even Chris Keyser really want to produce a second season so my hopes are still up that we might still get one!  
> If you want to help our fandom, go check out my Twitter @softvanne because I am posting a lot of updates on it! Use the #savethesociety & #renewthesociety whenever you can and sign petitions <3
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter with a huuuge cliffhanger, sorry about that! It also has 2600 words which is around 300 more than usual.  
> The song I used here is called After Dark - Mr. Kitty.


	12. ✩ Beer bottle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 recap: Grizz and Sam finally go on their date to Starbucks where Grizz even pays for Sam's drink. They talk about a lot of things, about Sam's deafness etc. (it's basically the conversation in episode 7). After getting coffee, they drive to a little bridge to watch the sunset. They almost even kiss in the end, however are interrupted by something.
> 
> **TW: Consequences of alcohol abuse including slight injury**

Grizz startled slightly as he heard the heavy vibration of a phone and saw a light flash in the glimpse of his eye. He had been way too concentrated on Sam's lip, he had forgotten everything around him.  
Sam noticed his behaviour, instantly noticing that it was his phone that rang. It was Becca calling him via facetime. He definitely couldn't answer the phone now. Firstly he barely had data in this remote area anyways and secondly he had just had a moment with Grizz and now it had been destroyed.

The jock quickly pulled his hand away and made some distance again. Feeling somehow embarrassed in the moment, he saw Sam's shocked and annoyed facial expression.  
"Shit, it's Becca facetiming. She probably thinks I'm already home," the ginger explained to him.  
"Does she know about us?"  
"Yeah, that's why I'm worried. It might be an emergency," Sam answered quickly, declining the phone call and texting his best friend instead.  
_**Sam:** i'm still with grizz and barely have data, are you okay??_

He got down from the railing and ran back and forth nervously, wanting to know why she would interrupt Grizz and Sam's date.  
The jock was only able to watch him, trying to comfort him with words as best as he could.  
"What do you mean by emergency?"  
Sam obviously couldn't tell Grizz the truth, although he would have. However Becca trusted Sam and he wouldn't break a promise for him yet.  
"She's having some family trouble recently, so maybe it's something about that ... I don't know," he responded before leaning against the car, staring at his phone for a response.

 _ **Becca:** shit, sorry! can you come here after your date asap?  
**Sam:** be there soon_  
"She won't tell me, but I'm supposed to visit her after our date," Sam tried to explain, not even noticing that he had just said the word _date_ out loud. Grizz immediately smiled at him, making Sam even more confused, raising his eyebrows.  
"A date, huh?" he determined, getting up from the railing as well, walking towards Sam.

The ginger would have loved to facepalm himself for what he had just said. Mostly because of his dumbness of not thinking before talking. On the other hand, Grizz's reaction made him wonder if it actually was the right word to use for their "meeting".  
Sam nodded his head in response while placing his phone back in his pocket.  
"So, what if I drive you to Becca's now and in return you ... go on a second date with me?" Grizz suggested while biting his lip softly.

Even though the ginger was worried about his best friend, he was fascinated by the jocks confidence all of the sudden.  
"Okay, sure. I would have done that anyways ... I mean, go on another date with you," the ginger stammered while smiling.  
Grizz didn't believe his own ears, as he heard his words leaving his mouth. His confidence grew even bigger, knowing that Sam was just as interested as he was. He couldn't believe he had been on a date with him and in addition to this, he would go on a second one.

The two got into Grizz's car, both smiling as much as they never did. As soon as Grizz glanced over to Sam during the ride he immediately had to smile again, seeing the ginger happy made him even more satisfied.  
Beccas house wasn't too far away. He only had to drive a couple of minutes back into the city. Sam guided him the way as best as he could. He would have wished to drive some detours just to spend more time with Grizz, but he knew Becca needed him.

Arriving at her house, Grizz dropped Sam off, being a bit devastated their time together was already over that day.  
"Thank you Grizz, for everything today," the ginger spoke through the open window after he got out of the car and grabbed his bag.  
"Oh, I'd have to thank you for that amazing afternoon, Sam." Both had to smirk slightly at the thought of the time they had spend together. It had been one of the most enjoyable days of Sam's and Grizz's lives so far.

"See you tomorrow then."  
"See you tomorrow." The jock couldn't hold himself back but stare at Sam as he walked to Beccas house. The ginger even turned around one time, checking if Grizz was still there, happy with the results he got.

☾°✩↴

He would have loved to spend the rest of the day with the taller boy, but he couldn't. Becca needed his help. However, he was quite annoyed by the fact, he had almost kissed Grizz but was interrupted by her. Nevertheless, it had been an emergency, he couldn't be angry at her at all. She was his best friend after all.

"Becca?" Sam mumbled as he entered her house. She was sitting at the kitchen counters, trying to eat dinner but instead playing with the food in her hands. He noticed shards of glass on the ground next to the entrance door, wondering what had happened in this house.  
"Shit, what happened?" he immediately asked as he approached her.  
She got up quickly, hugged him as tight as she could before answering.

"My mom ... she freaked out." Her voice sounded raspy and she was close to tears, having red and swollen eyes. Although he couldn't hear the pain in her voice, Sam quickly tried to comfort her, wanting to know what must have happened that there were shards on the ground. The two sat down on two high chairs, Sam grabbing Beccas hand for emotional support.

"You know her ... sometimes when she drinks too much, she freaks out. But it was different this time. She ... she threw a fucking beer bottle at me," she whispered, breaking out in tears towards the end. At the same time she held up her free hand, covered in a bandage.  
"Shit, she hurt you? Are you injured anywhere else?" Sam couldn't believe a mother of a child would do that. He had been more than thankful in that moment to have such a supporting mother like his.  
"Just on my ankle a little."  
Sam looked down, noticing a small band-aid on her ankle. She must have cut herself on the glass pretty bad.

"How did that happen with your hand?"  
"We were fighting you know ... and the bottle hit my hand and some of my ankle."  
It sounded horrible to Sam, just the thought of her mother becoming violent. He was more worried about her injures than the cause though.  
"Have you cleaned the wounds? Should we go to the hospital?" he worried about Becca.  
"I'm fine Sam really, I put disinfectant on it before," she explained while looking down at the bandage.

It seemed very quiet in her house, like nobody else was there. But Sam wondered where her mother was, since she was the one she fought with.  
"I called my uncle directly after it happened, she's with him right now, temporarily."  
She had to sob multiple times, whiping away the small tears running down her face. Sam run his thumb over her palm, trying to calm her down as best as he could.

"Do you need anything? Should I stay overnight?" He sensed that she needed his support more than anything else. After traumatic experiences, it was always good to have someone with you, comforting you. Becca had done that for Sam as well in the past. With Campbell as a brother, he didn't have an easy life.  
"Would you?" Sam nodded. Of course he would stay with her, if that would help her in any way.  
"Of course, it's not like I never stayed at yours before."

Sam helped Becca clean up the shards on the ground before making himself something for dinner as well. However the tension and fear in Becca wouldn't let her swallow anything that evening.  
She had felt more than anxious the rest if the evening. Not even watching one of her favorite shows made her body stop from shaking slightly.  
Sam was more than worried about her. But he was relieved she wouldn't have to see her mother for a couple of days at least. He knew she was terrified at that point, knowing it would happen again some day, maybe even worse.

Becca was more than thankful for the ginger helping her with everything, giving her as much support as possible and even staying over. She knew she would suffer from nightmares that night as she was all tensioned up. At least she had a shoulder to cry on then.  
Sometimes she felt like she didn't thank Sam enough for being such an amazing best friend.

The night felt shorter than ever. As Sam was laying next to Becca, he woke up almost everytime she turned around. He was way too concerned about her health at that point. Even though he had had an amazing day with Grizz, his night was quite horrible. But he had done it for Becca.

☾°✩↴

Sam woke up early in the morning around 6am next to his best friend who looked powerless while sleeping, with dark circles under her eyes. After visiting the bathroom and laying down in the bed again, he finally checked his phone for the first time since he had texted Becca. A message from Grizz the night before was the first thing he saw and he immediately had to smile a little.  
_**Grizz:** is everything alright with becca? Hope it's nothing too bad..._  
_**Sam:** good morning! sorry for the late answer, she had troubles with her mom and I slept over but it's fine now. I just hope your night was better than mine_

Not wanting to sleep again, Sam decided to get ready for school already, even though they still had two hours until it started. He changed into his clothes from the day before after Becca had gotten him something to wear at night, since it was pretty cold in her room.  
Carefully trying not to wake her up, he made himself and Becca some breakfast downstairs in her kitchen. He wasn't sure though if she was able to eat it.  
Just as he was cutting some tomatoes, he noticed someone approaching him from behind.

"You're making breakfast?" Becca signed as she walked towards him.  
"I thought you might be hungry," Sam responded as he presented the breads he made, topped with cream cheese and tomatoes. He knew Becca wasn't really the type for cereal or anything sweet in the morning, but neither was Sam.  
"You're the best."  
Beccas eyes looked like she had cried the whole night, her brown hair was messy from getting up and her lips looked dry. She was still feeling anxious and sad about what happened but was still willing to go to school.

The two sat down, enjoying the breakfast and coffee Sam made for them.  
"How are you feeling?" the ginger asked carefully.  
"I'm fine, just still agitated and ... angry? I don't know what to think." Sam nodded his head slightly, continuing with his breakfast. Becca noticed his best friend looking quite sleepy as he ate the bread and yawned a couple of times.  
"Are you okay, Sam?"  
"Just tired, didn't sleep very well," he explained not wanting to make Becca worry about him. She was needing his help now, not the other way around.

"Sorry, if I kept you awake. I never wanted to force you to stay," she apologized. It wasn't Sam's intention to make it seem like this. He wanted to help her in every way he could, even sacrifice his sleep for her.  
"No, it's fine Becca really. You didn't force me at all, it was my idea after all. And I wanted to be there for you in any way possible," he explained.  
As she smirked, she took his hand and squeezed it shortly.  
"Thank you for everything."

After finishing their breakfast, Becca got ready while Sam was going through his phone. An answer from Grizz.  
_**Grizz:** good morning, don't worry about it! I know how much you care about her. I'm glad she's better now though. Oh shit, you weren't able to sleep good? I slept like a bear after that great day...  
**Sam:** I definitely would have slept and dreamt a lot better if Becca didn't need me. Can't wait to catch up on that tonight, thinking about yesterday!  
**Grizz:** no doubt we have to repeat that, but hopefully with a better ending :)  
**Sam:** totally agree :)_

As the lights suddenly turned on and off, Sam turned around seeing Becca waiting at the door for him. He quickly grabbed his stuff before the two went to school.  
It was pouring that day with slight chance of snow and Sam didn't have anything to cover himself up with. However, he would survive the short path from the car to the entrance of the school.

He wasn't really able to concentrate on anything that day, being way too tired to think about anything else besides the day before. More specifically the afternoon with Grizz that he had found absolutely amazing besides the aprupt ending.  
He had never gotten that nervous about being in a room with Grizz that day And the jock wasn't even close to him a single time. He remembered the short moment they shared, being interrupted though. He would have loved to turn back the time just to throw his phone into the water in order to kiss Grizz in that moment.

It was all he had wanted to do for the past couple of days and he didn't even realize he had slowly developed feelings for the jock. However, Sam didn't want to exaggerate nor rush things between them. Maybe therefore it had been good that Becca had called him for help.  
He didn't know if he could trust Grizz. Why would he suddenly act flirty towards him although he had made out with girls before? Was that how a closeted person acted, pretending everything?

He didn't know how Grizz felt. He didn't know if he was just some random guy he wanted to try his sexuality on.  
Truly he didn't know how Grizz thought about him. If he only knew how much he cared about the ginger and that his feelings were so similar to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter. I definitely wanted to focus more on Becca's situation as I think it's pretty interesting with her alcoholic mother. The next chapter will be more grizzam focused again! <3


	13. ✩ December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 recap: Sam and Grizz's date got interrupted by Becca calling Sam. She had troubles with her mother who hurt her with a bottle. Sam is the most caring friend, even sleeping at her place last minute. Grizz and Sam agree on going on a second date, this time with hopefully a better outcome.

The month of december approached fast and the first snow fell early that year in the small town. Christmas was coming closer and closer to the citizens of West Ham. However, neither Sam, Grizz or Becca were prepared or excited for this time of the year. As the three of them grew up more and more, the holiday wasn't as special anymore as it was as a child.

Especially Becca was not ready to spend time with her divorced parents and her alcoholic mother.  
Sam was also not fond of having to deal with his brother that evening for such a long time. He was able to ignore him most of the time but of course he couldn't miss out christmas dinner or boxing day.  
Grizz had always liked christmas, but he basically grew out of the childhood excitement he used to have.

However, this particular holiday was still about 20 days away as Grizz and Sam made plans to go on their second date.  
Sam startled as someone touched his shoulder while he was standing at his locker on a monday morning, packing his stuff. He had almost dropped his books as he turned around to see Grizz standing in front of him. His cheeks quickly became slightly read as he blushed.  
"Grizz? What's up?"  
"Uh ... I saw you here while walking down the hallway and ... just wanted to say hi," the jock stammered while using some signs he knew. He was even wondering about why he had just randomly approached him in the middle of school. His friends could have been anywhere and find him with the ginger.

Sam gave him a confused look. He wasn't used to talking to Grizz in school at all, since he was always with his friends.  
"Actually ... I wanted to ask you if you still want to go on a second date with me? We haven't really talked in two weeks." Grizz had to be quiet, but as long as he moved his lips the right way, Sam would be able to understand it.  
"Sure, I'd love to ... sorry I was quite busy with Becca. I could have asked you, too," Sam apologized quickly. He had indeed been quite occupied by Becca the past two weeks after the incident with her mother. Always acting kind of scared of her mother, Sam helped her to calm down more and focus on something positive instead.

Grizz and Sam had texted of course but neither the jock nor the ginger didn't dare to ask for another meeting.  
"Okay, great. And don't worry about that, I could've asked earlier, too. I just didn't want to be ... clingy or something," he answered while tucking a strain of hair behind his ear.  
"You're not clingy, Grizz," Sam acknowledged to the jock who slightly smiled in response.

"So ... when are you free?" he asked, still quite concerned about his friends showing up at any moment and judging him again for talking to Sam.  
"Anytime really, Becca hasn't occupied me for this week yet. Maybe thursday or friday?" he explained while adjusting the books in his arms.  
"Thursday sounds good. I have a football game on friday ... you should come if you want." Sam nodded with a smile as he was interrupted by the school bell.

"Okay, thursday it is. Uh ... I gotta go to class now, so just text me when and where. And ... I'll think about friday," he hastily explained.  
"Great! I'll text you." Sam nodded, smiling towards the jock before rushing of to his class.  
He couldn't stop his lips from curling up everytime Grizz stummbled upon his thoughts in class. This happened pretty often that day.

At lunch, Becca was concerned about her mother again as she was coming home that day after she had lived with her brother a couple of days.  
"I just feel like she will freak out again. Not today and also not tomorrow, but maybe in a week. She won't stay sober for sure, I know her."  
"Maybe you should get help this time, just talk to a doctor or someone professional. I mean, she has a pretty bad addiction and it won't get better without any help. Just refusing to give her alcohol for two weeks won't stop her from drinking again after that since no one supervises her anymore," Sam tried to explain his point of view. He knew her mother needed professional help as soon as possible or otherwise Becca would have to suffer even more.

"Okay, I'll call my doctor later," she replied, a tear running down her cheek. She immediately wiped it away and continued eating her food from the tray.  
"Trust me it's the only and best solution."  
The ginger had been trying to calm her down as best as possible, even if she had been way too scared about everything in his opinion. He still tried to understand her as best as possible and how it must feel to be in such a situation.  
"You're the best," Becca signed, giving him a smile. Sam always felt relieved when she was at least able to somehow lift her lips into a smile. This has definitely been neglected by her these past two weeks.

During lunch Sam's eyes trailed off towards Grizz a couple of times, observing him with his friends at a table down the hall. He had found him absolutely adorable everytime he laughed at a joke of his friends or just randomly smiled.  
However, he had behaved quite obvious towards his best friend, always glancing at a specific point in the room.  
"How are things with Grizz? Any news yet?" Becca asked like every other day. Sam felt a bit caught by her, as he tried to not bother her with that topic so much since she had other problems to deal with.

"Yeah uh ... he asked me this morning about the second date."  
"Really? When is it? And where?" Becca seemed even more excited than Sam was himself.  
"Thursday, but we still have to think about an location."  
The ginger almost told Becca everything, but of course she wasn't aware of the interruption she caused two weeks ago. Therefore she wasn't aware of the moment Sam almost shared with Grizz and of the things the two had talked about. He didn't want to overshare anything.

"You really like him, don't you?" Sam nodded, blushing slightly.  
"He also kind of invited me to the football game on friday, so I wanted to ask...," the ginger started but was interrupted by Becca.  
"If I want to come with you? Yes, definitely. Anything for the most supportive best friend."

☾°✩↴

_**Grizz:** I thought about a location, but I want to surprise you. We could get there after school again_ Sam quickly got worried a bit but more excited at the same time. He didn't really like surprises as he had gotten confronted with way too many bad ones in his life before. However, he couldn't do anything about the jock wanting to suprise him.  
_**Sam:** well it better be a really good surprise or I'll never trust you with date locations again. Meet you at your car again?_

Grizz was surprised by the way Sam formulated the message. It sounded like he would want to go on even more dates in the future, if he didn't fuck it up.  
_**Grizz:** you won't regret getting involved in this, promise. Yes, meet me there :)  
**Sam:** how am I supposed to trust you? Maybe you're some sort of fbi agent wanting to kidnap me?!_  
The jock couldn't hold some small laughter back, making his mum who was in the kitchen with him confused.

"What are you laughing at honey?" she asked curiously.  
"Oh nothing, just something Clark texted," he lied not wanting his mother to become investigated in the relationship between him and the ginger. She still wasn't really happy about the fact Grizz was gay, even though he had never even outed himself in front of her officially. But she was his mother after all, she noticed those sort of things.

_**Grizz:** i guess I can't really confirm nor deny that, you just have to trust me this one time and see how it goes ;)  
**Sam:** okay fine, but you only got that one time to win my reliance  
**Grizz:** so much pressure at once ... but I can handle it or why else should my name be grizz?  
**Sam:** tough and enduring like a bear, your sign name fits you better and better the more I get to know you!_

The jock remembered that the meaning of his sign name was grizzly bear. Sam was mostly right, it really fit him somehow, the more he thought about it. How was the ginger able to choose it so well even before he knew more than just his passion for poetry?  
_**Grizz:** you must have read my mind while you choose it, that's the only explanation  
**Sam:** i honestly wish I could, it would make life so much less complicated and confusing  
**Grizz:** kind of agree, but what if you read something unexpected, or horrifying? And even secrets wouldn't be safe in your mind anymore_

Sam would have loved to read Grizz's mind, just to know how he really felt about him. But of course, he didn't think about any secrets he would maybe find out.  
_**Sam:** didn't think about that, but if humans could read minds, they would for sure invent something like a word filter or locker to keep your secrets safe. No doubts about that  
**Grizz:** yeah true, humanity might really come up with something like that_

Both Grizz and Sam loved those conversations the two had. Even though they maybe sounded irrelevant, they weren't insignificant at all to them. The relationship between the two blossomed the more they communicated, even if it was only over text. They were able to get to know each other better, even when it came to topics like superpowers. The only thing that mattered was the bond between the two growing and connecting.

After a short pause for thought, Sam wanted to express more than just irrational topics again. He wanted to really show him, he was being serious about it all. After not asking him out again, he had felt a bit guilty after all.  
_**Sam:** can't wait to see you again on thursday :)_  
Grizz immediately started smiling, but not for long, not wanting to make his mother suspicious who was still next to him in the kitchen.  
_**Grizz:** me neither! hopefully longer than last time  
**Sam:** i will definitely put my phone on airplane mode this time. Becca won't interrupt this again!_

☾°✩↴

Thursday arrived fast for the two boys. With Grizz having football training in the morning already, because his coach was busy that afternoon before the big game, he was able to spend more time with his romantic interest Sam. The gingers day proceeded as usual, with Becca telling him all about her mother arriving back at her house. Luckily everything went well until then and there hadn't been a fight yet. The brown-haired girl was still afraid though. Afraid of her mothers temper. She had called her doctor but apparently they couldn't help her unless she got her mother to go to the clinic herself. Sam was quite worried about everything, as he know how fast things could escalate without help.

Lunch went by as always with the two sending suspicious glances at each other. Grizz noticed his friends being normal to him again, meaning that he had improved at lying to them. He didn't really fancy being so dishonest with them, but he didn't see any other option as he had craved for someone to finally really feel something with for a long time. That it would be hus long term crush Sam from all places was something he had never expected.  
However, he still felt the pressure his friends laid on him as they assumed he was straight. But Grizz definitely knew he wasn't. 

Sam had always somehow noticed he was scared of his friends seeing him with the ginger, ever since that party at Harry's. However he was able to understand it since it was clear that it had never been easy for a gay person in a conservative town and in addition to that with mostly traditional friends and family.  
Compared to that Sam was lucky to have a understanding family, besides his brother, and a loving best friend. 

As Becca knew about their date, she wasn't trying to bother Sam for long after classes were over. She knew she shouldn't interfer into his love life. Therefore she left him as soon as possible, letting him know she was available the whole day if something should go terribly wrong. Sam apprechiated her care and support for him, once again being thankful to have her.

Grizz unfortunately was not able to get rid of his friends so fast. They had accompanied him until his car and talked to him for at least another ten minutes about football strategies for the game the next day. Sam had observed the happening from far away and luckily only Grizz had noticed him. He got more impatient as they all didn't seem to leave so he quickly came up with an excuse as he checked his phone, his mother needed some sort of help again.  
Instead he texted Sam to get into his car as soon as the three friends were gone. 

"Okay man, see you tomorrow at the game. And don't forget about the party afterwards," Luke said his goodbye, taking the other two Jason and Clark with him. Grizz immediately got into his car, making sure to give Sam a sign.  
The ginger quickly got into the jocks car and closed the door quietly.  
"Took you long enough to get rid of them," Sam determined while buckling his seat belt.  
"I'm really sorry, they were constantly talking about strategies and stuff about the game tomorrow," Grizz shortly explained before he started his car.

"I just don't want them to know about us, you know ... it's not like they are very ... open minded."  
"I know, don't worry. They don't really like me ... I've wondered for quite while why you do though. It's not like I'm the type of person you usually hang out with," Sam was being honest about his insecurity. He really couldn't tell why Grizz would have started to interact with him anyways. They had first talked because of this school project but how was the jock able to find any interest in him?

"Oh I don't really care who I talk to. I prefer people who are interesting and lovely in their own way and ... you definitely are," Grizz answered while turning his head towards the ginger as he was driving so he could read his lips.  
"Plus we share some similarities you know. We both like books and poetry."  
Sam had to blush at Grizz giving him such a nice compliment. He didn't even know what to reply. Instead he just smiled, looking outside of the window.

He wondered where Grizz would take him. The two were driving through the small town for some time but suddenly came to an more openly area with wide fields and forest.  
"Where are we going? Sure you're not kidnapping me right now?" Sam chuckled as they street was surrounded by trees.  
"Just be a bit more patient, might still take some minutes and then you'll know. But really don't worry, I would never hurt you," the jock assured him. 

Soon the two reached their destination and Sam was more than impressed what Grizz had decided on. This would definitely turn out way better than he had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading this new chapter! Hope you enjoy it <3 The next chapter will only be about the date so be prepared ;)


	14. ✩ Kiss me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 recap: Two weeks later, Grizz finally asks Sam on a second date. However, he wants to surprise him where they'll go and what they'll do. He also inivtes him to his upcoming football game. Becca notices that her best friend really really likes Grizz and Sam checks upon her whole situation with her mom.  
> On the day of the date, Grizz makes it clear that he doesn't want his friends to know anything and the two drive towards their suprise destination.

"Minigolf? Really?" Sam chuckled as they reached a little coffee shop outside of town who had a miniature golf course inside a big hall next to it.  
"Yep, really," Grizz grinned back at him, biting his lips softly.  
The ginger used to come here often with his family when he was little. He had always enjoyed playing that sport, until Campbell hit him in the face with the golf club. Since then he hasn't visited this place once, probably because of the bad memories.

"I just hope you like it," the jock added nervously.  
"Absolutely, I used to love minigolf as a kid. But you know, my brother kind of ruined it." Grizz could already imagine the way Campbell treated his brother, Sam didn't even have to tell him.  
"That's too bad, but surely I can help you to enjoy it again. Come on," Grizz responded as he quickly got out of his car. Sam followed him towards the little shop.

Even though winter approached, the course was open all year long, as it was inside a building and therefore not affected by the weather.  
Grizz got the two their gear before heading towards the first track. The jock had never really played minigolf before but he still wanted to somehow be good at it. Concentration sport were not his speciality though. Therefore, at first he utterly failed.  
"Oh come on," he complained after he couldn't reach a goal after seven tries, on the first round.  
Sam watched him in amusement, since the first track was always the easiest.

As it was his turn, he immediately got the ball in with the first try, leaving Grizz fascinated.  
"How did you do that?" Sam shrugged smiling, being proud of his little achievement.  
"Definitely my auras fault," he joked while the two walked to the next course, making the jock laugh at his humor.  
Grizz tried scoring as less points as possible but received seven again instead. He was not being very precise with his club.

Sam noticed he struggled with holding it in the right way and standing the way it was best to hit a goal. He had learned the best technique from his father early on.  
"You're totally holding the club wrong."  
"Oh ... yeah I've never really played minigolf before," Grizz admitted shyly as Sam approached him.  
"Look, I'll show you," the ginger started as he stood next to him, "you have to stand up straight, balance in the middle and lean forward slightly. You also grab the club like this."

Sam showed him the position and he followed his instructions. He firstly hesitated as he saw Grizz's hand being in a wrong position. However the ginger still laid his hand on his and formed it the right way.  
The jock immediately had to blush at the warm touch of Sam's hand. He just wished he would have lasted even longer.  
"Yeah see, that's better. And now you have to just hit the ball in a more smooth way." Steping away, the ginger let Grizz try it out and it was successful as he scored a goal at the first try.  
"Thanks," the jock replied smiling.

"Where do you know that from?"  
"My dad taught me some stuff about it. Minigolf was my secret passion as a child, until ... Campbell hit me with that club directly in the face. Never wanted to see those again for a long time after that," he told Grizz while walking towards the next path.  
"Oh shit, was it anything serious?"  
"My forehead was bleeding after that and I had a pretty deep wound, you can still see a little scar here but it's mostly covered by my freckles," the ginger explained while he pointed towards his forehead.

Grizz took a closer look and could definitely see something odd among the light freckles. But soon his attention was more drawn to the gingers eyes. He had never seen such a beautiful shade of blue.  
"Yeah uh ... true. It's barely visible," Grizz determined after he had caught his thoughts again, feeling slightly embarrassed.

The two continued playing with luckily no one in front of them, so they never had to wait. Both of them had a lot of fun, making jokes and competing agains each other on the 18 courses.  
Both Sam and Grizz really enjoyed the company of the other person, like they never did before. It had been the greatest sensation for the jock everytime the ginger had touched him in any way, even if it wasn't on purpose. However, Sam was feeling the exact same.

In the end, Sam won the game with only two points less than Grizz.  
"Congrats! I really have to practice more to have any chance against you. You're really talented," he implied after the two had returned their gear and started to go for a walk near a river. The cold winter sun was shining down on the two boys.  
"Thanks. You weren't too bad either. I mean, it was your first time playing and therefore it was pretty good," the ginger responded. Grizz quickly gave him a smile, continuing to walk on the gravel path.

"So, has your brother always been like that? I mean ... with the hitting and stuff?" Grizz wanted to know curiously. He had found it quite strange of Campbell to hit his brother with a golf club, even though he knew they didn't get along well.  
"Yeah kind of. We've never really liked each other, but I guess you know that," he started to explain while signing along.  
"He's just ... different. I wish it wouldn't be like that but you can't do anything about it apparently."  
"Different?"

Sam remembered, that nobody knew what his brother really was, except for his family, of course. However, he couldn't really tell Grizz the truth about that. He wouldn't take it very well.  
"Uh ... yeah he's problematic, you know. I just hope he will grow out of it," the ginger avoided a direct approach. On the one hand he didn't want to lie to Grizz, so a formulation like that would not expose too much. On the other hand, of course he couldn't tell the exact truth that his brother was a real psychopath.

Grizz nodded understanding of his situation. He had always noticed Campbell harrassing his brother in public, mostly because he was gay. Most of the times he also noticed him not bothering to use sign language to communicate to Sam, even though it would be easier for him to understand.  
"But I still have Becca after all, she helps me get through that mostly," the ginger added after some silent moments.  
"I can definitely imagine, she must be a great friend."  
"She truly is." Sam had to smirk, thinking about how he was so lucky to have her.

"I once thought you two had a thing ... before I knew you weren't really into girls," Grizz explained while sticking his hands inside of his pockets as the temperatures got colder towards the evening.  
"Oh really? Does this mean you noticed me before?" Sam raised his eyebrows in curiosity.  
"Of course I did, but not in a bad way, if that's what you think," he tried to defend himself immediately but the ginger wasn't bothered by his statement. Instead he had so smirk slightly.

"To be honest, I didn't even know I existed to you until that interview," Sam replied unsure of his words.  
"I like observing my environment so of course I knew you. You always seemed ... interesting to me, somehow," Grizz confessed, wanting to be more brave towards his date, biting his lip softly.  
Sam stopped his walking, making eye contact with the jock as he had just understood the words that had left his mouth. He slightly opened his lips, before he smiled at him, falling into Grizz's beautiful eyes.

"I never really liked how the others treated you. I tried to stop them sometimes, but it didn't quite work out. Sorry about that..." Grizz looked down at the ginger with an apologizing face.  
"You don't have to apologize. I didn't know you tried to defend me ... you never said anything."  
"I was scared, you know. I wanted to fit in with my friends ... I mean, it was easy for me to be just like them. But I never really felt fully satisfied. I knew I was somehow different," the jock started to explain nervously somehow. Grizz was shocked himself and how he sounded, almost like he would come out to him in that moment.

Sam slowly came closer to Grizz, leaning slightly forward during their conversation. His body suddenly felt like a magnet to the ginger, just wanting to be closer to him.  
Even though the jock didn't say further specific information about him being different, Sam already had an assumption that affected Grizz's sexuality. He didn't know in that moment, that he was absolutely right and that he was just longing for the ginger.

After some silent moments of intimate starring into the others eyes, Sam broke the silence between them after blushing slightly.  
"Thank you."  
"For what?"  
"For this here ... our date. I couldn't have imagined anything better. And for you defending me, even though I didn't notice it before," he thanked Grizz, while fumbling with the hands in his pockets nervously.

"I'm glad you liked it. And about that, that was no big deal really," he replied with a smirk on his lips.  
The tension between the two started to grow more and more, the sparks were almost visible to the human eye.  
"And see, you trusting me was a good idea. I didn't kidnapp you after all," Grizz added jockingly, making Sam laugh. He absolutely loved the way he smiled and laughed at his jokes or in general.  
"Now I know you're a person I can trust, you definitely passed my test."

Sam leaned even closer this time, almost taking a step forward. His urge came back to just follow his instincts of kissing Grizz, he didn't even care if it was in public. But surely the jock minded the public situation. He wouldn't want to risk being seen while kissing a guy. He wasn't ready to come out and Sam was aware of that. He knew how he didn't want to be seen just even around him by his friends.  
Therefore, he slowly backed off again, even though his eyes were caught in the jocks.

The sun was slowly setting down as late afternoon was almost over. The two had spent a great amount of time minigolfing and going on a walk by that river.  
When it came to conversation topics, the two were unbeatable, coming up with new ideas all the time. Maybe it was because they wanted to know as much as possible about their interest, maybe it was because the two were just good at finding the right words or maybe it was because Grizz wanted to learn more about sign language. Their topics ranged from school to animals and even to travelling.

It got darker the more the two were bonded into a deep conversation. Neither of them really wanted to go, but they couldn't help it after some time. Sam wasn't able to read Grizz's lips perfectly anymore and it got harder as the sun was gone.  
"Should we get home? It's getting pretty cold and I can't really read your lips anymore," Sam explained to Grizz as they got up from a bench where they had sat down before.  
"Uh, yes sure," the jock replied while nodding his head to help Sam understand.

They had walked a lot down that river since they needed at least 15 minutes to get back to Grizz's car. There hadn't been any lights beneath the path, so both of them used their phones for some light. Therefore the two were able to communicate better again as they headed to the vehicle. It seemed like they just couldn't stop, getting along as good as never before.  
Soon they finally reached Grizz's car, immediately turning on the heater as it had at least gotten 23 degrees outside on that winter night as soon as the sun disappeared.

"Should we uh ... get something to eat or do you want to go home already?" Grizz asked nervously before starting the enginee. Sam knew he would miss family dinner, but he couldn't care less in that moment he never wanted to end. In addition to that he wouldn't have to see his brother, too.  
"Food sounds great," he replied while biting his lip softly and smiling. Grizz couldn't be happier about Sam's choice.

☾°✩↴

"There's this play coming up in school, I think in March or April," Grizz explained to Sam as the two were sitting in a restaurant, eating the food they had ordered. "Yeah, I heard about it. Cassandra wanted to join as a lead role, I think," Sam answered before taking another bite of his sandwhich. "I thought about participating in it actually, but I don't have enough spare time to learn lines and go to rehersals," the jock revealed.

"Oh I would have loved to see you in a play. I knew you had a passion for poetry, but for acting, too?" The ginger giggled at the imagination of Grizz being on stage and quoting his favourite lines.  
"I've never done something like that actually, but I honestly wanted to try it out once. Still, I don't have time for that sadly."  
Sam was fascinated how keen Grizz was on experiencing new stuff. First he went on his first date with a guy, then he wanted to take part in a play. What would be next?

"So ... are you coming to the game tomorrow?" Grizz asked curiously. He probably could have guessed Sam was not really into visiting such events. He had never seen him at any before, except the last one they had at that time. But maybe he would change his mind.  
Indeed, the ginger was never really into football or watching sports in generall but he wanted to see the jock play and even support him. Sam nodded towards him.  
"Yeah, I'll be there. Can't wait to see you play."

After the two had finished their dinner together, having lots of fun while doing so, it was already past 8pm. Even though the two didn't have to be home at a specific time, Sam and Grizz wanted to get home at some point, since they had directly met after school.  
After paying for their meals, both got into Grizz's car again on the dark parking lot.  
But instead of starting the enginee, the jock turned towards Sam and tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

"I really enjoyed our meeting today, we should do this again," Grizz spoke while giving Sam a shy smile.  
"Yeah ... agree, we definitely should." Sam replied the smile he gave him but didn't say anything further. Both were caught in the others eyes again.  
Grizz knew he wanted to do this now. He wouldn't have another chance for a couple of days at least to finally act on his urge that was growing bigger again.

"Actually uh ... can you teach me one more phrase in sign language?" Grizz asked while not being able to make eye contact with Sam anymore. He was too nervous to just look at him.  
The ginger nodded with a curious expression, wondering what the jock wanted to know.  
"How do you say _kiss me_?" Grizz mumbled, hoping Sam would read his lips correctly.

The ginger didn't trust his lip reading skills for a second. Did he really just say that? Did those words really just leave his mouth? This didn't seem real to him.  
However, Sam couldn't help but smile shortly, before slowly leaning towards the jock who was still looking down.  
Shortly before their lips touched, Sam waited for Grizz to back out of this, but luckily he didn't.

Butterflies were rushing through both of their stomachs and a warm feeling spread inside of them, as the ginger acted on his instincts and finally laid his lips softly onto Grizz's. Something the two had dreamt of for quite a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes finally! The moment you've all been waiting for! I tried not to rush things so I feel like chapter 14 is a good start for a first kiss :D  
> I hope you enjoyed this really joyful chapter <3 Let me know what you think


	15. ✩ Speechless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 recap: Grizz takes Sam to minigolf for their second date. It all goes so well, they have an amazing time and even get dinner together. After the two got into Grizz's car by the end of the day, Grizz and Sams iconic line "How do you say 'kiss me'?" finally appears and they kiss for the first time.

Grizz couldn't believe what was happening in that moment. He had wished to just be close to the ginger for such a long time and despite the fact he had actually gotten really close to him, he was finally kissing him. It already meant so much more to him in that moment, than it ever had with all the other girls he had been before.  
As Sam eventually cupped his cheeks with his warm hands, Grizz leaned even deeper into the kiss, making them both more passionate for each other.

For Sam it hadn't been his first kiss. However it was the first kiss that really meant something to him. He had shared his first one at some stupid truth or dare game his brother forced him to at a party the year before. It was with some random girl he didn't even know, and apparently that girl also wasn't aware of his sexuality at that time. Sam would rather just forget about it and call the kiss he shared with Grizz in that moment his first real one.

Both wanted this moment to last longer. Both wanted to continue this intimate moment they shared together as long as possible. It remains unclear who pulled away first, but they both would have clearly wanted to proceed.  
As their lips slowly came apart after what seemed like an eternity, Sam's hands still continued cupping Grizz's cheeks for a moment, remaining there until he was able to look into the jocks eyes again.

They were almost speechless, not being able to move except their lips growing into a small smile, slightly chuckling at the sight of the other.  
"Will you go to the party after the game with me tomorrow?" Grizz suddenly interrupted the silence between them.  
"There's a party after the game?"  
"Yeah, we usually organize one after every game."  
Sam was somehow confused at his suggestion. He thought, Grizz didn't want to be seen with him so why would he invite him?

"I thought your friends shouldn't know about us," Sam explained his worries. Grizz suddenly remembered the problem. He had probably forgotten about it before because of all the butterflies still rushing around in his stomach.  
"Oh right, uh ..." Grizz mumbled while thinking about a solution how he could still spend time with Sam without his friends becoming suspicious.  
"I could bring Becca, if she's free. Wouldn't be too obvious then maybe," the ginger suggested.

"Okay yeah, sure. As long as I can talk to you at some point, I don't mind company. I guess she knows about us?" Sam nodded in response.  
"However uh, I really need to be careful. I mean, you're out to everyone but ... nobody knows that about me. And I didn't plan on telling anyone in this conservative town anyways," Grizz further explained to the ginger. But Sam was compassionate enough to comprehend the situation the jock was in right now, knowing they indeed live in the conservative town called West Ham.

"Hey, no pressure from me. Nobody has to know ... and secrets with Becca are safe, trust me," Sam tried to calm the jock down while placing one of his hands on his knee.  
"Thank you," Grizz signed in response, giving Sam a light smile.

☾°✩↴

"Honey, where have you been? You missed our delicious dinner," Sams mother signed to him, after entering the living room. Grizz had dropped him of at his house after their date but his parents didn't have to know about that. "Sorry, I was with Becca. She needed my help and I already ate with her," he lied to her, not wanting to tell anyone about what had happened, except Becca of course. He knew his mother Lynette and Grizz's mother would sometimes talk, therefore he didn't want to expose him yet.

"Just text me next time, okay? Leftovers are in the fridge if you want," she responded before sitting next towards his father again. Sam was quite relieved his brother wasn't anywhere around, as he had probably been in his room.  
Quietly leaving, he went into his room to immediately text his best friend. He was full of adrenaline in that moment, smiling as much as he never did.  
_**Sam:** please go to a party with me tomorrow evening? :) i'll explain it at lunch  
**Becca:** what party? the football one? had this something to do with grizz???  
**Sam:** yeah... i'll tell you tomorrow  
**Becca:** can't wait!_

Grizz wasn't spared from his mother either as he arrived at his house. However he came up with the same lie as Sam did. He had met up with Luke where he had already eaten dinner. Luckily his mom wasn't too curious that time, leaving him alone for the rest of the evening.

As the jock was laying on his bed, he couldn't believe what had happened before. He had actually kissed the ginger he had found so beautiful before. Once again he thought, it was so much better with him than with any of the girls he had been before.  
He couldn't stop smiling, he couldn't get him out of his head. Even when he read one of his Sherlock Holmes books, he was barely able to concentrate on the words. He had really somehow caught some feelings for Sam. But so did the ginger.

_**Grizz:** i had a really great time tonight :)_  
The jock nervously put his phone away, being kind of scared of Sam's possible answer. He hoped it would be positive, as the ginger seemed to have enjoyed the kiss just as much as he did. However, he was still not sure what would happen between them now.  
_**Sam:** me too :)_  
A simple and short answer, but that was all the ginger was able to text in that moment, still almost shaking out of happiness. However, he still had his doubts. What did a kiss mean to Grizz? What would happen between them now?

He was more than happy with his answer, immediately making him smile as he saw it popping up on the screen.  
_**Grizz:** can't wait to see you tomorrow. You're still coming right?  
**Sam:** of course!! can't wait either_  
Even though both of them didn't know what would happen between them in the future, they fell asleep peacefully, dreaming about the day they had just experienced.

☾°✩↴

"No way!" Becca almost screamed while she signed as she heard about what happened the day before, but was able to still keep her voice down.  
Sam couldn't help but smile at the sight of his best friend freaking out over his love life.  
"What then?" she asked curiously.  
"He asked me to go to the party with him, after the football game ... and of course watch the game," Sam reported.  
"And you said yes?" He nodded.  
"Yeah, but there's a slight problem," he started to explain, "his friends shouldn't know about that, he doesn't want them to tell them yet. So firstly please don't tell anyone and secondly I ... need you to come with me, please. I can't show up with him nor alone, that would be too obvious."

Becca wondered at first, why Grizz wouldn't want his friends to know. Then she remembered the conservative town they lived in and how football players mostly also were not the right type to come out to. Furthermore, she knew that neither Clark, Jason or Luke really liked her best friend as they somehow all had bullied him when he was younger.  
Speaking of the football players, she didn't really want to join him as she was not really in the mood but as one particular boy was probably attending the party, she somehow quickly changed her mind.

"Okay fine, but only because you really helped me with my mum recently," she agreed to his suggestion. Sam knew he could count on her, as always.  
"Really? Usually I'd have to convince you with at least five arguments."  
"I just want to be there for my best friend, that's all. And I know how much you fancy Grizz!" she teased him while only signing, so nobody could hear her. That was the one of the best parts about having a deaf friend. It was so easy to talk about secrets, even in public.

Sam raised his eyebrows in disbelieve and annoyance. Becca really had to be in a mood to go to a party, otherwise she wouldn't have agreed even if she said she just wanted to support Sam. The ginger knew her too good for this.  
"Yeah, I kinda do. But ... I just don't want to get too commited yet. Who knows, maybe he's just trying out his sexuality or whatever," he feared.  
Becca could neither deny nor confirm that. She didn't know what was going on between them, she only knew one sight of things and not the other.

"Obviously he is somehow interested. I don't think he'd give you hopes if he wasn't. Grizz isn't that type of guy."  
"Well, do you know him? Do you even know who he is hanging out with?"  
Sam shortly glanced over at Grizz who was sitting with his friends like he always did.  
"No, I guess I don't. But from what he seems like to me, I feel like he's a really nice guy and he wouldn't play games with you," Becca justified herself, trying to calm Sam down. He puckered his lips, poking in his food on the tray.

"Hey, if you feel unsure about it, just take it slow. Just wait for his approaches and attempts to get closer to you, unless you don't want ..."  
"No no, you're right. He is really really nice, more than just that," Sam interrupted. Becca smirked, knowing her best friend was really slowly catching some intense feelings for this boy, even if he had huge reasonable doubts.  
"Thank you," he whispered before concentrating on his lunch again.

Meanwhile Grizz was sitting a couple of tables away from the two, talking to his friends about the upcoming game that night. However, he sometimes trailed off towards Sam, watching him as he signed to Becca. He wasn't able to understand anything besides some words like football, guy and friends. Grizz was sure, he was talking to her about the game as soon as he understood the meaning of the signs.  
Sam had taught him several more interesting words at the meetings they had before, as Grizz asked for more knowledge about the language. He was quick at remembering them, like he always has.

"Guys, I asked Erika to the party and guess who's going out with her now?" Jason mentioned happily during their conversation.  
Clark and Jason congratulated him on his new possible interest and Grizz joined in.  
"That was fast dude, but great," Luke noted as Jason had mentioned her two weeks ago for the first time  
"Grizz, what about you? Any girls in sight yet?" Clark asked stupidly as always.  
He had already sensed a question like this, especially from Clark.

"No, going to concentrate on the big game tonight first," he digressed quickly.  
"I've heard Olivia is into you dude, Gwen told me," Clark explained. Grizz just shrugged his shoulders, not really sure what to think about her. But he still didn't want to sound suspicious to his friends again. Sooner or later they would find his secret out, if he continued like this.  
"Yeah, she's cute. I guess we'll see what happens." His friends were happy after his response, continuing to talk about their strategies and the game.

Maybe Grizz really found Olivia cute, but that was it. He didn't find her, or girls in generall, attractive in a romantic way. More or less he would not want to be in a relationship with them.  
The only person he really found attractive and handsome in that moment was the ginger sitting across the cafeteria, signing to Becca. Grizz would have wished to just walk over to him and kiss him again. Obviously that would have never happened.

☾°✩↴

Before Sam attended the game the next day, he agreed to texting Becca as soon as the game was over, so she could pick him up to go to the party together. She didn't really want to watch the game and Sam totally comprehended that. After all the ginger only asked her to join him at the party, not at watching the sport as well.  
Even though Sam wasn't really enthusiastic about the game and football as well, he did it for Grizz to prove him that the beginning relationship between them really was important to him.

On his way to the bleachers, he found his cousin Allie and her best friend Will. Instead of wanting to sit alone, he asked the two if he could join them and of course they agreed. Sam had always been good with his cousins, not like with his brother.  
"I usually don't see you around football games, Sam. Are you here to check out some of the hot guys?" Allie joked as she signed to him.  
"Haha, very funny. Just wanted to do something fun to start the weekend, not just sit home alone and do nothing," he lied, not wanting the two to know, of course. He only really trusted Becca with this.

"It's good to see you though, how's everything?" she asked him curiously. Indeed they haven't talked in a long time. They saw each other around school but family wise they haven't really met up anymore like they did when everyone was younger.  
"Pretty good, schools quite annoying though. But besides that, nothing special."  
"Yeah same here. Cassandra is the one with the interesting life, not me. You've heard about the play coming up, right?"

"I'm also taking part in it, _Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead_ is it's name" Will threw into the conversation as he listened to what Allie was saying.  
"Yes, I did. Cassandra is taking a lead role I heard?" Sam responded.  
"Yeah, she is. Captain of the debate team and student council president obviously wasn't enough for her!" The three laughed before they noticed the game had started.

Immediately as all the players walked in, Sam recognized Grizz, even though his face was barely visible. He could easily tell him from all the other guys apart, just by his body. Did he really examine him that exactly these last couple of weeks?

Grizz looked around the mass of viewers that gathered to watch the West Ham Centurions and their opponent play against each other.  
He quickly got a motivation boost as he spotted the familiar ginger in the crowd, clapping and cheering at them. He couldn't appreciate his presence and beautiful smile more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing a lot from Sams perspective because it is somehow easier for me to relate. I have no clue about Grizz and his friends and how they are talking with each other literally! So sorry if it seems like they are only pressuring Grizz which they do but obviously they talk about other stuff with him too. I just need this particular storyline for the rest of the story :)
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter after their date!! Let me know what you think <3


	16. ✩ More vulnerable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15 recap: After Sam and Grizz finally had their first kiss, Grizz asks Sam to come to the football game and the party the next day, which Sam agrees to. Sam still has some doubts about all of this, however he still tells Becca everything about the date asks her to join him at the party (not the game), therefore agreeing on Grizz not wanting his friends to know anything. At the end of the chapter, the football game begins and Sam shortly unites with Allie and Will.

Even though Sam barely had an idea of football, he had found Grizz, who he had examined during the whole game, extremely good at his one passion. He was indeed one of the best players on the team, having a good chance for a scholarship after school.  
It was a tight game the two teams had played but West Ham won and it was no other than Grizz who scored the final goal again. 23 to 24 for the Centurions.  
Sam had never felt this proud of him before, clapping and cheering the best as he could with the crowd while hoping the jock would notice him.

Grizz did notice the ginger being his fan, probably his best one. The whole team literally jumped onto each other, especially Grizz, hugging and cheering for their win. They were as happy as never before, throwing their gear to the ground and screaming in happiness. Not a single thing could ruin this beautiful moment for the boys.  
As they had somehow let him breathe again, he immediately searched for Sam again with his eyes, spotting him next to Allie and Will. Even from far away, Grizz thought he looked beautiful with that blue flannel button-up and his winter jacket, smiling in the most decent way.

As soon as the crowd on the bleachers started to dissolve slowly, Sam said goodbye to Allie and Will who were about to head home before waiting for Grizz to pass him downstairs.  
He waited next to the bleachers while the whole football team walked by him, not seeming to notice him anyways. The jock was the last one to stay on the field, drinking something to stay hydrated.  
Sam approached him after shortly texting Becca to pick him up and as soon as everyone else was gone. He knew Grizz liked staying on the field for a bit after a game to get his mind of of everything before plunging into the party world again.

"You really came," Grizz smiled as he noticed the ginger to his side.  
"I keep my promises and I really wanted to see you play. You were amazing," he answered while coming closer to the boy who was sweating. However Sam still found him really attractive in that moment with his strains of hair hanging loose into his face.  
"Thank you, it was a tight game though." While talking he had always tried to use as much signs as he knew to help Sam understand him better. If he only knew how much he apprechiated that.

"But you scored the last goal again, like last time. That's truly amazing, although I have no clue about football," Sam laughed before biting his lip softly.  
"Thanks for showing up, definitely your beautiful aura again who helped me ... or us win."  
Flirting definitely became one of Grizz's favorite way to communicate with the ginger. He definitely didn't dismiss it.  
"Surely must have been that, not your talent at all," he teased back, making them both smile even more.

Adrenaline was rushing through Grizz's veins, not only because of the game he had just won, more because of the person standing in front of him. The urge of just pressing his lips against his grew bigger again but he couldn't do it. Way too many viewers were still on the bleacher they were standing in front of and nobody should know about them in generall.  
For a moment, the two were caught into each others eyes, not being able to get out one single word. Luckily Sam caught his thoughts and interrupted the silence. Otherwise they would have been obvious to everyone around, a lot of people probably had noticed them already anyways.

"Should we go now?"  
"Uh ... yeah yeah let's go. Is Becca picking you up?" Grizz asked while taking his helmet and bottle. Sam nodded.  
"I just texted her, she should be here in a couple of minutes."  
"I gotta go change and shower quickly now ... so just text me when you're at the party alright?" Sam nodded, before Grizz walked towards their changing rooms with a little smile on his face. This felt like the happiest day of his life so far.

☾°✩↴

Luke's house wasn't as big as Harry's but definitely spacy enough for a football game party. Sam and Becca had just arrived at their house as they headed inside from where loud music was blasting out of speakers. He kind of wondered where his parents were, maybe on a business trip. "This is just how I had imagined a party like this," Becca noted to the ginger in sign language as they walked through the large amount of teenagers dancing and talking in the living room. They had found two chairs near a big glass window where they sat down after grabbing something to drink.

"Yeah, full of horny jocks and tightly dressed girls," he joked before taking a sip of the beer that was inside his cup.  
He quickly grabbed his phone, texting Grizz just as he had told him. He wasn't sure though if the jock was already there since he still had to shower and get dressed properly. Luckily Sam didn't have to wait long for an answer.  
 _ **Sam:** I'm at the party now  
 **Grizz:** Just got into my car, be there soon_

The ginger startled slightly as Becca touched his shoulder while he had starred at his phone, concentrated on texting.  
"I'm gonna get us some more drinks, you wait here?" she told him as he noticed her cup already being empty. He nodded in response, sipping out of his almost still full cup.  
Meanwhile Becca got up and made her way through the crowd, looking around if he saw someone she actually wanted to see. And there he was, standing at the provisional bar they had set up. Not wanting to draw the attention to her, she casually walked towards the counter to get some more beer, grabbing two bottles for Sam and herself as she crossed paths with Jason.

"Hey Becca, you're here?" the jock suddenly asked her.  
"Oh, hey uh ... yeah I'm here with Sam," she responded as cold as possible while putting down the bottles on the surface.  
"You wanna play with us later again? You were really good last time," he asked without hesitation. Becca was more than happy about his suggestion, immediately agreeing.  
"Yeah sure, just hit me up then," the small girl responded before taking her drinks and walking away to her best friend again, taking notice of him starring at a particular boy that had entered the party.

"Thanks," Sam mumbled slightly as Becca handed him the bottle. As she sat down next to him, the ginger wasn't able to take his eyes of Grizz who he had just seen arrive through the door.  
"Grizz looks great tonight, don't you think?," Becca teased while signing. She was more than right. With his dark green hoodie, some brown cargo pants and his boots he looked absolutely handsome, his hair up in his characteristic little bun.  
Sam just rolled his eyes, knowing she was trying to nudge him a little.

The first thing Grizz did as he got into Luke's house was trying to find Sam but that was harder than he thought. Even though the ginger kind of stood out because of his hair color, there were so many people dancing and walking around, he just wasn't able to spot anyone close to Sam. He just wanted to make sure he was there and in his field if vision. Indeed he would have loved to be more open about their upcoming relationship between them but he couldn't. He was too afraid of peoples reaction and he didn't feel ready. If he only already knew that he wouldn't tell this his friends for a long time anyways.

As he wasn't able to spot Sam for at least five minutes, he was interrupted by Clark who immediately handed him something to drink. His friend was definitely already drunk, but he was about to be the same in just a couple of minutes.  
Clark pulled him towards Jason, Luke, Harry and some other girls including their girlfriends and Olivia.

The smaller girl was acting quite flirty towards Grizz the whole time, touching his shoulders, arms and back multiple times. But surely the jock didn't feel like responding to any attempts. However, he couldn't help but accept it and play it cool, not wanting his friends to get suspicious about him suddenly not being interested in any kind of girls.

Sam was able to observe Grizz the whole time but he didn't seem to notice. Becca was talking to him but at the same time he tried to not loose the jock in his vision, which seemed pretty hard to him at first. He had to look at Becca to understand her after all. Somehow he still managed to glance at him most of the time.  
Suddenly he noticed this girl he knew from their newspaper class but he couldn't remember her name. She was acting quite flirty in Sam's eyes, making him slightly jealous. Grizz didn't even seem to mind her acting this way. Was this how he acted around girls? Had his doubts just come true? Was he really not into him?

All the doubts in Sam's head suddenly came back, overflowing his brain in the most uncomfortable way.  
He didn't even know what to do. He had just come to this party for Grizz and now he was only talking to his friends. Of course he knew he had to be careful, but he had told him before, he wanted to see him.  
Over an hour passed and nothing happened, Sam was getting quite drunk already as Becca had gotten up multiple times to get them drinks.  
"I'm gonna go talk to Gwen, if that's alright," Becca expressed as she got up after a while. She actually just wanted to see someone else and wanting to play beer pong with some others. Sam nodded, not wanting to keep her from seeing other friends of hers. But from that moment he had been sitting alone, still not knowing what to do.

Grizz had finally noticed Sam sitting at a big window, as Becca walked towards him to talk to Gwen. It had taken him way too long and the ginger already looked quite bored in his opinion.  
While his friends wanted to play some beer pong, Grizz was able to find an excuse to get away from them, wanting to talk to Sam as quickly as possible.

"Hey," Grizz greeted the ginger as he sat next to him on originally Becca's chair. Sam smiled but immediately looked at his beer in his hands again while he moved his leg up and down.  
"Uh ... sorry, it took so long. I was occupied by my friends," he apologized.  
"It's fine, but why did you want me to come anyways? We can't even like talk in front of your friends." He suddenly seemed more pissed than he thought he was, still kind of being jealous somehow.

"I was trying to be nice, I just ... really like your company, you know that," Grizz answered uncertain.  
"You know how amazing your aura is."  
Sam immediately had to grin at their almost insider. He couldn't even count anymore how many times Grizz had already mentioned his aura before.  
"I'm really sorry, it wasn't my intention to let you wait so long really!" the jock apologized again.  
"It's really fine, Grizz. I'm glad we're talking now." Sam took a sip of his beer again.

"Can we talk about uh ... yesterday?" the jock suddenly mentioned. Sam looked him in the eyes, almost falling for him even more just by the colors he saw. And as soon as the memories about the day before jumped into his mind, his heart rate got faster and he blushed a little.  
"You know, I ... really enjoyed what happened," Grizz said shyly and really quiet so nobody could hear them. The music was really loud anyways. Sam bit his lip while nodding slightly. The ginger even enjoyed just the memories so much, he couldn't describe the feelings he had while he had actually kissed him.

"Me too," he mouthed and signed to him not wanting to say it out loud. He lost himself once again in his stunning eyes, but Grizz did too. The tension between them overflow, making the sparks almost really light up.  
"Follow me," Grizz interrupted before getting up and walking towards the stairs.  
Sam did as he instructed him and followed him upstairs into one of the empty bedrooms. The jock was sure he was allowed to go there as he was Luke's best friend.  
He locked the door behind them and turned some of the lights on to get a dim light. And there they were, standing in front of each other, finally alone.

"Can I ask you something?" Sam uttered as he couldn't get this girl out of his head.  
"I saw you with this girl before. She's in my newspaper class. What's her name again?"  
"Oh you mean Olivia? Yeah I was just talking to her," Grizz explained as he got a bit closer to Sam.  
"Didn't seem just like normal talking to me to be honest," the smaller boy mumbled while looking down to the ground. The jock immediately grabbed his shoulders, making him look up again.  
"Don't worry about her okay? My friends made me talk to her but I'm not really interested, promise," he assured him, starring deeply into his eyes.

Even though Sam couldn't avoid his jealousy coming up, he was relieved he felt this way. He started to somehow trust Grizz more and more, as he was sure he was being honest with him in that moment.  
His desire to do something else now grew stronger than all of his other emotions as he was caught in Grizz's eyes and under his warm touch on his shoulders.  
The ginger suddenly signed something. Something he had showed Grizz before.

He looked surprised, knowing he had seen these signs before, exactly remembering the situation.  
"The signs again," Grizz mumbled, "what do they mean now?"  
Sam bit his lip once again, almost too hard at some point out of nervousness. Eventually he had to tell him.  
"I would love to kiss you now."

Grizz didn't hesitate long, moving his hands from Sam's shoulders up to his cheeks. Slowly he leaned in with a slight smile, until their lips once again united and a firework was exploding in both of their stomachs. It was even more beautiful and exciting for both of them than their first kiss. More intimate and more vulnerable than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you all know what I'm planning who the father of Beccas baby is right? Pretty obvious haha  
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed this positive chapter!! <3 Soon things are about to take a big turn ...


	17. ✩ Seemed straight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16 recap: After the game, Sam meets Grizz down on the field, flirting as always. Before they both reconnect at Luke's house, Olivia starts flirting with Grizz and Sam notices. While Becca then plays another beer pong game with Jason and the others, Grizz escpaes his friends and draggs Sam in one of the bedrooms. Grizz reassures that there is nothing Sam needs to worry about, Sam finally tells Grizz the secret meaning behind the signs he did a couple of chapters earlier and they kiss again.

While Grizz and Sam were kissing each other in one of Luke's bedrooms, Becca was playing beer pong again with Jason, Clark, Gwen, Olivia, Luke and Harry. She didn't even know why she wanted to interact with all of them so badly. Maybe it was because the last time had brought her so much joy, maybe it was because she somehow found one of the boys with his brown curls handsome.  
Becca was talented at throwing the ball, she scored almost everytime even as she got drunker and drunker over the time. However, she wasn't willing to stop as it had been so much fun again.

While playing with Jason again and Gwen this time, she was feeling more than welcome in this group of people even though those were usually not the type she would hang out with. But somehow playing with Jason by her side made her happy as he found him really funny and friendly, especially towards her.  
Sadly she noticed Erica by his side, who seemed to be his girlfriend apparently. The relationship must have been new since she hasn't noticed the two being together before.  
Becca had to admit, she felt a bit jealous at the two and she didn't really understand why. She just found him attractive and nice, that was all. If she only knew what would still happen between them.

☾°✩↴

Neither Grizz nor Sam was able to stop himself from pressing his lips against the others. The desire between them grew stronger the more they got closer to each other. It felt too exciting for both of them to be real. It somehow felt like a dream. However that was the reality and both didn't want the moment to end. Sam wrapped his arms around Grizz's neck while the jock pulled him closer by his waist. Not even a piece of paper would still fit between them, their chests touching each other. Both were panting for air, but didn't want the intensity to end.

They both hadn't imagined their kiss to be so intimate, so intense and so affectionate. However, after what seemed like hours they slowly pulled away.  
Sam even kept his eyes closed for a second, making sure this wasn't a realistic dream.  
Grizz shyly looked down to the ginger he was still holding by the waist, the butterflies in his stomach going crazy. The room was completely silent, except for some dull music in the background and their heavy panting.

After some moments Sam's eyes finally met the others, immediately getting caught inside the beautiful color. The first thing he did was smile and the jock quickly replied with some chuckles.  
Before one of them said anything, Sam slowly let his hands glide down Grizz's neck over his chest and rested there.  
"Wow," was the only word the jock could whisper in that moment.  
"Wow," Sam responded while smiling even more.

"So ... I remember you doing these signs before. Were you serious about the first time you showed me? I mean that was like a month ago," Grizz wanted to know curiously. The ginger nodded while biting his lip softly.  
"You could have told me the meaning earlier."  
"I didn't know you felt the same. You've always seemed straight to me, how was I supposed to know? I was so unsure about everything," Sam admitted playfully. He had been insecure about this for a long time and not only because he thought Grizz had a different sexuality but mostly because he had always been a very careful person, according to all the circumstances.

"Me too, trust me. I was probably even more unsure than you," the jock responded while letting go of Sam in order to sit down on the bed next to them. The ginger followed him towards the bed and sat down besides him. He softly grabbed Grizz's hand and started to draw small circles onto his palm with his fingertips.

"So ... what about us now? What are we?" the smaller boy wanted to know, really wanting to start a relationship at this point.  
"I don't know, I just ... I wanna keep this low. Not because I don't like you, because I really really do, but ... because of my friends." Sam was quite devastated by Grizz's response on the one hand but on the one he was able to understand his inner conflict quite well. In the end, Sam couldn't do anything else but agree if he wanted to stay on good tracks with the handsome jock.

"And what do you imagine by _keeping it low_?"  
"Just nothing about this at school. And I really want to see you still, if you want that, too, of course." Sam smiled, nodding while responding to Grizz.  
"Yeah, of course. I really like you too Grizz."  
And in the next moment all they could remember was Sam pressing his lips against Grizz's again, making them smile even more.

☾°✩↴

"What were you doing the whole time? You seem pretty drunk, Becca," Sam mentioned as the two left the house while Becca was struggling to walk properly. "I was playing beer pong," the brunette responded while grabbing Sam's arm. "With who?" "Uh ... do I know their names? Shit." Sam shock his head in amusement, laughing at the fact that his best friend was so drunk she couldn't even remember the names of the people she played with. Maybe she would be able to remember the next day.

"Come on, let's get you to the car," he mumbled, taking hold of Becca and walking her to the car they got to the party with.  
After letting her sit down, he helped buckling her seat belt which reminded him of the last party, where he had driven Grizz home.  
The ginger quickly got into the driver's seat before driving down the streets towards her house.

"Sam?" Becca said as she tapped his leg. He turned his head towards her.  
"You've been with Grizz, yeah?" The ginger nodded, smiling slightly as she had mentioned him.  
"Were you two alone?" she bubbled, barely being able to keep her eyes open anymore.  
"Uh ... yeah." Sam was trying to keep himself as short as possible. Becca probably wouldn't remember the next day anyways.  
"Oh my goodness ... did you guys fuck?" Of course the drunk was asking this, Sam thought to himself but had to laugh at the same time at her being so discret.  
"Oh Becca, we didn't. But I'll tell you about it tomorrow alright? Let's get you home first and you should get some sleep."

Taking care of Becca as best as possible, Sam drove her home and accompanied her until she was laying in her bed, where she fell asleep quickly. But just as he wanted to leave her room, he received a text from Grizz, making him sit down for a second.  
_**Grizz:** hi sam, i wishh u a great nigth. sleep well_  
Sam had to chuckle lightly at Grizz's spelling, which assuambly came from him being drunk. However he found it absolutely adorable that the jock send him a good night text.

Before Sam wanted to leave the party as it had gotten really late already, he spent a couple more minutes with Grizz, almost following the decent urge to just rip his clothes off of him. But as the jock had just told him, he wanted to keep things low, he obviously resisted although he would have loved to.

As Grizz had sent him the text, he was still at the party but just about to leave, because he got way too tired after the little make out session the two had.  
He didn't even care about any mistakes in his message, he just wanted to signalise his feelings towards Sam. He wanted to care for him at all times and protect him more than ever, even if they had to be sneaky about this.  
_**Sam:** you too, sleep tight :)_

☾°✩↴

"Shit," Grizz hastily mumbled as he looked at his phone. 8:21am, he had slept through his alarm. He was already way too late for his last day before the christmas holidays. Two weeks had passed since the football game and their date, however for Grizz it seemed like yesterday. He was able to remember every detail. Not the game but mostly Sam, his beautiful smile and how they had pressed each others lips against one another. They haven't seen each other since, both not having the time because of the many assignments they got before the end of the year.

The jock got dressed and ready for the day as quickly as possible, still wanting to attend his first class although it had already started.  
Quickly driving to school while it snowed, he still made it to his first period without the teacher complaining much about his delay.

There was a reason behind Grizz's delay. He had once again stayed up way too long, firstly texting with Sam and after that searching the perfect book for him. He had decided to give him another one over the holidays to read as he hasn't done that in a long time. They got to know each other through books mostly after all, so why not? As he had found the right one, he even considered giving it to him as a christmas gift. Therefore he still wrapped it in some wrapping paper, which took a long time. Grizz wasn't really good at it and he had to be quiet while doing so, not wanting to wake anyone up.

At lunch, Grizz was with his friends again while eating his food from the tray for the last time that year.  
"Guys, there's a party on new year's eve at Harry's," Clark told everyone as he was looking at his phone.  
"Yo we should all go, how could you possibly spend that day better than with partying?"  
Everyone was agreeing to Clark's suggestion, wanting to spend time with their best friends partying at that special day. Grizz firstly was unsure but shortly agreed after everyone else. Surely he wanted to spend new year's eve with someone else but being with his friends was also a great option.

Grizz glanced over to Sam who was sitting at the table next to theirs for once this time. He usually was more far away with Becca but weirdly the girl was nowhere in sight. She's probably sick, Grizz thought to himself. He would have loved to talk to him, sit next to him and even hug him. Sam unfortunately looked quite lonely to Grizz's eyes.

The ginger felt more nervous than ever sitting so close to the jock just as if he had a crush on him and the two had never met before. However he was slightly smiling as he noticed Grizz looking at him.  
Thinking about him was definitely a distraction for Sam as Becca wasn't able to come to school that day and he was being alone most of the time. She had a cold with some terrible headaches. He was planning on visiting her to bring her something if she needed it later that day anyways. That's what best friends are for.

After finishing his food, Sam got up to bring his tray back to the designated shelf at the end of the cafeteria. Grizz used his chance and followed him with his stuff in the direction he was walking. He slowly touched Sam's shoulders as they had reached the end of the room, not being visible to his friends anymore.  
The ginger startled slightly at the sudden touch but was more than relieved to see the familiar face.

"Hey Grizz," he greeted, blushing lightly at the sight of the handsome jock.  
"Hey," was the only word Grizz got out for a few seconds as he immediately got lost in Sam's beautiful blue eyes. Quickly he caught his thoughts again.  
"Uh ... I wanted to give you something," he said while signing as much as he knew. The ginger was looking confused, scrunching his eyebrows together.

Grizz rummaged in his bag, pulling out the book he had wrapped up and handing it to him.  
"Here, for christmas." Sam was looking quite amazed however confused at the same time.  
"Thank you, but ... I don't have anything for you," he admitted. How could he have been so stupid? Sam hadn't thought about getting Grizz anything and now he wasn't able to give him anything in return, again. The jock was being way too generous about everything already, how could he ever pay him back?

"Oh that's okay, you know me," the jock joked, smiling at the smaller boy.  
"Thank you, really."  
Sam planned on buying something last minute that day and bringing it to Grizz as soon as possible. He would never forgive himself for not giving him anything for the holidays too.

"So ... can we see each other again soon?" the jock asked, being desperate for another date with him.  
"I'd love to, i'm not sure though when I'm free yet. I don't exactly know what my family has planned for the holidays."  
"Okay, just text me then. I'm also busy over christmas, so no worries," Grizz responded. He was more than happy to see Sam again soon, wanting to continue where they stopped at that party two weeks ago.

"Do you have plans for new year's eve yet?" Sam suddenly asked out of the blue.  
"Yeah I'm probably going to a party at night, celebrating 2019 with my friends. What about you?"  
"I was planning on doing something with Becca but I don't know yet," the ginger admitted. His family always celebrated with friends from work, but Sam didn't really like those people his parents were hanging out with. They mostly didn't know how to communicate in a proper way with him and they had made some unintentional jokes about his disability before. They were definitely not humans he wanted to be around.

"Why don't you two join the party, too? I'd love to start the new year with you."  
Sam bit his lip softly while hesitating for a moment, blushing even more. He didn't even know if Becca wanted to go. If necessary the ginger could also go alone but hopefully his best friend would accompany him. Without further thinking, Sam agreed.  
"Yeah, sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it :) Also isn't grizz drunk texting sam the cutest?


	18. ✩ Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17 recap: After Sam and Grizz finish their little make out session on the party, Grizz tells Sam he wants to keep things low and therefore not make anything official. However they do tell that they really like each other. Sam drives the really drunk Becca home at the end.  
> Two weeks later, Grizz's friends plan a party on New Years Eve. But Grizz is way too caught up in looking at Sam, who is alone that day as Becca got sick. Later he sneaks over and hands him a present for Christmas and invites him to that mentioned party.
> 
> **TW: Mentions of blood after first paragraph**

Sam suddenly got nervous after knocking at the door, waiting for a response. He had just arrived at Grizz's house to give him the last-minute present he got him. More specifically it was a poetry book that he hoped Grizz didn't have yet. At that time, it has been released just a couple of weeks ago so he hoped to be lucky enough with his choice. He knew the jock had a lot of books, therefore maybe this hasn't been the best choice but still better than nothing. Sam really had to urge to show Grizz he cared about him.

As the door opened, a woman who Sam identified as Grizz's mother stepped out, surprised of who was standing there. She knew the ginger boy but only because of his mother Lynette. After all she didn't even remember his name.  
"Oh, can I help you?" she asked in a polite way while Sam tried hiding the present in the bag he had brought with him.

"Hi, I'm Sam ... a friend of Grizz. I just wanted to ... give him something he had left the other day," Sam lied with everything he said. He neither wanted to return something, nor was Grizz his friend. Well, maybe they were friends but honestly Sam didn't know.  
The woman wearing long pants and a sweater with her hair up in a bun was looking confused as he heard Sam's voice. Of course she was, she didn't really expect him to be deaf but she luckily immediately recognized it. However, she tried to speak a bit louder at her next sentences even though that didn't help the ginger.

"I'll get Grizz for you," she responded after hesitating shortly, leaving the door open as she left towards the stairs.  
Not long after the jock strolled down the stairs, not believing his eyes as he saw the smaller boy standing at the door. He couldn't hold back a little smile that instantly appeared on his mouth due to the adrenaline suddenly rushing through him. He quickly approached him, leaning against the door frame.

"Sam, what are you doing here?" he asked curiously.  
"I wanted to give you this," the boy responded before searching for the wrapped book, "here."  
Grizz took the present with astonishment, still not realising the situation completely, shaking his head in disbelief.  
"It's your christmas present. I couldn't resist buying something as well, you already did so much for me," Sam explained while looking into his eyes, even though he almost got a bit distracted by his beautiful body dressed in a shirt black and some grey sweatpants only.

"Thank you," was the only words Grizz was able to sign in that moment of amazement and gratefullness, grining at the ginger who couldn't help his lips to curl up, too.  
"Wait, what did you just tell my mum?" Grizz whispered after looki my around slightly, seeing that his mother way not in sight at that moment.  
"We're just friends from school and I brought you something you left." Both raised their eyebrows skeptically.  
"Wow, I wonder why she believed that," Grizz determined.  
"I guess she was quite in shock about my voice honestly." Sam got slightly more quiet as he continued talking about his biggest insecurity.

Grizz loved his voice. For him it sounded perfect in every way and not weird or rough. He would listen to it all day if he could.  
"I never told my mum about you, maybe I should have. I barely tell her anything anymore," Grizz admitted, trying to calm the ginger down.  
"It's okay, I'm used to it." Sam looked down shortly, shouldering his bag properly before continuing to speak.

"However, I hope you like your present. Open it whenever you want, just not before christmas, of course."  
"I won't, although I really, really have to hold myself back," Grizz joked as he demonstratively pulled on the wrapping paper of the presents he was holding.  
"Hey stop!" Sam yelled quietly, trying to stop Grizz's hands from ripping it apart too early. As he did so, his hands met the jocks, resting on them and feeling the warmth he was spreading.

They both looked into each others eyes, caught up in it's colors while their fingers where bonding and crossing with each other the more time went by. It felt like another universe to both of them. However at the same time, they didn't know what this was.  
Grizz wanted to kiss Sam as badly as never before but he couldn't. His mum could catch them at any time as they were still standing at the front door. Luckily no one was around to see the two almost sharing a deep moment together again.

As Grizz was suddenly thrown into reality again, even though he would have loved to be in a different universe with Sam right now, he abruptly pulled his hand and the present away, rubbing his neck in somehow embarrasement. This shouldn't be happening to them in public, at least not yet.  
"Uh ... thank you again, Sam. This means a lot to me."  
The ginger bit his lip softly, curling up his lips and blushing slightly at the little compliment. At the same time he wasn't able to take his eyes of of Grizz.

"I gotta go now, so ... have a great holiday," Sam broke the silence between the two, almost wanting to walk away. However, the jock immediately grabbed his arm, making the ginger turn around again.  
"I'll see you on new years eve then?" Grizz asked again, making sure they would still see each other in 2018. Sam nodded shortly and gave him a smile.  
"Great," Grizz whispered before he left the ginger go, watching him walk away.

"You never told me about Sam, honey," his mother metioned as Grizz walked into the kitchen to get a drink.  
"He's just a friend from school, why would I tell you about that? That's nothing special."  
"I want to know more about your life, you barely talk to me about this stuff anymore." His mother seemed sort of sad as she was talking, wanting to know more about her son's life.  
"Look, I would tell you if something interesting happens. But my life's just the same as always. Lots of training and assignments to do mostly," the jock explained while he was making himself some tea, trying to act as unsuspicious as possible.

"I know, being a senior's quite exhausting. I get it. Just let me be part of your life more okay? You know you can tell me everything. Who you're friends with, how football's going and other things like that," she responded as she headed towards him at the counter, rubbing his back shortly as an motherly act.  
"I will, mum. Love you."  
"Love you too."

☾°✩↴

"Shit," Becca mumbled as she had cut herself in the finger. She was making Sam and her some sandwhiches for dinner after the ginger arrived at her house. Her mother was at her brother's house which left Becca and Sam the whole house to themselves. He had noticed the girl rushing towards the sink, letting the water run over her hand. "You okay?" he asked concerned. "I just cut myself a little. It's fine." "Be careful, I don't want a blood on my sandwhich," Sam joked.

The brunette girl got herself a small band aid before finishing their dinners, cutting tomatoes and the other ingredients, frying the toast and putting it all together.  
"Et voilla," Becca announced as she placed two plates with the finished food in front of Sam.  
"Looks great and ... no blood on it."  
"Idiot," she mumbled as she slightly punshed his arm.

"You're feeling better again? I really missed you at school last week," Sam asked while eating his dinner, signing mostly.  
"Yeah I'm doing better. Not great but no headaches and runy nose anymore at least," she responded, "you know me, I always get sick before christmas."  
That was true, Becca usually got sick before or after christmas as winter approached more and more. She wasn't really susceptible for colds, except in winter. You might think she lays in bed the whole time being sick in these cold days.

"I brought you my notes in the classes we have together, if you need them," Sam offered to her.  
"You're the best." The two had some classes together but not all, as she had chosen different subjects than him at the beginning of the school year. Therefore he didn't mind being alone in class but in the breaks and lunch it was horrible when she was ill. Except this time maybe wasn't as bad as he was able to distract himself with that one particular boy he found so handsome and pretty.

"What are we going to do on new years eve now? Any ideas?" Becca brought up after the two had almost finished their dinner.  
"Uh ... actually, I was thinking about going to a party," Sam suggested, knowing Grizz had invited him and wanting to convince Becca. However, she didn't really look fascinated at first, raising her eyebrows.  
"Really? From who?"  
"Harry, probably. I don't know." He actually had no clue about the location yet. Grizz didn't tell him anything further besides a party was happening.

"Why would you want to go to some random party?" Becca crossed her arms in front of her body.  
"Because we got invited?" Suddenly it made sense to her.  
"Wait ... it was Grizz right?" Sam nodded, feeling caught.  
"He asked me on friday and I may or may not have already said I would go."  
"Yes I will accompany you, if that's what you're asking for. I don't want to spend that day alone anyways."

Becca had again agreed way too fast on his suggestion in his opinion. Why was she being so motivated to party recently? There has to be some reason. Maybe someone she fancied?  
"Who are you and what happened to the old and lame Becca?" Sam asked confused as he scrunched his eyebrows together after finishing his dinner.  
"What? I'm in the mood for going out. It's quite fun actually," she defended herself.

The real reason was actually someone she kind of liked, just a little bit though. That someone had a girlfriend after all. She wouldn't be one of those girls who destroys relationships. However, he couldn't help finding him really attractive and fun to be around with.  
"Doesn't sound like you at all. Sure there isn't something you want to tell me?" Sam teased her.  
"A special someone?" he continued even more as he had only gotten some rolling eyes as an answer.  
"You're such an idiot," she mumbled as she punched him again.

"Come on, Becca. You can tell me everything, you know that. You still love that idiot after all, right?" he grinned, really wanting to know what was on her mind.  
"Oh shut up," she started, "i do love you, though. But there's nothing to tell you anyways."  
Sam shrugged, not wanting to annoy her any longer. He knew she wouldn't tell him this if she didn't want to do it.

"I see. I'm guessing it's someone you fancy but sure if you don't want to tell me that's fine," he continued teasing her, however receiving more light punshes the more he talked.  
After some time, she vaguely told him what was going on.  
"Okay fine, maybe there's someone I like but nothing is gonna happen anyways." Sam didn't really understand what she meant with that but he wouldn't find out more from her anyways. If he only knew who it was that she fancied.

"And that someone is going to those parties, right?" Becca nodded.  
"Well, I guess I'll find out sooner or later who you're talking about. But for now let's start with our tradition."  
The two always watched a christmas movie on the 23th, one day before christmas eve. They couldn't really remember when that tradition started, it just seemed to happen every year. Both of them loved it, always eating cookies and gingerbread while cuddling up in front of the TV.  
At least this was the one thing Sam and Becca were looking forward to on christmas.

☾°✩↴

On christmas eve, Sam and Grizz both visited their town's church in the evening even if it wasn't voluntarly. They both just wanted to make their families happy, following old traditions as they always had. Seeing the small kids of the town replaying the birth of jesus in front of everyone attending the service was kind of amusing to see for both of them. At least this gave them a little more joy to their day.

For Sam it had been the same procedure as every year. Attending church, eating christmas dinner and watching movies with his parents.  
Of course his brother only participated in the dinner aspect of that routine. He neither wanted to attend church nor sit in front of the TV. Not that Sam complained about that though, but he could read it in his parents eye's that they missed their son, not only on christmas. Campbell has always been the scary and psychopath brother to Sam but after all their parents still had him as their first child.

As he was tested with these results, a world broke down for everyone, especially his mother. Although he never tried to hurt them on purpose, at least that's what Lynette and Doug were determining, she still suffered a lot, not only because of Campbell but also because of her second son enduring a physical disability as well.  
Sam had noticed early it hadn't always been easy for her, sometimes catching her cry in their parents bedroom as he was little. Recently it had been better, but surely the pain was still there.  
Keeping up with the family traditions as best as possible was one of the many ways Sam was able to fullfil his mother with the joy she needed more than anything else.

Grizz only had his mother in town, his father living at least 100km away from them. He saw him once a month, sometimes even less but there was nothing appealing on seeing him for Grizz anyways. He had cheated on his mother when he was little, leaving the two as he was seven.  
Therefore he only spent christmas with her, attending church as well as Sam. He somehow liked it, even though he couldn't actually relate to the catholic church. However, he enjoyed the atmosphere of the dim candle light, the cold breeze and everyone singing traditional songs.  
Deep down he was watching out for Sam somehow and was even able to spot him for a second. Sadly he was swallowed by the crowd again after just a couple of seconds but Grizz already felt like on cloud nine again.

After attending the church service, he prepared dinner with his mother. Salmon with grilled veggies and mashed potatoes as the main course and some garlic bread as a side dish is what they had prepared for the two.  
Although Grizz had expected this christmas to be boring and nothing special, his mother was very sweet to him that day.  
Even on boxing day, the jock hadn't expected her to get him that many presents. It was one of those moments where he realized how lucky he was to have a mother like that, even if she would never accept him the was he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is kind of a filler again but I still hope you like it <3 Isn't it cute how they exchanged gifts with each other now? I think it is!!


	19. ✩ Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18 recap: Sam shows up at Grizz's house to give him a christmas present, just like Grizz did before. Sam also meets Grizz mother the first time, obviously only as a friend though.  
> Becca and Sam keep up with their christmas tradition, even though Becca was sick. Sam also asks Becca to join him at the party and Becca immediately agrees, because of a special someone she doesn't reveal.  
> Grizz & Sam celebrate christmas with their families.

New years eve arrived faster than anyone had expected. Christmas went by pretty fast for Grizz and Sam as it hasn't been too bad in both opinions.  
The ginger's parents had just left his house as moments later Becca arrived, dressed in a short dress with tights, boots and a warm jacket on top ready to head to the party.  
In contrast, Sam hadn't gotten ready yet as he somehow had forgotten about it. He had been way too concentrated on the book Grizz gave him as a christmas present, reading it almost all day every day since. It was poetry once again, a genre Sam had learned to love ever since.

He was fascinated by these wise words the poets were able to write. It almost sounded like music to his head, or at least of what he could remember.  
Sometimes those poems seemed like they were speaking out of Sam's soul, always knowing or advising the right things. This almost seemed like magic to him. Maybe also Grizz had purposely chosen the recent books with a lot of love poems in it. That must be the reason those words sounded so familiar to the ginger.

"I'm not going to that party with you dressed like that," was the first thing Becca said as she entered the house.  
"I wasn't planning on going like this," he responded while looking down at his sweatpants and T-Shirt look he was still wearing.  
"Come on, get ready it's almost 8! We'll miss all the good stuff."  
As she said, Sam got dressed as quickly as possible, still leaving the house with Becca punctually as she wanted it.

Both Becca and Sam were somehow nervous but excited at the same time. For the two it was the particular boys they were mostly looking forwards to or maybe also the only thing.

☾°✩↴

"Chug! Chug!" Everyone was chanting at Grizz while he was trying to drink a whole beer can at once. He made a face after he tossed the empty can away. "You're a beast man!" Luke exclaimed as he playfully tapped his hand on his shoulder. Grizz's closest friends had met up once again before the party to get drunk and smoke some weed. Obviously this would all help them to get more in the mood of new years eve.

Even though the jock had thrown up the last time he drank that much at once, he normally was able to drink a lot more than his friends. They always kind of admired that about him.  
"Last one before the party," Clark said and handed everyone the last bottles they had.  
"Yo guys, 2018 is gonna be over soon ... I loved this year," Jason mentioned while sipping his beer.  
"Shit man, that's crazy. Still seems like january to me," Grizz responded while recalling all the memories of that year.

That year had rather started boring for the jock as in the first couple of months he had focused a lot on training and school. But he surely never expected his year to almost turn completely around, finally talking to his crush and getting to know him better. And who would've thought they were actually kind of a thing now? Grizz still couldn't believe how this all had happened.  
"Remember all the parties we went to? So many this year, probably two every month right?"

This was more than accurate. The four had visited lots of parties that year, especially as they normally always had one after a football game, too. Surely those were mostly one of the best times Grizz had that year, spending time with his friends, except Sam of course. That was on a whole different level.  
After finishing their beer, the four of them once again walked to Harry's house which was only a couple of blocks away from Luke's, where they had just gotten drunk and high before.

Sometimes fireworks could be heard on their walk in the cold winter night. Luckily the sky was clear so they would be able to see some of those firecrackers later.  
Arriving at Harry's, the clique immediately went up to the members girlfriends, meaning Erica, Gwen and weirdly Helena who where both standing near the bar.  
While Clark and Jason were occupied with their girls, Grizz was talking to Luke, his girlfriend Helena and her friend Olivia. The two had been together for at least a year already, making them one of the oldest couples at school. However, Helena wasn't usually at those parties so this was kind of odd to Grizz.

"Since when are you going to parties like this?" the jock asked curiously.  
"I wanted to spend the last minutes of this year with Luke, and it's not as bad as I thought it would be," she answered loudly, trying to overtone the loud music coming from speakers all over the living room they were in.  
"I also kind of convinced her," Olivia interfered, standing closer next to Grizz. He just nodded in response, leaning against the wall. Somehow he didn't mind her company but surely wasn't keen on flirting. Unfortunately she was.

☾°✩↴

Meanwhile, Sam and Becca arrived at the big party and headed towards and through the crowd, searching for some place more quiet.  
They found some empty chairs at the end of the room, sitting down there after getting something to drink as well.  
Sam was quite eager on looking for Grizz, but he didn't even know if he was there yet nor did he have a clue on where he could be. The ginger didn't feel like interrupting him with a text either, he was sure he would find him sooner or later that night.

"Remember when you did my algebra homework last year?" Becca said during their conversation.  
"Oh you owe me so much for that," Sam responded, getting a bit drunk already after his second beer.  
"I know I know, I will pay you back one day. I promise with all my heart." Becca almost threw herself to the ground theatrically, promising this to the ginger.  
"Okay okay, come on," Sam laughed before helping her get up to her chair again. Some people probably noticed her little stunt she just did but both didn't care about them. They loved being funny and silly around each other, just how best friends are.

"I'm going to get us some more drinks," Sam offered after a while of more laughing and giggling around with Becca. She nodded towards him before he left of towards the crowd again, heading to the bar where most of the beverages were.  
He kept looking around, trying to find Grizz but couldn't find him for some reason. Where was the jock when he really wanted to see him?

On his way he met Allie who was at the party too, together with Will and her sister Cassandra. The three all greeted Sam.  
"2019 soon, huh? I can't believe this year is over," Allie said while signing.  
"It's crazy right, still seems like january to me!" Sam noted as  
"Remember homecoming? That was an amazing week with you."  
"Agree."  
Sam had spent that homecoming week mostly with his cousins as they were still closer towards the beginning of the year. The four, including Becca, had hung out several times just like they did when they were younger. Sadly after the summer they hadn't really had a chance yet and somehow nobody was keen on asking yet.

"You'll be in that play soon right? Rosenkranzt and Guildenstern?" Sam asked Cassandra who was sipping on a beer bottle.  
"Yes, we're already rehearsing so much. You'll come? Becca could help interpret maybe." Sam nodded. He definitely wanted to see his cousin on stage the last time before she left to Yale. Cassandra had been planning on visiting that college for ages already, and according to her amazing grades he assumed she would be accepted anyways. At least he was praying for his cousins dream to come true.

The three left off after a couple of minutes talking to each other so Sam kept walking again through the dancing teenagers. He wondered about the mass coming that day. He never expected so many of them not wanting to celebrate new years eve with their families. However, he as well was there, not being with his parents so he was just the same as everyone else around.

Just as Sam grabbed two unopened bottles of beer from the counter, he suddenly found what he was looking for the whole night. He saw Grizz with his friends and some girl talking to him. Sam had already seen her once being around the jock.  
He would have loved to just talk to him around his friends but knew he couldn't. Luckily he didn't come any closer in that moment anyways. The next thing Sam saw, made not only his jaw drop but almost the bottles in his hands as well.

☾°✩↴

"You're such a good listener Grizz really, not everyone likes to hear my stories," Olivia estimated as she was coming closer and closer to the jock, obviously flirting with him. He felt more than uncomfortable with this but wasn't trying to show it in front of his friends.  
The girl had just told him about almost all her life but not as she mentioned, Grizz didn't listen at all. He had rather searched for the ginger he was looking for but couldn't find him. He was probably at the other end of the room behind all the crowded people dancing and partying

The jock wanted to leave but couldn't. He never intended to be a jerk after all, just because he didn't like girls in a romantic way. Therefore the only thing he could do in that moment was listen, or not, but at least stay and show interest somehow.  
"Yeah lots of people say that actually," he answered before drinking another sip. He was definitely a bit too drunk to still see everything sharp and clear but he definitely noticed Olivia coming closer again. What was he supposed to do?

Apparently the usual shy girl had turned into more of an extrovert under the influence of alcohol. Most people did but this didn't make it easier for the jock.  
"You look so good tonight Grizz."  
"Uh ... thanks, you too," he responded awkwardly looking down on the 5'5 girl. She was looking even smaller next to Grizz who was a good 6'2. She was looking good to his eyes but just not in that particular way.

"Grizz dude," Luke luckily interrupted the two for a moment, "I'm gonna head upstairs with Helena. Just tell the others if they're looking for me."  
"Yo you're finally gonna have sex?" Grizz whispered quietly not wanting Olivia to think weird stuff.  
Luke had told him about the two not having real sex, just more foreplay. But it was mostly because of Helena's beliefs. Sometimes Grizz admired Luke for being so patient with her as they had already been together for such a long time. From what the others always told each other, sex was really important for them and shouldn't be dismissed in a relationship.

"Maybe, probably not. Just don't come searching for us," he warned him before rushing of with his girlfriend, leaving him and Olivia alone again.  
"What was that about?" she curiously asked, of course.  
"He just told me he was going upstairs," the jock answered shortly as Olivia got closer again.

Grizz didn't exactly catch the next thing she said. He only understood "we" and "upstairs" which was already enough to understand the gist.  
In the next moment, Olivia was leaning towards his face, standing on her tiptoes until she reached him and cupped his face to pull his lips onto hers. In shock, Grizz didn't even pull away for at least a couple of seconds, just going with the flow of her lips. Her lips felt soft and warm but nothing in comparison to Sam's. He didn't feel anything, not even with alcohol pumping through his veins.

His head was starting to scream at him to stop before he finally did.  
"What's wrong?" she immediately asked as she saw his confused face, pulling her hands away.  
"Sorry Olivia ... you're a great girl, okay? It's just ... I'm not looking for someone right now, no offense really," Grizz explained awkwardly and embarrased that he had even just led her on a bit. He somehow felt guilty and sorry for giving her false hopes.  
"Oh ... okay," she mumbled before walking away towards Gwen and Clark.  
He had expected a more harsh reaction but was quite lucky she took it that way. She was probably about to tell Gwen anyways, but he didn't care.

Grizz couldn't pretend to be with her, especially not when he was half way into a serious relationship with Sam, even though they kept everything a secret. He wasn't willing to be with a girl just because his friends forced him to. He would rather make up lies towards his friends than himself. Plus, he could never do that to Sam. He would never want to hurt him.

Unfortunately Grizz did exactly that and not even on purpose. What the jock didn't know was that Sam saw him. He saw how he kissed Olivia.  
Everything the two had build up over the past months suddenly fell apart for Sam. How could he have trusted someone so much? Why did he fell so hard for Grizz in the first place? Was Grizz really just a jerk who wanted to try out his sexuality with Sam? All these questions suddenly ran through his head. But he just needed to get away. Away from him, away from this party.

His eyes filt up with water but he quickly wiped it away, not wanting Becca to notice. He had to tell her he wanted to go, after all he didn't want to leave her alone.  
"Took you quite long ... are you okay?" she immediately asked as he reached her at the chairs.  
"I'm feeling really nauseous, I think I'll go home."  
"Oh okay, you want me to come with you?" Becca asked caringly as she was.  
"No, you can stay here. Have fun, I'll bring you the car tomorrow."

Becca handed him the keys before he quickly went out of the house and ran into the car, the tears building up more and more. His best friend didn't ask any more questions, she must have noticed it was something different Sam wasn't willing to talk about.  
As soon as he shut the door, he started crying and couldn't start driving for at least 10 minutes. Why was this happening to him?  
However the worst thing was, that in the moment Sam had seen the two, Grizz still had no idea where the ginger was. He hadn't noticed him standing there, watching everything. And after he had rejected Olivia, Sam had already left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh well ... I hope you don't all hate me now. But what would be a good story without any drama, right? Poor Sam. I still hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	20. ✩ Why him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19 recap: New year arrives and therefore the party at Harrys'. As Sam arrives with Becca, he can't seem to find Grizz and neither he is able to find Sam. In addition to that, Olivia is flirting a lot with Grizz, which he clearly doesn't want. And the suddenly as Sam is getting some drinks, he witnesses Olivia and Grizz kiss each other. Grizz has no idea that Sam just saw them and rejects Olivia nicely.
> 
>  **TW: Grief** (Sam being sad)

_Grief is like the ocean, it comes  
in waves, ebbing and flowing.  
Sometimes the water is calm,  
and sometimes it is overwhelming.  
All we can do is learn to swim._

☾°✩↴

11:30pm and Sam was still nowhere in sight. Grizz really started to wonder if he even came. He had seen Becca around but sadly not the person he was looking for. However, he didn't want to interrupt the petite brunette from talking to Jason. Since when did the two talk anyways? Did Grizz miss something? He hasn't been much around his friends lately but still wondered since when the two have started communicating.

Grizz felt helpless, shortly before the new year started. Probably because of the alcohol pumping through his blood, he didn't have the idea of texting Sam before. It suddenly came to his mind.  
_**Grizz:** Hey Sam, i can't seem to find you at the party. Where are you?_  
"Yo Grizz, there you are. Only 30 minutes 'til midnight. Let's drink on that," Clark interrupted him after sending the text, handing him another beer and dragging him to the others. They would all be pretty hungover by the next day, that was certain.

Harry, Kelly, Jason and Becca was where he brought him again, after Grizz had caught some fresh air before and had lost his friends.  
The five all chugged a bottle of beer at the same time, Grizz was the fastest of them.  
"Buddy, you're still a monster," Jason exclaimed after finishing second. Becca finished next, followed by Kelly and last but not least Harry who was probably already way to drunk to chug properly.

After a while of chatting with everyone, it was 11:50pm and he still had no answer from Sam. This seemed a bit unusual to Grizz, the ginger usually answered way faster. And as he opened the chat, he even noticed he had been left on read. Why would Sam do that?  
_**Grizz:** sam??_  
He suddenly got nervous and worried. What if something happened to him and he wasn't there? But he had no clue where he was anyways, where should he even search?

After just a couple of moments his message was left on read again. Was Sam ignoring him?  
_**Grizz:** you okay? are you at the party?_  
No answer.  
_**Grizz:** ???_  
Shit, the jock thought. What was going on with Sam? Why did he not answer?  
He couldn't search Harry's whole house now, it was about to turn midnight and he needed to stay with his friends. 11:59pm.

Clark handed everyone another beer before they all counted down the sixty seconds. Grizz put his phone away. What else could he do than text him? He had to wait for an answer, there was nothing else he could do. Spamming him would be more than inappropriate and weird.  
10 ...  
9 ...  
8 ...  
Grizz just couldn't stop thinking about Sam. He would have loved to count this time of the year down with him and not with his friends.  
7 ...  
6 ...  
5 ...

Everyone was chanting the numbers as the big TV showed the live broadcast of the New York, celebrating in the same time zone as them.  
4 ...  
3 ...  
Why was Sam not with him right now? Was he mad at him? But for what?  
2 ...  
1 ...  
"Happy New Year!!!" the whole crowd screamed before everyone sipped on their drinks to celebrate. The music coming from the speakers turned even louder now in the new year of 2019.

 _ **Grizz:** happy new year, even if i'm not with you right now. i wish I could_  
He typed this but deleted most of the message again.  
_**Grizz:** happy new year_ were the only words left of what he had deleted and after pressing send, he decided to wait until the next day. He considered asking Becca but in the end decided not to, as he didn't want his friends to think weird stuff again.  
The ginger reacting this way had a reason after all and he would hopefully know the next day.

☾°✩↴

As soon as Sam got home, he threw himself on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He remained in that position at least for an hour, tears running down his face. But after a while, there was no more liquid left in his eyes to form tears and flow down his rosy cheek.  
How could something hurt so much? Why did it have to be Grizz? Why did he break his trust? And why so suddenly?  
Did he even know Sam was there and saw everything? Was he even aware of the fact he kissed someone else?

The ginger determined, he didn't as Grizz sent him the text. He hasn't seen him at the party but maybe that wasn't too bad. At least he didn't want to see him in that moment anyways. Not the next day and not the next week. At least he could still deal with his grief for another week without going to school. His holidays were not over after all.

Sam ignored Grizz's text. He couldn't find the strength to answer. And what would he tell him anyways at the question of where he was? That he was home, crying on his bed? Surely not.  
His thoughts were almost killing him, running through his head, seeming to almost run him over. He just wondered why. Why did Grizz do that? Why did he do it to him? Why did he find him so attractive? Why has he been so nice to Sam the past weeks and now this? Why did he even fall for the jock in the first place? Why him?  
Long story short, he didn't know the answer.

And even as the clock said 0:00, he still didn't. Even less as Grizz texted him again and wished a happy new year.  
What a great start into 2019, Sam thought while still starring at the ceiling above him.  
Sam needed someone to talk to about this, he couldn't hide it the whole time, pretending this didn't happen. Maybe his best friend knew an answer.  
_**Sam:** can you come over this afternoon?  
**Becca:** yes sure, i'll text you before! you okay?  
**Sam:** i'll tell you then. I just need you asap please  
**Becca:** promised!!_

☾°✩↴

Tears were slowly running down his face while he was hugging his smaller best friend as tight as possible. She immediately came, as soon as she woke up around lunch time on the first day of the new year. He had briefly told her what happened before he had started crying again. "Fuck Sam I am so sorry," Becca said after letting go of him. "I didn't know Grizz was such a jerk. I always thought he was so sweet to you from what you've told me." Sam thought the same. He indeed had always been so humble and nice to the ginger, he just couldn't understand it.

"Me neither. I don't know what to believe anymore right now," Sam responded while letting himself fall down onto his bed.  
"Maybe everything he told me was just ... a fucking lie."  
"I really don't get it. Why would he get so close to you and suddenly kiss someone else? Who was it again?"  
"I think her name is Olivia."  
Sam rubbed his palms nervously, trying to hold back his emotions a little bit at least.  
"All the time ... I'm just wondering _why_. Why _me_? Why _him_?"

Becca tilted her head, listening to Sam's thoughts as exactly as possible.  
"Why did I even trust him, Becca? Why?" His voice broke, his eyes filling with tears again.  
"Hey Sam, heads up. He's clearly not the right person for you if he's acting like that. The way he treated was good for you, and no wonder you fell for him. But sometimes people aren't what they seem to be. I'm really sorry you have to endure this right now," Becca tried cheering him up.  
"Eventually it will get better, alright? You don't have to see him for a week now anyways. Enough time to slowly forget him, okay? Next time I'll see him, I'll just punsh him in the face like a badass."

Sam chuckled at the thought of small Becca punshing Grizz. She wouldn't even reach his head, that's how big their height difference was.  
"Thank you ... but you don't have to punsh him. It's fine. I don't even think he knows that I saw him."  
"Really?"  
"The texts he send me ... they were kind of suspicious, look." Sam pulled out his phone, going through all the messages Grizz had sent him that night and showing them to Becca. The words he said really suggested he had no idea about Sam knowing about his secret kiss.

"Yeah, you're right. And you didn't speak at all at the party?"  
"No, I got us some drinks remember? I met Allie and Cassandra on my way, that's why I took so long. But after I grabbed the drinks, I saw him standing a bit more far away and ... you know. I just wanted to get away," Sam explained to her in detail.  
"I knew something was off as soon as you came back. I should have come with you before, I'm really sorry." Becca grabbed Sam's hand slightly and squeezed it for comfort.  
"You don't have to apologize. I really wanted to be alone in that moment anyways. Just had to progress a lot I guess," he pointed out, "but thank you, for being so supportive."

Becca had to smile at Sam's kind words. Of course she cared and tried to be there for him as best as possible. That was the least she could do after all the times he did the same to her, especially after all this dilema with her mother started.  
"Of course," she smiled at him even more.  
"That's what best friends are for. And honestly, I'm always open for gossip about your love life."  
"Oh shut up," Sam mumbled chuckling. The brunette was more than happy to see the ginger already smiling again.

"How are you feeling? Hungover, huh?" Sam suddenly changed topics.  
"Kinda having a pretty bad headache actually. But I took some medicine before heading to you," she explained.  
"I'm wondering who got you home this time. Obviously you didn't walk, right?" Becca shrugged.  
"I did actually, but I had good company."  
Thinking about the evening, she had to grin slightly. It was actually the boy she somehow fancied who had walked her home.  
"Please don't tell me it was Grizz."  
"No no, not quite."

She suddenly got unsure and hesitated if she should tell him about Jason as she had kept it a secret so far.  
"It was actually Jason, he was willing to accompany me home. Said it would be too unsafe to go alone and it was 3am so ..." she still explained.  
"Jason, huh? You played beer pong with him before right?"  
Becca nodded in response.  
"Well ... he's never really been nice to me so, should I be worried?" Sam wondered.  
"Oh no, it's fine. He's really kind to me at least."

It didn't made sense for Sam in the first place and he couldn't connect the pieces. Her playing beer pong with him, him walking her home and that secret crush he knew about weren't fitting together in his head. Why would she have a crush on someone with a girlfriend anyways? That wouldn't correspond with her basic value of loyalty at all.  
"At least something positive about him," the ginger added.

"Becca?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What should I do now with Grizz? Ignores his texts? Not speak to him in class after the holidays?"  
Becca shortly hesitated again, thinking about the best solution.  
"I don't know, depending on what he says I guess. He probably doesn't deserve enlightenment but you should eventually tell him what you saw. I think he doesn't know you did. Maybe there is an explanation behind it?"  
Sam curled his lips, biting them for a second.  
"Maybe ... but even if there is an explanation, how could I ever trust him again? How could I not think about his lips kissing someone else?" His voice broke down at the end of the sentence, again.

☾°✩↴

Grizz woke up from the most terrible dream to the most terrible headache at around 1pm. He had dreamt about Sam, being with someone else and mocking him for cheating on him while the two were almost close to an relationship. He couldn't help but loose a tear at the thought of this. Grizz indeed felt terrible about the kiss he had shared with someone else. He didn't want this to happen, but it still did. He could have avoided it for Sam in the first place. But of course the jock had been too afraid in front of his friends, almost like he wanted to proof he wasn't gay although he definitely was.

To his unfavor, Sam ignored him too and he had no idea why. He couldn't have heard about that kiss or even seen it. Grizz thought he hadn't even been to that party after all. Maybe he had changed his mind last minute and let Becca go alone. It all seemed so weird to him.  
The more important question was, what he could do to get at least an answer. Maybe trying to text again would help that.

 _ **Grizz:** hey sam, you okay and awake?_  
This was the most simple text he had ever sent to him and it was so not his type to text that way. Grizz would usually write something more philosophically, especially to Sam. But this was different. He didn't want to seem clingy. He just really really liked the ginger and wanted to know why he had left him on read the whole time that night.

The jock waited at least an hour stalking his phone but the message never seemed to be read by him. Sam must have been busy with something, or still asleep. That was probably unlikely though, he knew the ginger wasn't the type of human to sleep long until the afternoon.  
After getting a bit distracted by some movie, his phone finally buzzed after two more hours. A message from him. As Grizz read it, didn't know if he should be relieved about the text or cry because of it's content.  
_**Sam:** i'm not okay_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Grizz Grizz Grizz. He really kind of fucked up, didn't he? But he doesn't even know why Sam ignores him, which is kinda unfair of Sam. What do you guys think?  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter <3


	21. ✩ The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 recap: Grizz has no clue about what Sam had just witnessed. Therefore he is texting him but gets left on read all the time. The next day, Becca calms Sam down and is the supportive friend he needs in that moment. In the end Grizz texts him again, asking if he is okay and Sam answers, he is not.

Maybe it was good that the ginger finally answered him. But what he was about to tell him wouldn't make Grizz's mood brighten up.  
_**Grizz:** shit, why? what happened?  
**Sam:** oh you don't know? drank too much huh?_  
The jock wondered why he was being so snippy towards him. However, somehow it slowly made sense but not quite enough for him to realise just yet.

_**Grizz:** what are you talking about?  
**Sam:** remember your little escapade? that's what I'm talking about._  
It suddenly clicked. Shit. He knew about it. But how? Who told him? Why would anyone tell him? Maybe Becca did it?  
_**Grizz:** wait, how do you know about that?_  
Message read.  
For a moment Sam hesitated to tell him the truth. The truth that he saw him. The truth that hurted more to him than a lie would. And Grizz would probably be more hurt by the truth too.

_**Sam:** I saw you  
**Grizz:** fuck really???  
**Sam:** why would I lie about that  
**Grizz:** look, it's not what it seemed like okay? It was just a kiss, it didn't mean anything  
**Sam:** seemed like you were obviously flirting with her to me to be honest  
**Grizz:** it was the opposite I swear! can we please talk about this in person?  
**Sam:** no  
**Grizz:** please, i need to explain this!  
**Sam:** i don't want to know and I don't want to see you either!_

These words hurted Grizz more than anything he had ever felt before. His heart suddenly broke into a million pieces, just like Sam's had a couple of hours before.  
The strong affection between the two was suddenly completely gone. Grizz couldn't even respond anymore, he was too weak. All he wanted to do was lay in his bed and cry. He did.

How would he ever make up for this? Sam needed to know what exactly happened and that it was never his attention to kiss Olivia. But what if he would never accept his apology anyways? What if the kiss was enough for him to be angry at Grizz forever?  
He just felt terrible.

☾°✩↴

The first week of the year slowly passed by and school was about to start again. Neither Grizz nor Sam had texted the other person yet, not wanting to or being way too afraid to do so. Surely both had typed something in the message box before but deleted it every time after rereading everything. It seemed senseless to both of them in the end.

Sam's broken feelings held him back from asking about what happened. He just concluded everything from what he saw and it made sense to him.  
Grizz was scared as he wasn't willing to annoy Sam more than he already had apparently. He clearly told him he didn't want to see him and he would have to respect that. Sometimes during that week he had considered showing up to his house, but what would his parents and especially campbell think? His brother really shouldn't know about this. Secondly he didn't even know if he would be home.

The ginger had met up with Becca a couple of times, her always trying to comfort him as best as possible about Grizz. He had wasted his thoughts way too much on him in her opinion. But she could definitely comprehed the feeling of being in love.  
Moreover, Sam was definitely way over the point of just liking him. He had started to love him. But after that event, he wasn't sure what he felt anymore or what his heart longed for. He didn't know anything.

On monday morning Sam was woken up by his alarm, immediately feeling tired after opening his eyes. He hadn't been able to fall asleep that night and stayed up until 2am at least, thinking about the day ahead of him. How would he react to seeing Grizz? Would he talk to Sam? Would he even make any effort?  
With only 4 hours of sleep, he was sure he wouldn't keep up in class.

Grizz's morning wasn't any different. He had gotten the same amount of sleep, probably even less than Sam. How would it feel to see him again? Would he even look at him? Would he talk to Grizz? Would he still give him a chance to explain himself? All those questions had kept him awake that night.  
A coffee would hopefully help his tiredness temporarily at least. Indeed Grizz drank not one but almost three coffees to keep him somehow awake.

Becca was already waiting for Sam at his locker before class, but the ginger wasn't in the mood of talking or signing much even though he had nothing against her.  
"You look like you just crawled out of a grave," the girl acknowledged as she noticed his baggy eyes and pale skin.  
"Well, thank you," Sam rolled his eyes ironically, grabbing the needed stuff out of his locker.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Are you okay?"  
"I'm not, thanks for asking though."  
"You need anything?"  
"Please just give me a fever or something so I can stay away from this hell."

Becca sighed at this sight of her best friend being so devastated and almost depressed looking. He didn't deserve to feel like this, especially not because of a ridiculous boy.  
"Hey, heads up. Maybe you won't see Grizz today anyway, our school is big enough to avoid someone if you want to," she tried cheering him up somehow but it didn't work out. Sam slammed his locker door.

"I have english later, remember? I will definitely see him, except he's ill today."  
"Shit, forgot about that," Becca mumbled. Sam really was tensed up and annoyed at everything she said, even though he didn't want to be. His angry emotions seemed to show to the people he loved most. He would most definitely regret his behaviour afterwards.  
"Then just ignore him and don't talk, act like you're invisible," she suggested a different solution. However Sam only shrugged, not talking about anything further and walking towards his first class.

The first four periods seemed to go by as slowly as never before and both Sam any Grizz almost really fell asleep this time. However, 5th period arrived faster than expected.  
Sam was already sitting at his desk, doodling inside of his composition book as Grizz entered the classroom. Even though he couldn't hear it, he immediately saw him from the corner of his eyes.  
But as Sam looked up, the jock didn't seem to notice as he was looking away into a different direction. In reality Grizz had examined him clearly enough before he had lifted his head. He'd never felt this nervous in his life before.

The class would have passed by peacefully without any look exchanging between the two but there was an unexpected turn.  
"So for our next project, we will elaborate a few more poems in detail. You will have to work with a partner for this and present your results in two weeks in front of the class. And of course you'll get a grade based on your presentation and collaboration," their english teacher Mrs.Thompson explained. Everyone was already looking around, trying to find a partner for this project but the teacher had other plans.  
"And I will assign your partner this time. We all know last time didn't work out!" Loud groaning from the students immediately broke out.

The last time their class had to do a project in pairs, they ended up having two groups of three people and one person working alone. Indeed Sam was the one having to work alone, but at that time he didn't mind.  
Now he would have to work with someone. He just really hoped it wouldn't be someone he barely knew nor Grizz.  
Mrs.Thompson sat down at her desk, going through the list of the students.

"Okay let's see ... the first pair will be Kelly Aldrich and Harper Jackson," she started naming the pairs, always choosing a person from the top half of the alphabetical list and matching them with someone from the bottom half. As Sam's surname was Eliot, he was mentioned pretty early in the game.  
"Sam Eliot with ..." The ginger was praying for it not to be Grizz, but fate didn't mean well to him.  
"Grizz Visser."

Sam inhaled sharply, knowing he would have to talk to Grizz for this now. He wouldn't risk getting a bad grade, neither did the jock.  
He slowly turned his head around, finally meeting his eyes who were inspecting the ginger already. Not as usual, he couldn't smile. He didn't feel any joy coming with this. Sam just wanted to cry again.  
Why him?

Grizz couldn't help but laugh slightly ironically at this. How was it possible that out of 30 people he would get paired up with Sam? Was that really what fate was about? He didn't know what to think.  
Grizz as well couldn't feel positive emotions along with this. It seemed like an opportunity to him to finally explain to him what happened. But what if Sam didn't want to listen? What if he wouldn't want to know? What if he could never forgive the jock?

The thought of talking to him scared him. Not because he had a terrifying personality, quite the opposite actually. More because he had no idea how Sam would deal with this and how he would act towards him after all of what had happened.  
However, he also considered his own feelings. Could he even work with him without having these irresistible urges? Would he even be able to concentrate? Would they get a good grade?

After english was over, Grizz slowly packed his stuff while observing Sam who was about to head to their teacher. Everyone else had already left as the jock stood up to leave the class. He tried overhearing the conversation between the ginger and Mrs.Thompson even though he somehow wanted to get away.

"Mr.Eliot, I assigned you with Mr.Visser because he is one of my best students this year. He'll be able to help you for sure," she explained to Sam who was nervously holding on to his bag, looking quite nervous.  
"I'm uh ... just not really on good ..." Sam started to further explain but was interrupted by none other than Grizz himself who got closer to the two.  
"I will help Sam as best as possible with this assignment Mrs.Thompson."

The teacher was impressed by Grizz's sign language skills he was using during his speech. She had no idea he knew how to sign.  
Sam on the other hand just starred at him blankly, swallowing the lump in his throat.  
"No need to worry then, Mr.Eliot. You'll be in best hands with him," she was smiling towards them.  
However, the ginger couldn't bare it any longer. He just wanted to get away. Immediately after nodding and taking a deep breath, he rushed out of the classroom, leaving Grizz and his teacher behind. Worst school day ever.

☾°✩↴

"I'm not joking. I literally have to work with him on this poem project," Sam complained to Becca during lunch. "Sure you can't switch partners?" "No I already asked, but Mrs.Thompson thought he would be the best choice for me as he's one of the best in class." "I think your luck is on vacation right now, bathing in the sun while you have to suffer," Becca joked before eating some of her salad. The ginger chuckled while picturing her statement.

"Have you already talked to him about the project though?"  
"Do I look like I would want to?"  
Becca shrugged.  
"Well you have to do the project after all, or do you want a bad grade?"  
"You sound like Mrs.Thompson. Maybe you should really become a teacher after college," he joked. Becca punshed him slightly on the shoulder, knowing she would never want to become a teacher. She couldn't bare a group of loud teenagers not listening to her anyways.

"Of course I want a good grade, and Grizz probably too. I'll just wait. We still have two weeks to finish it anyway."  
"Don't procrastinate too much, I know you Sam," Becca warned him. The ginger was definitely the type of human to postpone their work if he didn't do it immediately.  
"I know, Becca ... anyways, how are things at home? Your uncle is still coming to visit regularly?" Sam quickly changed the topic, needing distraction from his misfortune.

"Yeah, twice a week at least. It's been pretty good actually. I feel like she's doing a bit better every day," the brunette explained with a relieved tone.  
"She hasn't touched alcohol in at least two or three weeks. She's never made it that long before."  
"Your uncle seems to be a big help then."  
"They've always been pretty close I think. But I'm quite happy this might really change her now. She's even willing to go to a therapist."  
"Wow, that's progressive. I'm still here for you if you need anything," Sam offered to her, to make sure he was still there for her even if he had occupied her often recently.  
"Thank you," she signed back.

☾°✩↴

_Deep calls out to deep.  
Your words ride like a charging force  
and thunder through my chest,  
echoing the ache that burns my soul,  
piercing through my core.  
They seize the center of me,  
yanking the Spirit to the forefront,  
a gravitational force  
connecting us across the void.  
For a fraction of an eternal moment,  
the dim mirror clears.  
All that I thought hidden  
and singular to me, now exposed  
beneath the blazing Light.  
The night becomes bright as the day as  
I step onto the narrow path beside you.  
Truth rumbles within the mountains,  
and roars down the waterfall,  
and whispers upon the wind,  
and resounds within me.  
And oh, to know, to know  
you hear it too._

_\- s. Clark_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grizz now knows what Sam saw and it's not going well between the two. And how will this project work out?  
> Hope you liked this chapter!! <3


	22. ✩ You hear it too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21 recap: Sam explains to Grizz via text that he has seen him kiss Olivia and is furious about it. He makes it clear that he does not want to talk to him.  
> A week passes and school starts again, however Sams plan of avoiding Grizz fails as he gets paired up with him for an english poem project. Becca is again as supportive as she can be while the situation with her mother is also improving.

Fuck this, Grizz thought as he finally pressed the button after at least 20 minutes of consideration. The only thing he could do in this complict situation, is finally ask Sam about the assignment.  
It has been two days since Mrs.Thompson has assigned it to them. Even though the two passed by each other a lot of times, maybe even more often than usual, the ginger avoided eye contact all the time. Everytime Grizz thought he caught his blue eyes, Sam quickly turned his head away. This situation was more than awkward and sad at the same time to both of them.

_**Grizz:** hey sam, just wanted to ask how we should manage this english project together? meet up for it?  
**Sam:** maybe we should do it seperate  
**Grizz:** you're aware that we have to choose a poem, interpret it and then present it to the class together, right? We should at least discuss it once before the presentation  
**Sam:** fine, when?  
**Grizz:** friday after school in the library?  
**Sam:** okay_

The jock was almost shaking from nervousness while texting with Sam. He didn't want to say anything wrong and luckily he didn't. However, he was quite relieved to see him again even if the ginger was probably not willing to communicate much with him during this project. Grizz didn't mind, as long as he could maybe explain to him what had happened and what he had perceived in the wrong way.

The ginger in contrary wasn't as happy as Grizz was. He had absolutely no desire for this meeting even though he secretly might needed his help with the interpretation part of the poem. He's never really been good at reading into things. Honestly why would poets write "eating spaghetti" instead of "sorrows" anyways? That didn't really make any sense to Sam.  
Nevertheless he didn't look forward to friday at all. He would have rather stayed in bed all day.

☾°✩↴

On friday afternoon, Grizz rushed to the library as fast as never before. He didn't really know why, he just didn't want Sam to wait long although he left class earlier than ever. However, as he arrived the ginger wasn't even there yet. He walked towards one of the desks, one where the two had gotten to know each other better the year before, and settled his stuff and himself down. Grizz even checked his phone if Sam had texted him but he didn't. He was basically just a bit early.

Weirdly Sam didn't show up for another 10 minutes although he had seen Becca walk by the windows in the library, meaning his last class was over. Grizz was certain he had his last one with his best friend on friday, as he had told him once. After another 5 minutes had passed, the jock got worried Sam would stood him up. What was taking him so long? Why would he not show up after all? Sam wasn't that type of person, wasn't he?

After a total of 20 minutes, it was finally proven to Grizz that he didn't get stood up by Sam as he saw him rushing through the library door.  
"Sorry for the delay, I still talked to Mr. Langston about a math problem and kind of lost track of time," the ginger excused himself as he sat down at the table.  
"No worries," the jock kept it short. He would have loved to joke around more but he neither wanted Sam to feel uncomfortable nor bothered by his words.  
As he unpacked his things, Grizz couldn't really keep his eyes of him. His feelings for him hadn't passed at all and the butterflies quickly returned to his stomach again. However he knew he had to concentrate on other things now, not on his own needs.

"So uh ... do you have any poem in mind?" Sam asked as he was done fumbling in his bag.  
"I already did some research and I found some good ones actually," he replied as he grabbed his phone and searched for the poems on which he had informed himself.  
"Here, you can read through them and we'll just choose what we both like best."  
Sam carefully read through the four poems Grizz had searched for and found one of the particulary interesting and well writen, even though he didn't get what it meant at first.

_Deep calls out to deep.  
Your words ride like a charging force  
and thunder through my chest,  
echoing the ache that burns my soul,  
piercing through my core.  
They seize the center of me,  
yanking the Spirit to the forefront,  
a gravitational force  
connecting us across the void.  
For a fraction of an eternal moment,  
the dim mirror clears.  
All that I thought hidden  
and singular to me, now exposed  
beneath the blazing Light.  
The night becomes bright as the day as  
I step onto the narrow path beside you.  
Truth rumbles within the mountains,  
and roars down the waterfall,  
and whispers upon the wind,  
and resounds within me.  
And oh, to know, to know  
you hear it too._

"I like this one, sounds well written," Sam told Grizz as he was giving him his phone back.  
"I liked that the most, too. Has a pretty deep meaning behind it actually," he replied while giving him a little smile. However, Sam didn't return it and instead quickly looked to towards his hands.  
"The author is pretty unknown but I guess that will work if we deliver a good interpretation," Grizz added after leaning towards Sam to get his attention again.  
"What should we start with then?" the ginger asked, not quite knowing how to work this out. Reading poetry was one thing, but analysing it was a whole different level.

"Could you write it down so we don't have to look at the small screen all the time?" he suggested and handed Sam his phone once again.  
"I already have some ideas, l'll write them down as well while you copy the poem."  
The two started working on pasting the poem and the ideas down in their notebooks. Sam was trying to focus but couldn't resist checking Grizz out a couple of times, short and subtle. He got fascinated by his concentrated face way too fast. Even after all he had done he couldn't deny a somehow physical attraction towards him. After all he still had feelings for him. However, the things he had done had hurt Sam too much.

"What did you come up with?" the ginger asked after he was done copying everything.  
"I already had some ideas for the interpretation in mind, for example what the author meant with the comparison to nature," Grizz explained interested. He could have talked even more, but surely didn't want to annoy Sam with the motivation boost he suddenly had. He loved doing these kind of assignments.  
Sam rose his eyebrows, not having any idea what the nature in the authors poem could mean.

"Sorry, was I ... talking too fast?" the jock asked unsure of his own behaviour.  
"No no, uh ... it's just that interpretations are not really my specialty," he confessed shyly to him.  
"Oh ... that's not a big deal. I'll help you with it. I would say it's my specialty," Grizz smiled at Sam. This time he even returned it.

The ginger still noticed there was something between them. It was subtle and small but it was there. That's what kept Sam from not just fleeing from the library but staying and finishing their work. Grizz was willing to help Sam, even after what had happened. It's because he still had feelings for him. They never went away. How could they, after just a week?

However, Sam asked himself why Grizz did what he did. Why did he cheat on him with that girl? All these thoughts couldn't escape his mind and especially not the exact scene from the party. How he had caught Grizz talking with that girl and suddenly just kissed her. It broke his heart over and over again.  
Even if Sam had small sympathy for him on the one side, he still wouldn't forgive him for what he did. Not yet.

☾°✩↴

"So you think the nature comparison stands for the acing of truth of their souls? Why would he write it like that?" Sam questioned after they had nearly spend two hours working on the poem, analysing it as much as possible. "That's the power of poetry. Everything is encrypted in magical words," Grizz exaggerated funnily while bursting his hand on his chest.

"Now you already sound like a poet yourself! I think we should leave it at that for today," Sam complained before yawning slightly. The work has definitely made not only him but his opponent tired as well.  
"Yeah, we still have over a week until it's due. We're done with almost everything anyways."

Grizz had enjoyed their little studying session but couldn't just leave it at that. He wanted to explain everything. He needed to.  
"Hey Sam," he interrupted the ginger from packing his stuff, "uh ... what happened on new years, it really wasn't what it looked like." The smaller boy turned towards him, looking quite doubtful.  
"I didn't mean to kiss her, I really didn't. She just came so close and ... what I'm trying to say is ... I know I hurt you and I can't express how sorry I am. I really am."

Sam got close to tears but didn't want Grizz to notice. Maybe he did feel guilty about it, but this couldn't undo the fact he had done what he had.  
He was barely able to talk, Sam words sounded raucous.  
"What do you expect me to say now?"  
"Nothing, I just ... I wanted to tell you the truth without any misunderstandings. Because I still care about you, Sam."

It was too much for Sam, a tear running down his cheek while swallowing the big lump in his throat. Suddenly he packed the rest of his stuff and was about to leave.  
"I accept your apology, but it still hurt what you did. I trusted you ... and you were the first person I really liked," Sam explained, his emotions almost overwhelming him.  
"You kissing that girl ... it came out of nowhere. We were so close before and I had such an amazing time with you. So why did you do that Grizz?" His voice broke down at the end, more tears crawling up his eyes.

Silence. The jock had lost his words too, not even really knowing an answer. He hadn't really expect such a long answer from him anyways. He thought Sam would have just stormed off. Grizz couldn't find the right words, opening his mouth but shutting it again before any sounds could escape his lips.  
"I should go now, we can text about the project then," Sam told him before leaving, supressing the tears. All Grizz could do was letting his his head sink into his hands and internally slap himself.

☾°✩↴

"To sum everything up, Sam and I believe that the metaphor behind this poem is all about love and it's downsides. The heartbreak and untold truths that rumble between two people serve as a build-up to the open end. The reader does not gain insight into a clear ending. So it is open for different interpretations but we chose the desire of the lyrical I being the hope for a better chance with the person it loves," Grizz ended the presentation in front of the whole class. Sam was sitting besides him to assist with the power point he had made.

"Thank you so much boys. What a great poem choice! If there are no more questions, you can go back to your seats and we'll continue with the next presentation," Mrs.Thompson announced shortly after the whole class had applauded for the two.  
While Sam was closing the program on the computer, Grizz shortly came up to him.  
"You were great, we'll surely get a good grade," he whispered but emphasized the movements of his lips while signing the words he knew.  
"Thank you, you too," the ginger responded with a light smile.

The two had not seen each other again after their last and only meeting. Neither of them was in the mood to see the other and let the situation end awkwardly again.  
Instead they rather texted a lot due to the project. Not like before though, the content of these messages were only about the poem, the distribution of the assignments and the power point that Sam did.  
While Grizz had been working on most of the interpretation part, the ginger dealt with stylistic devices and background information about the author.

During the presentation, Sam didn't have to talk but sign everything he had in mind. Becca was with him, interpreting everthing for the class. Their parents had made this arrangement with the headmaster a while ago, so Sam would be allowed to have Becca with him while doing tasks where a lot of talking was essential. This way, he felt more comfortable signing with her than with a random interpreter. In addition to that, the school didn't have to pay any money for the interpreter as well.  
"You were great, this will definitely be an A!" Becca signed to him him shortly before she already had to leave the class again. Even though Sam had thought the presentation had been quite bad, he was quite happy about the positive reactions he got.

After the class had ended, the two were kept in by Mrs.Thompson in order to receive their grade.  
"You two did a really good job. I loved the poem you chose and the different interpretative approaches you introduced. There is really nothing to complain about. You two definitely worked great together. I'll give you an A+ on this, really good job."  
The two were quite amazed by their outcome of their work. Grizz had assumed the grade would be good but not that good.

As the two walked out of the classroom, Grizz couldn't hold back another approach.  
"Look, I told you we would nail this. We're a great team."  
"Yeah ... agree. Even Mrs.Thompson noticed that."  
Grizz felt somewhat relieved the presentation was over. But what about the two? Would they just start ignoring each other again?

"Look, Sam," the jock started, "I know, you're probably still angry at me and I know you don't trust me anymore. I just wanted to respond to your question you had asked me the last time."  
The ginger slightly raised his eyebrows.  
"What question?"  
"Why I kissed that girl. Well, I don't know. There could be a lot of reasons. It was honestly just a really dumb action that I did. I maybe felt pressured by my friends you know ... but it still doesn't justify what I did to you. I'm sorry."

Grizz sobbed for a second and looked around him before continuing his speech.  
"I just need to know what you feel about us, if there even is a us."  
Sam hesitated for a moment. He didn't really know what exactly he wanted. All he knew was that he saw that girl kissing Grizz in his mind every time he laid his eyes on his soft lips. All he knew is that his heart broke over and over again, every time he looked into his beautiful eyes. He maybe had forgiven him, but the pain was still there and way too much for him to bare.

"I think ... it would be better if uh ... we would stay away from each other on a normal basis. Just like classmates."  
Grizz's heart dropped even though he had expected an answer like this. He could only imagine how Sam must have felt about all this.  
"Okay, classmates then," he responded before walking of, having to hold back some tears once again.

Neither of them knew this would be the last time they would talk to and interact with each other for an extended period of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That probably didn't go as you might have expected right? Was Sam's decision the right one? Is cutting off Grizz out of his life really an option? I guess you'll find out soon!  
> Also I am really sorry about this horrible poem interpretation but I really wanted to include some of the presentation as I needed to show how good of a team they are. Also Becca interpreting for Sam is probably not a real thing that is allowed but oh well, let's pretend that in this reality it is!  
> Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it!! <3


	23. ✩ In another life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 22 recap: Sam and Grizz meet up to do the poem assignment and Sam somehow grows a little bit of sympathy for Grizz. However, he can not forgive him yet as it still hurts a lot. They both receive a good mark on their presentation but decide to go separate paths from now on, only as classmates.

_We will see  
Each other  
Again._

_If not in this  
Life, then  
In another._

☾°✩↴

Four lingering months passed by in West Ham. School had been as boring as always and everyone lived their normal lives in the months of spring.  
While others like Becca had a better time than ever, the ginger and the jock hadn't spoken to each other since the poem project.  
Neither for Sam nor for Grizz was the grief they both had to deal with easy. While one had to accept the pain and memories that came with just seeing the person they were still in love with, the other tried to get the other out of their head as best as possible but rather failed then succeeded.

Grizz regreted the things he did on the new years party as much as he never sorrowed about any of his past actions before. Guilt was overwhelming him, especially for a certain period of time after they had agreed to take seperate ways again. Thoughts like _he had messed the whole relationship up and he destroyed everything_ crossed his mind almost daily.  
After a while though, the pain got less and less. Sam didn't pop up into his mind as often as before, mostly only when he saw him down the hallway or in class.

And by the end of april and the beginning of may, he maybe thought about him maybe twice a week without feeling much pain.  
Maybe he'd just gotten used to it and was numb by it at that point. Everytime he just concentrated a little more on the ginger, he still felt the butterflies in his stomach even after all the time that has passed by. He couldn't help it.  
Maybe the two parting was the better decision at that moment but secretly Grizz prayed for Sam to come back to him in the future. He couldn't imagine never feeling his soft lips again.

As hard as Sam tried the first couple of weeks, he couldn't forget everything that happened. Everytime he saw Grizz, all the beautiful memories came upon his mind but were ruined by the new years party immediately. He just couldn't get that picture out of his mind.  
Becca was there for him most of the time, comforting him as often as possible. Luckily she was having a rather positive life at that period of time since her mother got better every day and she had made some good company with others. She was even willing to visit some parties by her own, without Sam's company. That was definitely something out of her comfortzone. She was still living her best life.

As the time passed by, the gingers pain and malaise faded slowly. Just like Grizz, he learnt to deal with everything on good terms, rather remembering the things that happened between them as a good experience than a bad one.  
With him having enough time to think about everything, he started to believe Grizz's statements about the event. Maybe it was true that he felt a lot of pressure by his friends. Sam could only imagine how crazy they all must be about girls, even though he never really experienced a conversation between them. Jason, Luke and Clark were basically the biggest stereotype of high school jocks after all.

Sam was realizing that his actions were somehow justifiable but obviously to some extent not. He had still cheated on him in some ways, even if that girl kissed him first. He could have stopped it, before anything like that would have happened in the first place.  
However, the ginger forgave him the more time passed by. But he couldn't tell him. He hadn't felt the urge to text him, especially not in the first couple of weeks. With the pain slowly going away, the feelings for Grizz seemed to vanish as well. So why would he text him?

In reality they didn't really vanish. They never did. They were just like a lost memory in his brain that had to be reactivated to be felt again. And sometimes that happened in school or in the hallways as soon as he concentrated a little more on Grizz as usual.

After four months, both had almost forgotten about the other during their daily routine. However, sometimes when they were alone and not distracted by anything, old feelings slightly flared up again.

☾°✩↴

At the beginning of may, the play Cassandra, Harry and some of the others took part in, had it's debue. A couple of days after, a school trip to the woods for the teenagers had been arranged. This should be the last trip for all the seniors of West Ham High School and at least the last one until the next semester for everyone else. Everyone was quite happy to get away from their parents for 10 days.

All the students and parents met up on the green by the church where the busses were waiting for them.  
After Sam had hugged his parents and said his goodbyes, he wanted to reassure his brother Campbell had everything he needed. However the only response he got was him showing his middle finger. That was pretty typical for Campbell and Sam had already gotten used to it.  
"You got everything?" Becca asked Sam shortly before entering the bus. He nodded in response, entering the vehicle and searching for a free seat for him and his best friend in the middle of the bus.

"All right, last one for a week. We don't wanna start a forest fire," Grizz told Jason, Clark and Luke while walking towards the green. He meant the joint he had in his hand, sharing it with everyone.  
"Hey, what's that?" Luke acknowledged as they walked past a church wall.  
"Graffiti," Clark answered stupidly.  
"Yeah I know it's graffiti, man, but when was the last time you guys saw graffiti in this town?"  
"About three seconds ago."

As Grizz took a closer look, he recognized the meaning behind it immediately.  
"It's the writing on the wall."  
"Yeah, no duh," Clark exclaimed, again having no clue.  
"That's what it's called. The writing on the wall. From the Bible, the Book of Daniel. _Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin_."  
"Why do you always know shit I don't know?"

"It's nonesense," Jason added after pulling on the joint.  
"It's Hebrew. It means, you've been weighed in the balance and found wanting," Grizz further explained.  
"No, it means someone was definitely fucking high last night," Clark added before rushing off towards the bus.  
However, Grizz thought this graffiti was kind of weird and odd, especially in their small town.

After getting into the bus, it didn't take long until they finally took off. Everyone had a great time, fooling around and being happy about escaping their parents for some time.  
Of course Sam and Grizz noticed each other but rather payed little attention to the other. However, spending over a week with the boy he once had feelings for, and probably still had at the time, was quite worrying to Sam. He wouldn't spend much time with him anyways but alone the thought of having to look at him felt scary and somehow uneasy.

As nightime approached and the trip would still take a while, everyone fell asleep even during a storm that was happening around them. The busses were driving through the pouring rain and thunder banging around them.  
Suddenly as the lights in the busses turned on and the bus driver shouted something, everyone got woken up.  
"Change of plans. Rock slides, the road is closed. You're back home."

"I think we're back home," Becca signed to Sam who was looking rather confused.  
"You think so?"  
"Yeah."  
This seemed weird to Sam at first but he didn't think more about it before getting of the bus. However, things were about to get even more weird.  
Not a single parent or sibling awaited them, they were standing all alone on the green. Even the busses left without any further information.

The first thing everyone did was text or call their parents, but nobody answered. Were they all asleep?  
"It just keeps ringing," Becca signed to Sam after trying to call her mom.  
From everyones look and reactions he considered it went the same for everyone.  
"Well, I'm going home," Campbell exclaimed.  
"You're not going to wait for me?" Sam asked his brother but instead of answering him he just chuckled, walking off without him.

Everyone else soon followed Campbells approach, walking to their own homes and looking for their parents. They all assumed they would just be asleep at first. But not shortly after they arrived home and nobody answered, they noticed something must be off. Where were their parents and siblings?  
In addition to that, all their messages were green, meaning they had no data. Some assumed this had something to do with the ongoing thunderstorm.

The teenagers were only able to text with each other which lead to a massive text message chaos on their phone.  
Cassandra had decided to bring everyone together to not have this unofficial communication between them. She was trying to calm everyone down, to find a solution.  
"Hey, who decided we needed a flash mob?" Grizz asked towards everyone as he arrived in front of the church.  
"I did," Cassandra answered him.  
"What the fuck, Cassandra?"  
"Better than 200 people sending texts. Has anyone been able to reach anyone?"

As Becca met Sam again, she immediately translated for him about what the others were talking.  
"No one?" Cassandra implied baffled as everyone gave her a clear no.  
"Okay, well there's ... there's ... definitely a simple explanation. Uh ... they were evacuated after we left. And there was a miscommunication and we were brought back here by mistake."  
"Someone would still answer a phone," Kelly denied.  
"Maybe they're asleep. I don't know maybe there's some place with no reception. They're in a shelter with no reception or something."

"This is nonsense," Becca signed to Sam in quiet, "Why would they get evacuated?"  
"No idea," the ginger replied.  
"In the morning, someone will answer a phone," Cassandra tried to calm everyone down.  
"Maybe it's not safe for us to be here, if they all left," Elle interrupted.  
"A couple hours isn't gonna make a difference. We'll figure this all out in the morning. Right now we should all just ... go home."

Everyone was really confused, wanting to know what was happening to them. Why was nobody there? Why did no one answer a phone?  
And while everyone was talking to each other, Jason and Clark made a discovery.  
"The fuckin' church is open!" Jason screamed into the crowd and immediately a lot of people followed his lead.

☾°✩↴

While everyone was partying, Becca fell into her old habits again. She started filming the party, documenting everything. She had this feeling in her gut that something was going on. "What are you doing?" Sam signed to her while she was pointing her phone at the crowd. "I can't sign and shoot at the same time." "Why don't you join in? You were more into parties last month." Becca rolled her eyes before she stopped shooting with her phone. "Well, not anymore."

Grizz and his friends drank so much, Clark and him went to pee outside the church.  
"Once it was so cold, my pee froze on the way down," Clark told the other who was definitely too drunk to even stand straight.  
"Oh I wish I'd been there," he answered playfully before he noticed something weird about the surrounding he was in.

"It's gone."  
"What?"  
"The writing on the wall, it's gone."  
"Yeah of course it is. They cleaned it up. This is West Ham. It's ugly, it's gone."  
With the alcohol pumping through his blood, Grizz quickly forgot about it again but he would definitely be reminded again the next morning.

As the two walked into the church again, he noticed Sam sitting with Becca on one of the benches, even with a little bit of a blurry vision.  
He looked more attractive to him than ever in a long time. However, this probably seemed to be the fault of the beverages he had drank before.  
He would have loved to talk to him but he knew he couldn't. He would have loved to keep in touch with him but he knew he couldn't. He just wished they would talk again.  
Even though he had recently forgotten about him mostly, they were still feelings hiding inside him that were ready to be exposed again if he kept starring at the ginger boy. But before keeping an eye on him even longer, he was pulled away by Clark.

☾°✩↴

While some had stayed up all night partying, Grizz had gotten tired and went home during the night. However, he was woken up by a phone call around 10am in the morning which was definitely too early after that night of partying. It was Luke wanting to drive to the next town to get help as they were still no signs of life from their parents. He quickly got up and made his way to Harry who drove Clark, Luke and Grizz towards the next town.

"Okay, so as a rule, the more bizarre a thing seems, the less mysterious it is. It's Arthur Conan Doyle?" Grizz explained to Clark who was no idea what he was talking about again.  
"You know this shit?" he told towards Luke who was having the worst headache lunching in his seat next to Harry who was driving.  
"No. I don't know this shit."  
"How about Sherlock Holmes? The point is, there's an explanation for everything."  
"What does that have to do with the Arthur Conan Boyle dude?" Clark asked.  
"It's Doyle and you're hopeless."

He definitely didn't have a change to explain this to Clark. That jock was definitely not as intellectual as Grizz was.  
"Oh ... oh shit," Harry suddenly expressed with a worrying tone in his voice as they reached the end of the town. The street suddenly ended into deep forest and was blocked, so they couldn't get through.  
"What the fuck is going on?"  
Harry even got out of his car, wondering what was in front of them. Was this even real?

But as this wasn't the only way out of West Ham, they quickly drove towards the bridge with the train rails going beneath it. However, even those were blocked by forest. And every other street that normally lead out of the town was no longer free and usable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this time skip probably came a bit fast but I hope you still enjoy the upcoming plotline! I guess everyone who has watched the show knows ever single word in this chapter :D But this was more just a filler for now, the next chapter will be a bit more about Grizz and Sam again :)  
> Don't worry, I'm only following the exact plot with everything else besides the two. There will definitely be lots of changes in their interactions and also way earlier then in the show


	24. ✩ No civilization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 23 recap: 4 months time skip. Grizz and Sam haven't talked with each other since then. Even if the pain was big in the beginning, it slowly faded.  
> A class trip to the woods happens but weirdly they never land there. Instead all the kids are taken to their town again but without any parents. And as they want to go and look for help, they notice that there is nothing but dense forest around them.
> 
> **TW: Mentions of death & guns**

"I mean, there's only so many options," Gordie replied to Luke, Helena, Harry, Grizz, Clark, Sam, Campbell, Becca, Kelly, Allie and Cassandra standing on the bridge.  
"Maybe we're dreaming. It's the best option," Sam's younger cousin replied.  
"Maybe this is just some elaborate fucking game. Like someone built an exact replica of our town and just put it in the middle of nowhere and if we just walk ... like, this way or that way or any way, eventually we'll get back to the real world," Harry suggested but nobody really thought this theory had any truth inside of it.

"There was a smell, and then it went away and it came back, and the buses came for us," Cassandra interrupted the short silence.  
"You're gonna just work this out, Cassandra? Like some logic problem? I mean, not a flicker of a doubt?" Harry whined. Sam thought there must be a real tension between them, not just like normal rivals. The two hadn't gotten along with each other the whole time they were in high school.

"The world doesn't just turn upside down without a reason. We're not in some play within a play, okay? Clever is not the same thing as true. There is a point to everything, there are answers."  
"That's right. God doesn't just play games with people for fun," Helena interfered who was the most religious person out of the whole group.  
"All right, look, Grizz and I will get a group together and we'll go hike out there through the woods, okay? Like a search party," Luke suggested to Cassandra.  
"Do you think it's safe?"  
"Yeah sure," Grizz replied before looking shortly over to Sam who didn't say anything but sign to Becca.

"We don't know what's out there, how does he know it's safe?" the ginger asked Becca in silence.  
"Grizz probably knows what he's doing. You know how smart he is."  
"Still, what about animals? Does he know what lives deep down in the woods?"  
Becca shrugged.  
"If there's people out there we gotta find them, right? You know, to get help," Luke uttered.

"I'm leaving, I'm hungry," Harry suddenly said as he got up from the front of his car.  
"You're leaving?"  
"Yeah I got a house with a refrigerator with food inside of it and I'm gonna eat it Allie."  
"You can't just leave."  
"Well, what are we supposed to do instead?"  
"We have to figure out what is happening to us," Cassandra stressed.  
"You're not student council president anymore."  
"God you really, really need to get over that Harry," Sam's cousin almost screamed in annoyance.

He agreed with Cassandra in every point. They should find out what was happening to them.  
After Harry asked Kelly to come with him and she refused, he left without her but Clark. Grizz and Luke kept talking about the planned expedition that day while Sam and Becca were thinking about what they could do next.  
"Hey maybe we could go to the town hall later? Check if there's any clues," the brunette suggested to him.  
"Okay sure. I'll tell Cassandra."

After doing so and wanting to leave like everyone else, he remembered Grizz and that expedition. Although they haven't talked in months, he still wanted to make sure everything would work out on this trip. Sam had always been a bit careful when it came to spontaneous trips or matters.  
"I'll be right back," the ginger signed to Becca before approaching his still secret crush. And although he was standing with his best friend, this was his only chance to talk to him.

While Grizz was talking to Luke about some people who were already willing to join them, he felt a tap on his shoulder.  
"Hey Grizz," Sam said shyly.  
"Hey, uh ... be right back," the jock told Luke before walking a couple of feet away from everyone.  
"What's the matter?"  
"I just wanted to make sure you're safe on this trip. You never know what's out there, you know."  
"Oh we will, don't worry. I know some good survival skills," Grizz replied with a little smile on his face.  
However, that was the only thing Sam said before rushing off towards Cassandra.

"Dude, since when are you two talking?" Luke asked curiously as soon as Grizz returned.  
"We have ... or had english together and we did a project a while ago. He just asked me about the little search party we're doing."  
Luckily Luke didn't ask any further questions nor got suspicious about it. However, Grizz sometimes thought that he out of his whole friend group could be the only one to accept him for who he is. Especially if there would be anything between Sam and him again in the future, he firstly considered telling it Luke before anyone else. But obviously he didn't know if he'd ever get back together with Sam. That was something the future would decide for them.

☾°✩↴

While Grizz, Luke, Gwen, Blake and Olivia were in the middle of their expedition and the sun was already setting down, Sam and Becca went to the town hall as agreed. "I want to know why we're here. Why? And why this place is exactly like home? And the lights still go on? And our cell phones still work." "What if there is no why? What if it just is?" the ginger replied in sign language only. "No, I don't accept that. We've been kidnapped ... or rescued or something. I mean, there's a story here. People don't just disappear."

Beccas lips were too indistinct to read for Sam so he clapped on the table twice.  
"I can't hear you."  
"People don't just disappear," she repeated.  
"Apparently they do. You go missing, you go deaf for no reason. You're looking for answers. There are none. Doesn't this prove that?"  
"No. No I ... I don't accept that. You know what? Something happened yesterday ... I have to find out why. Don't you want to as well?"

Sam sighed as he thought about it more.  
"Of course I want to. But this seems all so weird and unusual. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow."  
"Yeah right, I just hope our parents show up. Don't know how but the least we can do is hope," Becca replied while sitting down.  
"There are lots of documents here. We could go through them, check for some clues where our parents are maybe ... or where we are," Sam suggested after looking around the room they were in.  
"Yeah sure ... but not today. I just got a text from Helena. The expedition group is probably coming back."

☾°✩↴

"Anything?" Cassandra asked Helena who was trying to call her boyfriend. "He's not answering. Neither is Grizz." "They must be headed back here. That's why he wanted us together," Harry added. "So fast, twelve hours. Maybe they found something," Kelly was positive about it. "Or maybe they found nothing. Why wouldn't he say if it was good news?" Helena answered snappy.

"Listen. Hey, listen up. Listen up," Cassandra shouted towards the full church benches.  
"While we're all here, together, there are some things that we ought to figure out. Before we rip this place apart and maybe ... you know, start hurting each other. I don't know what the hell is going on. Maybe Luke will come back with some good news."  
"Maybe? Of course he will," Elle, a ballet dancer interrupted.  
"Yeah why don't we just wait and see, Cassandra?" Harry added, like he always had.

"Because I would rather prepare for the worst before the worst happens."  
"What does prepare mean?"  
"I don't know specifically, but I think it means we agree not to just take things when we want. Until all the food is gone and we starve."  
Mumble broke out across the crowd. While a lot of people agreed with her, some were still not happy about Cassandra trying to make up rules. Harry was one of them.

"This is bullshit."  
"Jesus, man what is your problem?" Will interrupted.  
"What are we agreeing to, Cassandra? Which one of us gets to decide who gets what? Your friend?" Harry pointed at Sam and Becca.  
"It's called democracy," the brunette replied to him.  
"I'm not a fucking idiot."  
"How do you want to decide things, Harry?" Cassandra took over the conversation again.

Sam found it rather annoying that Harry was being such an idiot about it. Cassandra was right about the food sharing.  
"How do you want to decide things? Every person for themselves? Then we're back to where we started. Maybe you want to flip a coin to see who decides? You don't like democracy? How about random fucking chance? Call it Harry, call it." Cassandra pulled a coin out of her pocket showing it to everyone.  
"I'm ... I'm not gonna do that."  
"Okay okay, i'll call it for you. You get heads."

Cassandra started flipping the coin, landing on tails the first time.  
"Still think it's unfair? Best two out of three."  
The second time she flipped it, it landed on tails again. And the third time as well. Harry got somehow suspicious. The chance of the coin landing three times on the same side was pretty small.  
"Do it again."  
And the fourth time it was tails again. And the fifth time. And the sixth time. Everyone was starring at the two in disbelief. What was going on with that coin?

"Heads," Cassandra whispered after the seventh time. Everyone sighed out of relief.  
"It's all up to us. There's no civilization here, not until we start one. So what are we gonna do? First I think we have no choice but to share. Share food, share resources."  
"Houses?"  
"Maybe."  
"Fuck you."  
"Really? How much electricity do we have? Until it's all used up and everything goes dark? I think 225 people in 200 houses doesn't make sense," Allie supported her sister.

"Keep what's ours," a random boy shouted from the crowd.  
"What is yours? Do you have money? Who you gonna pay? The things that you need to live, food, clothes, the stuff in stores, no one owns them."  
"Are we going to fight each other over food? That's fucking crazy," Will determined.  
"That's because you have nothing. And some of us have things that others want. Right Will? Like houses? Or girlfriends." Harry added snappy once again, disagreeing with everything.

"Right Harry, I have no house. The place that I used to live in is outside of town, it doesn't exist. You want me to just live on the streets?"  
"You can live wherever you want. Just not with me," Harry laughed.  
"You can stay with us," Allie offered to Will.  
"I don't have to listen to this. Not anymore."  
"Harry, this has nothing to do with you and me ..."

Suddenly a gun was shot. Everyone immediately screamed and tried to hide. Sam quickly grabbed Becca and pulled her to the floor, covering her with his arm.  
It was of course Campbell who had shot the gun in the air.  
"Well, fuck this," he exclaimed.  
"Harry's right. No one elected you king, cousin. Did anybody vote for her? Did they? Anybody elect her to speak on your behalf? No?"

"I ... I don't want to be king," Cassandra said cautious while standing up from her shelter.  
"That's not what it looks like. Is it?" In this moment Campbell pointed the gun towards her. Allie quickly ran in front of her to protect her from their cousin. Sam would have gotten up as well, he knew how his brother was. However he was too afraid. He knew what Campbell was capable of doing. He would shoot him.

"I've thought a lot about dying. I've almost gotten used to that. But I don't like to be afraid. Do you want chaos? Fucking shoot me."  
Campbell chuckled spiteful before slowly putting his gun down. Again everyone sighed a bit in relief even though the gun was still in his hands.  
"I don't want to shoot you. Wanted to get everybody's attention. This meeting's obviously over. We'll be back when Luke gets here. Until then, if anybody else is tired of listening to her, you can follow me."

Harry immediately got up with some others following him. The rich boy somehow forced Kelly to join him, even though she probably didn't want it.  
But as they all left towards the church entrance, the door opened and the expedition group entered.  
Everyone gasped and backed away, making space for them to walk to the front of the church. Luke was carrying Emily on his arm but her limbs were dangling down. Immediately it was clear, that she was dead.

The tense situation before was now fully gone and immediately turned into shock and grief. Especially Luke and Grizz's faces were blank, no emotions in sight as they walked through the crowd towards the table to lay her down.  
"Somebody clear that table," Luke mumbled out of breath before Grizz, Sam, Becca and Elle rushed over to push all the beer bottles and cans away that were still left over from the party the day before.

Sam shortly caught Grizz's eyes. They seemed lifeless, not full of joy as they had been when they went on their secret dates. This wasn't him. However, he was aware that he had seen Emily die. It must have been a terrible experience.  
Everything was quiet, nobody even wanted to breathe. How did this all happen? Why did someone have to die?  
"She died from a snake bite," Luke told everyone with a raspy voice.  
"Her whole body just shut down. We did everything we could, but we couldn't save her."  
"So we're gonna bury her tomorrow, before it starts to smell," Grizz added straight forward.  
"So I'm gonna need a couple of guys. Clark?"  
"Yeah, no problem."

"There's nothing out there, guys. Just a whole bunch of ... just woods that go on forever. We're all alone. This isn't our home," Luke explained before sitting down.  
Sam stepped forward to Emily and internally prayed for her, said goodbye. He knew her pretty well from freshman year as they had done some projects together. Although they had lost contact, it was still someone he once knew.

He couldn't do this any longer. He just wanted to go home. However as he wanted to walk out of the church, his brother stopped him.  
"Hey, don't come home tonight."  
"It's my house, too," Sam claimed.  
"Ever since you were born, I never had just one day that was mine, until now. Alright, give me the key you little fag."  
"No."  
"Give me the key," Campbell demanded as he grabbed the gingers neck and pulled him aggressively towards him.

Sam gave up by giving him the keys and walking away, tears running down his check. He didn't have the nerves to deal with Campbell right now. He just wanted to get away.  
This couldn't get any worse, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you probably noticed, I am mostly not changing the scenes. I'm just adding some text at the end of the conversation or change some lines but the plot stays the same, except for Sam and Grizz obviously but you'll see more of that in the next chapter I promise!! But hey, they finally talked to each other again :D  
> Hope you enjoyed it!


	25. ✩ Trust me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 24 recap: Grizz and Luke plan a little expedition into the woods to look if anything is out there. However, Emily one of their friend dies because of a snakebite. Meanwhile Sam and Becca search the townhall and visit a meeting in the church where Harry and Cassandra start a discussion. Campbell scares everyone with a gun, takes the attention towards him but is soon interrupted by Grizz and his search party who bring back Emily's body.
> 
> **TW: Mentions of death**

A couple of days later it was still the same. No parents and no siblings in sight. Maybe some still hoped but a lot of people just gave up.  
While Becca and Sam slowly started to investigate all the town documents, Grizz was more kept in his sadness he still felt about Emily. He had never imagined it would be that hard to bare a persons death. He hasn't even been close to the girl, however seeing someone die would be something he would never forget. This was the reality.

He and his friends had burried Emily a day after her death with a little commemoration for everyone to visit. They set up a cross out of sticks and placed candles, stuffed animals, drawings, etc. around her grave. Grizz visited it every day. Sometimes Gwen and Luke joined him but he mostly liked being alone at such a place.

Six days after her funeral, the jock was once again sitting on the bench near her grave by the church. The sun was already setting down, coloring the sky in a light orange and red tone.  
After Sam and Becca had managed the piles they had planned to go through, he was on his way home, walking along the church. He thought he was alone in the streets, no one else was in sight. However as he looked closer around him he noticed someone very familiar sitting with his back towards him on a bench near Emily's grave in the evening sunlight.

Hesitant at first, the ginger slowly approached the scenery. He didn't even know why exactly he went to talk to him. Maybe he just wanted to make sure he's doing fine.  
Grizz turned his head around as he heard familiar footsteps coming closer and was more than surprised to see it was Sam. However, he didn't say anything. The facial expression he had said more than a million words.

Quietly Sam sat next to him on the bench, glancing towards the grave. At least for two minutes, he didn't say anything. Neither did Grizz. It wasn't one if those awkward silence situations. It was more of a reliefed one. Although the jock wanted to be alone, Sam was the only person he wanted to be with in that moment if he had to choose one. He was quite happy he was there. Nevertheless, the smaller boy broke the silence after a while.

"I knew her from freshmen year, you know. We did lots of projects together ... just like we did once."  
The ginger wasn't completely sure if that would loosen the sad feelings that Grizz must have felt but at least he could try.  
"Really? I didn't know you two were close," the jock answered to Sam's relief.  
"Not really anymore. Lost contact over the time. But ... she's always been nice to me, not like everyone else," he explained further.

"I should have listened to you honestly. This wouldn't have happened if I ..." the jock sobbed.  
"Hey ... I'm sure you did the best you could. And everyone else as well. There was nothing we could do, we weren't prepared for any of this. Nobody knew about snakes in Massachusets."  
Grizz bit his lip, wiping away a tear that ran across his check.  
"It's not your fault, okay? I never want you think like that."  
"Okay ... thank you," the jock mumbled while swallowing a lumb in his throat.

The two sat quietly for another while, being thankful for each others company in that moment. Even though the two weren't on good terms recently, maybe Sam would be able to forgive him for what he did. Maybe someday he would. He was still hurt but that was as marginal as ever.  
As for Grizz, his feelings for Sam grew stronger again. He didn't really want that, but he had no other choice. He secretly still hoped for a reunion of the two.

"Sam?" Grizz broke the silence this time, tapping on his shoulder. His opponent nodded.  
"Why are you suddenly talking to me again?"  
"I ... I was worried about you. How you felt ... and stuff after what happened," Sam stuttered.  
"Really?" He nodded once again.  
"Yeah ... of course."  
Grizz had never been that vulnerable towards anyone before. Nobody has ever seen him cry or be sad in any way. Barely even his mother. But with this, he knew he could trust Sam. He was still the person he would share his thoughts and feelings with, even if he knew Sam didn't really trust him anymore.

"Do you think we'll be stuck in here forever? It's been five days and ... those woods ... you can't just escape them," Grizz worried.  
"I don't know," Sam answered, "We'll just have to wait and see ... I guess. Gotta make the best out of it."  
"Yeah, right."  
"Yeah."  
And suddenly they both gave each other a short smile which filled Grizz's stomach with more butterflies. Sam couldn't deny he felt quite the same.

☾°✩↴

The next few days, the ginger saw him again and again, sitting at the bench by Emily's grave. He couldn't resist approaching and talking to him. He really longed for it, even though all of this stupid shit has happened. Even after eight days, there was still no way out of that place and the hopes sank more and more. Sam was sure they would still spend a lot of time in this replica of their town.

Talking to Grizz almost felt normal again, just like before their confrontation. It felt indescribable good to both of them. The jock was relieved to have Sam as a person he could talk to about everything, even about his sadness and what he had to go through the days before. He was his little sunshine on a rainy day every time he came around to visit those few days.

On the eighth day after Emily had passed away, Sam had met him in the early evening as the sun was setting down once again. They were discussing the current situation they were in.  
"Besides the blocked roads, nothing has really changed right? Like the sun still goes down and rises again, time works the same and weather as well," Grizz acknowledged.  
"Not exactly though. The smell is gone," Sam added. The weird smell had slowly invaded West Ham in February. Nobody knew what it was or where it came from. And it sometimes had vanished but come back quickly. However, the ginger had noticed early that the smell wasn't there anymore.

"Yeah ... you're right. I haven't noticed until now."  
"Becca and I have been going through documents of the town but haven't found anything important yet. Just bills and stuff." Sam shrugged.  
"I hope you will find something though. I'm pretty curious on what's going on."  
"I'll let you know ... but please don't spread it around. Cassandra advised us not to make a big deal out of it."  
"I won't, don't worry. You can trust me with that."

Sam chuckled slightly about the irony of that statement. Obviously he trusted Grizz with stuff like that but not with feelings. However, it still sounded funny to him.  
"Can I though?" The ginger raised it's eyebrows.  
"Yeah ... of course. I mean ... that has nothing do with ... uh ..." Grizz stuttered.  
"I know, I'm just joking."  
The jock scratched his neck nervously while blushing slightly. How was he already getting so nervous around him again?

"Sam?" Grizz asked after a short calming silence. The ginger nodded.  
"Thank you ... for being there the last couple of days. I really apprechiate that, especially as we haven't really talked for months really."  
The ginger smiled at him.  
"Of course. That's what friends do right?"  
"You think we're friends after what I did?"  
"Yeah. Why shouldn't we?"  
"I kind of thought you would never want to talk to me again or ... have any kind of relationship with me."  
Sam sighed, feeling a bit guilty Grizz had these thoughts.

"Honestly, yeah that was my mindset for a long time. But things change and a lot of time has passed. I forgave you. Maybe it still hurts a bit but I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life at all."  
Grizz couldn't hold his smile back that appeared on his face. He didn't believe these words just came out of Sam's mouth.  
"Friends it is then."  
"Friends it is."

☾°✩↴

_For ten days now, we've locked ourselves in our houses and cried ourselves to sleep. Asked, "What is this place that looks like home?" and, "why are we here?". What we know for certain is that the sun came up not too long ago at 5:41am which is how it should be, heading towards the summer solstice. But at the train station the 7:10 to New York never arrived. Neither did the 7:25. No trains arrived yesterday. Or the day before. Or the day before that. Some people believed that we would wake up from this, and the dream would be over and that everything would again be like it was before. Ten days is a long time to believe that. But the sun just keeps coming up every day, and you can't cry forever. You have to put your shoes on, you have to eat, you have to have hope. Don't you? Because who knows? Maybe tomorrow._

☾°✩↴

As Campbell had kicked him out of the house, Sam was able to sleep at the Pressman's house together with Becca. She had decided to sleep there as well as her house was quite small and she'd rather be with some people instead of no one at night. Luckily they had enough space for everyone. Allie, Cassandra, Gordie, Bean, Becca and Sam were sitting at the kitchen table in the morning, drinking coffee and eating breakfast.

"What happened?" Becca asked who had not been outside that morning.  
"There was a solar eclipse. Funny thing was that Lexie and some others were meditating to recieve some sort of sign," Allie explained to her and Sam.  
"They can't actually believe that they can move the planets and the stars," Cassandra stated.  
"Makes them feel better. Doesn't have to do more than that," Allie responded to her sister while handing Sam and Becca a plate with eggs and toast.

"I hope it works for them. I'd like to find a way to feel better," Bean declared.  
"I like the eggs. Coffee, too. I feel better already," Sam tried cheering the cooks up. It made Gordie smile a bit who had brought him his bevarage before.

"All right, uh, we're headed back to town hall to see what's hidden in those files. Why this place is exactly like home, except with no parents and no smell," Becca stated to everyone.  
"Maybe it was our parents who stank," Allie joked.  
"Oh yeah that would explain it," Cassandra laughed.  
"Parallel universe," Gordie blurted out.  
"Uh we're in a ... a parallel universe. Or ... maybe, I don't know."

Suddenly Will entered the room and interrupted the conversation.  
"Where have you been?" Allie asked her best friend.  
"Scoping out a new house. That big place on Carlyle is empty," he answered while sitting down next to Becca and Bean.  
"The Gerschensons'?"  
"Fuck if I know. It's mine now. Oh, plus, got some new kicks." Will lifted his foot up onto one of the chairs at the kitchen counter.  
"You can't do that," Cassandra expressed with anlittle bit of a bossy tone.

"Why not? My old heel's coming loose."  
"You can't move into someone else's house. Do you want to prove Harry's point, that we can just start taking things from each other?"  
"The place is empty, it's nobodys house."  
"Will," Allie admonished.  
"What? Easy for you to say, you're not fucking homeless."  
"You're not homeless. This place is yours as much it is ours."  
"That's kind, without really being true."  
"Will."  
"Okay, I'll think about it. Keeping the shoes though."  
"Those shoes are pretty cool," Becca added.

"Okay, so we have all agreed. We need to check out the water and the power plants," Cassandra signed.  
"And figure out how much food we have, like a food census," Gordie explained.  
"I can do that, yeah," Will reported voluntarily.  
"Me, too. Together," Allie added quickly.

"Um, maybe we should be more low-key. Some people could freak out," Becca suggested.  
"No, no. There's no reason to freak out. We're just doing inventory. No, no. I'm the problem. I get their backs up. Just went too fast when we first got here."  
"No you didn't," Allie tried defending her sister.  
"Yes, I did. I obviously did. Okay, this can't look like it has anything to do with me. I need to lay low for a while."

☾°✩↴

After Sam and Becca arrived at the town hall, the two immediately started examing all the papers they had planned to do today. With them there were lots of photographs of the town. Becca passed one of those towards Sam where the town hall could be seen in black and white.

"That's how it used to be. Sad, huh?"  
"It still looks like that. Pretty much. More cars," the ginger replied.  
"More assholes," Becca added before getting up from her chair as her back hurt from sitting.  
"My brother's got a semi-automatic pistol. There's progress for you."  
"Do you think it was always a hypocritical fucking cesspool or is that a new feature?" Sam laughed.  
"It's New England. Those roots go way back."

Suddenly Becca closed her eyes and pressed her lips against each other, as if she was in pain.  
"What's wrong?" Sam asked curiously.  
"Uh ... I don't ... feel good. Um ... I got to go home."  
"You want me to come with?"  
"No, no, no. Stay, I'll be okay," Becca answered before leaving Sam alone with all the documents.  
What the ginger didn't know was that immediately after she left the town hall, she felt so sick she had to throw up in a bush besides the street.

☾°✩↴

Grizz and his friends were all on the football field that day, drinking some beer and playing a bit with the ball. "You guys, maybe we're dead. You know? And this is like heaven." Luke suddenly suggested. "Could be hell," Clark interrogated. "Optimist," Grizz mentioned as he was kneeling on the grass. "Whatever. It's not the worst kind of hell." "Yeah, it's like first circle. Maybe second. Things is, we don't really know the parameters, right? Like, have we been moved? Or has everyone else been moved? Does the world exist somewhere else or is this earth? I mean, we're guessing in the dark here."

"Woah. My head fucking hurts now." Clark grunted who was definitely overwhelmed by the things Grizz explained to them. Sam would have definitely be more interested in that than his friends who had an obvious lower IQ.  
"It's just your hangover, Clark," Luke told him.  
"Hair of the dog, bro," Jason said as he handed him something to drink.

"Hey, maybe we're in the Matrix," Grizz suggested jockingly.  
"Or Narnia," Jason added.  
"Nope. No talking animals. Although I've been trying to walk through my closet just in case. See what's on the other side," Clark said.  
"We're the other side."  
"Shit."  
"Shit."

"Hey," Jason suddenly got up, wanting to revive the mood that had sunken to depression.  
"Hey, guys. Saint Anselms. Come on, Saint Anselms, remember? The greatest ... "  
"I remember," Clark acknowledged.  
"Get up. Get up!" Jason told everyone while pulling Clark up first and then Grizz.  
"No man, come on ... I'll do it okay fine." he denied at first but couldn't resist his pull.  
"The greatest comeback in the history of ever," Jason continued motivating everyone.

The four started replaying the goal they had made to receive their win in the past. And after they scored the point, everyone jumped over each other in happiness but Jason meant it more serious.  
"Come on, this is serious guys. The score that'll never be forgotten. Champions. We are champions and nothing can take that away, ever. Come on. Take us out, Grizz," he yelled at everyone.  
"All right. All right. Centurions on three. Ready? Centurions on me! Centurions on three! One, two, three! Centurions!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wohoo, finally more grizzam content again! I promise it will probably be this amount in every upcoming chapter again as they are closer again finally. You probably all waited for this since that big fight :D  
> I hope you enjoyed this early chapter, because we are trending with #savethesociety right now on twitter!! <3


	26. ✩ Positive impact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 25 recap: Sam coincidentally meets Grizz at Emilys grave and he comforts him with his grief. For the next days, meeting at this spot becomes a little ritual for them and they even label each other as friends again. While Becca and Sam go through the town documents, Becca suddenly feels nauseous. Cassandra backs off a bit and doesn't want to be in the spotlight.

Later that day, Sam had moved to his fathers office to search for more documents. Campbell came over to get the keys of the car he had.  
"What do you need the car for?"  
"Game of Fugitive in an hour. What are you doing at Dad's office?"  
Sam sighed, not really wanting to tell his brother about this. He wouldn't care anyways.  
"I'm trying to figure out why we're here. In this place."

Earlier he had finally found some interesting documents that had some answers about the smell back when they were in West Ham.  
"First one is a letter from some guy named Pfeiffer demanding $1.5 million for the smell removal. The other is a response, refusing to pay. Signed by Dad and Uncle Rogers, dated the day before we were taken."  
"So what?" Sam was already annoyed of him once again. He didn't show interest at all.

"So, it could mean something. The smell, us being taken on the buses. They're related in some way. Maybe, I don't know."  
"You have to destroy those," Campbell demanded.  
"No way," Sam answered while shaking his head.  
"Fucking destroy them! You want us to be blamed for this?"  
"What does that mean? I want to know the truth."  
"You're a fuckin' moron. You and I may hate each other, but we still share our father's last name. You think things aren't gonna get bad around here? Just wait. If we're stuck in this place, things are gonna get so bad so fuckin' fast. And you want to tell people that our family had something to do with this?"

If looks could kill, Campbell would have been dead immediately. However, Sam didn't have a choice but to hand the documents to his psychopath brother who ripped them into a million pieces before finally leaving. What Campbell luckily didn't know is that Sam had taken pictures of these documents before.

☾°✩↴

That day was the first day he hasn't seen Grizz sitting at Emily's grave anymore. Maybe he had felt better but then the ginger remembered the fugitive game his brother had told him about. He assumed Grizz would definitely take part in it. However, Sam was not in the mood to play with all these rich and popular kids from school.

Grizz however was more than excited to play with his friends. It was already clear to him in what team he would participate in. Everyone who wanted to play as well had come together at a parking lot.  
After Harry shortly explained that they would still wait for the some other people, he approached Elle who was standing more far away from everyone. The two had probably never spoken before.

"Hey, you uh playin'?" the jock asked her and she was quite surprised about him starting a conversation.  
"No. No I don't think so," the shy girl replied.  
"Why not?"  
"I'm not really in the mood for games."  
"Yeah. Well, um ... everyone's scared, you know. This makes it better temporarily."  
"I was the kid that cried on the first day of school, like, every year. So it takes a little while to get used to things."

Grizz didn't really know how to answer that. What was he supposed to say? _I'm sorry about that_ , probably not.  
"I keep thinking that God's punishing me," she broke the short silence.  
"Why do you think it's about you?"  
"I don't know, I just do."  
The jock sometimes had noticed her not having many friends in school, even getting bullied somehow, just like Sam. He felt quite sorry she had to feel that way.

"There's this line from a play I like. It goes _I don't think God punishes people for specific things, I think he punishes them in general for no reason._ That's life, right? We make the most of it."  
Their conversation was interrupted by a police car driving up. Clark had gotten it from the police station, the keys apparently were inside.  
Harry then continued to explain the rules and everyone divided into their teams. Now it was fugitives against cops.

☾°✩↴

As it had gotten dark outside, Sam was walking home quite caught up in some daydreams. Therefore he startled as Becca suddenly touched his arm and joined in on walking alongside him. "Hey. Hey, I was coming back to see you," she greeted him. "Yeah, I'm beat. And hungry." "Well, did you find anything?" Sam immediately thought about the documents he found. However he decided not to tell Becca, as Campbell somehow had threatened him before. Maybe he had been right about it. This was all on his family after all.

"Not yet. Maybe tomorrow," he lied.  
"Walk home with me?" Sam added.  
"Yeah," Becca mumbled and turned away slightly. He was still a bit worried why she had suddenly left earlier that day.  
"You okay?"  
"Yeah, it was nothing. It was probably something I ate, you know," Becca lied as well. Suddenly a car passed them and almost drove them over. Becca screamed _asshole_ after them.  
"What the fuck was that?" she got annoyed.  
"Is that part of the fugitive game they're playing?"  
"What kind of game is that?"  
Sam shrugged.  
"Come on. Let's just go home."

☾°✩↴

While Becca and Sam ate some spagetti that Cassandra had made earlier that day, Bean suddenly entered the house.  
"Hey," Gordie greeted her who was sitting next to Cassandra in the living room.  
"You blew me off all day today," Bean complained.  
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be there tomorrow. I was doing my own research," he apologized.  
"There's some spaghetti in the fridge if you want, if there's still some left," Cassandra adviced to her as the lights flickered from the thunderstorm.  
"Plenty," Becca added with a full mouth. However, she wasn't interested in food right now.

"When you told everyone the thing this morning was a scheduled eclipse, how did you know?"  
"I didn't actually. I ... I just figured," Gordie stammered.  
"Because you were wrong."  
Sam asked Becca to translate the stuff they told each other, as she seemed to suddenly be interested in it.  
"I looked it up. The next scheduled eclipse in North America is not until 2024. Take a look."

Everyone in the room was suddenly scared. What had happened this morning then?  
"What does this mean?" Cassandra asked astonished. But not even Gordie had an idea.  
"I don't know. That we're not on the same earth. Not exactly the same, anyway. Not the same solar system."  
"So, where are we?"  
Nobody had an answer to that. Nobody knew it yet, and wouldn't find out soon.  
"Becca, have you two found something today in the town hall? Anything?" Cassandra asked after a short silence.  
"No, not yet. Just bills and stuff. We'll keep on looking tomorrow."

While they were all discussing this problem in peace, they didn't know what kind of event was going on at the hardware store. The boys broke in the door, a fight started immediately after and everything escalated quickly. A car was burning and everyone was screaming and running around.  
Cassandra and everyone else at the Pressmans house at that time immediately got to the place after Sam had received a text from Grizz about the situation happening.

The scenery in front of them seemed like hell. The chaos was now real and to it's extreme. Cassandra needed to do something until someone got hurt again. She couldn't continue staying low any further. She had to speak up again.

☾°✩↴

_In the town where we live, the sun set today at 8:47 p.m. Summer solstice. Long days. But our nights are about to get a lot longer._

☾°✩↴

"So what was that meeting this morning all about?" Sam asked Becca curiously who had been invited by Cassandra to church the next day. "Things have to change. What happened yesterday showed once again that this town can't be run by brutality and testosterone. No offense," Becca explained after sitting down on the bed. "Cassandra is planning a meeting at the church tomorrow for everyone. She'll probably enforce some rules so we can establish this society finally. Honestly that hardware store disaster yesterday was horrible. And everyone stealing food for their own is not going to help us either."

"You really shouldn't let guys full of testosterone lead a town. And I agree with the brutality. That's not a good way how to solve problems," Sam agreed to Becca quickly. She was lucky she didn't have to explain it any further like other people had to to the men in town.  
"But is everyone really willing to agree with Cassandra? I mean, remember when Harry was totally against her at the church a couple days ago," he was concerned.

"I don't know. Honestly what could he do if the rest of the town is against him anyways? We'll just have to wait and see I guess."  
Sam nodded before focusing on the book he was reading. He hadn't touched a book in at least a week, being way too distracted by everything. Although the two had been pretty busy with going through all the documents at the town hall, they had decided to take a day off. Becca had suffered from a small headache the other day from reading so much.

Speaking of Becca, she once again had this weird nauseous facial expression.  
"You okay?"  
"I need to go ... to the toilet," she admitted before rushing towards the bathroom.  
Sam scrunched his eyebrows, wondering why she had gotten nauseous once again. Had she eaten something bad again? Because of his deafness, he couldn't hear Becca vomitting once again like she did the day before.  
After 5 minutes she came back, looking fine again to him.

"I ... just threw up. Think I ate something bad again. What are the Pressmans serving me here?" she joked after returning and sitting down next to Sam.  
"Should we get something against your nausea?" he asked politely, trying to care for her.  
"Oh no ... I'm fine. Feeling better already."  
She really needed and wanted to tell him what she had found out about herself. But she couldn't. Not yet at least. Sam would just ask stupid questions about it.

The ginger didn't worry further about the incident once again. The real reason behind her nausea didn't cross his mind.  
However, what did cross his mind was Grizz. He actually was on his mind again after he had kind of disappeared.  
Sam had enjoyed the couple of talks they had in the evening at Emily's grave. He even missed the little meeting of them the night before, as he reckoned the jock had played fugitive with everyone else.  
Spontanously he decided he wanted to see him again. Check on him and how he was doing. Sam convinced himself to finally text him after months.

☾°✩↴

After a long morning, the four friends were laying exhausted on the ground at the football field next to each other. Suddenly Jason brought up the topic that everyone was discussing in this town. It was about what Cassandra said to the girls. Almost every one of them had tried to talk to them about it, to at least convince them a bit in advance. "I've been thinking. What if we like ... didn't take stuff. Like food or whatever. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, right? Sharing? It could be like ... socialism."

Jason raised himself up quickly.  
"There's no I in team, right?" Clark suddenly remembered that he had heard this before.  
"Erika give you that talk?"  
"No."  
"Oh really? 'Cause Gwen said the exact shit to me earlier that day. Lukey?"  
"Well, it's not like it worked in China. Socialism," Luke told everyone.  
"It kind of worked. Everything's made in China," Jason answered.

"China's a poor example. The party took complete priority over the workers. In reality, we've never seen a true socialist state," Grizz interfered with his knowledge.  
"Maybe all the Chinese women said they wouldn't put out unless all the men got on board," Clark added to their conversation.  
"Gwen say that, too?" Jason shrieked up again looking at Clark who looked back at him for a couple of moments before sinking down again.  
"Well socialism it is."

"Well whatever this is ... I'm pretty hungry. I'll go home. See you later," Grizz quickly said before getting up and slendering home. The other three still stayed and talked to each other.  
While Grizz was on his way towards his house, his phone suddenly buzzed. He had gotten a private message. To his surprise it was from Sam. Somehow only seeing his name on the screen immediately made him smile slightly.

_**Sam:** Hey Grizz, are you at that bench tonight? Would be great to talk to you again :)  
**Grizz:** Hey! Sure, I'll be there around 8._

☾°✩↴

"Hey," Sam greeted the jock as he arrived at their location. It had kind of developed itself into a little habit for the two these past days. Their conversations were meaningful for both of them, making them both feel more comfortable and safe within their unclear situation they were in. Nobody knew if their parents would ever show up again, or if they could ever return home. They didn't even know what the case was. "Hey," Grizz answered him as well, startling slightly as he hadn't noticed him coming.

The ginger gently sat down next to him, as he made him space.  
"How are you feeling?" Sam immediately wanted to know, just out of curiosity.  
"I'm fine. Could be better honestly. I mean that fugitive game ... escalated pretty fast," Grizz answered leaning back towards the bench.  
"You played? And raided the stores as well huh?" the ginger chuckled.  
"Yeah and no. Everyone just wanted to get flashlights from the hardware store but somehow it escalated. I tried to stay out of the physical stuff though. That was kind of stupid of Jason and Clark and everyone else."

"Yeah right. Well, I hope Cassandra will come up with something tomorrow."  
"I guess. How ... are you by the way?" Grizz asked almost cautiously enough, not wanting to say the wrong thing.  
"Same as you. Uh ... Becca and I've been going through town documents. But we didn't really find anything. Just don't tell anybody, we want to keep investigations low. Don't want to upset anyone."  
"Yeah sure, no worries."

Grizz bit his lip softly before turning himself towards Emilys grave. The candles were not burning at the moment and everything was soaked from the rain these last days. Letters and pictures were washed-out.  
However, the jock didn't feel negative around here anymore. It was Sam who radiated a positive impact onto him. Grizz was lucky to have him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As you noticed this is the plot of episode 2 and the starting episode 3 and it will definitely stretch until the next couple of chapters with prom etc.  
> Let me know what you think <3


	27. ✩ Mine again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 26 recap: Sam found some interesting documents in his fathers office but get's threatened into destroying them by Campbell. The whole fugitive game happens and Becca lies to Sam about leaving and throwing up earlier that day. In the evening, the boys raid the store, destroying most of it.  
> Cassandra calls the girls in for a meeting at church where she explains new regulations she wants to establish in the town to keep everyone safe. Grizz and Sam meet at the grave again to talk about everything.

"Hey, Sam," Grizz touched his shoulder after a short praying silence.  
"You think you can teach me some sign language again? I kind of forgot most of it. Didn't have time to practice anymore since we haven't talked in a while," he asked shyly, expecting a rather negative answer for his suggestion.  
The ginger chuckled once again.  
"Yeah ... yeah sure. Want to start?"  
"Now?"  
"Why not?"

Grizz was amazed by his positive answer. He really wanted to help Sam understand him better by signing along with his words. This way, they could be friends more easily and communicate better.  
"Fine, sure. Let's do this. I have the whole evening, but for sure we would need more light after a while. It's slowly getting dark already," the jock answered him.  
"So do you remember the alphabet?"  
"Yeah I think so, let me ..."   
Grizz started signing the different letters still pretty fast, however not as fast as before the two had not spoken to each other for a while.

"Impressive, you still remembered that pretty well."  
"I mean, I trained that pretty hard last year."  
"Right, I still remember. And you were a pretty fast learner too. Maybe suddenly those signs will pop back up into your brain as soon as I show them," Sam chuckled.  
"Yeah ... now that I see you signing again. I can still recall some. Does this mean _maybe_?" Grizz replied as he signed the word _maybe_. Sam nodded.

The jock smiled triumphantly at all the signs he could suddenly remember again. However, Sam still had to teach him some as he had totally forgotten certain complicated signs.  
Nevertheless after almost two hours of signing together, the sun was not shining along the sky anymore and it got harder and harder for them to see each other. There was not a close enough light source in sight.

"I think I've learned enough sign language for today. It's getting pretty dark, too so maybe we should ... head home," Grizz suggested. However Sam looked quite confused at him.  
"What? You've had a lot of fresh bagles today?"  
Grizz bursted into laughter at the ginger not being able to read his lips good enough anymore.

"It's getting so dark I can't read your lips properly anymore," Sam chuckled.  
"I said, that I've learned enough sign language for today." Grizz signed all the words he knew and pronounciated his lips as good ad he could.  
"Ooh ... sign language makes more sense than fresh bagles. Why did I just read your lips like that? Maybe because I am craving something to eat," the ginger laughed about himself.  
"But yeah, I think you've learned lots again today. You can be proud of yourself. It was pretty fun ... I mean, hanging out."  
"Agree."

"I'll see you tomorrow at church?"  
Grizz nodded before both of them parted ways, Sam walking towards his home, more or less Allies. The jock shortly looked after him in his direction, observing his body.   
He couldn't deny but feel an attraction towards him again, after almost half a year. He couldn't deny that he didn't just want to be friends. Seeing him and his beautiful eyes was too much for his senses. The way he smiled everytime they hung out was like a symphony in his brain. Who knew his actually passed feelings would pop up so fast again.

Those two hours with Sam showed him, how much he actually regreted what he had done and how much he missed him. Those desperate feelings have been somehow repressed for the last couple of months, however, he couldn't hold them back anymore. And then Grizz thought to himself: _I wish you'd be mine again._

☾°✩↴

"We need to know what we have and what we're at risk of running out of. So, there'll be an accounting of resources. Once we get a handle on that, we'll begin to ration food, eating meals communally in the cafeteria. We'll also share houses, in case water and electricity are in limited supply, which, at this point, we don't know. But it's better to be safe because if we run out, we don't have a solution," Cassandra explained to everyone after they'd gathered around in church. Everyone listened as she spoke.

"No one will be doing any of this alone. We'll have rotating work lists. That way, everyone contributes the same. And this included in the decision-making. It'll be by committee. Finally we're going to put together a committee on going home. So we can formally investigate how we got here and how we're going to get back."  
Sam turned towards Becca, who were both sitting in the church as well.  
"Gordie asked me if we wanted to be on the committee since we did the research in the town hall," the ginger signed.  
"Sure, sounds good."

"Adopting this new way of living doesn't mean we're giving up. It means we're smart and prepared. That's the plan. I think we should vote. All in favour, raise your hands."  
A lot of the citizens, including Sam and Becca raised their hand immediately, knowing this would be the best solution for everyone. This way, they could build a society. Some hesitated shortly, however raised their hand after all.

Not everyone was happy with her suggestion though.  
"I don't think that we can do this unless it's unanimous," Cassandra demanded. It took a while for everyone to agree but in the end every single hand was raised.  
The citizens applauded, at least the ones wanting to follow Cassandras rules.  
"And before you can all go, I wanted to announce an upcoming event. We will host prom in two weeks. As we are adapting to this new life, we should still maintain fun things and activities in our freetime. More information about everything will be announced tomorrow. Thank you."

☾°✩↴

The following day Sam and Becca both went to check on the work lists that have been posted down the church walls. The two noticed the big prom advertising glued on the walls as well. "Prom at the West Ham Inn, next saturday, 7pm 'til midnight," Becca read loudly. Sam chuckled. "Socialism and socializing. Are we in an episode of _Riverdale_ or in Soviet Russia?"

"Well, I'd rather wash clothes all night in a basement than spend ten minutes in an artifical experiment of forced pair bonding and public humiliation with them. So, yeah. That's a no."  
"Come on, this could be fun," Sam tried to convince Becca from going. However, she really didn't want to, which awkwardly didn't fit her recent attitude on partying.  
Sam in contrary always wanted to go to prom, no matter what. This would be his only chance.  
"No chance, Sam. Not in the mood for that kind of stuff right now."

Sam quickly gave up, knowing she would act on her stubborness as she sometimes did. However there were better news on his way.  
"Hey," Grizz suddenly appreared next to them. The jock had spontaneously decided to join the two, as he had also checked the work list.  
"You two going to prom?"  
"Not me, Sam can definitely go on his own. I'll grab lunch now," Becca answered.  
"I'll leave you two alone, see you at 3 at the town hall?" she smirked before leaving, only signing the words so Grizz couldn't understand. It seemed like she knew leaving the two alone would be better, even though she had no idea about any of the past conversations the two had.

What she had noticed was her best friend constantly starring at Grizz in the cafeteria all these past months before the school trip. Even as they landed in this strange place, her senses were working as good as never before. She knew something was going on.

"I tried to convince her but she's not up for it. Kinda weird honestly," Sam told Grizz who was stepping a bit closer. The jock tilted his head, wondering what he meant by that.  
"She's been more into partying the last couple months. Suddenly not anymore."  
"I get it, if she's not up for it. This whole situation is a bit confusing and suddenly we're hosting prom? Crazy right?" Grizz added, signing all the words he had remembered from his signing lessons with Sam.

The ginger was really happy about his signing. It really helped him understand everything better, as he knew how to read lips but it wasn't always as easy as it seemed.  
"You're on the prom committee, you should be excited about this."  
"I am. Just didn't expect this too still be a thing after what happened these last weeks." Sam nodded understanding.

"I'm guessing you're going with your friends?" the ginger asked after a short silence. His opponent nodded in response.  
"Yeah, we're going together but ... to be honest I was planning on dropping all of my friends after high school or ... more or less prom. I wanted to start a new life. Coming out in college, being open about it. But well, now we're here," Grizz admitted, speaking carefully so nobody could overhear their conversation.  
"You would've dropped me too?"  
"No, you're so different from them and you already know my secret. Why would I ever do that then?" the jock smiled.

Sam returned the nice gesture, blushing slightly. The thought of Grizz rather wanting him in his life than his friends made him feel somewhat safe and secure. Why were they forced to fall apart like this? In this particular moment, Sam wished things had happened differently.

"You know that your friends could see you talking to me every second, right? I thought you wanted to keep things discreet with us," the ginger asked curiously, who was quite aware in what scenery they were in.  
"I mean, we're just talking. What's wrong with that? Still kinda scared though," he admitted, laughing insecurely.  
"Luke already saw me with you. Didn't say anything. And I'd rather get caught then not talk to you at all."

Sam wondered if Grizz was just being nice to him or if he was actually trying to flirt slightly. Somehow it felt like the old times, where the two got to know each other better slowly. However, Sam didn't even mind it.

☾°✩↴

The next day, Sam and Becca both were part of cleaning the church. However, the ginger got distracted by all the memories popping up in his head and everything that he associated with this building. In addition to that his mood was rather negative that day. After seeing Grizz and talking to him the day before, he kind of wondered if they could ever have some sort of connection again. What if he could still not trust him enough? What if Grizz wasn't ready?

The ginger sat down on one of the benches, starring at the prayer book he held in his hand. Becca suddenly appeared in front of him.  
"You know it's gonna take us forever if you keep stopping."  
"I used to hate being here. Always felt do guilty," Sam admitted to her.  
"Is this a bad story? Were you one of those little boys that the priest touched?"  
"No," Sam shook his head, "he did tell me it was okay to be gay."

Becca sat down on the bench in front of him, looking in his direction.  
"Well, that's progressive."  
"As long as I didn't act on it."  
"There you go," she shook her head dismissive.  
"I used to wonder how I'd ever pull that off. Turns out I didn't need to worry," Sam signed.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I'm gonna die a perfect Christian virgin. I thought I found someone. Someone that I might even love. But you know how that went," Sam sighed.

"You're talking about Grizz, aren't you?"  
Sam nodded.  
"I mean, there's probably someone else who's gay. Gay and repressed, probably like Grizz. But there's no one I'd want. That's the real thing. Finding someone who loves you, who you love back. That's crazy. Even outside of here it would be crazy. The fact that other people can do that ... how do they find each other? How does it work out?"

The ginger wiped away a tear that ran down his cheek. Thinking about all of this made him more and more emotional, especially after what had happened. The first time he had ever felt something like this was with Grizz. It got destroyed out of nowhere. But deep down he knew, the funny and smart was the only one he'd ever want.  
"You still like him, don't you? Even after all these months?" Becca asked.  
"Maybe, I don't know. He's the first person I ever had feelings for ... or still have. But I don't know if I can be with him."

"I saw you two talking the other day. Did that mean anything?"  
"I just saw him a couple of times, sitting at Emily's grave. Just wanted to be there for him. He saw her die after all."  
Becca nodded understanding of the situation.  
"However, now I can relax. Focus on what matters, on the people who matter, who love me. Like you."  
Becca smiled, taking both of his hands shortly into hers.  
"I do love you." Sam had to smile as well. Once again he was more than grateful to have someone like her.

"I know you said you didn't want to, but think about changing your mind. Because I'd like to take you to prom." Becca quickly shook her head, her face turning into an annoyed expression.  
"We're a better couple than almost everyone else in this town. We never fight."  
Becca snickered, letting her head shortly fall onto her arms.  
"All right. And we never have sex either."  
"Except for no fighting, that's kinda like marriage."

The brunette sighed. She just couldn't resist his begging look anymore.  
"I'll be ready at seven."  
Sam's day turned out better than he had expected in the morning. With a bright smile on his face, the two got back to their actual work of cleaning the church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh oh oh, feelings are slowly coming back for both. Interesting ...  
> Thank you for reading this new chapter!! I hope you enjoyed it <3


	28. ✩ Just a coke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 27 recap: Sam teaches Grizz some more sign language at their meet up. Cassandra finally establishes rules for a good society and announces that prom is taking place. Grizz and Sam shortly chat about it as well. Furthermore Sam gets distracted in a sad way by his thoughts about Grizz and love and talks to Becca about it. He can even convince Becca to join him at prom, even though she originally didn't want to go.

"I talked to Will earlier, for our video journal," Becca told Sam while she was getting dressed for prom night.  
She had the idea of documenting their time in this weird place, as long as they'd lived there. Sam was willing to help her with some of it and cooperate in every way. She would mostly document everything with pictures and some filming, however she interviewed some people as well. One of her first ones was Will who she randomly met that day in the Pressman's residence.

"Asked him if he'd go to prom with Kelly or Allie. But he just ran away. No wonder, I'd be ashamed to be in a love triangle," she laughed. Sam shrugged.  
"Indecissive as always. But how could I judge him? Remember at the end of freshman year, when I had two crushes at the same time?"  
"Oh yeah, Clark and Tom. At the same time. That was more than funny, you switching between them every two seconds," the brunette laughed while she was brushing her hair into a ponytail.

"You think I can wear this?" Becca asked concerned about her outfit choice as she looked in the mirror, signing the words to her best friend.  
"Of course, this dress looks amazing," Sam complimented her tight black dress.  
"I feel so fat in it," Becca mumbled, not wanting him to hear it. However, his lip reading skills were pretty good that night.  
"We've all been eating a bit less since the food rationing. No way you gained weight."  
"Oh shut up," Becca hissed jokingly and punched Sam slightly.

"Okay fine, I'll go with this," she finally decided, tackling her hair as a next step. In the end, Becca was ready for prom, with her high ponytail, black dress and jewelry she put on.  
However, not only the brunette was critical about her appearance. Sam took another look in the mirror before leaving, tucking his hair in the right position and adjusting the sleeves on his white button-up shirt who he had this orange and black vest overneath.

A lot of thoughts ran through his head. Weirdly they were all regarding Grizz in some way. Did he look good in it? Would Grizz find him good looking or even attractive? Did this suit his hair color?  
Sam has never cared this much about his appearance before. He was somehow wondering why he suddenly did, and especially care what others thought. Well, he didn't care what people like Gwen or Helena thought but obviously he did care about that one jock.

The past couple of days the two had texted a bit, however not as flirty and not as much as the year before.  
The topics were mainly switching to books and poetry again, just like when they had gotten to know each other. Some may think these were pretty nugatory topics but for the two it was not. They both had formed this connection over poetry. How could they not be reminded of each other as soon as they saw something of Allen Ginsberg? And since the two were caught in this weird place, both had lots of time to read, especially as they had no internet connection as well.

"Come on, let's go," Becca rushed Sam as he had taken a moment to long in front of that mirror, stuck in his own thoughts about this beautiful boy.  
As the West Ham Inn wasn't far away from Becca's home, where they had gotten ready together, the two walked to the location with the sun setting. At 7pm in the summer, the sun was still there in it's full glory. However, when the party was over it would be gone obviously.

Some people were standing in front of the building which was already decorated from the outside with some stars and accesoires.  
As the two entered the door, they put down their small coats before entering the big hall through some curtains. Sam immediately smiled, liking the whole atmosphere of the room. Blue and silver decoration was seen everywhere and he could feel the slight vibration of the music.  
Even Becca was a bit impressed.

"This is just how I had imagined it," she said ironically.  
"Fucking weird, am I right?" Luke shouted at the two as he walked past them with dragging Helena behind him.  
"No more weird than anything else around here," the brunette answered before biting her lip and turning to Sam again. The ginger was more than happy to be here and he didn't even know why. If he would have gone to prom a year ago, he would have hated it as much as nothing else. He definitely turned into some sort of party guy, but of course he knew his limits.

"Let's go," Becca smiled at him, grabbing his hand and leading him to two free seats at one of the round tables that were spread around the room.  
As he scooted towards the bar, getting himself something to drink before sitting down with Becca, he immediately caught Grizz's appearance.

He was dancing with his friends on the dancefloor, looking better and more handsome than ever in his mint button up and orange bow tie. Funnily he was wearing grey sweatpants with some funny planet pattern on it. How can someone be so fancy but also casual at the same time?  
And again Sam caught himself starring a bit too long at his possible interest.

How much Sam wanted to dance with Grizz in that moment was indescribable. But he knew he couldn't. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable in front of everyone, especially not his friends. Grizz had to approach him if he wanted anything. Sam couldn't do anything.

While Sam's thoughts were wandering all around him, Grizz noticed the ginger around the big hall as well. Weirdly he did, because that one time at new years eve he wasn't able to spot him at all and Luke's house was smaller then that hall they were in.  
Sam's perfectly auburn and red hair and his handsome outfit immediately stood out to him. He almost drooled out if his mouth as he maybe as well as Sam starred a bit too long. And as he caught Sam's beautiful ocean blue eyes, his pounding heart dropped into his pants, almost to his knees.

Maybe his reaction was partly due to the alcohol that was running trough his veins. However, on the other hand he knew his feelings for Sam never faded in the slightest way. Now that he was seeing him being as handsome as never, it was clear that some strong and more powerfull feelings had appeared again.  
How did this suddenly happen again? How have they come so close again only after a couple of weeks? And who knew if Emily hadn't died, would've Sam started to talk to him again? Grizz didn't know. What mattered in that moment was the two making eye contact with that small but growing tension.

Even Becca who had appeared next to Sam could almost see the sparks the two exchanged with each other. She tapped his shoulder to get his attention. Sam startled slightly and almost spilled some of his drink he had in his hand, noticing again that he was way too much into his thoughts again.  
"I'll go dance now if that's okay. Our seats are over there," Becca explained. Sam nodded, leaving the brunette on his own on the dancefloor.

☾°✩↴

"You're not done?" Luke said as Grizz slammed his beer can down on the table. He had just won the drinking game they always played against Clark once again. Grizz made a face after shoving down the amount of alcohol in this short time. "Uh! I swear, one of these days I'm gonna beat you," Clark exclaimed after he had put down his bottle as well. "If you're fucking lucky. Grizz is a beast. Here you go, my friend," Luke added and the three friends suddenly started cheering for Grizz, shouting his name. "Grizz! Grizz! Grizz!"

However Grizz did something unexpected, staggering towards Clark before hugging him, almost pushing him over.  
"I love you, man," he said to him before tumbling to Luke.  
"I love you, too."  
"I love you, too man," Luke answered quite confused. What was Grizz even doing? He was probably way too drunk.  
After hugging Jason as well, he wrapped his arms around his and Lukes shoulder, bringing them all together.

"I love you guys. I really do. But I was going to say goodbye to all of you. After graduation I never planned to see any of you ever again," Grizz explained before leaving the three confused boys to go get some water, as he was feeling a bit sick.  
"Right," Clark mumbled.  
"Is he serious?"

Grizz walked towards the bar but with his sight being a bit blurry he firstly didn't realize who was behind the counter across from him as he sat down at a bar chair.  
As he rubbed his eyes and got a better view of things, he saw beautiful blue eyes. Sam's eyes to be precise. He was just as suprised as he was.  
"You okay?" the ginger asked.  
"Wait what?" Grizz stuttered as he was still a bit perplex.

Sam smirked, noticing that the jock was definitely in quite a drunk state of mind.  
"Are you okay?" he repeated louder this time.  
"Yeah sure, I just wanted to get some water," he explained. Sam shortly stopped making the drink Becca had asked for and grabbed one of the water bottles he had seen earlier at the back of one of the shelves.  
"Here," Sam handed Grizz his water.  
"Thank you, you're my life saver," he thanked him before opening the bottle and almost drinking it in one sip.

"Too much beer, huh?" the ginger smirked. Grizz shrugged and chuckled as well.  
"Probably, but I gotta win all these drinking contests," the jock stated as he lifted the water bottle in the air before drinking the rest of it. Sam has never been more amused just by seeing Grizz drunk. He could watch him all night long.  
His dark brown hair and his greenish brown eyes couldn't be more appealing to Sam, no matter how he behaved.

It was one of those moments where he wished everything was normal, before this weird party they both went to. It was perfect before. If nothing had gone wrong, they maybe even would have visited prom together, like a real couple. Sam knew there was something between them again, but would it be the same as before? Would he feel the same? Would Grizz feel the same? He somehow feared it wouldn't.

As Grizz was done, he gave Sam the empty bottle to throw it away. After doing so, he got his attention back to the rum and coke he was preparing for Becca.  
"You look great tonight," Grizz suddenly mumbled as he had starred at him for too long again. However, as his eyes were on the coke in his hand, he didn't catch it.

Grizz internally facepalmed himself for shortly forgetting he couldn't hear him as he didn't give him a reaction. How could he forget about that? He just blamed it on the alcohol.  
"Who are you making it for?" Grizz asked Sam, this time making sure he got his attention before speaking.  
"Becca."

"Didn't know you were a bartender. A good looking one after all," he suddenly complimented Sam. He had to blush but smile.  
"Well, I'm not but ... thanks," he replied with a little smirk on his face, making Grizz's sudden butterflies go crazy for a second.  
"You don't look so bad yourself," Sam raised his eyebrows.  
"Not so bad? Come on," Grizz slammed his hand slightly on the counter, laughing.

"I'll bring this to Becca now," Sam pointed out after the two had a quick laugh together.  
"I'll see you later? The night is still young," the jock asked. His opponent nodded in response before leaving the counter and walking towards Becca who was already approaching him half way. Sam however couldn't stop smiling, even looking back at the bar for a short second.

"Thank you," Becca said exhausted from all the dancing she just did as Sam handed her the drink.  
But as she took the first sip, she immediately choked and spit it out. The ginger wrinkled his eyebrows.  
"What?"  
"This is rum and coke," the brunette complained.  
"That's what you wanted," Sam signed confused by her statement.  
"I asked for coke," Becca signed annoyed and angry at him for apparently no valid reason.  
"Just a coke? In case you haven't noticed, there aren't any chaperones here, because this isn't a real prom. You can drink."

Becca with tears in her eyes slammed the glass towards Sam's chest.  
"There's no need to be flippant." She stormed off, towards the entrance of the hall, Sam immediately following her.  
He put the drink down before approaching her.  
"Hey! Come on."  
"I told you I didn't want to come to this thing."  
"Why? We were having a good time."

Becca's eyes filled even more with tears. Sam immediately got worried and touched her shoulder carefully.  
"Hey, if you want a coke, I'll get you a coke. I can even get you a Diet Coke or Fanta. You want a Fanta?"  
However, Sam never expected the answer he got after. Becca had to swallow as a tear ran down her face.  
"I'm pregnant."

Sam wrinkled his eyebrows once again.  
"Joking or not joking?"  
"Not joking."  
The ginger was really surprised about her sudden condition. He had no clue about it. How could he?  
"Well, that's a relief. I mean, I just thought you'd had your boobs done," Sam joked around, wanting to make the conversation less serious and more relaxed again. He never wanted to make Becca angry in any way.  
"That's not funny."  
"You're right. You're totally right. I didn't know you were. Who's the father?"

Becca shook her head, getting even closer to just burst down into tears.  
"I don't want you to ever ask me that question again, okay?"  
"What does that mean. You're never —"  
"Why can't you just respect ... one thing?" she interrupted angrily before storming off. This time she left prom completely, leaving Sam on his own.  
What exactly had just happened?

As Sam went back to their seats into the hall again, he thought about the quite shocking news.  
Firstly why did Becca not trust him with the father? He was her best friend after all and always told him everything, even about her period sometimes, to which Sam obviously couldn't relate to. Secondly he was now aware, why Becca had probably been feeling nauseous these last days. But how long has she been pregnant for anyways? Sam was not able to distinguish any change of size of Beccas stomach, probably not too long then.

However the biggest question was, how was she going to handle this all without anyone to help? Sam would definitely be there for her, but could it be the same? And again he asked himself who the hell the father was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it's out. Becca is pregnant. What consequences will this still have in the future?  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Prom will continue over the next chapter as well (with lots of grizzam ;))


	29. ✩ Will you stay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 28 recap: It's prom time. Becca, Sam and Griz are all having fun at the prom. Drunk Grizz even talks to Sam at the bar in a sort of flirtatious way. He even slips out a compliment about the gingers looks but Sam didn't notice. As Sam brings Becca the alcoholic drink he has made for her, she spits it out, runs away and reveals that she is pregnant.

Grizz didn't witness any of the things going on between Sam and Becca. He didn't even look out for him. After that small conversation he'd been served with enough of Sam's positive energy although obviously he could never get enough of it. Meanwhile he was dancing together with Olivia to the bright music that Bean chose for this day.

He'd mostly gotten along with her pretty well even after he rejected her at new years eve. As she was best friends with Gwen who was still Clarks girlfriend and often hung out with Grizz as well, he was willing to spend time with her. Back in January it was quite awkward for both of them, however this settled down as time passed by and to this day the two were friends.  
Grizz had even witnessed Olivia being into someone else he's never even noticed in their school before. But luckily he wouldn't have to deal with her crushing on him.

Overall he was happy. More than happy to be able to talk to Sam again without this barrier, or at least he was allowed to do so. It was more than relieving that Sam wasn't rejecting his quite flirty innuendo he gave him before, complimenting him on his looks. However, a drunk Grizz was always braver than a sober one. He'd probably done it because of that. He didn't regret it though.

It seemed like hours to Grizz, just carelessly moving his body on the dancefloor to different more old fashioned songs. He felt as free as never, his cheeks starting to feel on fire the more he got out of breath and the more he drank. However, he decided to bring his dancing to an end as the slower songs came up and everyone searched for a partner to dance with.

Grizz might have been good at dancing alone, but with a partner? Not really. He was quite clumsy when it came to that. Besides that the only person he wanted to dance with was Sam anyways. But he couldn't because of two obvious reasons. The first one being his friends who were all watching. He still couldn't risk anything in that direction.   
The second was Sam being deaf and not hearing the music. That didn't mean the ginger didn't like dancing but Grizz assumed it would make things a lot harder. All the music the two have listened to together contained a lot of bass and slow songs didn't fit into that category.

Nevertheless if the first problem wasn't there, he would have carelessly asked Sam to the dancefloor in that moment. Grizz just wanted to feel his arms wrapped around his shoulders, slowly moving along side by side and starring into each others eyes. This would mean everything to him.  
But in that moment, it would never happen and he painfully had to accept it.

Instead of asking Sam to dance, he decided on just talking to him again as he saw the ginger sitting all alone at one of the tables, fumbling his hands around a glass that was in front of him. He swung his eyes around the hall but couldn't find Becca anywhere. Did she leave him all alone?  
As he slowly sat down next to Sam, he tucked one of his strands behind his ear before the ginger noticed something going on besides him.

"Hey," Grizz said softly as a response to Sam's smile that immediately had appeared on his face after seeing the jock.  
"Hey ... you're not dancing anymore?"  
"I was quite exhausted after a while. And everyone is slow dancing anyways now," Grizz explained while signing words along but it wasn't as easy as he thought in his still drunk condition.

"Where is Becca?"  
"Uh ... she wasn't feeling to well. She didn't want to come here in the first place anyway," Sam explained with quite a worried expression.  
"She'll be okay though?"  
"Yeah, just a bit moody, that's all," the ginger lied, already knowing he would protect his best friends secret at all cost. Becca had to tell this to everyone, it was not his job and responsibility.  
"And with the circumstances and all, she's not taking it too well," Sam finished his explanation. Grizz nodded understanding.

Sam took a sip of the rum and coke he'd made for Becca earlier but instead drank it himself.  
"Hey, uh ... you think you could teach me more sign language again soon? I really want to advance more," Grizz asked after a short silence.  
"Yeah, of course. But why is it that important to you? I mean, you know the basics already," Sam asked curiously.

"I just want to be able to talk to you more properly. Lip reading is probably not the easiest thing, right?" Grizz explained his ideas.  
"Right," Sam mumbled biting his lips. He felt quite flattered by his statement. Grizz was only learning sign language for him, once again. Even after everything that happened. And in this moment Sam thought that maybe, just maybe, he could leave that incident in the past and move forward. Together and not apart from him like he'd imagined the last months.

Suddenly the two's conversation - and tension- was interrupted by a shrill sound, making Grizz covering his ears for a second. Sam quickly understood the situation and saw Kelly at the music station next to Bean who had handed her a microphone to speak into. In contrast to everyone else, she was wearing normal clothing and not a prom dress.  
"Hi. Can everyone hear me? Yeah, I guess so," Kelly started.

"Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for coming."  
"We love you, Kelly," a random girl from the crowd shouted and everyone started to applaud.  
"This hasn't exactly been a normal week. But I think we should be proud of what we've pulled off. What Cassandra has pulled off."  
While she was with Gordie, everyone applauded towards her, making her smile wide at Kelly's compliment.

"To the prom committee, Gwen and Grizz, for organizing," Kelly continued to talk into the microphone. The jock stood up, together with Sam and everyone applauded once again.  
"To Bobby Aronson for letting us ruin your bar mitzvah! I mean that's what we all thought prom would be, right? A bar mitzvah."  
She was clearly able to make the crowd laugh and applause once again. She's always been a good person to hold speeches in front of everyone, especially in high school. She was one of the options for high school valedictorian.

Despite that, her speech slowly took a deeper turn.  
"Prom was supposed to be how we say goodbye. I mean, that's what it would have been. It's funny, because we are saying goodbye. Just not to each other. Saying goodbye to everything else, to our old lives. Our childhood. And it's not just disappearing, slowly ... receding into some distance, where we can still see it. It's just ... gone."

Everyone was quiet this time, except for the footsteps of Gwen who immediately ran on stage to save Kelly from this embarrasing moment.  
"Um, we're gonna keep playing music. No one needs to leave just yet," she explained after taking the microphone out of Kellys hand. Bean quickly got back to her job and played music that shrilled through the room.

Grizz sighed, raising his eyebrows as he looked over to Sam who was still next to him.  
"Wow, that was ...," Grizz started hesitantly and Sam finished of his sentence.  
"Depressing? Weird? Yeah, it was."  
"Who knew she could be such a mood killer besides being the popular girl back in high school," the jock laughed. Sam shrugged, sitting down in his chair again. Grizz excused himself to still dance a little on the dancefloor before prom ended around midnight.

Little did he know that Grizz was being watched by Sam most of the time. As the ginger wasn't down for dancing to music he couldn't even distinguish the bass from, he sat it out on his chair, following every one of Grizz's movements. And even if he seemed a little helpless and awkward while moving to the beat, Sam still almost admired him once again. He could definitely tell feelings had appeared again and he didn't even care.  
It was more than obvious Grizz liked him too. However, maybe only in a friendship way. Maybe he was once again just being nice to Sam because he had no other real friend than Becca. He once again didn't know. This uncertainty made him go a little crazy in his head, overthinking too much.

The last hour before midnight passed fast, and Grizz got back from the dancefloor to sit next to Sam. However, he stumbled over his own feet multiple times on his way and seemed more than exhausted.  
"You okay?" Sam asked carefully.  
"I'm quite dizzy actually," he ansered while holding one of his hands against his forehead.  
"I'll get you some water, wait here."

The ginger quickly found some water at the bar, rushing towards Grizz again and handing it to him.  
"Better?" the ginger asked after he almost drank the whole bottle in one sip, once again.  
"Not really," he answered while making a bit of a face.  
Sam knew what he had to do. Get him home as soon as possible. Grizz would need rest and not more alcohol or music blasting into his ears. He would surely have a huge hangover the next day. Sam at least wanted to make it a bit less worse and help him.

"Let's get you home," the ginger mumbled as he got up, dragging Grizz up from his chair. With helping and physically supporting the exhausted boy, they went out of the West Han Inn together. Sam knew Grizz's house wasn't too far away luckily so walking would work the best. Driving was never an option anyways as firstly they were both drunk, Grizz more than Sam, and secondly they didn't even have a car anyways.

Nevertheless the ginger imagined Grizz in a better condition than he really was. He tripped over multiple stones around the sidewalk and they had to stop at least every 30 steps for him to get some air. Wasn't Grizz supposed to be in better shape? He usually was but not in his drunk and exhausted condition. The dancing has robbed his last energy to the fullest.  
Despite Grizz's walking struggles, the two were more or less laughing about it than being annoyed by. Even if the jock couldn't remember the next day, Sam was having a great time mostly because of Grizz's comments about the most random stuff.

"You know what ... the first time I saw you was ... in sophomore year or ... your freshman year," Grizz lulled more slowly than usual. Luckily the streetlights next to them helped Sam reading his lips as he was too drunk to sign. How was he even still able to talk?  
"Yeah and I saw you ... in the cafeteria. You were eating all alone ... and I thought I would sit with you ... but I didn't," Grizz continued exposing his first encounter with Sam. The ginger frowned as he heard what the jock had just said.

"You know ... my friends told me you were deaf and I shouldn't go to you. But that's not why I didn't join you ..."   
Sam got more and more curious and confused about the things Grizz released about their past.  
"No?"  
"No, I didn't because ... when I saw you I ..." Suddenly Grizz flinched violently and interrupted his sentence. He looked around and wrinkled his nose.

"What?" Sam noticed and looked around too, not seeing anything. Grizz continued starring into the night, not answering Sam.  
"Grizz?" The ginger repeated and tapped his shoulder to get his attention.  
"Why did you just flinch?"  
"I think ... I heard something loud. Like a bang." Suddenly he flinched again.  
"Another one ... what the hell."

The two lingered for a moment, looking around them but couldn't discover anything. Grizz was too drunk to even detect what those noises were and obviously Sam couldn't either. A bang was not a very precise description for a sound, but he couldn't blame him.  
Seconds later, a black and white dog suddenly ran by them. The two looked at each other more confused than ever. But in the end, they both kind of blamed it on the alcohol.

The two had no idea what had just happened at the West Ham Inn and what those two bangs had been. They just continued walking towards Grizz's house, forgetting about their interrupted conversation as well. In that moment Sam still didn't know why Grizz didn't sit with him in the cafeteria in freshman year.

☾°✩↴

"Let's get you to bed," Sam mumbled as the two finally entered Grizz's house together after at least 30 minutes, walking upstairs towards the familiar room. As the ginger entered the room, memories immediately came to his mind, filling it with quite some joy. Sam let go of Grizz as soon as he let the jock drop onto his bed. Luckily he was still sitting but almost feel asleep while doing so. Independent undressing was not an option anymore.

Sam shortly raised his eyebrows as Grizz tried unbuttoning his shirt but failing miserably. He smiled slightly, as he took over this job.  
"Let me help you."  
Gentle and carefully Sam started unbuttoning Grizz's shirt, almost shaking a bit while doing so. He was about to undress the boy he had slight feelings for and felt a huge attraction towards. How was he supposed to stay calm about undressing him?

After finshing the buttons and untying his bow tie as well, he slowly shoved the shirt off of Grizz's body, folding it neatly and placing it onto his desk across from his bed. He was trying not to stare at his bare and very good looking chest for too long. Staying civil, he continued undressing his shoes as well as his pants, pulling them down and also laying them on his desk.  
During the whole process, Grizz was half asleep, probably not even noticing that it was Sam who was doing all of this for him. He stayed quiet the whole time with a slightly satisfied smile on his face.

The jock got under the covers fast.  
"Thank you, Sam," Grizz mumbled happily.  
"I'm going to head home now. Do you still need anything?" he asked caring, watching as Grizz opened his sleepy eyes slowly.   
In the next moment, Sam once again didn't trust his lip reading skills.  
"I do ... will you stay here tonight?"

Sam immediately blushed slightly, not really knowing if he should believe him. He was drunk after all. But as everyone knows, drunks are always the most honest, right?  
But what if Grizz woke up the next morning and would regret it? Could Sam risk making Grizz feel uncomfortable just by his presence?

"You're serious?" the ginger asked for safety reasons. Grizz nodded energetic and pointed next to him on his bed. Wait, what? He was about to sleep in his bed as well? This was too good to be true for Sam.  
"Will you?" the jock once again asked.  
And even if Sam had some doubts, he decided to stay at his house. He told himself that walking to the Pressman's would be too far away anyway.  
"Okay," Sam signed, smiling slightly.

To make sure no one would catch them the next morning. Sam safely locked the door to Grizz room before he walked over to the other side of the bed and hesitantly took of his clothes. He was quite insecure about being half naked next to Grizz, who was like a god compared to him. However, Sam was really quick, sliding under the covers as Grizz was still turned around to the other side.

He didn't know if he should scoot a little closer to the jock or not, but in the end left it at a normal distance. Despite that, Grizz had quite some other plans as he turned around to face him. His eyes immediately met Sam's and it made both hearts skip faster than before. Sam's puls must have been at least as high as while walking a marathon at this point. His face was blushed in a slight red tone the whole time, he couldn't seem to calm down around his presence.  
"Thank you for staying. Good night, Sam."  
"Good night, Grizz," was the last thing the ginger said before turning of the lights.

And that night was one of the most peaceful nights Sam and Grizz ever had. They didn't know how quickly everything suddenly would take a turn again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this really big grizzam chapter!! It was really fun to write this as well :D  
> Stay tuned for the next chapter, which will be a bit more depressing, as we all know what those loud bangs that Grizz heard were, right?


	30. ✩ Multiple times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 29 recap: After Becca had left prom, Sam was soon accompanied by Grizz. He asks Sam for sign language lessons again as he wants to advance more. After prom is over, Sam walks Grizz home as he is way too exhausted to walk on his own. On their way, Grizz hears two loud bangs but doesn't think further about it.  
> At Grizz's house, Sam gets him into bed. But as he wants to leave, Grizz asks him to stay the night. Sam does so.
> 
> **TW: NSFW content; character death**

_"Remember our conversation earlier? About your freshman year and how I first saw you in the cafeteria?" Grizz asked Sam as he took a step closer to him. The ginger nodded, biting his bottom lip softly.  
"The reason why I didn't sit next to you was not my friends," he started explaining with upbuilding lust in his eyes.  
"The moment I saw you, I immediately liked you. The way you sat there, the way you moved, your hair ... everything about you made my heart skip faster and faster."_

_As Sam read Grizz's lips, his own parted more and more of fascination. He didn't even notice how he scooted even closer to him while he was talking. His eyes wandered between Grizz's stunning eyes and perfectly soft lips. Sam's heartrate increased faster than ever, the closer he got, the less space was left between them.  
"I wanted you, only you. And I still do," Grizz whispered seductively before softly brushing through Sam's auburn hair._

_In the next moment, Sam couldn't keep his desires back any longer. He pressed his lips softly onto Grizz's as his hands rested on his cheeks. Wrapping his arms around Sam's waist, the jock returned the kiss with as much passion as ever.  
They were both caught in their own world, feeling as content as never before while holding each other close and kissing each others lips._

_While pulling the ginger even closer, Grizz had to smile slightly. He'd wanted this for so long after what happened and now it finally had. It was almost like a dream to him.  
Even Sam couldn't believe he had just done this. He had felt more than flattered about what Grizz had told him, how he had seen him in the cafeteria and immediately found him attractive.  
His own attraction towards Grizz grew faster and faster, the more their lips touched._

_Neither wanted to stop this experience. None wanted this to stop, and nobody told them to.  
As the kiss between them turned more and more intense, their hands caressing each others bodies, Grizz let himself fall down on his bed and pulled Sam onto his lap, his knees positioning themselves next to Grizz's hips._

_After a while of more and more intense making out between the two, Sam took on the next step, starting to unbutton Grizz's shirt while they were still kissing each other wildly and passionate. However, as he struggled a bit, he shortly pulled away to concentrate on the buttons better.  
"You sure about this?" Grizz asked, wanting to care of Sam as good as possible. He never wanted to do anything he didn't want to._

_"Yes ... I want you Grizz," the ginger answered before pressing his lips once again onto his opponents while taking of the unbuttoned shirt. Sam pushed Grizz gently onto his bed, taking control over him for a second.  
Grizz couldn't help but moan slightly as Sam touched his bare chest. His hands felt like heaven on him. He had never imagined any of this to feel so good and perfect in every way._

_Sam was eager, even more than that, Grizz noticed. His hands quickly moved downwards towards his belt. He quickly tried to unbuckle it as he continued occupying Grizz's lips which almost felt a bit numb from the pressure the ginger exerted onto him.  
As Sam threw the belt to the ground, he quickly opened the button and zipper, his right hand now wandering beneath the hem ..._

Grizz startled as he opened his eyes hastily. He quickly closed them again as the light shining through his window was too bright for them. It took him a couple of moments until he could see clear and notice the strong headache he had.  
Why did he just have to wake up from this? This was the most amazing dream by far in the last months. But you should usually stop when it's most beautiful, right?

It took him a couple of moments until he realized what was actually happening in his bed he was laying in. He firstly took notice of the situation between his legs as he looked down. He hasn't expected different after this lustful dream. Secondly there was Sam's arm on his chest. Wait ... what?  
Grizz couldn't believe his eyes as he saw the person he just had an intimate dream with next to him, sleeping peacefully.

He turned red, almost embarrassed of the situation he was in. How should he even escape out of his arm without waking him up from his deserved slumber? He also didn't want Sam to notice his obvious bulge in his pants. He was deaf and not blind after all.  
The bigger question however was, how did he get into his bed? Grizz couldn't really retell what had happened that night. He remembered prom and how he talked to Sam but that was basically all.

Grizz quickly searched for his phone, checking the time. 7:10am. The only solution for both of his problems was going back to sleep. Therefore he gently turned to his side towards Sam and before closing his eyes he observed his beautiful sleeping appearance. His face was relaxed and his lips slightly raised like a little smile. This made Grizz's heart calm down a bit, forgetting about his headache and little downstairs problem.

☾°✩↴

Not even an hour later, Sam woke up from the sunlight shining onto his subtle face. As he slowly opened his tired eyes, the first thing he saw was Grizz who was turned towards him, his arm and hand touching Sam's. Out of instinct he wanted to pull his away quickly but seeing Grizz sleep so tight and gently, he refused to move a single muscle besides his eyes who were wandering up and down his face and body. His touch immediately felt warm and right, even if it wasn't on purpose. He felt like a stalker observing the jock so obvious but he couldn't stop it and Grizz wouldn't even know.

Not like Grizz himself, Sam was able to remember every single bit of that night and he already prepared repeating everything that happened. From their first bar talk to the moment they landed in this bed. Together.  
But how was he supposed to tell him why he was also in his bed? The only reason for that was because Grizz told him to. But as he didn't remember, maybe he would not believe Sam on that. Maybe he would really think he was a stalker.

Sam definitely was overthinking this once again. He didn't know how Grizz had woken up not even an hour before from the sexiest dream he's ever had before with Sam himself. He didn't know how the jock felt about him. Of course he didn't. They were supposed to be friends and not turn into lovers again. But as good as Sam tried to forget about Grizz, it never seemed to work. It had already not worked at the beginning of the year, so why should it now?

The longer Sam thought about everything regarding Grizz, the more he was getting emotionally attached again. But was he willing to risk getting his feelings so hurt again like last time? Would he risk his friendship? The answer was still unclear to Sam.

After observing Grizz's face more than enough, he softly scooted his hand towards the hand that was already halfly laying in his and drew soothing and soft circles on the back with his thumb. Not with too much pressure of course, as he never intended to wake him up from his deserved sleep. If Grizz woke up from this, Sam would be more than embarrassed. However, he would take that risk to just touch him.

Carefully Sam pulled his hand away as Grizz slightly twitched around. It seemed like Sam was able to sense his sleeping mode because he slowly opened his eyes afterwards. The ginger scooted away softly, wanting to give Grizz space. They were just friends after all.  
"Good morning," Sam greeted him after Grizz had to yawn. But after that he immediately touched his forehead, signalising his headache he had.  
"Good morning," the jock answered, grimacing in pain.

"Headache, huh?"  
Grizz nodded before lifting himself up a bit, starting to massage his temples softly.  
"Yeah, pretty bad."  
"I'll get you something. Do you have Advil or else?" Sam asked as he got up from the bed.  
"Yeah in the bathroom, cabinet above the sink," Grizz advised him as he let himself fall down again.

Sam immediately walked towards the bathroom outside his room and searched for the pills, taking one out and filling a cup that was standing next to the sink with water. As he looked at himself in the mirror for a second, he realized that he was only wearing his underwear. That night before he'd been quite insecure about his naked body and now Grizz had already seen him. What has he got to loose now?

"Here, take this," Sam told him as he handed him the pill and the cup of water.  
"Thank you," Grizz signed back and almost spilled everything onto the bed. The ginger couldn't help but laugh a little as he walked towards the other side of the bed and sit down next to him.  
After Grizz took the pill, he swallowed the whole cup before smashing it onto his nightstand quite a bit too rough, some little dropplets spilling out.

"So uh ... what exactly are you doing here? No offense, I'm just ... trying to remember what happened," Grizz asked Sam after turning around.  
"The question is, what do you still remember from yesterday?" Sam raised his eyebrows, preparing himself for the whole story.

"There was prom. I danced a lot and we ... talked i think? Did we?"  
"Yes, multiple times."  
"Multiple times? Nevermind, uh, we talked. And I danced again ... and drank. Ah yes, and we talked again at this slow dance song right?" Sam nodded smiling at Grizz's way of remembering everything.

"Okay, uh ... yeah that's it. I'm guessing because you are here, you brought me home?"  
"Yeah I did. You were pretty drunk so I helped you get home around midnight," Sam further explained.  
"Got it, but ... you stayed here after you brought me home. Why?"

There we go. Of course he wanted to know that, Sam thought to himself. But what else could he say besides the truth which was quite risky.  
"Actually, you ... asked me to stay. So I did. I hope that's fine I mean, I only did it because you asked me to multiple times and I know you probably can't remember. I just hope this isn't weird now or anything, because I don't want it to be," Sam babbled fastly.

"Hey, it's fine. I was just curious and I don't mind someone sleeping in my bed. I probably would have died walking to the bathroom myself to get some Advil anyways, so thanks for that," the jock calmed the ginger down.  
Sam who had turned a bit red before softly smiled at Grizz, breathing in relief.  
"I can be pretty ... weird when I'm drunk so no worries, okay?"  
"Okay."

After the two went on jokingly talking about the prom night before, and especially what Grizz had said to him, Sam checked his phone for the first time that day. He had 20 notifications, coming from Becca, Allie and weirdly from Gordie as well. He got along with him pretty well but they never texted in general. His first thought went to Becca. Maybe something happened to her, or the baby even.  
As he opened the text messages, his jaw quickly dropped.

_**Becca:** Hey Sam, I'm sorry about before. I should have told you earlier. (7:49am)  
**Becca:** Let's talk about it soon, yeah? (7:50am)  
**Becca:** Where are you actually? (7:50am)  
**Becca:** fuck allie just told me me about cass, come here asap!!! (8:02am)_

_**Allie:** Fuck (1:34am)  
**Allie:** Sam (1:34am)  
**Allie:** are you here? (1:35am)  
**Allie:** Help me please (1:36am)  
**Allie:** fuck where are you? (2:07am)  
**Allie:** i'm calling becca (2:12am)  
**Allie:** WHERE ARE YOU (3:45am)  
**Allie:** PLEASE COME (3:46am)_

_**Gordie:** please come to the West Ham Inn asap! We need your help (2:20am)  
**Gordie:** it's urgent!! (2:34am)  
**Gordie:** We don't want to tell you over text, please hurry (6:39am)_  
In addition to that he had two missed calls from Becca and three from Allie.

What the heck happened and what did Cassandra have to do with it? This seemed like something terrible had occured but he never thought it would be this urgent. He knew he had to get to the Pressmans residence as soon as possible.  
"Fuck," Sam mumbled loudly enough for Grizz to notice. The jock touched his shoulder to get his attention.  
"Everything okay?"  
"No," his voice shivered out of worry as he gave Grizz his phone with Allies messages. Meanwhile he jumped from the bed, putting on his dresspants and shirt from the night before.

"Oh shit, this sounds urgent," the jock said while looking over to Sam.  
"I really need to go now," he hurried after Grizz handed his phone back.  
"Should I take you home?" he offered nicely, however Sam needed to rush home as soon as possible, not wanting to waste any more time.  
"No it's fine, thanks. I'll text you later okay?"  
"Yeah, see you." And then Sam was gone.

Grizz had to admit he had not been able to keep his eyes off of the boy the whole time. The fact that he'd only been in underwear most of the time made it even worse for him to concentrate. As soon as Sam left, Grizz felt a bit lonely. He'd enjoyed his company a lot more than from anyone else. And if there was one person he'd like to wake up next to more often, it would be him for sure.

However, he wondered what was going on at the Pressman's house. And what did Cassandra have to do with that? Grizz actually thought her ideas that she came up with these last days had been pretty convinient. Maybe it was something with her heart, he thought. A lot of the people at school knew about her heart disease but if she had problems with that now, she would surely be dead. They were all alone, no doctor in sight.

☾°✩↴

Sam began to nervously sweat the closer he got to the residence. These text messages all sounded really urgent and what if he could have helped with whatever happened? He thought this day would have a perfect start, waking up next to Grizz and enjoying his company as much as never before. Even with Becca's little freak out and pregnancy surprise, the night before had immediately gotten better as soon as Grizz entered it.

As Sam opened the door and stormed into the kitchen, he saw Becca sitting at the counter with Gordie. They both had swollen and red eyes. And if Sam could hear, he would hear loud sobbing coming from upstairs.  
Becca immediately got up, running towards her best friend and hugging him.  
"Where were you?" she asked him.  
"I'll explain later," he signed to her.  
"What happened with Cassandra? Something with her heart?" he asked further while wiping a tear off of Becca's cheek.

Both shook their heads slowly, Gordie letting his head sink into onto arms. Becca looked at him in despair, swallowing a big lump in her throat before signing the bad news.  
"She's dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra is dead. How will this end? I guess everyone who knows the show will know :D  
> By the way I don't really enjoy writing NSFW content, especially because I am a girl and have no clue about that. But I guess it makes the story more realistic so I will include more (but not much) in the future :)  
> Thank you so much for reading this new chapter <3


	31. ✩ Camomile tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30 recap: While Sam is sleeping at Grizzs', Grizz has a NSFW dream about the two. After Sam wakes up, he takes care of Grizz's headache and explains what has happened that night since Grizz can't remember everything. As Sam checks his phone later on, he has a ton of messages from Becca, Allie and Gordie, demanding him to come home as soon aspossible. He waists no time in doing so and as he arrives, Becca tells him that Cassandra is dead.
> 
> **TW: Mentions of death, blood; funeral, guns, grief**

The news spread fast. By the end of the day everyone in town knew what happened to Cassandra. Somebody had shot her two times in her upper body. She died from the bloodloss she suffered from. Nobody living at the Pressman's house was feeling well. Becca even threw up again, probably mostly because of her pregnancy but also because of this crucial loss. Cassandra had started building a society and now that she was gone, who would pursue their work list and the rules she set up?

Sam was feeling empty, like something was missing. He's always gotten along well with Cassandra, especially when they were kids. The two Pressman sister had somehow felt like sisters to Sam, especially as he had this psychopath brother that he had always abhorred and hated, not forgetting about the fear he constantly had in his presence.  
Even if Sam and Cassandra hadn't talked very often the last couple years, she was still his cousin after all. They still had spent a lot of time in their childhood together. She'll always be a part of Sam, just like Allie was.

Just like in every state of grief, he didn't believe it at first. Why would someone shoot her? And especially _who_ would?  
But this state of disbelieve quickly turned into sadness and anger. From what Gordie had told him, he found her in front of the West Ham Inn an hour after he had left to get some normal shoes for her. He'd left earlier than Sam and Grizz, which made the ginger feel guilty. Maybe if they had stayed a little longer, they could have prevented it. Maybe he could have helped her.

Sam didn't even have to text Grizz about it. He'd already heard it from the group chats he was in and immediately checked up on Sam and Allie as well. However, everyone just wanted to be alone that day and the next one as well.  
_**Grizz:** If you need me, I'm here to talk.  
**Sam:** Thank you._

Becca and Sam had rarely talked the few days after her death, him feeling way to unstable to. Instead they were just there for each other physically, mostly Sam crying quiet tears onto her shoulder as they sat on their bed and watched some downloaded netflix to get distracted from the life around them. This was what made this friendship perfect. They didn't have to communicate to know what was going through each others mind. And both knew they just needed someone to be with.

After Gordie performed an autopsie on Cassandra, pulling the two bullets out of her body, they decided on holding a formal funeral at church three days after her death to pray for her and speak some nice words before burrying her in the ground, just like they did with Emily a couple of weeks before. Becca and Helena Wu, who was the christian daughter of the church owners, helped everyone organize it properly. Becca therefore searched for a good photograph of Cassandra in order to print it out and frame it.

Grizz and his friends Luke, Clark and Jason helped digging a hole next to Emily's grave and carrying the dead girls body to the front of the church, wrapped in white sheets they had gathered from the local hospital. It was more than hard on Grizz, needing to see another dead person like this. First Emily and now Cassandra.  
Everyone knew they were basically helpless if a disease would develop or another freak would kill someone. They did have all the tools for an operation or anything else, but they had no one who had any idea about it.

The day of the funeral, a lot of people dressed in darker clothes showed up at church. It was more quiet than anytime else they all had gathered there. Everyone still had to process this tragedy that happened just three days before.  
As Sam and Becca entered the church, they saw Allie sitting in the front row next to Will, not moving a muscle and starring to the front.

He still felt quite devastated but this funeral would definitely help the ginger to process it better. He didn't know how Allie would take all of this. She would probably never get over her sisters death.  
He couldn't even relate the slightest to her situation. He's always had Campbell in his life, just like Allie had Cassandra. But he's never been like a brother to him. If Campbell died, he would probably even be more relieved than sad, as hard as it sounds.

While everyone has already entered the church, Campbell and Harry were one of the last ones to come in. However, Will was not pleased about their appearance and immediately ran up to them.  
"You guys have a lot of balls," Will mumbled towards the two rebels who were obviously the two people who hated Cassandra the most, making them the most suspicious ones as well.

"Hey, man. Like I get that you're upset —" Harry started calmly but was immediately interrupted by Will's anger.  
"We all know how you felt about Cassandra, Harry. You were super fucking clear. You too Campbell, so go now."  
"I don't have to listen to you," Harry answered as Campbell just tried to ignore it by walking to a seat. Will grabbed him and pulled him back.  
"Hey, hey. I'm family, I'm family do you understand —"  
"Get the fuck out!" Will raised his voice and in tht moment everyone's attention was drawn towards them.

Even Sam now witnessed what was going on between his brother and Allie's best friend, turning around to look. Grizz and his friends, who sat behind Sam and Becca, got up, noticing the furios tension between the three.  
Gordie interrupted the little discussion.  
"What are you doing?"  
"What?" Will snapped back.  
"Isn't this bad enough already?"  
"Allie doesn't need to see them."  
"Allie doesn't give a shit about this right now. You're making this worse, all right? Just let 'em in," Gordie explained quietly.

Even if Will wasn't happy about it, the two sat down next to Elle who has recently been revealed to be Campbell's new girlfriend. It was kind of weird to Sam to see his brother with a girlfriend and especially as she was one of the most quiet but also sometimes mean girls back in High School. If this wouldn't end up bad soon.

Soon after the church got all quiet again, Allie got up in front of everyone, stepping behind the rostrum of the church.  
Her eyes were swollen, her hair messy and tears were still running down her cheek. It took her a minute until she said something with a rusty voice in order to honor her dead sister.  
"My sister, Cassandra, was good. She was a good person. Um ..." Allie swallowed, close to breaking into tears.  
"She was captain of the debate team. You didn't want to argue with her."

Suddenly her mood seemed to change and she got more confront.  
"Who did this? Hm? Who shot my sister?" she exclaimed tearfully and started to cry loud and angry.  
"Why did you do that? We needed her!"  
Will couldn't let Allie stand up there on her own so he rushed towards her, taking her into his arms.  
"I needed her," were the last painful words coming from Allie, almost not understandable anymore.

After that the four jocks got up to carry Cassandras body outside to the grave they had dug earlier that day, Gordie walking in front of her body, everyone else following them.  
Everyone gathered around the hole outside as the four boys let her body carefully sink down. It was painful for everyone, knowing that they lost someone so many people loved.

"Eternal rest grant her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul, through the mercy of God, rest in peace," Helena prayed for her, everyone answering with Amen.  
Nobody said anything. All you could hear was sobbing and breathing next to her. This was one of the saddest days the teenagers were about to go through in this new town.

As Allie grabbed some of the soil on the ground and let it fall onto Cassandras wrapped up body, Sam layed his hand comforting on Allies shoulder, who was more than disturbed by all of this that had happened.  
The only thing he could do was care for his cousin at least a tiny bit for the next days that were about to come.

☾°✩↴

The next days were getting more and more chaotic as the time flew by. The work lists that Cassandra enforced were starting to fall apart. Now that she was gone, anyone could just ignore these rules and not show up to their shift. Nobody was there to punish them after all for their actions. As Will was working mostly in the kitchen, he noticed people just stealing food and nobody cared. Therefore he gathered Jason, Luke, Grizz, and Clark to explain the situation they were about to run into.

"We need to be careful right now. What we say, what we do. Less than half the kitchen showed today. And nobody even bothered to call," Will started but Grizz seemed to be the only one interested in the beginning.  
"It's not just the kitchen staff. No one picked up the garbage all weekend," Grizz answered.  
"It fucking reeks," Jason added to this conversation.

"If we don't follow the schedule we're screwed," Will maintained.  
"And if the communal kitchen collapsed, people are gonna go after the food," Grizz kept supporting.  
"People are already raiding the cafeteria pantry. Broad daylight. Nobody gives a shit."

"What do you want us to do about it?" Luke asked him.  
"We might have to enforce the work lists," he sighed.  
"You mean we would have to enforce work lists. The Guard."  
"And how are we supposed to do that? There are four of us," Clark asked now also interested in the conversation.  
"Someone out there has a gun," Jason added.

In that moment, Allie came down the stairs and everone acted like nothing of the early conversation had happened. The girl walked towards them, turned the faucet on and filled up the cattle with water. She turned around as everyone was staying quiet.  
"What?"  
"We were ... talking about how nobody ... came to work today," Will explained, clearing his throat.  
"It's getting really bad out there," Grizz added immediately.

Allie however was not impressed by it.  
"Yeah, no shit. Something terrible might happen," she snapped at them.  
"We were just saying just how the work lists are falling apart," Jason tried to explain.  
"It's bad enough without her. We can't let the rules go, too," Luke said as well.  
Allie just nodded, biting her lip.  
"i just wanted some fucking tea," she scoofed and walked in her room again without her tea.

☾°✩↴

After Grizz's friends had left the Pressman's residence, he decided on staying a bit further. He didn't even exactly know why. It was probably because the chances of seeing Sam would be way higher if he stayed longer and he could bring Allie her tea she wanted earlier. Therefore Grizz made her some camomile tea and in addition to that wrote down a quote he remembered which hopefully fit the situation she was in.

He softly knocked on Allies door, waiting for her response.  
"What?" she answered quite annoyed. Grizz took it as an invitation to open the door. Allie was sitting lonely at her desk, probably reading something.  
"Got you some chamomile. I hope that's okay," he said as he walked in the room towards her.  
"Thank you." Allie seemed quite surprised about this nice gesture but thankful at the same time.

After placing the cup of tea next to her, Grizz grabbed the note he wrote earlier and handed it to her as well.  
"What's that?"  
"That is something that I read once that really stuck with me."  
Grizz slowly left, wanting to give her enough space. They barely ever talked in high school before anyways. Neither knew what beautiful friendship the two would develop in the future.

On his way down the stairs, he almost bumped into Sam, just like he hoped. With his messy hair, sweats and plain shirt, he looked rather sleepy but not to Grizz. To him he looked as handsome as always, no matter how messy his look was.  
"Hey ... haven't seen you in a while," Grizz greeted him surprised.  
"Uh, yeah. It's been a while," Sam answered while nervously rubbing his neck. The last time they last had talked to each other was prom night.

Yes, prom night. That night where Grizz was so drunk, Sam brought him home and then slept in his bed together with him. And when Sam thought of all of this touching that had probably happened during their sleep, shivers ran through his whole body. Just the thought of their hands touching suddenly made Sam turn slightly red.

"How are you doing? After all of ... this," Grizz asked curiously, wanting to talk to him after their last encounter had ended quite appruptely.  
"I'm okay, I guess. I don't know if everyone else is though. You can feel that something is missing that kept us all together, you know."  
"Without her, nobody cares about the rules anymore. Work shifts, communal meals, everything is slowly falling apart again," Grizz explained.

"Almost nobody showed up for dinner-prep yesterday. It was basically Will, Kelly, two others and me who did everything for over 200 people," Sam added who was also feeling the lack of an authority in this town.  
"Garbage duty is basically the same. Nobody gives a shit."  
"Let's continue this in my room. Not very discret on the stairs," Sam suggested as they almost fell into a deep conversation where everyone could hear them.

After walking upstairs again towards the room Sam sometimes shared with Becca, the two sat down on the bed before continuing to share their thoughts.  
"We were talking earlier about this and Will suggested my friends and I to enforce the rules more. Like a guard."  
"Sounds good to me. We'd definitely need something like a police here. Otherwise people won't listen," Sam agreed. Grizz nodded his head and the two shortly fell into a silence.

However, this silence was broken as Grizz suddenly had a flash of thought. He didn't even know how this memory had just returned to his mind.  
"Fuck, I just ... remember when we walked home from prom?"  
"Yeah of course, you were the one not remembering too much," Sam answered.  
"Remember when I stopped because I heard something twice?" Sam nodded.  
"I think those were the gun shots that killed Cassandra."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this new chapter! It's a bit depressing honestly but episode 4 is depressing in general so sorry about that <3


	32. ✩ Upon the heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 31 recap: After Cassandras death, Sam griefs a lot. However, that gets better after her funeral. And with Cassandra missing, nobody cares about the rules anymore that she had established. Will and The Guard think about what to do, but Allie doesn't want to agree with it. Grizz happens to meet Sam shortly after bringing Allie some tea to cheer her up and the two begin to talk. Grizz suddenly realises that the noises he had heard on prom night were the gun shots that had killed Cassandra.
> 
> **TW: guns, threat of killing, death**

"Wait ... what? Seriously?" Sam stammered shocked.  
"Yeah I mean ... I've never really heard gun shots in real life so actually no idea but it was loud. I was too drunk to realise," Grizz answered fast, too fast for Sam.  
"You're talking way too fast." Grizz sighed.  
"Fuck sorry," he mumbled, "I was too drunk to realise that these noises could have been gun shots."

Sam took a deep breath in order to not freak out immediately. The thought that the two could have possibly helped Cassandra, as they were still close enough to hear the gun, made him almost furious and angry at his deafness.  
Sam began biting his fingernails. He always started doing it when he suddenly got angry and disappointed at the same time.  
He wasn't mad at Grizz though, it was not his fault he hasn't recognized the sound. Sam has obviously never heard a real gun before as well, how could they have known?

"We could have helped her," Sam mumbled towards Grizz, his eyes on the ground. The jock shook his head.  
"I don't think so. We probably would've been dead as well if we had found her immediately after that happened. I don't think the murderer would have been far by then," he answered what seemed logical to him, trying to calm Sam down. The ginger nodded and stopped biting his nails.  
"Yeah, maybe you're right about that."

However, he still looked quite uncomfortable with the situation as he went through all of the scenarios that could have happened in his head.  
Grizz could not stand the sad look on Sam's beautiful freckled face.  
He couldn't even believe his own eyes but in the next moment Grizz put his hand onto Sam's, drawing soothing circles with his thumb to calm him down even more.

"You shouldn't worry about the things we could have done in the past. Life is now, even if everything is really strange and complicated right now. You're probably still grieving over her a lot ... or at least that's what I would assume." Sam ruffled his lips, agreeing to what he said by nodding slightly.  
"There's this quote that I read before, I also told it Allie today. It goes:  
_Even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair and against our will comes wisdom by the awful grace of God._ "

"I know that ... it's Aeschylus, right?" Sam asked without signing as his hand was still occupied. Grizz nodded.  
"Thought it might help you a bit. It's kind of like poetry and ... I remember that poetry always made you happy," he chuckled. Sam smiled slightly.  
"Yeah, that's true."

The two didn't even notice they were still somehow holding hands. In some way it made Sam feel safe and secure after he'd been quite vulnerable about the whole Cassandra situation. Even if it had been a little over a week, he was still a bit caught in his grief.  
He had tried to push it away these last couple of days, but it somehow had failed. Now that he was with Grizz and felt safe, he wanted to open up even more. He needed someone to talk to, even if Becca was the first person he'd usually talk to. She was however not dealing with this whole situation really well.

"I wasn't as close to Cassandra these last couple of years as I used to be but I spend lots of my childhood with her," Sam started to tell.  
"We used to play a lot of hide and seek together with Allie. All the time that I thought I had the best hiding spot, she still found me. She was the master at this game."  
Grizz listened carefully to his story telling but of course he was more concentrated on Sam himself than the content of the words coming out of his mouth.

"I always had more fun with my cousins than with my own brother. They were like siblings to me instead of him. But ... that's a whole different story."  
"He's a dick honestly. I get such creepy vibes from him. Almost seems impossible that you two are related," Grizz acknowledged.  
"Yeah ... sometimes really seems like he's adopted," Sam chuckled but a bit more insecure than usuall. Only talking about his brother made Sam's voice tremble a bit, as Grizz noticed. He must be really scared of him, he thought.

The jock tried changing the topic back to Cassandra again. At least he seemed more comfortable talking about her, even if he was still grieving.  
"But if you were so close with Allie and Cassandra before, why not anymore?"  
Sam swallowed a lump down his throat. He knew he couldn't tell Grizz the truth about this. The truth that nobody knew yet. But maybe he should tell someone soon or otherwise somethi no terrible might happen.

"I don't really know actually. Probably because of high school in general. Lot's of work, different classes and we just grew up. We just didn't meet that often anymore," he lied, but Grizz didn't know.  
"That's too bad. I mean, I can't really relate since I've never really even talked to my cousins before but I bet your childhood memories are full of joy then. Cassandra was a really good person."

"Yeah she definitely was. But, you've never talked to your cousins before? Why is that?"  
"Oh, short story. They all live in England, so basically on the other side of the world."  
"Oh well, that's too bad," Sam chuckled. He's expected more of a family drama behind this but this answer was more satisfying and relieving to him as well.

After the conversation fell into a short silence, the two suddenly noticed that their hands were still holding each other. Grizz turned slightly red as he softly pulled his hand away, even if he didn't want to but this would start to get awkwardly long if he had continued. It's already been at least a couple of minutes anyways. Grizz didn't even want to know what Sam thought about this.

Surprisingly Sam was quite unhappy about this sudden loss. He would have loved to grab his hand again and draw small circles on his palm like Grizz did earlier to Sam. But he knew he couldn't just do it. Grizz was the one who pulled away after all, therefore Sam assumed that he'd felt a bit uncomfortable.  
However, he had enjoyed the time his soft hand had touched him, giving him security and a warm feeling in his whole body.

"I should go now. My shift starts soon. I'll see you around? I'll probably be here more often from on," Grizz hastily said goodbye to Sam after he got up from the bed.  
"Uh yeah, sure. See you around," Sam, now signing again after his hand was free, answered. With one last nod, Grizz was gone as fast as he had gotten there.  
Sam wished they would have talked even more and maybe not only that.

☾°✩↴

The situation got more and more tense in the town day by day. More and more people didn't care about the rules anymore. Almost nobody showed up to their shifts and everyone was starting to carry guns and other weapons around. Even at Sam saw someone with a gun hanging out of his pants just casually walking around. This would not end well.

The day after he had talked with Grizz, Sam was finally able and willing to talk with Becca who was more worried about the whole baby situation than ever, after her griefing had also somehow stopped.  
As Sam walked into their bedroom, he noticed Becca looking at her stomach which was not bigger because of her pregnancy just yet. Her breasts were bigger than usual but that was all you could tell. At least that's what Sam thought about it.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked her kindly. Becca however just turned her head in annoyance.  
"The big squishy food machines look good," Sam joked, wanting to cheer her up.  
"Yeah. Well, maybe I can attract a nice man and have a baby someday," she snapped back but Sam took it positively, smirking at her statement.

"Everyone is going to know soon," Becca told him her worries.  
"Not bad timing. People need some good news." Becca raised her eyebrows.  
"What? A baby is hope incarnate."  
"You sound like someone who bombs abortion clinics on their day off."  
"Dark, dude," he smiled and sat down onto the bed with her. Becca sat up from her flat position as well.

"This is dark," she added more concerned.  
"You're going to be fine. I promise."  
"You can't promise that," Becca shook her head.  
"Women have been doing this a long time. We'll figure it out."  
"In the Middle Ages, I'd have a fifty-fifty percent chance of surviving the birth. That's what we're dealing with here."  
"It's not the Middle Ages. It's fine."  
"It's not fine!" she raised her voice for a moment but instantly regreted it. Her face suddenly became fearful.

"I'm really fucking scared."  
"I know. I'm sorry," Sam answered close to tears. He didn't want her to feel this scared about it. They could look it up in the library and read about it. They would find a way to figure it out. Sam knew that.  
"And even if we get it out of me, then it's here. It's here like forever and I feel like such an asshole. Because I didn't get a choice! I didn't get a choice about being a mother ... A mother," Becca explained, inhaling deeply.

"God. You're supposed to want to have a baby. Right?"  
"Totally unfair," Sam mumbled agreeing on her fears.  
"Right?"  
"Totally. But you know something about me?" Sam asked her, really wanting to change the mood to a better one.  
"What?"

"I'm incredibly good at loving other people's unwanted babies."  
Luckily Becca chuckled and let her head sink onto her leg she had put up.  
"Fuck you," she joked.

☾°✩↴

The next day, Sam was walking down the cafeteria hall towards Becca as he again noticed someone with a weapon walking in front of him. And it wasn't the only weapon he had seen that day. It scared him but he tried to not think about it too much. Sam sat down next to Becca, as she already was chewing disgusted on her food. "This is rock hard," she said, pointing to the food that was supposed to be Chicken Nuggetts on her tray. Sam shrugged, already accepting the fact that the food would be as bad as the last couple of days.

And not even a couple of moments later, a gun shoot was heard in the cafeteria. Everyone immediately crawled under their tables, searching for safety. Only a couple of people had witnessed a fight between Brandon Eggles and some other guy where a gun shoot was released as he fell on the ground. Nobody was hurt but this wasn't the end.

Another girl and boy immediately pulled out their guns they had carried with them, pointing it around in the room and each other.  
"Drop it! Drop the gun! I'm serious!" he shouted at her.  
"Just put your gun down," she responded full of fear and anger.  
"I don't want to shoot you!"  
"And I don't want to hurt you!"  
The two continued shouting at each other.

"Sam, we need to press the fire alarm. Will you help me?" Becca signed to Sam who was laying on the ground just like her. He nodded and they slowly crawled their way towards the firealarm button on the other side of the cafeteria.

The situation went even more into chaos, as another girl wanted to attack Brandon Eggles as he wanted to pick up the gun that had shot the bullet earlier.  
"Drop it! You heard me, I said put it down!"  
"Accident! Accident! Fuck it was just an accident," he answered immediately putting his hands behind his head and backing away.

Meanwhile the other two were still fighting over who putting their gun down first. Both were really angry at this point.  
"You fucking drop it! Put it down!"  
"I'm not putting mine down until you do!"  
"Buddy, I will shoot you! I swear to God, I'll — I'll kill you."

Will knew he had to step in and slowly went up to the boy. However he immediately pointed his gun at Will.  
"Hey Russo. Hey. Be cool, man. Calm down, okay?" he tried calming him down but it didn't work at all.  
"Get the fuck away from me!"

Becca and Sam finally made it to the fire alarm. The ginger helped her up and protect her from any oncoming events but nobody was seeing the two.  
The crowd panicked as soon as the shrill fire alarm went on. However, the two gun owners were eliminated by everyone running around wildly. They knew they couldn't shoot anymore from now on. Everyone ran outside to their safety.

☾°✩↴

"We've already discussed it with Jason and Clark. We'll protect her and make sure everyone follows the rules she enforces," Luke explained to Sam, Becca, Grizz, Gordie and Will who were all sitting at the kitchen table at Allies house. A couple of days after, Luke had gathered them at the Pressman's residence to make sure they would find a solution to the chaos happening in their town. Without Cassandra, everything fastly went downhill. Everyone at the table knew Allie would need to take over the lead.

"She's the only one who can do this, following her sister. Allie knows what she's doing," he further added. Everyone nodded, agreeing on the suggestion.  
Sam wouldn't want anyone else as a leader, as he knew his cousin good enough to know she'll do a good job. She wouldn't be the leader forever anyways. If they found a way home, everything would go back to normal, right?

"I'll go talk to her," Gordie said and went up the stairs towards Allie's room.  
The next 15 minutes were quiet. The only thing heard was the muffled ongoing conversation between Gordie and Allie. She was obviously not happy about the decision they had all made. More or less she didn't have a choice and she knew it.  
She knew exactly her sister would have wanted her to step in. Allie wasn't in her sisters shadow anymore. She was exposed and thrown into reality.

Gordie came back down without her first but soon footsteps coming down the stairs could be heard. Allie stopped at the end of the stairs, looking at everyone angry and furious, her eyes filled with tears at the same time.  
"So you all had a fucking powwow, huh?" she snapped at everyone, crossing her arms in front of her body. No response, of course. Allie inhaled deeply.

"You went through every other option and you came up with me."  
"Allie—"  
"Shut the fuck up, Will. I'm talking," Allie interrupted.  
"All of you think this is ... the only way. And you're sure? You've decided?"  
Everyone nodded slightly, making Allie go even more blank.

"If you're gonna put this on my shoulders, then you had better be there for me every minute, every second of every day, by my side."  
"We will," Gordie spoke up.  
"Of course," Will added.  
"No, no, really think about it. Don't nod your heads like idiots, don't give me an easy yes."  
Everyone looked at each other before Luke spoke up.  
"Yeah, Allie, we'll protect you."

"And if I have to make a decision and I don't know the answer, which by the way, I won't ..."  
"We'll all be with you, every decision, every second, like you said," Will stressed again. Allie inhaled deeply again and finally agreed to it before storming of upstairs to her room again.  
"Sure. Okay. But fuck all of you, and I mean that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this new chapter <3 Sam is clearly hiding something about his brother, isn't he? You'll find out more about that in the next chapter.


	33. ✩ I trust you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 32 recap: While Sam starts opening up to Grizz about the relationship between his cousins and him, he reckons he should maybe tell someone about his family secret. The two also start growing closer again, even holding hands unconsciously for some time. The next day, Sam talks about the baby with Becca, noticing that she is really really scared about everything. After the tense situation between the teens collapses in the cafeteria, Allie is asked to take over Cassandras position as a leader, to keep on with the rules they had and to maintain their functioning society.
> 
> **TW: mentions of guns & mental disorders**

As soon as she could, Allie gathered everyone at church for a town meeting after she went through all their plans with Will and Gordie the days before. She had to annouce her new leadership and that she was taking over Cassandras role of keeping them all safe.  
Everyone in church was whispering about why Allie wanted everyone to meet up. Some even thought they had found the killer of Cassandra but that was not the case yet.

As Allie walked in with the guard behind her towards the front of the church where Gordie and Will awaited her, everyone went quiet and started listening to what she was about to say.  
"Um ... in the name of my sister, I'm taking over the responsibility of keeping us all safe. Um ... of reinstating and enforcing the rules that she established. All the things that made this place work. Is there anyone who objects?"

Everyone looked around but stayed quiet. Nobody really thought that her getting the lead would be a bad idea. Therefore nobody objected.  
"Okay. New work lists will be posted this afternoon. Um, starting immediately, I'm going to be confiscating all guns. Every last one. We're gonna find who killed her."  
Not a second later she left. However the church at least stayed still for another minute as everyone didn't know what to think.

"Hey Becca, Sam," Gordie approached the brunette and the ginger as they were about to walk home. Their attention went towards him.  
"I wanted to talk to you guys about something."  
"Yeah sure," Becca responded signing the words along for Sam. As Gordie also knew some sign language, he did the same thing while talking to him.

"Bean told me that you two searched through the town documents a couple of weeks ago, right? You want to know what happened to us well, huh?" Gordie asked. Both nodded.  
"What if you join the commitee on going home? I mean, we could organize a meeting soon to discuss the things you found out and what Bean and I have," Gordie suggested.  
"Okay yeah, we did find some interesting things in those documents after all. So I'm in. What about you?" Becca asked towards Sam who also agreed on it.

"Great, i'll tell you about the meeting soon. See you at Allie's," Gordie said before walking off with Will who had been waiting.  
"I wonder what Bean and Gordie found out about everything. I mean, the only thing we know is that weird solar eclipse that happened."  
"Yeah right, seems like a good job for us. I know just how curious you are about all of this," Sam answered chuckling.  
"Oh shut up."

☾°✩↴

"I'll go check out the new work lists, you coming?" Becca asked Sam who was laying on his bed, reading a book. "I'll stay here, if that's okay. Can you check for me?" "Yeah sure, I'll be back in 30 minutes or so. I'll probably run by the drug store, get some toothpaste. You need something?" "No, I'm all set, thanks." "See you."

Sam continued reading his book instead of going with Becca. He hasn't really been feeling well that day anyways. It was nothing physical. It was more of a gut feeling that wanted to warn him.  
He knew he had to tell everyone soon. He knew he had to tell everyone about their situation they were in. It was too dangerous not to.

But he didn't know how he should do it, or when or why. He only knew he needed to warn everyone about a specific person.  
Maybe Grizz would be the right person to tell first. But could he trust him with this? And what could he do about it?  
He had to tell everyone in Allie's house after all. They needed to know with what kind of person they're dealing with. They needed to know the truth about his brother.

Caught up in his thoughts, he was distracted by his phone buzzing by his side.  
_**Becca:** Campbell is here, apparently he brought a gun. I thought you guys never had one??_  
That was true. Their parents never had a gun because of him. But Sam knew he must have stolen it from someone. And this was surely not his only one.  
_**Sam:** stolen, only option  
**Becca:** you think it's his only?  
**Sam:** no clue, but probably not. Be careful  
**Becca:** almost at church so dw! I'll be back in 20_

Sam was relieved that Becca was out of Campbell's sight. Campbell had never really liked Becca anyways but luckily they were mostly out of each others way. Sam still didn't want to imagine what he could do to her if they met alone somewhere. The way he had mistreated Sam so badly all the time, he imagined he could treat his best friend the same way just to make his brother furious and upset.

Not a second after Sam had concentrated on his book again, his phone buzzed again. This time, it was not Becca though but somebody else who he'd rather have in his life now than any thoughts about his brother.  
_**Grizz:** Hey, you home?  
**Sam:** yeah, why?  
**Grizz:** can I come over?  
**Sam:** sure, i'm in my room  
**Grizz:** be there in a second_

Even if he was feeling a bit sick that day, this already made it much better. Just hearing Grizz's soothing voice would cheer him up so much and he already knew it in advance.  
Grizz was almost right about the second though. Not even a minute after his text, the door to Sam's and Becca's room opened up, a content Grizz coming through the door.  
"Hey Sam," the jock greeted the ginger as he slowly stepped inside.

"Hey, didn't expect to see you today. And you were pretty serious about the second, huh?" Sam chuckled as he sat up and posced the book on one of the nightstands next to the bed.  
"Yeah I was already downstairs but I wanted to check in before just bursting into here," Grizz explained nervously.  
"Anyways, I heard Becca and you are part of the Commitee on Going Home now?"  
"How do you know that?"  
"Well, Gordie told me before. He's keeping me updated about everything a bit since I'm also interested in what has happened to us."

Sam raised his eyebrows impressed, knowing Gordie usually keeps important information discreet. However, who was part of this commitee was apparently not that private anymore. But everyone knew you could trust Grizz with such stuff anyways. He's always been the more interested, smart and intellectual one from his group of friends and everyone was aware of that.

"And I heard that you are now part of the guard," Sam joked. It was obvious he knew it because they had discussed it the day before with Luke, Will, Gordie and Becca.  
"Sure, got to keep this town safe," Grizz said proudly.  
"Sounds like your little helper syndrom is longing for some attention," Sam joked, now obviously somehow flirting with him again.

"I don't have a helper syndrom. I never had," he defended himself.  
"Oh let's see. You helped me with school and poetry, you went on that expedition to help us all and you're now helping us all to stay safe. Isn't that obvious?" Sam teased the jock who was starting to blush.  
"Okay okay, I give up," he laughed.  
"But Allie really needs my friends and I help. We're like the only people with some reputation here, since we all played football. So hopefully people will listen to us." Sam nodded.

"Yeah, I guess that will probably help. I hope this chaos has an end now and we can live here in peace until we find our way out. If we find a way out ..." Sam explained with a more sad ending than he had hoped.  
"The only thing we can do is hope for the best, I guess," Grizz answered, the ginger nodding.

"Grizz?" Sam suddenly broke the short silence that layed between them.  
"What?"  
"How can you ... handle all of this? You saw someone die, you burried two people and yet you still have the energy to help? I would mentally be a huge mess. Sometimes my simple work shifts even get on my nerves."  
Grizz inhaled, shocked about the sudden vulnerable side that Sam showed.

"I don't ... I don't know. It just passes I guess. I live here and now. Not in the past. What happened makes me stronger, not weaker. It's like training. Well ... I can't tell you that it's a good thing but everyone has different mental stabilities," Grizz explained his point of view, wanting to make it as fitting as possible and not too depressed. Sam hasn't seen him at his worst and Grizz knew he wouldn't in the next time. Usually his mental break downs happened at night when nobody was watching but him and the stars.

Sometimes he thought he couldn't take it anymore. Even before this trip happened, he had his mental lows with all the stress happening because of school, homework and football training at the same time.  
"I'm not ... fine mentally, if that's what you're asking for. I've had my lows in the past. You just don't know about them."

Sam always thought of Grizz as a really strong person. But now that he thought about it a second time, he knew why he was so scared his friends would find out about them. Maybe their reaction would just make him as mentally unstable as Sam sometimes was. He knew he hasn't been the most popular kid at school, and especially just them seeing Grizz hanging out with Sam could cause a scene, no matter what relationship the two had.  
Everyone had his flaws, he knew that now.

"Sorry, I never wanted this to go that deep," Sam excused himself, not knowing why he had just asked such a weird question before anyways.  
"It's okay. I mean ... I trust you with that. You wouldn't tell a soul."  
Sam wouldn't. Not even Becca. Loyalty was important to him, more than anything else. What stayed betweem him and Grizz would stay there. What stayed between him and Becca would stay there as well.  
This made Sam smile again after he almost burried himself in the ground.

He didn't even know why Sam did what he did next. He suddenly out of nowhere pulled Grizz into a hug, throwing his arms around his neck. Probably because he wanted to thank him. Thank him for being there for him, especially these days before when Cassandra had died.  
Grizz was more than suprised about this action but after a couple of seconds realizing what was happening, he hugged him back, wrapping his arms around his chest.

"Thank you, Grizz. I trust you too," Sam mumbled as his head rested on his shoulder and he burried his fingers into his back.  
And as Sam rested in his soft arms, he came to the realization that telling everyone about his brother was more urgent than ever. He had to tell them this evening or something bad would happen soon.

☾°✩↴

The rest of the day Grizz was busy with collecting guns from everyone. In the evening he had to inspect everyones bags before letting them into the church where Elle had organized a movie night. Sam didn't go as there were no subtitles available to the movie they were watching. Becca didn't either, she was rather into watching something on her own that she had downloaded.

Sam acted nervous the whole time, wandering around the house and watching Gordie and Bean inspect all the guns they had collected. As he walked towards the table and saw a gun in a plastic bag with Campbell's name on it, he knew he had to say something in order to get everyone together after the movie ended.  
"Anything yet?" he asked Gordie.  
"Nothing."

They had collected all the guns to inspect their magazine and the casings they all had. The casings that Gordie found at the crime scene should fit to one particular gun with the exact same bullets. But he hasn't found that one yet.

"He stole this, you know. My parents never had a gun in my house. Not with my brother there," Sam explained while pointing to the gun with Campbell's name.  
Gordie looked at him surprised, knowing immediately that there was something wrong.  
"The movie should be over soon. Let me know when everybody's back."

After half an hour, Allie, Will and Grizz came back from the movie night. Gordie immediately led them all into the living room where Sam was has been waiting together with Becca for everyone else.  
Bean and Gordie followed and they all sat down around him.  
Becca sat on the ground, kneeling in front of him and starting to interpret everything that Sam signed, as he was too weak to speak for himself in that moment. It was an important message that everyone had to understand the right way.

"There's a reason why we never had a dog growing up. We had a bird one time when I was little. It was yellow and green. His name was Oliver. It vanished from it's cage one day and I went to see if it got outside somehow because the window was open. I saw Campbell playing with it." Sam stopped for a moment, swallowing a big lump in his throat as his eyes started to fill up with tears. They were tears of fear and angst.  
"And he cut his wings off. Fully off. And was watching it try to walk away. Try to fly with his bloody stumps. It kept losing it's balance and falling over."

Grizz couldn't believe what Sam just told them all. He knew Campbell was weird and not the nicest to Sam but why would he hurt animals? He had to hear the rest of the story but couldn't hold back his eyes watering as well.  
"My parents tried to hide the truth from people. Pretending that he was just a difficult kid. Like a normal version of a problem child. Anti-social and moody," Becca further interpreted.

"But Campbell is not a normal version of anything," Sam inhaled deeply, finding it hard to tell the truth to all these people. But he knew he could trust them. They deserved to know and they needed to know.  
"They had him tested. He's a psychopath."  
"Fuck," Grizz mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief. Even Allie was close to tears, inhaling sharply. She was their cousin and didn't even know until that moment.

Sam now spoke up himself, wanting to stress the urgency of this situation.  
"You have to understand, he doesn't think like we do, feel like we do. He has no guilt, no empathy. He can mimic that stuff. But he can't actually feel it."  
"You're saying he killed Cassandra?" Will asked him.  
"I don't know. I just know he's a monster. And we're locked up in a room with him."

What they all didn't know was that Campbell was abusing Elle in that exact moment at the Eliot's residence, almost drowning her in the bathtub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now at least some people know the secret Sam has been hiding, which is probably for the best. ALso, aren't Sam and Grizz the cutest? I literally smiled so much while writing this.  
> Thank you so much for reading this new chapter <3 Hope you enjoyed it!


	34. ✩ Late riser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 33 recap: As Allie takes over the leadership of the town and confiscates all the guns, Sam and Becca are asked to join the Commitee on Going Home. The same day, Sam finds out about Campbell giving away his gun. The problem is: the Eliots never had a gun. Grizz spontaneously visits Sam and have a deep conversation as Sam hasn't been feeling well lately. They also express that they trust each other. In the evening, Sam finally tells everyone the truth about his brother Campbell who is a real psychopath.
> 
> **CW: mentions of slight nsfw and guns**

The whole next week, they didn't find anything. None of the guns they had collected fit to the bullets and casings Gordie has found. It was more than frustrating to everyone.  
As long as Allie hasn't found the killer, nobody really could feel safe. What if it really was Campbell? Now that a couple of people knew he was a psychopath, he was the number one suspect. He did give them his gun but surely it was not the only one he owned. He could have easily done it. However, they had no proof.

On a rainy sunday, Grizz was sitting outside on the porch, thinking about his life. It was his shift to look after Allie, who joined him after a while and brought some tea with her.  
"Oh, thank you so much. You've were up super early," Grizz noted as Allie handed him his tea.  
"Yeah, I don't know if I ever went to sleep," Allie explained as she sat down next to him.  
"Yeah, right. I'm sorry. That's rough times."

They both took a sip of their tea before continuing their conversation.  
"I think I'm afraid to fall asleep. There's this moment when I first wake up where I forget. And then ..."  
"Maybe that gets better. Or not ... better. But you get used to it ... or something."  
"Like Aeschylus?"  
"Yeah, like Aeschylus." Grizz smiled slightly as he remembered the quote he gave her, shortly after her sisters death.

"Thank you for that. I don't know if I ever said this, but thank you for, you know, taking care of me and everything."  
"That's no problem. You're the boss now, right? Gotta make sure you're safe."  
"I guess. I don't really feel like the boss, so ..."  
Grizz nodded understanding. He knew how she got pressured by everyone into this leading role. She didn't do it voluntarily. Therefore they had to make sure she is safe under all circumstances, at every time of the day.

The two spend at least another 20 minutes on the porch, drinking their tea and enjoying the silence that came with the rainy day in their town.  
They didn't know what they were about to find out that day.

☾°✩↴

While Becca, Allie, Sam, Luke, Will and Grizz were all hanging out in the kitchen a couple of hours later, eating breakfast together, Gordie stormed at the counter "Harry just talked to me. He claimed he knows who Cassandras killer is." "He said what?" Will asked incredulous. "He said we have to look for a gun at Dewey's house," Gordie added to his statement. "Dewey, like Greg? De— Hey are you seriously making a protein shake right now?" Grizz interrupted himself. "No," Luke answered who obviously was making himself a protein shake.

"Why didn't Harry just come and tell us himself?" Allie sighed.  
"Uh, Harry's a fucking pussy," Will answered.  
"Why Cassandra? Greg didn't even know her. I mean, why would he care?" Allie asked herself.  
"Maybe Harry put him up to it, maybe he made him confess so he could take the heat off of himself," Grizz suggested.  
"Like some deep mind control," Luke responded.  
"Right, exactly."

"Do you believe Harry?" Allie asked Gordie who brought up the situation in the first place.  
"Look. It's gonna sound weird, but I do. When he came up to me, he seemed like upset."  
"It doesn't matter. We have to arrest Dewey," Will stated strongly.  
"Arrest him? What do you mean, arrest him? Like, go ... just go nab him off the street?" Allie snapped back.  
"Yes. If he confessed—"

"What if Harry's lying?" Becca their conversation interrupted.  
"Dewey could still hurt someone if he has a gun. You guys surely didn't find every gun at the investigations you did," Sam added.  
"Exactly. We can't take any chances. We have to arrest him and search his house for the gun," Will agreed.

"Could you handle something like that?" Allie asked Luke who's shift was after Grizz's.  
"I mean, yeah, if we got up like ass-early in the morning."  
"Pre-dawn raid," Grizz added.  
"Yeah, like a pre-dawn raid, you know, like take him by surprise."  
"Yeah, I got handcuffs."  
Everyone looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"You mean, like actual handcuffs? Or the ones you get with a halloween costume from Walgreens."  
"Nope. Actual handcuffs."  
Sam immediately had to grin at the thought of Grizz owning handcuffs. Why would he own real handcuffs? And where did he get those from? But the real question was, in what occasion would he use them?  
Allie and Will joined Sam's grinning and had to hold back the laugther that was clearly near to escape their mouth.  
"Look, just ... say thank you. Okay? Yes," Grizz answered with raised eyebrows as nobody said anything.

"Back to our plan, let's do it tomorrow. I'll tell the guys and we can meet up at his house at 5am," Luke suggested after their embarrassing silence.  
"How are we supposed to know where he is staying?" Grizz asked. Clearly Dewey was a quiet person, who nobody really knew. Besides that, the whole house sharing situation was happening and not even Allie knew exactly who was sharing which house. Cassandra has organized that before.

"I'll be checking the principals office for information about him later. Someone wanna join me? Becca?" Allie asked, looking towards the brunette who was drinking her coffee.  
"Sure," she agreed nodding.  
"I'll let you know what we found out in the afternoon Luke. Oh and Grizz, you're done with your shift today. Thank you."  
The jock nodded, smiling slightly at her as he remembered their conversation earlier.

Grizz and Allie were never really close in high school. They barely even saw each other anyways, as Allie was a junior like Sam. But now that Grizz was part of the guard, he would definitely cross her way more often. However, he definitely couldn't complain about that. She was a nice person to be around and she had the potential to stay in this leadership position. He was sure she would make the right decisions, even if she needed a little help.

☾°✩↴

"So you want to tell me why exactly you own handcuffs?" Sam asked the blushing Grizz curiously. After they had finished their breakfast, or more or less almost lunch, Allie, Becca and Luke as their guard went of finding out more about Dewey in their old school. Will had lunch meal-prep and Gordie went back to his own work of investigating all the bullets and casings he found. That meant the two were alone in Sam's room now, talking like they had a couple of times these last days. Just casual and friendly conversations. Maybe a bit of flirting here and there.

"Um ... it's uh ... a trade secret," he stuttered an excuse. He would definitely not tell Sam where he had gotten rela handcuffs from. Maybe eventually, but surely not now.  
The ginger raised his eyebrows, getting even more curious and teasing him a bit.  
"Trade secret? What kind of kinky club are you in?" he joked.  
"Haha, very funny," Grizz rolled his eyes but still smiled.  
"I'll _maybe_ , just maybe, tell you eventually. But for now, it's a trade secret with my brain."

Sam couldn't help but assume that these handcuffs were for some kind of sexual purpose. It was the first thought that had creeped in his mind and he couldn't think of any different use for real handcuffs. If he wanted to be a police officer for halloween or something, he could also own toy handcuffs. So why real ones?  
For sure Sam also knew his parents weren't police officers in any way. Therefore a sexual use was the only available option.  
However in the end, Sam didn't know as he couldn't read his mind after all.

Before falling too deep into sexual thoughts that involved Grizz with his handcuffs, he quickly changed the topic back to the real reason why they referred to the object anyways.  
"Do you know anything about that Dewey guy?" Sam asked him. He didn't know him himself. He's only seen him hanging out with Harry sometimes in school but that was it. They've never talked before.  
"Not really. He's hanging out with Harry and Campbell sometimes but that's all. Not a very social person definitely. Oh, I know Clark's sister found him hot but ... can't relate honestly."

Sam couldn't relate either, as he barely saw him and his appearance wasn't appealing to him. How could he ever relate to Clarks sister if he only had eyes for one particular boy who was sitting right in front of him in that moment? That one particular boy he's been longing for for the second time already. He just hoped this time he would stay and wouldn't hurt his feelings again. He would take that risk.  
"Me neither," Sam agreed on Grizz's statement.

"But honestly, I can't imagine him doing something like this. He was just a quiet kid and never had something to do with Cassandra as well," Grizz spoke out his beliefs.  
"People who seem the most innocent do the most deeds. Or would you have imagined Campbell being a psychopath if I haven't told you?"  
"Well, Campbell is not innocent. We all suspected he was somehow crazy. Or at least I did. But if you think about it, Dewey did hang out with him sometimes so maybe that rubbed off a bit."

Sam laughed slightly, even if it was about his horrible brother.  
"I don't even want to know what my brother does with all the people he hangs out with," Sam joked. He could kind of still approach this with some humour, even if his brother has always been more of a complicated topic.

"I guess we'll know more after the raid tomorrow. But getting up at 4:30am? Hate that already," Grizz complained already.  
"A late riser, huh?"  
He nodded admitting his sleeping habit he loved. The much he had liked going to school and having football practice, he hated getting up early. Grizz needed his beauty sleep.  
"Don't tell me you're an early bird."  
"Do I look like one?"  
"I don't know, I guess you never know with people. And trust me, I know a lot of people you'd least expect it from who enjoy getting up ass early in the morning."

Sam shook his head in amusement.  
"To calm you down, I'm not an early birdy"  
Grizz exhaled in relief, already falling in love with the idea of the two sleeping in together. But would that ever happen? Grizz somehow hoped it would in the future someday.  
"I would so not be down to get up at 4 for something like that, so my respect for that," Sam added to his statement.  
"I mean, it's my job basically. Don't want to miss that. And it's for Cassandra after all. Don't we all want to know who killed her?"  
"Right."

Suddenly Grizz had a suprising idea. It was not completely new, as he had thought about asking this a couple of times before. However, he was not sure what Sam would think about it after all. But with the two getting along so well, enjoying each other's company, he decided on being brave. It would pay off.  
"Hey, Sam do you maybe ... uh, wanna hang out tonight at my place? I'm done with my work today and I could really use another sign language lesson. We could also get snacks and uh, watch a movie or something. With subtitles of course."

Grizz indeed needed more knowledge in sign language. He did learn some sings here and there but he wanted to know more for Sam. He still wanted to communicate with him in a proper way as he knew lip reading wasn't as easy as it seemed.  
What Grizz also needed was more of him. More of his soothing and calming presence. The best time of Grizz's day was always when he was able to talk to him. And if he couldn't, his day would immediately be boring. How could one person make Grizz feel all these things?

Sam didn't hesitate. He was surprised but not in a bad way at all.  
"Yeah sure, I'll drop by after my shift. I have dinner meal-prep tonight, so i'll probably be done around 8:30 or so."  
Grizz almost jumped out of happiness, but didn't obviously. He couldn't believe his own ears.  
"Okay, great."  
"Great."

☾°✩↴

"He's shit at physics, got a detention for smoking weed in the bathroom," Becca read from Dewey's online file on the principals computer. "So we're basically the same person," Allie responded after searching for his paper file. "Lacrose team, sophomore year. Douchebag," Becca continued. Dewey definitely seemed like a normal teenager from his documents. "His parents were both lawyers," Allie read from her evidence. "Everyone's parents are lawyers. It's like a zoning requirement or something."

"He has a brother and a sister. It's pretty average setup," Allie added. Becca sighed, as their was basically no relevant information to be found in his file.  
"No suspensions, no psych referrals. Do you think you ever saw him around with a girlfriend or anything?"  
"I don't think so. I mean, I know he had friends, I just don't think he was like tight with anyone."  
"Greg Dewey, a complete nobody."

"Do you think that he could've done this alone?" Allie asked as he thought further into this.  
"I don't know." Becca frowned as she went through everything again.  
"Do you have his adress?" she added.  
"Yeah, but I guess he's staying at someone else's. Maybe Harry's, since I've seen the two hang out before. I'm just gonna ask Luke or Clark if he's seen him at his house before."

"Alright. Are we done then? My cleaning shift starts soon. It's almost 1pm."  
"Yeah sure, I'll let you know if I found anything."  
Becca left the office, saying goodbye to Luke who was waiting outside for safety purposes.  
Suddenly Becca felt nauseous again mostly likely because of her pregnancy. If anyone had told her how exhausting and disgusting these attack of nausea were, she would have definitely been more careful. She was sure she had been at the time she had slept with that guy but at the same time she couldn't retell everything that had happened.

"You okay?" Luke asked as he saw her stopping and clasping her stomach. As fast as the nausea came, the fast it was luckily gone again without her having to vomit.  
"Yeah, don't worry," she claimed, denying her little incident and walking to her shift like nothing happened.  
She was already so sick of her pregnancy but she still had to endure it for another 4-6 months. She didn't even exactly know when she would be due.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this new chapter. Next chapter will be about Grizz and Sam only so be prepared!! <3


	35. ✩ Beautiful language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 34 recap: Grizz and Allie have a short talk in the morning. Later, Gordie tells everyone that Harry informed him about Greg Dewey being the potential killer of Cassandra. Grizz, Luke, Clark and Jason plan on doing a pre-dawn raid for the next day to search for a gun at his house. After their planning, Grizz and Sam talk alone in Sam's room until Grizz invites him over for the night. Meanwhile Becca and Allie search for information about Greg Dewey in the principals office.
> 
>  **CW: Mentions of blood** (only Sam cutting himself, nothing bad)

Sam had almost cut himself at least three times during his meal-prep that evening; the fourth time he indeed had cut himself slightly. Not because he was a usual clumsy person, which he was not, but rather because he was as excited as never before, or at least in a long time.  
With all this new things happening day to day, he was exhausted of everything. He never imagined a live without a whole civilisation would be this difficult. That's how people from the stone age must have felt but without the electronical devices, of course.  
His excitement, caused by meeting Grizz after his shift, grew bigger the more time passed. It seemed like he was about to have a heart attack as soon as he hang his apron away and got ready to go.

The only problem he had before was Becca who was more than curious on what he was doing that night. She was still not aware of all the conversations Grizz and him had had in the past weeks. Therefore telling her he would visit Grizz's would absolutely take up too much explanation time and with her pregnancy going on, Sam didn't want to annoy her with any of his own problems. She had other things to worry about.  
Luckily she was already satisfied with a simple answer: "I'm going out tonight, just text me when you need me, okay?"

The cafeteria was only about a five minute walk from Grizz's house so Sam wasn't any further exhausted as he rang the doorbell. He wondered who else lived in his house or if he was living there alone. But with the house sharing going on, the possibility that Grizz was usually living at someone else's house was high as well.

As soon as Grizz heard the shrill door bell, he sprinted down the stairs, checking his hair one more time in the mirror next to the door before opening it.  
"Hey," he smiled as he saw Sam who was as handsome as ever with his blue sweater, white shirt underneath and brown corduroy pants.  
"Hey," the ginger responded with a slight smirk while his eyes wandered across Grizz.  
"Come in," the jock offered and stepped away from the door, granting Sam space to enter his house.

"Sorry if it's a bit dusty here. I'm usually staying at Luke's but I still come here sometimes. Positive thing is that we have the house to ourselves now. No other people to interrupt," Grizz explained with as much sign language as he knew after Sam took off his shoes in the hallway, making himself feel at home. He hasn't seen his house in a long time, at least half a year or so.  
"Do you want something to drink?"  
"Just some water," Sam responded before following Grizz in the kitchen.

While Grizz got a glass out of the cupboard and filled it up with water, Sam sat down on one of the chairs at the kitchen counter. He observed the environment around him but could easily remember everything from the times he's been here before. However his glance got stuck at the jock's body, even if he couldn't see his face. Sam was fascinated by the way he moved around. Even the simplest movements of his opponent made Sam almost sob. How could one person be this attractive and not only from the outside?  
"Here," Grizz interrupted Sam's thoughts and he was back in reality.  
"Thanks."

After taking a big sip of his water, he immediately turned his attention towards Grizz again who sat down next to him.  
"So how was ... wait, did you cut yourself?" the jock asked as he noticed a little bit of blood dripping down his finger.  
"Shit, yeah. Didn't notice," Sam mumbled, now noticing the pain as he tried cleaning up the blood that was about to drip down on the kitchen counter.  
"Hold on," Grizz said before storming off to the bathroom to get a band aid.

As he got back, the jock gently wiped up the blood on Sam's finger before carefully placing the band aid on the small cut.  
Sam couldn't help but enjoy the gentle touches of Grizz. He seemed to be more cautious about this than ever before. Sam knew Grizz was gentle but this was definitely on another level. It felt so good, these perfect touches. He didn't even want it to end.  
"Thank you," the ginger thanked Grizz after he was done and moved his hand away, to Sam's loss.

"So how was your shift today?" Grizz finished the question he wanted to ask earlier.  
"The usual. I honestly hate meal prep though, especially in the evening. Luckily I didn't have to wash the dishes today, otherwise I would have shown up at least an hour later."  
"I know, I only had that shift once but it was the most exhausting one I have to agree. By the way how did you just sign _work shift_?"

Sam quickly showed him the simple sign for the word he asked for. Grizz repeated after him, getting it as quickly as always. He knew he wanted to learn even more from Sam in order to communicate even better with him. Maybe they could have private conversations in public one day without anyone knowing what they were talking about.  
Sam watched how Grizz got fascinated by every new sign he learned. It felt great to teach him sign language, mostly because he could spend time with him but also because the communication barrier would grow smaller. Sam was good at reading lips, however it was still a really exhausting activity to do all the time.

"You're getting so much better at sign language. I'm really impressed," Sam praised Grizz.  
"Thanks, but it's still not that good to communicate well with you," he commented quite sad about not knowing more of this beautiful language.  
"Honestly, even if you just sign a little bit in each sentence it helps me a lot. I can still read your lips after all," Sam explained. Grizz smiled a little.  
"But if you want me to teach you more, I definitely can do that. What about now? You asked me for lessons anyways," he added. The jock nodded, agreeing to his suggestion.  
"Great, let's see what I can teach you."

The two spent at least one hour practicing sign language together in the kitchen. Sam taught Grizz lots of different new words and phrases he could use in his future conversations with him.  
Grizz enjoyed learning sign language, or more or less the language that Sam used in his daily life. He wanted to get invested in this as much as possible, practicing everything as best as he could.

Sam couldn't complain about these lessons. The only thing that mattered for him in that moment was Grizz who he was able to talk to. The guy who he was comfortable with. The funny and handsome jock he secretly craved for.  
Moreover, Sam was impressed by his learning skills. Grizz was a very intelligent and smart person after all, being able to remember all these hand movements.  
He especially loved the moments where Grizz signed something wrong or just couldn't move his hands in the right position.

In those moments Sam was able to touch him and his warm presence. It was a soothing almost tingly feeling that spread around his whole stomach as soon as their skin touched. Sometimes it even felt like little butterflies, just like everyone had always described the feeling of being in love. But was he? Was he really in love with Grizz? All he knew was that he _really_ liked him. All he knew was that he _really_ wanted to kiss him, cuddle him and just be with him all the time. He missed the feeling of his soft and warm lips on his. Sam just wished everything would have happened differently.

If Grizz hadn't kissed that girl, the two would have gotten together a couple of weeks later for sure. Maybe in secret, but this would have been better than at least four months full of grief, regret and anger.  
They would have had way different problems to deal with before their trip. But at least they could have faced them together and not apart. They would have gone into this new world together.  
However, at least they were getting closer by now again. Maybe it would all work out this time. Sam could only hope.

After Grizz tried signing the word _vegetable_ , Sam had to surpress the big laughter that was about to slip out of his mouth. Only after a second he couldn't hold it back anymore and had to chuckle.  
"What?" Grizz wrinked his eyebrows.  
"You just signed something completely different," Sam explained still laughing slightly.  
"Wait, what did I sign then?"  
"Look, _this_ is vegetable. _This_ is virgin," Sam said while showing him the two similar signs. Grizz started blushing slightly as soon as he realized.

"I just signed _virgin_?! Oh damn," he laughed about himself, nervously rubbing his neck shortly. Sam nodded.  
"You have to turn your hand this way, see," he advised him as he grabbed his hands to show him.  
"Got it."  
This time Grizz signed it the right way but was still a tiny bit embarrassed he had gotten it wrong before.  
"Why do these have to be so similar? They have nothing to do with each other," Grizz chuckled.  
"That's the beauty of sign language."

Secretly Grizz obviously had remembered the wrong sign immediately. He kind of wondered if Sam was still a virgin. As far as he know he's never been with anyone before. But honestly you never know what happens in a person's private life until you get access to it. Grizz wasn't a virgin himself but thinking about it, he wished he was. These couple of times he's slept with girls were meaningless and he'd at least drank 7 beers beforehand. Sam was the first one he had enjoyed, and would definitely enjoy, all those things that came with love. It just felt right to Grizz.

By now he just hoped the two would soon work out again. He would definitely not fuck it up this time, making out with someone else while they were almost exclusive.  
Grizz felt the exact same way as Sam. Just by touching him, it seemed like he was in heaven.  
But obviously they were both not able to read each others minds nor feelings. If they only knew what they felt for each other.

After they both decided they had enough sign language and learning sessions that day, they switched to Grizz's bedroom and started watching a movie, with closed captions, that they had agreed on on his bed. The two sat down relatively close next to each other, but still with a little space between them.  
The movie they chose was called _Kill your Darlings_ and was based around Alan Ginsberg and his affection towards Lucien Carr, who was accused of murder at the end. What a coincidence that the first conversations between Grizz snd Sam where mostly about this particular poet and his work.

During the course of the movie, the two enjoyed each others company more than ever. Even if they didn't talk, the presence of each other made them happy.  
However, Sam got more and more tired from the day as the time passed. His shift had been way too exhausting for him that day. Even if his blood was filled with endorphines, his eyes still felt heavier and he yawned more than usual.  
Rubbing his eyes a couple of times, trying to stay awake, barely worked. He knew he had to get home before midnight and without falling asleep on the sidewalk as well.

Grizz seemed to notice Sam's tiredness as he glanced over to him more often and was almost close to stopping the movie. He didn't exactly know what else to do but maybe his tired condition wasn't as bad as he thought.  
Sam had suddenly scooted closer to Grizz and started resting his head on his shoulder as he closed his eyes. Grizz didn't really know if he did it on purpose or if his sleeping urge took over him. However, he couldn't complain. He had only imagined such a situation in his head but now that it was actually happening, his heart immediately beat faster.

As the movie was almost over, he decided to let Sam rest on his shoulder as long as the movie was still playing. He decided on letting him stay as well if he wanted to, even if Grizz had to get up really early for the pre-dawn raid the next day.  
To Grizz, the ginger almost looked angelic in the light they got from the laptop screen, dozing on his shoulder. He observed his relaxed, sleepy face for way too long but the more he looked at him, the more his butterflies he had in his stomach grew.

The more he watched his chest raising up and down with every breath he took, the more he fell for him. Grizz Visser was slowly falling really hard for Sam Eliot, without an end in sight.  
He didn't know if that's what love is supposed to be feel and be like. But if it was, he would be the happiest person on earth. The only thing that was missing for Grizz was Sam's lips on his. How much he missed his soft and tender lips on his own.

As the movie ended, he slowly straightened up his back but accidentaly woke Sam up during the process. He quickly raised his head only realizing in that moment that he had fallen asleep on Grizz's shoulder.  
"Fuck, sorry," Sam mumbled as an excuse and yawned afterwards.  
"I'm just really tired."  
"Yeah I can see that," Grizz chuckled as he closed his laptop.

"What time is it?" Sam asked, still really sleepy as he slowly tried getting up from the bed.  
"11:30pm."  
"What? Already? How long did I sleep?"  
"Only around 30 minutes."  
"Shit," he mumbled once again, as he grabbed his shoes that were next to Grizz's bed and tried putting them on. However, he was so tired, he couldn't even manage to put the right shoe on his right foot.

"Sam," Grizz tapped his shoulder to get his attention, "you can sleep here if you want. I don't think you'll make it home before curfew without falling asleep om the way anyways."  
"Really? Don't you have to get up early tomorrow?"  
"Yeah I do, but that doesn't mean you can't stay here. And as you're already really tired, it's the most convenient thing, right?"  
Sam thankfully agreed to his suggestion, also thinking it's best if he stays with Grizz. Even if he was really tired, he was more than happy to spend the night with him.

After Grizz had given him a new toothbrush he still had left over in his bathroom, they both got ready for bed even if it was harder for Sam than usual. Brushing his teeth made him even more tired again.  
A couple of minutes later they both threw off their clothes, slipping under the sheets of his bed.  
"Thank you for this," Sam thanked Grizz for the kind gesture, starring deep into his eyes. He almost lost himself in them for a second, like he always did, almost like out of habit.  
"No problem."

And in the next moment, they both just wanted one thing. They both just wanted to kiss each other; pressing each others lips onto one another; feel the soft texture.  
However, none had enough courage to follow their urge. This was way too risky for both of them. Neither Grizz nor Sam knew each others feelings. They both just suspected the other didn't feel the same way. But that was only in their imaginations. The reality was different. They both wanted each other just as badly as before.

Sam's tiredness finally took over and he fell asleep quickly. Grizz however couldn't quite follow his example next to him, this beautiful person. All he could do was look at him and admire everything about him. Even in his sleep he had this comfortable aura spreading from him, making Grizz desire grow bigger. This was almost like a little vicious circle, Grizz thought.  
However, he quickly caught himself starring for way too long again and decided to turn around, facing the ginger with his back.  
And before Grizz fell asleep, he had wished for a little bit more courage when it came to Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a cute scene, right? I literally couldn't stop smiling when writing this!!  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this exclusively long grizzam chapter <3


	36. ✩ Pre-dawn raid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 35 recap: After Sams work shift, Grizz and Sam meet up at Grizz's house. Sam teaches him more sign language and they have a lot of fun with it. For example, Grizz gets the signs vegetable and virgin mixed up. After that, they watch a movie together but Sam quickly grows tired and falls asleep on Grizz's shoulder. With Sam being too tired and him not being able to get home before curfew anyways, he spends the night at Grizz's house.
> 
> **TW: NSFW content, mentions of guns**

Grizz suddenly woke up from the shrill noises of his alarm clock. Grunting from a little headache he had, he quickly turned of his alarm, not noticing that he had already overslept. The first thing he noticed instead was Sam laying very closely next to him, almost cuddling into his shoulder. His relaxed and soft face immediately made Grizz smile, making him get more relaxed himself.

After admiring Sam for at least another minute, he finally checked the time. 5:03am.  
"Fuck." Grizz had slept through his alarm over half an hour. They we're already supposed to be at Dewey's.  
Therefore he immediately jumped out of bed and got ready as fast as he could, sprinting towards Harry's house where the suspect was living. He even forgot about Sam in that moment, but as he was still sleeping he didn't want to wake him up anyways.

As he reached the residence at 5:18am, Luke, Clark and Jason were already waiting for him unpatiently. They were more than mad that he has overslept.  
"Jesus Christ. Grizz, where the fuck have you been?" Luke immediately asked him furiously as he ran up to them.  
"Sorry, I slept through my alarm," Grizz tried apologizing.  
"Pre-dawn raid means pre-dawn," Luke snapped at him.  
"I know!"  
"Yeah, man, it's like post-dawn right now," Jason added.

"Can we just do this?" Clark rolled his eyes as he suddenly pulled out a gun from behind his back.  
"Whoa, what the fuck is that, Clark?" Luke asked surprised.  
"It's a gun."  
"Yeah, no shit. We can see that."  
"Where'd you get it?" Grizz asked more than shocked.  
"Gordie gave it to me. This weirdo shot someone, okay? We can't go in unarmed."

"Have you had it here this whole time?" Jason raised his eyebrows.  
"Yes, bro. Relax."  
"Do you even know how to use it?" Grizz asked once again being more concerned about the safety of himself and his friends than anyone else.  
"I mean, how hard can it be?" Clark pointed the gun towards the sky, definitely not looking like he's ever shot a gun before.  
"Oh my god," everyone rolled their eyes.

"All right, you know what? You're goi in first, all right, Clark?" Luke tried taking over the situatuon to get some order in their chaotic conversation.  
"Coll. Hey, I'll read him his rights. Make sure everything's legit —" Jason started but got interrupted by Grizz.  
"Dude, no one gives a shit about that."  
"Law and order, man. You don't read the bad guy his rights, he gets away —"  
"There's no more legal system, Jason. We're living in some sort of fucking black hole anti-universe. I really don't think the Miranda warning —"  
"I'm just trying to make sure everything's legit so we're not stormtroopers —"

"Guys, hey! Hey! Let's just fucking do this, all right?" Luke interrupted their fighting. There was no more time to loose anyways since Grizz has already been too late.  
"Come on, follow me. Fuck," he advised as he started running towards the entry of Harry's mansion. The three friends followed him, Grizz almost slipping on the wet grass they were running over. This would be more than interesting.

☾°✩↴

_"Fuck, Grizz," Sam moaned slightly as Grizz's hands wandered beneath the hem of his shirt. The two were kissing each other passionately on the bed, their lips and tongues almost dancing perfectly with one another. With Sam sitting on top of Grizz, the jock had access to almost every part of his body that was still covered in clothes. But that didn't last long.  
After just a couple of moments, Grizz pulled of Sam's shirt and carelessly threw it to the ground before bringing his attention back to his beautiful lover._

_This was exactly what Sam had dreamed of for so long. Longer than he even knew himself.  
The blood rushing through him felt as warm as never before, his heart beat got faster and faster. Wanting to feel Grizz as badly as never, Sam quickly followed his actions, pulling of the jock's shirt off his body. Only seeing his defined muscles made Sam's starting errection grow bigger. He scooted even more towards Grizz now, grinding his hips slightly foward.  
Grizz's lips escaped more than just a small moan, being more than turned on by Sam's coordinated movements._

_Their kisses got more and more intense, feeling each others desire and following them as best as they could. They both just wanted one thing in that moment.  
Sam couldn't wait any longer. He wanted this more than anything else.  
"I want you now, Grizz," he whispered out of breath against his lips. The jock stopped for a moment, looking Sam deep into his eyes.  
"Are you sure?" he wanted to reasure and get his consent._

_Sam didn't give him a verbal answer. Instead he pressed his lips against his and pushed him down to the bed. He quickly unbuckled the belt he had on and threw it to the ground.  
However, Sam didn't have control for long as Grizz quickly turned them around by grabbing his hips gently, pressing him down.  
The jock was in full control now, his hand wandering towards Sam's belt and unbuckling it as well. It didn't take long until he had unbuttoned his pants and his hand was slowly wandering down ... _

Sam suddenly opened his eyes in confusion. Damn it, why did he have to wake up from this? He's had these kind of dreams before, probably like every teenager, but not this intense. To him it seemed like it had happened in real life. It was one of those moments where he couldn't distinguish the real from the dream world.

Just like he had already imagined, Sam did have a little morning errection. However, he wasn't even bewildered by that after that dream of his. He decided on not doing anything against it and just waiting for it to go away. He would definitely not do it in Grizz's house, nor his bed or bathroom even if he was more than turned on in that moment. Luckily it didn't take long until it vanished and he was finally able to go to the bathroom.

After visiting the toilet, he washed his hands and splashed his face with a bit of cold water. Besides sleeping like a baby, he felt more tired than he had imagined. As Grizz was nowhere in sight, he thought he was still busy with that raid they were doing this morning.  
Sam checked his phone after returning from the bathroom and laying down on Grizz's bed again. 9:13am.

_**Becca:** you still coming home? (23:41pm)  
**Becca:** doesn't seem like it, sleep tight <3 (0:38pm)  
**Grizz:** good morning, make yourself at home and get some breakfast if you like. There's orange juice and other goods in the fridge. I'll be back soon! (8:24am)  
**Grizz:** i'll let you know about the raid later (8:24am)_

Sam couldn't help but smirk at Grizz's message. He always knew he was caring but this was more than sweet of him. Just the treating of his little cut the evening before had shown him how much of a caring person he was. And now he even checked in on him eating breakfast. Absolutely adorable, Sam thought.  
Therefore, the ginger got himself some orange juice, just like Grizz recommended to him, and some toast he found in the pantry.

While he was enjoying his breakfast in the kitchen, he quickly noticed the front door opening and someone entering the house. But it was not the person he had expected to see after all.  
"Sam?" the girl frowned.  
"Helena? What — what are _you_ doing here?" the ginger stammered as he quickly noticed he was only in his boxers. He stayed behind the kitchen counter.  
"I could ask you the same question," she approached him, entering the kitchen.

As Sam was clearly more than shocked to see her entering Grizz's house, Helena took a deep breath.  
"I'm supposed to get a sweater for Luke that he had left here a couple days ago," she explained as she inspected Sam a bit better.  
"And why are you here, eating breakfast at Grizz's?"  
"Uh ... we were just uh, hanging out yesterday. And we passed curfew so ... I stayed here," Sam stuttered, still not really realizing who was standing right next to him.

It was Helena Wu. Luke's girlfriend. Luke was one of Grizz's good friends. What if Helena told him that he saw Sam at Grizz's house? Grizz wanted to keep everything a secret after all. At least that's what he wanted the first time. Sam assumed he still didn't want to get outed. But why did Sam care after all? He and Grizz weren't a thing anymore. They were just friends. At least that's what their official relationship status was.

Helena raised her eyebrows suspiciously.  
"Since when are you hanging out with Grizz?"  
Sam's cheeks turned slightly red. What the hell was he supposed to come up with?  
"We ... did a project together, back in school. I guess, we're kinda friends since then," he explained to the girl.  
"Sounds great, Grizz is a pretty cool guy. Uh, I'm gonna get the sweater real quick," she laughed as she pointed towards the stairs and left.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she was upstairs and out of sight. At least she believed him. But what about Luke? She would surely tell him about it. What was he supposed to do about that?  
"Helena?" Sam stopped her as soon as she got downstairs with the sweater she's been searching for.  
"Yeah?" she turned towards the ginger.  
"Listen, could you please not tell anyone that you've seen me here?"  
"Why?" she pinched her eyebrows in confusion.

"Nobody knows we're hanging out. And I guess, you know how some ... people feel about me. Would kinda seem like, Grizz just sees me out of pity ... which he doesn't."  
Luckily Helena was more than understanding, giving him a little smile.  
"Okay, sure. No problem. I won't tell anyone."  
"Thank you," Sam whispered thankfully before she already left again. What a surprising event, he thought.  
However, Sam had no idea that Helena had realized something was off and the two were not just friends. She still wouldn't tell anyone.

Only about 10 minutes later, Sam was done with his breakfast and was watching a show that he had downloaded in his gallery before all this happened. He's been watching it for the 10th time by now but what else should he have done?  
As the door opened again, Sam quickly took notice again from the corner of his eye. This time it was the person he was expecting to see.  
"Good morning," Grizz entered the kitchen in all black clothing.  
"Morning," Sam greeted back, his heart rate inreasing the closer the jock got.

"How was breakfast?" Grizz asked him as he walked towards him, sitting down at the kitchen counter with him.  
"All good. Thanks for having me over by the way. I didn't think I'd get this tired yesterday," the ginger answered.  
"That's no problem. I had a good time yesterday, so I didn't mind."  
"Yeah, me too," Sam smiled at Grizz who was immediately returning the gesture. How could a smile be so perfect?

"How was the pre-dawn raid? I didn't notice when you left."  
"I actually slept through my alarm which my friends were not amused about. And it was chaotic as hell but in the end we arrested Dewey and found a hidden gun that Gordie is going to investigate," Grizz explained.  
"And where did you put him?"  
"Luke has this wine cellar in his house, we locked him up in there. We're gonna look after him, in shifts."  
Sam nodded interested, thinking it was the right decision to do that to the guy who possibly shot his cousin.

"Do you really think he did it? Was he acting suspicious when you got him earlier?"  
"Kind of. Of course he denied it at first but as we found the gun he acted weird. Definitely more than suspicious," Grizz further explained to Sam.  
"Words never say as much as body language does," the ginger answered who knew how to read a person's behaviour correctly.  
"I suppose you must be an expert in body language."  
Sam nodded, grinning all over his face.  
"Lip reading had taught me a lot about the human body. You don't only talk with your lips but with your hands, your feet, your chest. Basically every part of your body."

☾°✩↴

After Becca was asking way too many questions for way too long about what Sam was up to that night, he finally gave in and told her about meeting with Grizz for a sign language lessons. He left the whole movie part untold. This would make her way too excited over the upbuilding tension between the two. Luckily she was happy with that story as well but Sam definitely had to clarify the relationship was only friendship based. At least in that moment.

Later in the afternoon, Allie convened a church meeting once again, most likely to update the town about the raid that had happened earlier in the morning.  
"I heard they dragged him out of his house butt naked," Becca signed to Sam after they sat down, seeing Allie stand in front of everyone, waiting for them to sit down.  
"And I missed it?" Sam joked, acting like he didn't know what happened although he obviously did because of Grizz that morning.  
"It's Dewey, remember? I don't think you've missed much," Becca chuckled.

"Hey everyone. I just ... I'll keep it brief. I just wanna give you an update on everything. Um ... everything that's happened," Allie started to talk as everyone went quiet to listen.  
"There was an arrest this morning. Greg Dewey."  
Part of the crowd started mumbling about the news. However most stayed quiet as they already knew about the arrest. News spread fast in times of text messaging.  
"Um ... we're keeping him in an undisclosed location until we figure out what happened, you know, if there was anyone else involved. We're taking care of him. Making sure he has everything he needs. Cassandra ... I know she would have wanted that. We'll keep you updated on what will happen to him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this new chapter <3 You won't have to wait too long for the next chapter: I just forgot to post this one a bit earlier :D


	37. ✩ The trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 36 recap: grizz slept through his alarm and shows up late to the raid he and his friends then do. Meanwhile Sam has a not so innocent dream about Grizz and him. After finally getting up though, Helena unexpectedly runs into him in the kitchen. They have a little suprised talk and Sam asks her to stay quiet about finding him in Grizz's house due to his friends. After the raid, Grizz comes home and tells Sam what happened. Allie calls a town meeting, telling everyone that they arrested Greg Dewey.
> 
> **TW: Mentions of death, guns; bad swear words**

After Grizz had finished his work shift of guarding Dewey a couple of days later, he went up to the Pressman's residence and decided to wait for someone special. He's been texting with Sam again. A lot; Including a lot of flirting. Grizz just couldn't wait to see him again, especially after Dewey had acted like an asshole again, just like the days before as they waited for the trial Allie would set up.   
At the trial Gordie would act as the prosecutor while Helena was defending Dewey. Grizz honestly felt sorry about that, having lots if respect for Helena doing something like this.

However, until then he would still want to surprise Sam and he really hoped he'd enjoy the sudden company.  
Grizz himself loved spending time with Sam, more than ever before. It felt like a miracle that the two have found each other again and were over the things that happened at the beginning of the year. The butterflies were back, really really strong and he couldn't deny it. He wished for Sam to feel the same, however he couldn't force any feelings upon him. He would just have to wait and see.

Grizz was torn from his thoughts about Sam as his best friend suddenly entered the room with a camera. Sam had mentioned Becca doing a video journal recently so he figured why she was holding the camera and recording.  
"Hey Becca," Grizz greeted a bit shocked by the sudden appearance.  
"Hey."  
"You uh ... seen Sam around?"  
"No not for a while, I mean he's probably at work," she said as she sat down.

"What? Are you teaching him how to play football or something?" she added curiously as she saw his quite disappointed look.  
Grizz had to smirk a little. He figured Sam had told Becca about them but apparently he hasn't yet. Therefore at least he decided to tell half the truth.  
"No, uh ... actually, he's teaching me how to sign a bit."  
"Why do you want to learn sign?" she asked with a confused look on her face.

"Uh ...," Grizz hesitated. He knew he couldn't just tell her the truth, like _Oh because I have a huge crush on Sam and we've been doing this for a year_. Luckily he came up with a reason. A pretty weak one but it would make the job.  
"Well, there's not much to do around here right? Why not? Try something new every day, yeah."  
Becca didn't seem to get it at first but now that he has seen Grizz's face that almost screamed _gay panic_ , she knew what was going on. She wouldn't bother about it though.

"Uh ... yeah, but he'll be home in a little. His work shift is over, I think."  
"Ok, cool."  
"I'll let you know if he texts me or anything," Becca added as she closed her camera and stopped recording, smiling a little bit. She quickly left upstairs towards her room, wanting to give the two the space they needed.  
Why hasn't Sam told her about the two seeing each other again? She clearly could notice they were still into each other. Even if Sam has told her that they were just friends, this felt more than a simple platonic friendship. Even Becca had finally noticed it, even though Sam and Grizz had always met subtle and in secret mostly.

Grizz had to take off his varsity jacket as he had suddenly started to sweat out of nervousness. No wonder, after he had just exposed the two. She was Sam's best friend after all, but he didn't know how much Sam had told her about it and how much he wanted her to know.  
Hopefully Grizz could trust Becca not to tell anyone. But who would she tell anyways? She had nothing to do with his friends that he was afraid to come out to. She probably already knew about Grizz's sexuality after all since Sam and Grizz almost dated the year before after all.

Speaking of Sam, not even five minutes later, the ginger came home from his shift and was more than surprised to see Grizz sitting on one of couches. The two immediately smiled at each other.  
"Grizz? Didn't expect to see you today," Sam greeted him in a friendly tone as he approached him, sitting down next to him.  
"I just wanted to see you and check on you. How was your day?"  
"Good, I guess. Now even better," he signed and bit his lip softly. He loved the way he could make the jock smile and even blush a bit as he flirted with him. Sam had courage to flirt, however not so much as it came to more than just words.

He just didn't know how Grizz felt after all. He was still pretty insecure about that, even after all this time. Maybe he took his flirting wrong and Grizz didn't actually like him? Maybe he was just flirting back because he was friendly and polite? He clearly didn't know.  
Sam wouldn't find out that day, however soon.  
"So you just came here to check on me? Or are you craving more sign language lessons?"   
"Definitely both," Grizz chuckled.  
"Great, uh ... let's search for a more disclosed room, yeah?" Sam didn't hesitate as he got up. They were in the living room after all, with the risk of anyone coming in at any time, just like Becca did before.

☾°✩↴

The day of the trial arrived faster than anyone had imagined. In the morning the guard had built up the tables they needed for a investigation between Allie, Gordie, Helena and Dewey, of course. Grizz was already quite curious on what was about to happen and what Gordie found out about the gun and bullets they had found. Maybe Dewey really did kill her.

At the afternoon, after lunch, everyone gathered at church to listen to the trial that was about to happen. Grizz was standing besides the door the whole time, making sure everyone was safe in the big church. He had a great overview over everything.  
However, he got shortly distracted as Becca and Sam walked in, making short eye contact with the ginger before they sat down on one of the benches.

Throughout the whole trial, he tried concentrating on the actual discussion but was more or less distracted multiple times just by Sam's presence. He noticed Becca interpreting the whole conversation that was happening between Gordie and the rest in the front.  
After some technical issues with the microphone, Allie started speaking.

"So, um ... I think when you do something for the first time, part of you thinks that you're just pretending. I'm not this person, I'm just putting on the clothes. And this is so weird. I mean, we've all seen it on TV, but ... Actually I think that just makes it worse."  
She shortly stopped, rubbing her arm, searching for comfort and the right words to say.

"A week before my sister died, um ... I was complaining about how crazy it was that we had to take care of everything. You know, everything was our decision. And she was like, 'Really? Well Alexander the Great conquered the whole world when he was our age.' So ... which was kind of annoying of her."   
Everyone chuckled slightly, even if that didn't fit the situation at all, considering this was all about the murder of Cassandra.

"Well, we own it all now. The good and the bad. And it's for real. This is the trial of Greg Dewey, who is accused of the murder if Cassandra Pressman the night of June 23rd. Gordie will be the prosecutor. Helena is defending Dewey. And you guys have to listen to everything carefully. And at the end of the trial you'll decide if he is guilty or not. Everyone got it?"

☾°✩↴

"Those were found near Cassandra's body on the morning after she died," Gordie explained to the jury, handing a glass with the two bullets to one of them. "I found them. They're the two casings to the bullets that killed her. Not the actual bullets. You know, the casings get ejected after each bullet is fired but the casings remain intact. If you notice, they have a headstamp which indicates that they were made by a particular manufacturer. It's a company called _Precision Target_. I mean they have _PT_ on each of them."

Gordie walked over to his desk again, grabbing a box with the gun inside.  
"Now, this is the gun that was found when the Guard raided Dewey's house. Now, there's two bullets missing from the clip, and the bullets that remain have a visible headstamp. _PT_. They match exactly the bullets that killed Cassandra."  
"This is bullshit," Dewey suddenly exclaimed.  
"Dewey," Allie warned him.  
"They planted that!" he insisted.  
"Dewey!"  
"Hey, man. Shut up," Jason whispered furiously into his ear from behind.  
"This is bullshit."  
"Stop," Helena warned him as well.

"It's obvious it was him now, how in the world is Helena going to defend him?" Sam signed to Becca in the short silence that took place after the interruption.  
"No idea, but you know her. She's smart."

"I have some questions," Helena said as she got up walking towards Gordie, taking the role of defense attorney now.  
"Does this prove that Dewey's gun is the gun that shot Cassandra?"  
"Do you mean, is it possible that even though no other gun we found, not one, had the exact same two bullets missing? And even though Dewey's is missing exactly two and had fresh powder residue in the chamber? I mean, is this some sort of incredible coincidence?" Gordie answered, repeating all if the information that lead to Dewey being the murderer.

"Yeah. That's what I mean."  
"I mean, I guess."  
"Because, you didn't search every house right? And even the houses you searched, they could have been hiding the gun they used. That would make sense, wouldn't it?"  
"Well, these are pretty rare bullets from a very small manufacturer."  
"You're not answering the question."  
"It would be a big coincidence."  
"But possible."  
"Anything's possible."

"Is she doing this voluntarily?" Becca asked Sam.  
"I don't know. Probably not. Or would you defend someone like Dewey?"  
"I was so bad at mock trial, I couldn't even defend someone who killed a fly," she joked, to somehow lift the mood. But Helena was quick to speak again after her questions.  
"Another thing, Dewey has bruises all over him."  
"Yeah, they fucking beat me," the defendant answered, looking over to Allie who immediately tried solving this argument as the crowd started chattering.

"We had a problem guarding him. It won't happen again."  
"You arrest him, you beat him up," Helena stated.  
"It's not relevant."  
"It's not relevant how the people in charge of this prosecution behaved?" she got more furious.  
"It was a mistake. It has nothing to do with whether he's guilty or not. Move on."

As the trial moved on, they finally reached the point of Harry's testimony. He was sitting next to Allie, across from Dewey and Helena while he was making his statement.  
"We were just talking, talking shit, whatever and then he basically just came out and said it, that he killed her."  
"You fucking asshole!" Dewey got up from his seat, full of anger. Jason pulled him down on his seat again.  
"Dewey, sit down, or I'll have the Guard remove you," Allie ordered.  
"Stop," Helena added.

"You were saying?" Gordie directed towards Harry again, referring back to the conversation.  
"He had this creepy smile, like he was proud of himself," Harry continued.  
"So he confessed?"  
"Basically. Yeah."  
As Gordie was done with his questions, he sat down again. Instead Helena got up and began defending Dewey again.

"Basically?"  
"Mm-hmm," Harry nodded.  
"Were thise his exact words? _I killed her_."  
"Not his exact words but that's what he fucking meant."   
"Why? Why would he say that to you? Why would he confess to you?"  
Silence. Harry looked down, definitely keeping something from everyone in the room.  
"He thought it would make me happy."  
Everyone in the room gasped, not really comprehending what they had just heard.  
Everyone knew Harry and Cassandra were sort of enemies back in high school but he wanted to see her dead? That sounded really odd.

"Make you happy? That Cassandta was dead? Why would he think that?" Helena asked astonished.  
"I don't know," Harry scoffed,"I guess 'cause he thought we were rivals in high school."  
"Why should we believe you? You say that Dewey confessed to you, but it's your word against his. Maybe you put the gun in his house. Maybe you set him up."  
Harry exhaled deeply, shaking his head almost a bit self assured of his position.  
"That's not what happened."

"It's just your word. Maybe you're lying."  
"Yeah. 'Cause I look really good right now. I didn't need to do this. Do you want to be here doing this? Defending him? I don't want to be here. I'm only here because I have no other fucking choice. He killed her. And if we don't do something about it, he's going to kill someone else. Probably me, so ..."  
"No further questions ... is that what I'm supposed to say?" Helena said as she walked back to her seat next to Dewey.

"Thank you Harry for your testimony. Now it's up to the jury to decide whether he's guilty or not. Until then, you can all go home. We'll continue of from that tomorrow or in two days."  
Dewey was the first one to be taken away by Jason and Grizz who has been at the door the whole time, keeping an eye on everything.

Everyone else left after that, Becca and Sam still talking for a short moment before going home.  
"Helena is good at defending, but it's clear everyone is against him. Gordie did a way better job," Sam signed.  
"Well, we'll have to wait for the jury to decide that. But I'm hoping they're going to make the right decision."  
Nobody could have known what kind of extent this whole Dewey trail would take on in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a bad writers block when I was writing this because Dewey annoys me so much but oh well, that's the outcome :D I hope you enjoyed this new chapter :)


	38. ✩ Anything's possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 37 recap: While Grizz wants to visit Sam, he unexpectedly meets Becca who wonders why he is looking for Sam. She quickly senses that there must be something going on. The first of Greg Deweys trial happens where Gordie acts as the prosecutor and Helena as his defender. Sam is more than sure Dewey did it after the trial ends that day.
> 
> **TW: mentions of death & murder**

After the first day of their trial, Grizz had his evening shift of guarding Dewey. Allie joined him, wanting to talk to the defendant and his behaviour that day. Grizz witnessed everything from outside of the glass wine cellar that they were keeping him in.  
While Allie was getting more and more furious, Dewey persisted onto his almost arrogant behaviour. It almost seemed like he was proud of what he's done.

Grizz overheard the whole conversation between them, as these glass walls were not really thick enough for the sound to be limited.  
In the end Allie sort of threatened Dewey about executing him for what he's done and suddenly the boy got scared for his life. But he still never really admitted it. The words "I killed her" never left his mouth.  
"Fucking idiot," Allie mumbled as she left the glass cell and Grizz locked the door.

"You okay?" the jock asked caring, as he noticed Allie almost exploding.  
"Yes," she answered with a bold and straight face.  
"Your guarding duty will be over in an hour. Luke will take over," were her last words before storming off.  
Grizz watched her, his gaze turning towards Dewey as she was gone. His face still looked worried, but he had this little evil grin again that Harry had mentioned during his testimony. This boy was not someone you'd like as an enemy.

He thought about what Allie said with the execution. Was she honestly thinking about executing him? That would be a bold shot. But maybe this action was justified, Grizz thought. Maybe that's what he deserved after what he's - with a high chance - done to Cassandra.  
He would prefer just locking the boy up forever, but could they do that? Waist resources on someone who doesn't help the society from growing? Probably not a really smart idea.  
But what Allie said was just a threat, not the reality.

As Grizz still had an hour to kill, he sat down on the chair in front of the glass cell and took out his phone. The only game he had on his phone that worked without data was sudoku. That would definitely make time pass by, he thought to himself.  
However, he got bored faster than he imagined. 60 minutes were a lot, and it wasn't like he could just leave at a specific time. He had to wait until Luke showed up to hand him the keys and update him on what had happened during his shift.  
Luckily, his attention was soon drawn to a specific person that had been a lot on his mind lately.  
_**Sam:** please tell me I'm not the only one who's bored right now_

Grizz couldn't help but smile as soon as Sam's name had popped up on his screen. He quickly relaxed his face again as he knew Dewey could watch him at any time and he probably was in that moment.  
_**Grizz:** you're not. I'm guarding dewey right now and it couldn't be more boring, watching him sit there and do nothing but breathe. still have an hour left  
**Sam:** so he's not a trouble maker when guarding him? weird, after that trail day today  
**Grizz:** yeah, kinda is. Allie also just spoke with him, he's probably traumatized now!  
**Sam:** I didn't know that was possible, isn't he some sort of gangster now that he's the possible murderer?_

It really sometimes seemed like he wanted to be a really though man but to Grizz he also seemed so weak. Nobody knew if he was acting this way because he functiones like that or because he wants to show himself off. How can someone with no reputation become the most weird person in town?  
_**Grizz:** allie really said some tough stuff you know, but let's change topics. I really need some distraction now and not more dewey input_

Sam, who was in his and Becca's room, layed down on his bed from his sitting position. He curled his lips, thinking of something to do with Grizz. Something interesting that would keep them both entertained while Becca was not around and Grizz was guarding Dewey.  
Suddenly a really random but probably genius idea came to his mind.  
_**Sam:** let's play a game_

Grizz wrinkled his eyebrows slightly. What kind of game did Sam want to play, especially over text? But what else should they do? Grizz really enjoyed texting with Sam on every occasion. Why not make the most of the situation?  
em> **Grizz:** sure, what game?  
**Sam:** what about, would you rather?  
**Grizz:** sounds good

After some short thinking time, Sam quickly new what question he'd ask first.  
_**Sam:** would you rather be deaf or blind?  
**Grizz:** deaf for sure  
**Sam:** why that?  
**Grizz:** because you can still do more things when you're deaf. I mean, you can't drive when you're blind. And being deaf also doesn't mean you can't talk or else_  
Grizz swallowed shortly, hoping he hasn't said anything offensive about his deafness. Insulting him was the least thing he'd want to do to Sam right now.  
_**Sam:** good point, i'd probably choose the same obviously :D your turn_

_**Grizz:** would you rather be transported permanently 500 years into the future or 500 years into the past?  
**Sam:** 500 years is a lot, and being deaf in the past was not always such a good thing so I'll choose future  
**Grizz:** you mean, because of the unadvanced medical methods?  
**Sam:** not only, there's lot of cruel history within the deaf community in the past. I'll tell you about that another time, my turn first. random but would you rather be unable to move your body every time it rains or not be able to stop moving while the sun is shining?_

Grizz had to hold back another big smile, this time more because of it's content rather than it's author.  
_**Grizz:** definitely the second one, it rains a lot here and I'd probably be handicaped almost every day  
**Sam:** the only possible answer for West Ham  
**Grizz:** true! next one, would you rather die in 20 years with no regrets or in 50 years with many?  
**Sam:** godness, that's a hard one_

Sam thought about this for a while. Would he rather live only 20 years but die with no regrets or live 50 years but die with many regrets and probably sorrows? Would he prefer the long but miserable life over the short and good one? Probably not.  
_**Sam:** i'd probably choose 20 years and no regrets  
**Grizz:** you'd rather die in 20 years than in 50??  
**Sam:** i don't wanna die with thousands of regrets, I'd rather enjoy 20 years of my life with no worries and regrets than worry all the time. I think that's not worth 30 years extra  
**Grizz:** you have good points honestly, you just convinced me_

Sam immediately smiled out of triumphy, knowing Grizz was that easy to convince.  
_**Sam:** must be my beautiful aura again huh?  
**Grizz:** definitely! your turn  
**Sam:** okay, let me think_  
Sam realized that he could set the direction of this conversation towards anything if he'd choose the right questions. Maybe he just needed something even deeper than that. Something that would speak to both of them, regarding their relationship or love in general. This way they would get to know each other even better, which was Sam's intution.

_**Sam:** would you rather spend 2 years with your soulmate only to have them die and you never love again or spend your life with someone nice you settled for?  
**Grizz:** probably soulmate, but never being able to love again after that is kinda devastating. I mean that person is your soulmate but they only took up two years of your probably 80 year long life. kinda hard to decide honestly  
**Sam:** i get that struggle, I'm feeling the same way. being with your soulmate must be amazing, you probably can't even describe it. but yeah, two years is not a long time compared to 80_

_**Grizz:** just doesn't seem fair to me to never love again after that, love makes you happy. And your soulmate would want you to be happy  
**Sam:** exactly! Also, your soulmate doesn't necesarily has to be someone you love romantically. I believe that person can even be your best friend  
**Grizz:** for some it's probably relatives or even pets  
**Sam:** anything's possible.  
**Grizz:** right._

Grizz exhaled happily, his serotonin level was the highest it could get. Talking about such deep things with Sam just made him feel in the right place. Sam was the person he wanted to talk to about this kind of stuff. Everything just felt so right.  
_**Sam:** your turn_  
This was Grizz's chance to ask him to hang out again. That one movie night they had was amazing and he would definitely enjoy another one.  
_**Grizz:** would you rather hang out with your brother or with me?  
**Sam:** easy, you of course  
**Grizz:** will you?_  
Sam's heart almost stopped as he just read the last text. Was he asking him to hang out again, like on that movie night they had? This was definitely brightening up his day.  
_**Sam:** for real?  
**Grizz:** yes  
**Sam:** okay, sure_

With all of this crap going on, this was definitely something that they both needed. Just some quality time with each other would make them both feel better about everything that was happening.  
_**Grizz:** tuesday evening, my place? I should be free there  
**Sam:** sounds good!_

☾°✩↴

Immediately on the next day everyone was gathered at church again for the next part of the trial. The jury had made a decision whether Dewey was guilty or not. Everyone got quiet as soon as they around 12 people entered the church and took their seats on the right hand side of the building. Helena was looking at Dewey and the Jury nervously. What verdict did they decide on?

"Do you have a verdict?" Allie asked patiently in the quiet atmosphere. A girl to the right side nodded slightly.  
"You want to ...?" Allie added, waiting for them to announce their decision. Hesistantly the girl in the blue dress got up, almost looking at Dewey as if she felt pity for him. However, in the next moment her face turned serious again.  
"Guilty. We find him guilty."  
Some people started cheering, some were astonished of the judgement they had made. Allie seemed shocked but relieved at the same time.

As soon as Becca interpreted guilty for him he sighed in relief but also in shock. This was just the teenagers in this town. What are they going to do with him now? He knew keeping him in this wine cellar forever wouldn't work, neither with the resources nor with guarding.

"Thank you, to the jury for doing its job," Allie continued, "Now it's up to me to decide his sentence. It could take a while. Guards, will you take him back to his cell? Um, everyone, we can all go home."  
Luke who was sitting behind Dewey got up and grabbed him while everyone else slowly started leaving the church.  
"I wanna say something," Dewey whispered and repeated it again. Helena hindered Luke from carrying him away.  
"If he wants to make a statement just let him go."

"Allie," Helena turned towards Allie who was standing there almost frozen.  
"He wants to make a statement."  
"Okay. Everyone can you come back and sit? Dewey has something to say."  
All the citizens slowly gathered back in, no one has luckily really left yet due to the mass of people wanting to leave through a small door.  
As everyone took his seats again, curious of what Dewey was about to say, the accused slowly got up with this already evil look on his face.

"Cassandra ...," he begann after turning around towards the crowd, "was a fucking bitch."  
Everyone immediately gasped in shock. That was definitely not something anyone has expected.  
"So is her sister and her black boyfriend that makes all the rules."  
"You make me sick you fucking murderer!" a girl from the crowd shouted. Immediately Dewey reacted with showing her his middle finger.  
"Be quiet!" Allie screamed, wanting to curb the noises from the crowd.

"Let him say what he thinks."  
"So are all the women here. Fucking bitches who won't give us the time of day, who think we owe them everything? I killed Cassandra for everyone because she had it coming. Because on the night of prom we were all at Harry's house, and he said he wished she was dead. And he knows it! And everybody who hated that bitch knows it."  
"That's fucking bullshit," Harry immediately jumped up and interrupted.  
"And Campbell helped me plan it," Dewey added.

Sam's gaze wandered towards his brother who immediately got up in disbelieve.  
"He was there, he planned the whole thing."  
"Hey, wait! Wait!" Campbell contributed.  
"So fuck all of you."  
"All right, he's obviously a fucking liar. I'm not — I'm not fucking listening to this anymore," Campbell tried walking away but was held back by the whole crowd starting to react to his behaviour. He tries going through the door but was held back by Jason and Grizz who were standing at the door.

"Now you know," Dewey answered towards Allie who got up as well, a tear running down her face.  
This was all to much for her, but she had to be strong now. And she had to make a decision. More than one now.  
"Allie! You put him up to this?" Campbell exclaimed.  
"What do you want us to do?" Will asked her.

Everyone was waiting for an answer of her in this tense situation. She had to decide what to do now, she didn't know who she could trust and who not.  
Allie knew Campbell was a psychopath, she knew how his cousin could act and behave. She never really witnessed what he was capable of but she definitely knew he was unpredictable. There was only one possible precautionary solution.  
"Arrest him."  
The crowd approved her decision as they reacted with phrases like _Lock him up!_ or _That's right_. She couldn't have know by now that this would still be to her disadvantage in the future.

Grizz and Jason immediately grabbed Campbells hands and put them behind his back. They led him outside the church and locked him into a car.  
Sam was watching all of this in horror. He knew Campbell was capable of doing something like this. But could they trust Dewey? In that moment, you could trust nobody.  
Sam was kind of relieved that Allie had decided to lock him up for a while. This way he wouldn't make any trouble and he definitely didn't want to witness that.

He remembered telling everyone that Campbell was a psychopath a couple of weeks ago. Luckily he did it at the right time. Maybe Allie would have decided to let Campbell go immediately. And nobody would ever know how that would have ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought a cute little chat between the two would harm no one so here it is. Hope you enjoyed this chapter <3


	39. ✩ No escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 38 recap: While Grizz has to guard Dewey one day, he starts texting with Sam about different things. They even play a little _would you rather_ game and therefore get to know each other more and more. The trial goes into a second round as Dewey is found guilty of murdering Cassandra. But as he gives his statement and mentions that Campbell helped him kill her, Campbell gets arrested as well as Allie knows he would be capable of something like this.
> 
> **TW: Mentions of death**

"You have to be careful," Sam signed to Allie who was about to walk into the room where Campbell was kept in, handcuffed to the radiator. After that accusations of Dewey at the trial, it was the best idea for everyones sake to keep him locked up for some days. At least that's what Allie and Sam thought both.  
"He's handcuffed. I'll be okay," she answered.  
"No, that's not — it's his brain that's dangerous. What he says. He messes with people," he warned her further about his brother, now that she also knew he was a psychopath.  
Allie nodded slightly, before entering the room and closing the door behind her. She didn't fear Campbell. Even if she never really had a lot to do with him in their past, she wasn't afraid of him.

Becca and Sam waited outside the door the whole conversation long. Becca was able to overhear some things they were saying through the door and interpreted it for her best friend.  
"He said he can't prove a thing that didn't happen. He's apparently never even spoken to Dewey, always thought he was a fucking asshole," she signed to him.  
"Liar. I saw them talk in school often enough," Sam told her the truth, with a more and more disgusted and angry look at the same time. It was one of those moments where he couldn't really comprehend that this was really his brother.

"Fuck Sam," Becca mumbled as she listened closer.  
"He just said that Allie can't kill him and not Dewey, that wouldn't make sense. She would have killed two people then and how is she going to sleep then? He's going to haunt her in her dreams. Why is he like that? Wow."  
Sam was just shocked. He didn't even have any words for all of this. And before he could even answer to this, Allie was storming out of the room.

Sam took some steps towards the door, looking at his brother sitting on the floor and handcuffed to the radiator with a obnoxious smirk on his face as soon as he saw Sam.  
It was one of this moments where just by looking at Campbell, he felt nauseous. Fear came along with that as well, remembering all the things he had to go through with his brother. It's a wonder Sam was still mentally alright to some extent.  
Disgusted Sam slowly closed the door to the room, looking at Becca with slight tears building up in his eyes.

He knew he was stronger than this. He knew he'd have Becca and Allie and even Grizz if anything ever happened. Thinking about Grizz made this moment at least a little bit better.  
He was honestly relieved his brother was locked up in that room for now. But sometimes he couldn't help it. Sometimes everything just popped back into his mind. All the horrible memories he had with his brother. He knew he'd have to deal with that all his live. There was no escape.

☾°✩↴

On tuesday morning, the Committee on Going Home, which Sam and Becca were a part of, had it's first meeting. Bean, Gordie and the two were gathered around the table in the Pressman's house kitchen. "This is the fourth meeting of the Committee on Going Home," Becca spoke into her phone where she had recorded the previous meetings that haven't really shown much success. This meeting wouldn't show too much of that either. "All right. What have we got?" Becca continued.

"We sent up a drone over the town to take pictures. Um, there was a bit of a malfunction with the camera. But as far as we could see from our maximum height, there's ... nothing around us but dense forest. No sign of life," Bean started explaining the things she'd done with Gordie the last weeks.  
"Uh, I wanted to get high enough to see if the ocean was, uh, where it's supposed to be. Check if the geography is identical. Now we'll have to make a ... a second attempt at that. That's it. That's all we have," Gordie further mentioned.

"Okay. We've been through all of the documents at the town hall. Nothing out of the ordinary leading up to removal," Becca interpreted for Sam before adding something she said herself.  
"Um, there were a lot of conversations ... communications about the smell. Experts, the EPA. Some correspondence with a man named Pfeiffer. He must be some kind of smell-removal guy. But that cuts off pretty abruptly about two days or so after the buses came. So it's kind of a dead end."

Sam changed the position of his arms, knowing exactly that he knew more about this. The day Becca got sick, he'd found some documents regarding that topic. However, Campbell had told him to destroy these documents as they were related to their father. Sam was scared about telling any of this to the Committee, not knowing what consequences that had with his brother. You didn't want to mess with Campbell. Sam was way too anxious.  
He felt a bit guilty, not telling Becca or Gordie or Bean. But he couldn't help it. Maybe Campbell was right. The both would get blamed for this, since that was on his family. Maybe this whole process of being transported into this weird replica was their fathers fault.

"Well, then it's not the end," Gordie answered, Sam and Becca nodding slightly in response, followed by a short silence of discontent and confusion.  
"I'm suggesting we'll meet again after we sent up that drone again. Hopefully without a malfunction this time," Bean ended the rather short but informative meeting of the Committee.

☾°✩↴

Later that day, Becca was sitting in the kitchen together with Gordie, who was on his laptop, Will and Grizz. Sam was still in his room, finishing up that book he had been reading. "People are talking trash in public now, in the street. In the cafeteria?" Grizz let everyone know, while walking to the sink to get himself a glass of water. "Yeah, everyone," Will answered. "Well, we packed them into houses together, four in a room. It's a perfect breeding ground for an epidemic of discontent," Gordie added.

As Sam was finally done with his book, he'd decided to join Becca down in the kitchen and was more than surprised to see someone special being down there as well.  
"Hey," Sam greeted everyone as he walked towards the sink where Grizz was standing to get himself some water as well.  
By Sam giving him a light smile, Grizz's cheeks almost turned bright red. His eyes were like glued to the ginger in the moment he had walked down those stairs. He looked so beautiful, Grizz thought to himself before catching up with reality again.

Sam tried playing it cool, obviously he knew he wasn't able to show any kind of emotions towards Grizz in front of others. That's at least what they had agreed on silently, more or less before this whole thing around new year happened. Since Grizz hasn't mentioned anything about it, he just figured he still wanted to do the same.  
"Am I interrupting?" Sam signed towards Becca as he sat down next to her on one of the higher chairs.  
"We were just talking about how people are talking shit behind Allies back," his best friend explained, receiving a interested nod from Sam as a reaction.

"What are they saying exactly?" Becca asked curiously towards the other boys.  
"They just want her to decide," Will responded.  
"Three days now. Her not deciding makes her seem weak. And her being weak, that's the scariest thing. People are gonna start turning against her," Grizz mentioned, looking down to Sam and Becca who both curled up their lips, agreeing on what he was saying.

"Hey! Where's Allie?" Jason suddenly stormed into the house. As soon as his voice was heard, Becca flinched slightly, looking towards Jason but lowering her eyes immediately.  
"In her room. Allie!" Will called her down.  
Jason came closer to everyone, greeting Grizz first and looking around, leaving everyone in a short silence. His gaze stopped for a moment, looking at someone particular at the table.  
"So, how's it going?" Nobody answered for a second, not really knowing what to say after what Grizz had just told them.

"Pretty good," Gordie responded with a little smile.  
"Anything yet?" Jason asked again but was soon interrupted by Allies footsteps.  
"What's up?" she walked down the stairs. Jason started explaining the problem he had.  
"It's Dewey. Third meal in a row. He won't eat."  
"Like a hunger strike or something?"  
"I-I guess, I can't really force him to."  
"Oh right. How long can a person last without eating?"  
"Oh, a while? I can go to the library and check it out," Gordie responded to Allies question.  
"Okay. Then he can lose some weight."

Will raised his eyebrows. He's probably talked to her about this before, Sam thought as he saw his reaction to what Allie just said.  
"I mean, I don't want the word getting out about this. Like, I don't want to turn it into a a weird protest thing, you know?" she added.  
Grizz now raised his eyebrows as well, looking at Sam who was looking at Allie's lips. Becca touched his shoulder before signing what she was about to say.

"We shouldn't be doing stuff in secret."  
"What?"  
"Doing stuff in secret is a slippery slope," Becca explained after turning around, avoiding eye contact with Jason who was standing there, looking at her in confusion.  
Allie got mad at this comment, deciding to leave the house alone. She knew it was not safe alone, but she just wanted to be in this moment.  
"Okay, either one of you says something to her, or I will," Grizz told the rest of the group as he knew this situation was important to solve.

Jason quickly left again as his guarding shift started again, a relief to Becca. Nobody knew what had bonded these two together in a really uncomfortable way. This wasn't a temporary thing as well, this would be forever.  
"I'm going for a walk, need some fresh air," Becca told everyone as she quickly left the scenery.  
"I'll join you," Gordie answered who was willing to leave his computer for once. And as everyone slowly left the kitchen, Sam and Grizz were the only ones left.

"I guess I'll still see you tonight?" Sam asked shyly after Grizz had finished his water.  
"Of course, I'll be around here for the next couple of hours. Around 8 then? We can walk to my place together."  
"Sounds good to me," Sam smiled at him, finishing his glass of water as well.  
"See you then," he said goodbye to Grizz, even if that always was one of the hardest things about his days.  
"Can't wait for tonight."

☾°✩↴

At around 7pm, Allie finally showed up again after being alone the whole day, wandering around town. Luke, Will, Gordie and Grizz were waiting in the living room for her, already a bit panicked. "You shouldn't go out without one of us with you, Allie. It was dumb," Luke approached her. She just nodded and wanted to leave towards her room. "Hey, nothing's gonna be different tomorrow or the day after," Grizz stopped her. He knew he had to say something. This was serious. If she seemed weak at any point, she'd be a huge target to people like Harry or worse, people like Campbell.

"I know that."  
"We can't guard him forever. We don't have the resources. We're not starting a prison."  
"We can if we have no other choice. What else are we gonna do? We're gonna ground them? Take away their video-game privileges for killing my sister?"  
"Obviously not," Will answered to the obvious annoyed Allie.  
"We could drop them into the forest or something," she suggested.  
"We have no way of guarding our borders. If they live, they'll just be back," Grizz kept being realistic.  
"I know that."

Will looked forlon at Luke and Grizz. They had talked about this before. If there was no other option, they'd have to execute their last and final option. They knew Allie wouldn't like that.  
"We have to consider all of our options, Allie," Will started the topic. She immediately knew what they all meant. She'd seen that coming. This is what she would have to do in the end, right? This would be the only option.  
"No. No way," she whispered.

"I know it's okay to threaten that. I've treathened it. But we can't actually ... We know them! We went to school with them a month ago. You can't actually fucking kill them. We don't even know if Campbell is guilty. You want to talk about executing him, too?" she exclaimed in anger.  
"Allie, even if Campbell didn't kill Cassandra, the kid's a fucking psycho. All right? It's only a matter of time before he does something," Luke tried convincing her. In contrast to everyone else in the room, Luke didn't know that Campbell was indeed a psychopath. He'd just figured with all the things he'd seen him do.

"You can't punish people for who they are! For what they might do! Do you hear what you're saying?! You're talking about executing someone because you're afraid ... of them," Allie screamed at the four boys.  
"This conversation is fucking insane. This is what happens to you when you get a little power. God," she added before trying to leave again, absolutely furious about the things these boys just suggested. Like Cassandra had said, testosterone would be the end of them.  
"Allie," Gordie tried holding her back, but she immediately blocked him off.  
"No."

Allie walked upstairs, slamming the door to her room, thinking about what she was going to do. After half an hour of thinking, she decided there was only one solution for at least one of her problems.  
She released Campbell from his imprisonment.

"What the fuck?" Will said as he saw Allie in the room Campbell was locked up in before, but without the accused. Sam coincidentally walked by them as he was on his way to the kitchen to meet with Grizz. He couldn't believe his eyes as he saw his brother was gone. How could Allie be this dumb and release him? He was a psychopath. Allie knew that.  
Sam just blankly starred at the open handcuffs that were still attached to the radiator while Will and Allie were talking.

"I released him. I let him go. I couldn't put him on trial. There was no evidence against him."  
"Without talking to me?"  
"What does that mean? Will, I'm the judge right? I'm the one who has to make the decision. Even Dewey, it has to be my decision."  
"Yeah I just don't understand any of this. I mean, not only is he free, he gets to go home to his own home. Everybody else is five to a room," Will explained his anger driven concerns.

"He infects things. He's contagious. If he wants to put himself in solitary confinement, that's okay with me."  
Sam finally spoke up, after being caught in his own thoughts and fears.  
"We're all going to pay for this one day. We had him and you fucking let him go."  
Sam just stormed off. He couldn't believe his cousin was really this stubborn.  
In this moment the only thing he could look forward to was meeting Grizz now. But even as he saw him waiting in the kitchen, which usually gave him butterflies rushing through his body, he wasn't able to shut his thoughts about his brother off this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a filler chapter again. But with grizz and sam not being the only plot in my fanfic, I can't have a cute scene between them in every chapter :D But I guess that's not big of a problem! Next chapter will be grizzam only, the "meeting" to be precise <3


	40. ✩ Hold on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 39 recap: Campbell is arrested and held imprisoned at the Pressman's residence. The Committee on Going Home has it's fourth meeting on tuesday (the day Sam and Grizz have their date), discussing everything they have found out so far. However Sam still keeps quiet about the documents he had found a while ago. Later that day, Grizz explains how people are talking shit behind Allies back and Jason tells everyone how Dewey has now gone on a hunger strike. In the evening, Allie lets Campbell go, to Sam's despite.

"Are you okay?" was the first thing Grizz asked as soon as he saw Sam's rather annoyed and slightly frightened facial expression as he approached him in the kitchen.  
"Uh —" Sam stuttered firstly, but catching up with his thoughts again, "yeah ... yeah I'm okay," he reassured Grizz with a slight smile on his face.  
The jock immediately noticed something was off, but he didn't want to overstep any boundaries. He couldn't have know what had bothered him in that moment.

"Let's head to your place, yeah?" Sam quickly changed the topic and grabbed his coat that hung at the wardrobe.  
Quickly the two were off their feet and walking towards Grizz's house, which was about 10 minutes away from the Pressman's residence.  
As it was already pretty dark outside and Grizz still wasn't as fluent in ASL as he had wished to be, they stayed in silent for most of their walk. They didn't even walk close to each other. This seemed slightly off to Grizz.

As they finally reached his house, which was empty as Grizz mostly slept at other houses like Luke's, they quickly made their way to Grizz's room and closed the door behind them. Even with no one their, the last time Sam was at his house, Helena surprisingly walked in on him being in the kitchen. He'd rather not have anyone walk in on him being next to Grizz.  
The jock turned on some smaller lamps in his room, giving everything a more cozy and relaxed atmosphere instead of the bright and big light hanging from his ceiling.

After Sam had shrugged off his shoes and sat comfortably on Grizz's bed, Grizz did the same, sitting in front of the ginger. He softly bit his lips, scanning Sam's face that didn't look as happy as usual. Grizz wondered what was going on in his mind.  
"So uh ... do you want to do something specific?" he asked carefully.  
"I don't know. Do you?"  
"I'm just happy you're here now. That's all that matters," he replied bravely, making Sam smile. A real smile this time, Grizz quickly noticed.  
"Me too."

After exhailing deeply, Sam was feeling a bit better but still pretty much caught up in this whole Campbell topic. There was no way to escape these thoughts in sight for Sam, at least in that moment. Not even Grizz could really pull him out completely.  
The jock couldn't help but ask again. He knew Sam was feeling something negative. He just didn't know what.  
"Are you sure you're okay?"  
Sam looked down shortly, lying again as he didn't want to bother Grizz with his problems even though he exactly knew he could trust him, especially with stuff like that.

"Yeah, I'm ... I'm good," Sam's voice started cracking. Grizz looked at him, knowing he was lying. But as soon as he would hear everything, he'd know better why Sam did what he did.  
"You don't look like that to me, Sam." Sam sighed slightly, his eyes slowly filling with tears.  
Grizz cared about him, more than ever. Seeing him in this miserable state made him feel horrible. How badly he wanted to show Sam in that moment that he was loved and he could trust him.

"You're right," he mumbled as he nervously started biting his lip.  
"It's just that ... uh ..." Sam started searching for words but quickly failed.  
"Fuck. It's just ..."  
Grizz waited patiently for his answer, while he spontaneously placed his hand on Sam's knee to hopefully comfort him at least for a tiny bit. Indeed it helped. After a little exhale he was finally able to sort his twisted worst.  
"It's Campbell. He's ... worrying me a lot."

"Why? What happened? Do I need to punch him in the face?" Grizz stayed calmly but a bit more aggressive towards the last sentence, getting protective over Sam.  
"No, he didn't do anything to me. I mean, not recently. With him being arrested ... I was kind of relieved, you know. We had him in our house but ... at least I didn't have to worry about ... anyone or anything that he could harm."  
Grizz wasn't really sure if he'd just heard Sam correctly with one part of his statement.

"Wait, did you just say _we had him in our house_? You mean, we have, right?"  
Sam swallowed a big lumb that was hanging in his throat.  
"Allie let him go."  
Grizz's jaw dropped. Was she fucking serious? Was she the one who was insane?  
"Why the fuck would she do that? Did she not remember what you've told us about him?" The jock was just as surprised as Sam was the moment he saw Campbell was gone.  
"I don't know. I don't get it either."  
Grizz continued to shake his head in disbelieve, not comprehending such a decision. He in her place would have kept him locked up or as they had talked earlier, execute him in the worst case. Letting him go would have been his last option.

"You know, seeing him ... every day is just ... scary," Sam continued explaining his sorrows. Grizz got back to listening carefully to what he was saying, checking if he was comfortable with it as well.  
"If you knew what he's capable of ... and what he did to me in the past, you wouldn't even ..." he couldn't finish the sentence. Tears now started running down his face, one by one and his breathing got more abruptly.  
"Sorry, sometimes everything just ... hits me," his voice broke.

Sam couldn't hold back his emotions anymore, no matter how hard he tried. He tried surpressing as much sobbing as possible but the more he got caught up in the topic again, the more he couldn't hold it anymore. Out of secureness, Sam wrapped his arms around his angled feet, hiding his face in front of Grizz.  
He would have loved to sink into the ground in that moment, he almost felt embarrassed being this vulnerable in front of the person he had such strong feelings for. They were still only friends. He couldn't do this in front of him.

Grizz felt helpless for a moment, seeing the person he most definitely was in love with so devastated and miserable. Even his own eyes filled slightly with some tears at the sight of Sam curling himself up and hiding from him.  
He couldn't watch this any longer. He needed to do something.  
Grizz decided to scoot closer next to Sam, leaning towards his headboard. He carefully put one of his hands on his shoulder, making him flinch shortly under the touch and lifting his tear-swollen face.  
Grizz softly pulled the ginger closer towards him, waiting for any backlash from Sam before trying to cuddle him for comfort.

Sam didn't hesitate, even if he was confused in the first moment about what Grizz was trying to do. However, as soon as he comprehended that he was trying to give him physical comfort, he leaned down on Grizz's chest, placing his arms slowly around him.   
The jock did the same, wrapping them around Sam's body that was now as close to him as never before. He was sure he'd hear his racing heart beat that got faster and faster the longer he held him close.

The moment Grizz's arms touched Sam, he felt more protected, comfortable and safe than ever before. His sobbing continued, tears falling down on Grizz's grey and red shirt.  
Grizz slightly leaned his head against Sam's, enjoying the position the two were in.  
This could've lasted forever, for both of them. In that moment none wanted this situation to ever pass away.

While Sam was able to let his emotions flow without feeling judged for "not being manly enough" or "too feminine", this was the perfect ending for a day like this for Grizz. In addition to that he felt like he could protect Sam from everything that would ever hit them. No matter what it would be, they could handle it.  
And while time passed by, they scooted even closer to each other until they were as cuddled up as possible.

With endorphines streaming through his body, Grizz even placed a little kiss onto Sam's head, burrying his nose in his beautiful hair and inhaling his scent that was undescribable attractive to him.  
He felt his love for the ginger growing, even if they weren't together and even if this was the furthest thing these two had experienced so far in that year.   
He couldn't help but feel these strong emotions with Sam, no matter in what context. If this was love, he couldn't have imagined it better.

He felt the strong urge to just express his potential love to him right now in that moment. He wished he would know how he felt towards him. It would make things so much easier, especially with everything else happening around them.  
"I think I'm in love with you," Grizz secretly whispered into Sam's hair, knowing that he couldn't hear it. In the moment he said it, he knew it was right. He knew, he was in love.

But what about Sam? Did Sam feel the same? Did he only agree into the hug because he needed someone or because he needed Grizz? Was this the wrong moment to question such things?  
All of these thoughts crossed his mind. But what really mattered in that moment was Sam laying in his arms, even if it was because of Sam's miserable state. At least he knew he was able to comfort and be there for him in this moment.

Luckily after a while, Sam's sobbing got less and less until he had finally calmed down from his thoughts playing tricks with him. Laying in Grizz arms just made him feel generally content and relieved. He rearranged his arm a bit, but in the process he woke up Grizz who doze off a bit before while hugging Sam as tightly as he could.  
As both of them slowly got back to reality, they noticed some thunder rumbling, lightning shining in the sky and rain pattering outside. A feeling of nostalgia spread through the whole room.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Sam asked as he lifted his head to look at Grizz.  
"No worries, it's too early to sleep anyway," he assured Sam who chuckled slightly as a reaction.  
Grizz noticed the wind whisteling around the house, meaning this was a pretty intense storm.  
"The storm seems pretty intense. I don't think you'd want to go outside in that," Grizz told Sam after touching his head to get his attention.   
Looking outside the window, Sam indeed figured he couldn't leave the house in that stormy weather. That was way too dangerous, even for a ten minute walk.

After both kind of realised that they were still cuddling each other like crazy, especially considering that they were officialy still friends, Sam slowly sat up again, rubbing his face after he had cried for so long. He figured his face and specifically eyes must look extremly swollen.  
"Yeah I guess, I shouldn't. I can just ... wait it out," he answered, seeing it as the best option but yawning at the same time as he'd gotten quiet tired himself.  
"It's 10:17pm, I don't think that storm will pass soon, especially before curfew. You know you can stay here, right?"  
"Okay, right. I'll just text Becca about it," Sam smiled. He'd already secretly hoped for a suggestion like that and now it even came true.

_**Sam:** i'm staying with grizz over night because of the storm  
 **Becca:** okay no worries, take care <3_

"I just remembered something," Grizz suddenly said after Sam had out his phone away.  
"I wanted to show you this song that I believe you'll like. Are you able to feel it with headphones?"  
"If you turn them up loud, I'm pretty sure I will," Sam answered, agreeing to the suggestion.  
After getting some headphones and plugging them into Grizz's phone, he searched for the song he was talking about.  
"Here," he gave Sam one of the earplugs as he started the song.

_Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady_

_Mama, come here  
Approach, appear  
Daddy, I'm alone  
'Cause this house don't feel like home_

_If you love me, don't let go  
If you love me, don't let go_

Sam could feel the beat rushing through his body. He tried nodding to it like he did with the other songs. This reminded him of the first car drive the two had together. Their first day of talking to each other.  
Grizz hummed with the lyrics, even signing along the phrases and words he knew. Sam therefore was able to understand some of what the song text was about. However, he mostly was concentrated on Grizz who had sat himself down in front of Sam again before to have a better view on him. Even while he was trying to read his lips, he was more focused on the way they looked perfectly in the light shining on them.

_Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady_

_Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady_

After getting some bits and parts of the lyrics, Sam wondered if he chose that song on purpose or if that was really just a coincidence. These lyrics fit the situation they were in a little too well, especially since Grizz really held onto Sam a couple of minutes before because he was in an unsteady state.  
This couldn't be a coincidence, right?  
Both enjoyed listening to the song with each other, even if it was such a different and unique experience for Sam than for Grizz. Having fun together with things like that made them bond even more.

_Mother, I know  
That you're tired of being alone  
Dad, I know you're trying  
To fight when you feel like flying_

_If you love me, don't let go  
If you love me, don't let go_

While watching Sam nodding his head and trying his best to follow everything, Grizz wanted nothing more but to just kiss him. Kiss him deeply onto these amazing and perfect lips. But he resisted. Sam was probably still in kind of a internal turmoil because of his brother. He felt like doing what he wanted in that moment wasn't the right thing to do as he'd only take advantage of him. He would never do that in any way. This was not the right time nor place. Maybe in a couple of days.

_Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady_

_Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady_

_Hold  
Hold on  
Hold on to me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady_

"What did you think?" Grizz asked curiously after the song had ended and he removed the headphones.  
"I loved it. From what you've signed to me, these lyrics seem to be pretty good but ... also pretty sad with a mix of romance."  
"I do hope my signing was correct. I tried my best."  
"You're getting better and better," Sam praised Grizz who was had a big smile all over his face.

After chatting for a while, the two decided it would be time to go to sleep even if the storm outside was still raging.  
Once the two were undressed and ready for bed, they slipped under the covers and turned of the lights.  
At the beginning they had already moved together as close as ever before sleeping in the same bed. Even if they both hesitated for a moment, just to make sure this was fine for both of them, Sam cuddled himself up against Grizz's chest again, just like before. The jock in response wrapped his arms around the ginger once again, pulling him even closer.

"If this ... here is okay, tap me once on my shoulder," Sam asked softly, reassuring that him cuddling up against Grizz was fine by him. After tapping him exactly once on his shoulder, Sam exhaled deeply.  
"Good night, Grizz."  
"Good night, Sam."

This was exactly what they both needed. They needed each other in their arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 40, my favourite chapter ever. I just love how I wrote everything aaah. And I took 10 minutes to decide the name for the chapter bc they were so many good lines I could have used for it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing!! <3  
> Also the song used here is Unsteady by X Ambassadors :)


	41. ✩ I can't do it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 40 recap: Grizz and Sam finally meet, after Sam had had a rather crappy day. Grizz notices that Sam is acting kind of off and in the end, Sam tells Grizz everything about his brother that is worrying him so much. He has a breakdown and starts crying but Grizz soon takes him into his arms to calm him down. Grizz even secretly confesses his love to him, but Sam didn't face him while he did. As Sam is feeling a bit better, Grizz still shows him a song that he likes and in the end they go to bed, falling asleep in each others arms.
> 
> **TW: Blood, Guns, death & executing someone**

The next day it was finally time for the verdict for Dewey and Campbell. Allie had made a decision.  
As soon as she walked down the church aisle, everyone sat down and got as quiet as ever before. The Jury, Helena, Dewey and Gordie were sitting in the front again, watching Allie as she took her place behind the table.  
She turned towards the crowd, taking a deep breath before revealing what she had to say.

"I had two decisions to make. Two rulings. First, Campbell. This court is not about vengeance. It's about fairness and justice. The only evidence we have against Campbell, which is from Dewey himself, is unreliable. Without evidence, there can be no trial. So last night, I ordered that Campbell be released from custody."  
The crowd started murmuring with the decision she had made. Grizz turned his head, looking at Sam who was shaking his head. He still couldn't believe his cousins verdict for his brother. Just letting him go would still snap back at her, he could feel it.

"It was the right thing to do," Allie continued.  
"As for Dewey ... he's been found guilty of murder and the punishment for murder is death."  
People immediately jumped up from their seats, including Dewey.  
"Are you kidding me? What? Are you gonna kill me?" he exclaimed.  
"You can't!" someone from the crowd shouted. Turmoil spread all around the church.

"Let this be a warning to anyone who even thinks about using violence on anyone in this town. We will respond. Eye for an eye," Allie finished.  
"This is not a court! You are fucking crazy! You hear me? You got no right!" Dewey screamed at her as he got dragged out of the church from Clark and Jason.  
"I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch. I'm gonna kill you. Then you'll be dead just like your sister! Fucking crazy bitch. What are you looking at? Fuck you!"

Tears were running down Allies face but she kept a strong face. This was her decision now. She needed to stand behind it.  
"This trial is officially over now. Thank you to the jury, Helena and Gordie," Allie ended the meeting with a raspy voice.  
Everyone got up chattering about what had just happened. Even Sam and Becca couldn't believe she would in the end really kill him. Nobody did.

Allie and Will left the church together with Clark and Grizz in the back to guard them. On their way out, Campbell crossed their way who hadn't attended the last trial meeting.  
As soon as Grizz saw Sam's brother he would have loved to just punch him directly in the face. He was the reason Sam had cried into his arms the night before. He was the reason for the pain the ginger had felt over the years. Grizz just wanted to protect him at all cost.  
"Don't make a scene," Allie advised to the boys behind her as Campbell got closer.

"Thought it'd be better if I gave you some space this morning. What'd you decide?" Campbell asked her.  
"We're executing him tomorrow."  
He looked shocked at first, but that expression turned into gloating really fast.  
"Solomon. You split the baby," he smiled in this really creepy way.  
Grizz's anger towards him grew even bigger now. Luckily Campbell left the conversation after that, otherwise Grizz wouldn't have been able to keep it together anymore.  
He couldn't stand seeing Sam being devastated because of this psychopath. Nobody should have to endure that.

☾°✩↴

Grizz tossed and turned himself in his bed that night, not being able to fall asleep. He couldn't get Dewey out of his mind and what he was going to do to him tomorrow. Allie had ordered him to help executing the accused one. What if he was the one who had to kill him in the end? He didn't know how they were about to execute Dewey anyways. We're they going to shoot him or drown him? Shooting was probably the most convenient option. But would anyone even be able to do it? He just couldn't wrap his head around the idea.

He knew he had encourage Allie to finally make a decision and consider executing him. After all they didn't have the ressources to guard him for so long.  
However, this was really happening now. You can always say as much things for future events as you want. But as soon as they occur, you feel anxious, frozen or whatever existing negative emotion.  
Grizz's eyes filled with tears a bit, swallowing a big lumb down his throat again and again. He just needed someone to talk to right now.

 _ **Grizz:** hey, you still up?_  
He'd hoped for Sam to still be up at 0:37am even though he knew Sam had late meal prep that night and was probably really exhausted from it. They had talked about it this morning as the two had spent the night together.  
To his surprise, he received an answer only a couple of moments later.  
_**Sam:** hey :) what's the matter?_

_**Grizz:** i can't really sleep, there's too much going on in my head  
**Sam:** tell me, what's on your mind?  
**Grizz:** dewey mostly and you know, tomorrow  
**Sam:** the execution?  
**Grizz:** yeah, allie ordered luke, jason and I to help and I think she wants us to do it  
**Sam:** seriously? I'm guessing because you're the guard?  
**Grizz:** yeah probably_

_**Sam:** how will you do it?  
**Grizz:** i don't know, she hasn't told me. Maybe shooting?  
**Sam:** as you say that, I saw gordie prepping some guns earlier. Maybe for you guys_  
Grizz swallowed again as he knew for sure now that this would involve shooting him. He's never even held a gun in his hands before. How was he supposed to do that? Grizz started shacking a little, even under his warm blanket. Shivers were running through his body. His fear grew, every second the execution came closer.

 _ **Grizz:** talking about this is so fucked up  
**Sam:** this whole situation is fucked up  
**Grizz:** what is allie even expecting me to do? fucking shoot him for cassandras justice???  
**Sam:** can't you just not do it?  
**Grizz:** it's my job. I don't think I really have a choice_  
He did feel kind of responsible for doing his job. But this was sick. Was he supposed to follow what Allie told him or should he just back out of it this time? How was he supposed to kill someone?

 _ **Sam:** if it helps, i'm here for you and you can always talk to me okay?_  
Even if Grizz was full of negative emotions in that moment, this made a little smile come upon his lips. He was so thankful to have him, especially in moments like these. He just wanted to be with Sam so badly.  
_**Grizz:** okay. thank you._

_**Sam:** I also still wanted to thank you for yesterday, you know for cheering me up and stuff  
**Grizz:** you don't have to thank me for that, I saw you were in a lot of pain  
**Sam:** I'm already feeling better today, even if that verdict of Allie today was kind of like twisting the knife a little  
**Grizz:** I'm glad you're at least a bit better :)  
**Sam:** I really wish you were here with me right now.  
**Grizz:** me too._

☾°✩↴

The moment Grizz woke up from a rather terrible night, he felt anxious. He couldn't even drink his coffee in peaceful thoughts. Everything was spinning around the upcoming afternoon and the horrible thing he'd have to do. He knew he could back out of it but he didn't. He felt the duty to do his job and support Allie. That's what he had signed up for becoming part of the guard in the first place.

As soon as he had left the house that evening, heading towards Luke's house to get Dewey, he felt nauseous. What the hell was he getting into, he thought constantly. He already sensed this would be so much worse than Emily.  
Luke and Jason were already waiting for him, as Allie had asked both of them to help as well. Clark wasn't even considered, since he was the one who had beaten him up just shortly after they had that pre-dawn raid.

The three transported Dewey to the middle of the forest where they tied him to a chair and put a blindfold around his eyes before Allie, Helena, Will and Gordie showed up. The latter carried a box on his arm with three guns inside, placing it on the ground a couple of meters behind Dewey's back.  
Grizz reached down shaking from fear and almost panic, handing one gun each to Luke and Jason.  
"Two of them are loaded with blanks," Gordie started explaining.  
"What are you guys doing?" Dewey started to whimper. He had no idea what was happening behind him and what he was about to go through.

"One of them is loaded with the real thing," Gordie continued while Grizz toon the lasz gun out of the box, touching it almost like it was something disgusting he was holding in his hand. His arms were already shaking.  
"Come on, take this blindfold off. I wanna see," Dewey interrupted.  
"That way, none of us know who actually killed him."  
"Hey come on! You can't kill me. Fuck."

"Make sure the safety is off."  
"Where's the ... Where is the safety?" Grizz asked who's never held a gun in his hands before. Helena tried showing him from far away as he was trying to figure it out himself. It was harder than he thought with his nervous hands.  
"I got it. I got it."  
"Hello? What are you doing? Hey." Dewey asked worried about his safety.  
"Hey! What are you guys doing back there? Please! Please ... please don'g kill me," his voice got more desperate and frantic.

Helena, who was his defender in the whole trial, couldn't help but walk towatds Dewey from behind, placing a hand on his shoulder which made him flinch sharply.  
"Ah shit!"  
"It's okay. It's okay. I'm just ... gonna pray with you."  
Dewey started sobbing and crying in fear, shaking his head, begging for forgiveness.  
"Our Heavenly Father ... we have sinned against you in thought, and word, and deed ..."

"Please don't do this. Please don't do this!" he begged more while Helena was still praying for him.  
"... and in what we have left undone. We repent all of our sins."  
"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry. I'm sorry!"  
"Amen," were the last praying words from Helena before she left towards the others in the back, tears in her eyes, feeling as guilty as ever before.  
"No please don't do this. Please don't do this! I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Dewey continued crying, his voice trembling.

"You can still change your mind, you know," Helena spoke to Allie. But instead of saying anything, Allie just looked at her, trying to keep a straight face. She stepped a couple of steps forward, looking towards the three guys, still holding the guns in their hands.  
"Grizz, buddy, please," Dewey whimpered.  
This made Grizz feel more nauseous than ever before. Not even alcohol made you feel like that. The situatuon was not comparable to anything. This was crazy, Grizz thought.

The nauseousness didn't vanish, it became worse. Only a couple of moments later, Grizz stepped away and vomitted into the grass, not being able to keep it together anymore. After coughing, he didn't feel better. The worse was still about to come.  
Except for Allie, everyone looked at Grizz who was wiping his mouth before returning to Jason and Luke

"Come on," Luke mumbled.  
"Are we seriously doing this, man?" Grizz asked with an unbelievable expression.  
"Please don't do it! Please untie me!" Dewey screamed on top of his lungs now.  
"Let's just do it, all right? Allie?" Luke answered, being unsure about all of this as well but not seeing a way out of this.  
"I won't do it again! I promise! Please!"  
"On the count of three."  
"I don't want to die! I'm so sorry."

Jason, Luke and Grizz got ready into their position, slowly raising their guns in the air and pointing towards Dewey's head.  
"Please, no no no. Wait. No. Wait. Wait. Wait," he begged, wiggling in his chair for help but his hands and feet were both tied to it.  
Grizz could barely lift his arm. It felt like he was holding up something ten times as heavy as the gun. He couldn't even aim the target properly, his hands shaking too much and his eyes filling to much with tears.

"Please just think about it. Think about what you're about to do! Don't do this, please!"  
"One," Allie started counting.  
"Please! No, no, no!"  
Helena was closing her eyes, looking away from the scenery.  
"Two."  
Grizz pressed his eyes shut, his whole face shaking out of fear.  
"Please don't do this! No, please!"  
"Three."  
And they all pulled the trigger.

Three loud bangs at the same time could be heard. Shivers were running through everyones body.  
Dewey whimpered. Wait. Dewey made noise?  
Allie gasped as he saw Dewey was still alive and unscathed. All three guards had missed.

"What? What the fuck?! Fuck," Dewey immediately exclaimed.  
Grizz opened his eyes, not believing that they had all just missed. He lowered his shaking gun.  
"I think we missed," Jason mumbled.  
"Oh shit. We missed," Luke added.  
Dewey exhaled, almost like out of relief. But that feeling didn't last long.  
"We have to do it again," Allie said with a rusty voice.  
"What? Huh? No please!"

Grizz looked at her in disbelief. She wasn't serious, was she? He couldn't do it again. This was the worst thing he has ever done. How was he supposed to pull the trigger a second time, knowing that this time he would really die? Fuck.  
"Can we do it again?"  
"The chambers are full," Gordie answered who had brought the guns in the first place.

"Fuck, let's go! Let's go! Come on!" Luke cheered almost encouraging to the others, wanting this to be over.  
"Are you fucking serious?" Grizz asked again, regretting the decision of wanting to help Allie in the first place.  
"Yes, man. Come on. Let's get it over with," Jason agreed with Lukes behaviour. Grizz starred at him like he didn't know who he was just talking to. These weren't the friends he used to know. This weren't the friends he went to school with. This weren't his friends.

"On my count," Allie repeated.  
"Please don't do it!" Dewey continued.  
"Come on!" Luke encouraged Grizz who was still hesitant with lifting his gun again. Jason and Luke were already ready to shoot again. They could only do it as three people, not two. Grizz didn't feel like he had much of a choice.  
Feeling forced to do so, Grizz reloaded his gun, slowly pointing it towards Dewey, his hand trembling even more than before.  
"I'm so sorry, please!"

"One."  
Grizz knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't pull this trigger a second time, possibly shooting Dewey. Maybe he had the suspicion that his gun was the one with the real bullet. Maybe that's why the first shot missed, with Grizz being the most shaky one out of the three.  
"I can't fucking do this, man," Grizz whispered, still hesitant to put his gun down but slowly realising he had to. He couldn't do it, no matter how much he felt obligiated to.  
"You can Grizz, come on."  
"I'm sorry, guys. I'm really sorry, guys." Grizz quickly threw the gun to the ground, leaving his position and walking away from the rest of the group. His voice broke down, tears running down his face.  
"I can't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Please, please, please, let me go!" Dewey continued begging for his life while Jason and Luke couldn't believe Grizz backing out of this.  
Allie immediately started to take action into walking towards the gun but was held back by Will shortly.  
"Hey, hey, hey. I'll do it."  
"Let go of me."  
She ran towards the gun on tve ground, picking it up and without hesitation pointing it towards Dewey.

"I won't do it again. I won't do it again! Please don't do it! Please."  
"Call the play Luke."  
"No ... No!" Dewey continued, knowing this would be his end now.  
"One," Luke started counting.  
"Two."  
One last breath, one last whimper.  
"Three."  
"No plea—"  
Three loud gun shots. Silence. Blood started dripping out of his head. Dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this was pretty intense. I was shaking while writing this as well. Never thought I'd be able to write such a scene. I hope you still enjoyed it!


	42. ✩ Each others love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 41 recap: The verdict for Dewey is finally made: he will be executed. Grizz is commissioned by Allie to execute him together with Jason and Luke. The night before he seeks comfort in Sam via text. On the day of the execution, the three are obliged to shoot Dewey with three guns, only one has a real bullet in it. This way they don't know who shot him in the end. After shooting once but missing Dewey, Grizz is too upset from the fact he is about to kill someone and backs out. Allie takes his spot to then kill the acused.
> 
> **TW: Grief, mentions of guns, death & execution**

In the evening of the execution day, Sam entered Becca's and his room after having some dinner downstairs. Becca didn't feel like eating because of that nauseous feeling she had had all day already.  
He sat down on the bed and rattled her knee, in order to notice him as she was laying with her face down into the pillows.  
"I thought you might be hungry," he signed. Becca sighed, rolling onto her back. The stomach has been growing lately and making certain movements became more difficult for her.

"Everything is making me so fucking nauseous right now," she answered before sitting up and holding her belly for a second.  
"Have you seen Allie? Talked to her?" Sam wanted to know, as he was aware of the execution that day. He immediately also wondered how Grizz must have felt but obviously that wasn't something he would ask Becca in that moment. She probably knew that there was something. However Sam didn't want to annoy her with his life as she was having enough trouble with the ongoing pregnancy.

"Seen. Not talked."  
Sam nodded, again wondering where Grizz might be in that moment. He hasn't seen him in the kitchen before.  
Suddenly Becca gasped, looking down on her stomach and touching it. A happy expression fell onto her face. Sam immediately smiled along with her, knowing it was maybe the baby that she was feeling.

"Holy shit — I feel something."  
Sam reached his hand over to her belly, placing it onto it and suddenly feeling some little kicks.  
"Wow," he gasped as well.  
"Feels so weird."  
"From that kick: a swimmer," Sam joked.  
"Yeah. You can definitely tell, huh?" Becca smiled at her best friend.  
"Yeah." However, Sam's smile didn't last taht long as he exhaled and prepared for asking her a question about the father. He already knew she would react repellent.

"So ... Am I going to have to guess from what the baby looks like who the father is?"  
"You promised me you wouldn't ask me that again," she immediately snapped at him.  
"Becca," he tilted his head more demanding this time. She knew she could trust him with this kind of stuff. Why was she so embarrassed about it?  
"It was a mistake, okay? Nobody you know, so just leave it at that."  
She crossed her arms in front of her body, almost gettlng into defense mode.

"I see," Sam answered disappointed but understanding of her feelings, trying to caress her knee but her blocking it off.  
"I'm just gonna be some slutty girl who got pregnant sleeping with some asshole at a party."  
"No, you aren't."  
"Yeah," she denied, wiping away a small tear coming out of her eye.  
Suddenly a quick and not so good thought about solution for her fear of telling people came to Sam's mind.  
"I'm the father."

Shocked, she turned her face towards him, not really believing what crazy idea Sam had just spoken out.  
"You don't have to do that."  
"Why not? I want a family. I always have." Sam had always been a person who dreamed of having a family. It was not like he had a good example of a working family, but he'd always wished to someday live with his husband and kids in his own beautiful home. He knew it was not easy adopting kids as a gay couple but nevertheless it had always been his secret dream for the future.  
In this situation, a family with his best friend and a kid sounded even better to him. At least in that moment it did.

"All right. All right, I get it. But this isn't like doing my algebra homework for me first semester," she warned him.  
"God, you owe me so much."  
"I'm serious. It's big. And it's forever. Don't say it if you don't mean it."  
Sam sighed, being convinced he wants to be there for her forever. He would always have Becca and he would be there for her child as well. He'd be the father figure to everyone in town, so nobody would ask stupid questions about the real father.

"You're my friend. And I love you. And I wanted a child of my own. This might be my only shot," he nodded. Becca was able to smile again, being extremly thankful to have such an amazing friend like Sam. She took his hand, to thank him for his kindness.  
"Thank you, love," she smiled.  
And in this moment Sam couldn't be happier about the relationship he had with her.

☾°✩↴

He is dead were the only thoughts running through Grizz's mind that day, together with the pictures of having to clean up the mess they had made. This would haunt him even more than Emily's dead. This was more disturbing than anything he could imagine. And somehow he started to feel guilty about not being able to do it. Not being able to point that gun at him properly and pull the trigger. Was this a sign of weakness or strength?

Grizz didn't know. His head was so full of thoughts, he couldn't even think properly anymore. Everything just seemed like a total mess.  
He just needed to talk to someone. He needed to talk to the one person that was able to pull the trigger instead of him.  
He slowly approached Cassandras room, as he had seen Allie enter it before. She always searched comfort in her sisters room when she needed it. After knocking on the door, he slowly and carefully opened it, waiting for a negative response. It never came.

While he was slowly walking towards the bed, she sat up from her laying position and Grizz was able to see her puffed and wet cheeks. While Allie sighed, a tear was running down Grizz's face.  
"You don't really know what you're capable of ... until you ...," Grizz began but couldn't finish. The words didn't get over his lips.  
"What does that say about me?" Allie questioned. Grizz shook his head, know he maybe has said the wrong thing.

"You couldn't do it. I could."  
"You had to. And I didn't ... I didn't mean it that way," Grizz assured her with a breaking voice.  
"You didn't have to mean it like that. It's true," she answered fastly, almost mumbling some of the words. Grizz stayed silent, not knowing what to say to the way she felt about herself.  
"He did two things, you know?"  
"Who?"  
"Dewey. He did two things. He killed my sister. And then he made me kill him. I don't know which is worse."

And after she finished talking, almost breaking out into tears, Grizz took her hand and held it in comfort. Not even a moment later, he scooted closer towards her and layed his head down onto her shoulder. She didn't complain. Instead she even smiled for a bit. This was exactly what these two needed. Just their growing friendship and some comfort.

☾°✩↴

"Grizz," Sam said as he saw Grizz closing the door to Cassandras room. He himself was just coming out of the bathroom, already in his pyjama as he was about to head to bed. Grizz froze for a second before turning around. He immediately recognized the lovely voice but maybe he was a bit shocked to meet Sam this late in the evening, especially on this horrible day for him. "Hey, are you okay?" Sam approached him softly and stepping closer, seeing Grizz's swollen eyes and wet cheeks.

Grizz just swallowed, not bringing a word over his lips again. He just couldn't talk. The words would not make sense. Even if he would have loved to talk to Sam, he just couldn't pronounce any clear enough words for him to lip read anyway. Every single word he knew in sign language seemed to have disappeared completely.  
He could barely lift his right hand to sign to word no to him. But Sam understood. He knew about the execution. What Sam didn't know was that Grizz backed out last minute. But he would find that out soon.

"I ... I'll just leave you alone. Just text me, whenever you're feeling better, okay?" he assured Grizz before wanting to leave to Becca's and his room.  
"Wait," Grizz suddenly stopped him from walking away by taking his hand. He realised that he wanted Sam to be with him in that moment. Sam was his safe space. Even if that little talk with Allie gave him some comfort, he couldn't imagine being alone right now; alone with his thoughts. This would only make him feel worse again.  
"Stay," Grizz remembered the sign again, his mind clearing up a bit.

Sam started to blush slightly as soon as he had taken a hold of his hand. He loved being able to touch Grizz in any way. He loved being near him. He loved talking to him. And he especially loved kissing him. But sadly that hasn't happened for a long time already.  
Grizz now nodded his head towards one of the rooms on the upper floor, pulling Sam after him into it. It was one of the smaller bedrooms the Pressman's had, which had only sometimes been used by Gordie or Bean for investigation purposes.

Sam closed and locked the door behind him, just for their safety, as they had entered the small room, turning on a small night lamp next to the bed. Grizz sadly let go of Sam's hand as he sat down comfortably on the bed. Sam followed by sitting down and leaning towards the headboard.  
Grizz's eyes were still red from all the tears that had already left his eyes that day. His cheeks still puffy. But now that Sam was closer to him than before, he could really see the pain in his eyes.

"Do you ... want to talk about it?" he asked, caring about him. Grizz turned his gaze down to the ground, swallowing a small lumb in his throat.  
Did he want to talk about it? He didn't know. Maybe it was better for him. But maybe he would break out in tears and Sam wouldn't understand a word he was saying. However, it was Sam after all. Remembering the last time the two had talked, he had comforted Sam in one of his lowest states he has seen so far. Sam trusted him with his feelings so much that he even had cried in front of him. Grizz knew he could be as vulnerable to the ginger as he had been before. He trusted Sam a lot.

Grizz nodded slightly, now needing to turn his head towards Sam in order for him to read lips and look at his hands. At least the jock was trying his best to sign along with it, even if it seemed like he couldn't remember a single word.  
"I couldn't ... I couldn't do it."  
Sam wrinkled his eyebrows, not knowing what he exactly meant.  
"What do you mean?"  
This was harder than Grizz had imagined. It felt like his throat was closing itself, needing him to gasp for air. He couldn't keep eye contact with Sam anymore, he lowered his gaze again.

"I couldn't ... pull the trigger. I did but ... not a second time."  
"I was right about the guns?"  
Grizz nodded.  
"But ... second time? I don't understand," Sam asked carefully again. What did he mean with a second time? Did they shoot Dewey twice?  
Grizz looked up to him, his eyes were filled with tears again. _Fuck_ , he thought. He didn't know how to explain it without completely loosing it. He took a deep breath before he at least tried it.

"Luke, Jason and I ... we had three guns, only one had real bullets but we didn't know which one. So we had to ... shoot at the same time. I hesitated ... I didn't want to but ... I had to. But after we ... pulled the trigger the first time ... Dewey he ... we missed him."  
Sam looked worried at Grizz who looked like he was about to have a panic attack at any moment. Quickly he grabbed his hand, drawing soft and small circles on the back of his hand to help him calm down. And it helped him, at least for a moment.

"Allie ordered us to do it again, and I ... I did raise my gun but ... in the end ... I couldn't. I couldn't ...," Grizz stammered until his voice broke. He tried to hold back his tears, his feelings and his body shutting down but he couldn't.  
In the next moment he started crying and sobbing as tears started running down his red cheeks uncontrollably. And although Sam couldn't hear the pain in his voice, he could see it in his face. The beautiful face that usually had a smile on it now seemed broken.

For a moment Sam couldn't quite comprehend that Grizz was being so openly vulnerable in front of him. This was the first time he was seeing him like that. Not even the death of Emily was as bad as this. He couldn't imagine how horrible this situation must have been, even if in the end he wasn't one of the possible people to have shot Dewey. At least he didn't have to carry that on his shoulders.  
Sam quickly realized that even the people who seem so though and strong on the outside have it's weaknesses. But he also realized that Grizz sharing this weakness with Sam was something he did out of pure trust. And he couldn't be more happier about that.

Sam couldn't leave him like that, seeming to break into pieces on this bed by himself. He quickly scooted over to him and gently pulled Grizz into his arms, just like the jock had done the same a couple days ago.  
Grizz immediately responded with letting himself fall into Sam's arms and into his chest. They both slid into a more comfortable position as the ginger tried to lean himself against the headboard, so Grizz's weight wouldn't suffocate him.

Grizz just let his emotions fall. He just cried, and cried, and cried. That's exactly what he needed and what would give him relief of the situation.  
He didn't care what Sam thought about him in that moment. He only knew that Sam was the one who had just pulled him into this hug and how he was the one who calmed him down. And that was all that mattered in that moment. Grizz being wrapped into Sam's arms and Sam holding onto Grizz like his life depended on it. And he wouldn't ever want to let him go again.

They knew each other now. They knew each other at their best and at their worst time. They knew how vulnerable the other can be. They knew how strong the other can be.  
The only barrier between them was expressing what they really felt about each other. Just by pressing each others lips together again they would know the other felt the same.

Grizz was at least crying for 10 minutes straight before he stared to calm down a little. Sam was holding him in his arms the whole time, caressing his back or armwith his hand multiple times to make sure he was there for him. And just like Grizz did to Sam the other night, Sam placed a little kiss onto Grizz's dark hair, inhaling his scent as he did so. He just couldn't get enough of him. He even tried hugging him more but he was scared he would suffocate him at some point. He just wanted to be as close to him as possible. And so did Grizz.

Maybe they already knew how the other felt. What kind of normal friendship would exchange kisses on each others head and have long cuddles? With their history, it would only make sense. They both were craving for each other. Craving for each others love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These parallels to chapter 40 ... first Sam in Grizzs arms, now the other way around.  
> I know the whole room thing is a bit unrealistic but I wanted to include Sam comforting him on the execution day so bad and I needed a solution since Becca is occupying the room Sam is staying in haha  
> I hope you still enjoyed this chapter!! Spoiler alert: I think you can all be very excited for the next chapter ;)


	43. ✩ Last forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 42 recap: In the evening of the execution day, Sam checks on Becca who is able to feel her baby for the first time. She is really concerned about people's reactions to her pregnancy, especially about the dad of the kid. In order to help his best friend, Sam suggests telling people that he is the biological father of the baby. Meanwhile Grizz searches comfort in Allie after this horrible experience. Sam and Grizz coincidentally bump into each other on the hallway. Sam notices Grizz's obvious bad condition and offers him comfort. In one of the guest rooms, Grizz recalls the execution for Sam but breaks down as he does so. Sam comforts him and takes him into his arms until they fall asleep together.
> 
>  **IMPORTANT NOTE:** The last paragraph of this chapter is happening at an _undefined time in the time span of 5 months_. It is not happening directly after the scene beforehand! At the end of the chapter there will be more information on this.

Sam slowly opened his sleepy eyes as the sun was shining brightly into the small and comfortable room he was in. But he wasn't alone. Grizz was sleeping next to him, cuddled up into Sam's arms with a peaceful expression on his face. His eyes however still looked puffed and swollen from all the tears he shed before falling asleep.  
After letting his feelings out, Grizz and Sam had decided to just stay in the room for the night. Grizz had needed this more than anything in that moment. So did Sam.

The ginger looked down onto Grizz, immediately smiling just by seeing him. It made his stomach fill itself with butterflies that were dancing around to the most happy melody he could ever imagine. His heart beat faster, everytime he was able to touch him and his beautiful skin. Cuddling him like this was even better. His heart felt like exploding at any moment, that's how fast his heart rate increased.  
At the same time he felt at ease. He could be himself when he was with Grizz. He didn't have to worry about anything, about how he looked or about his voice. All these things didn't matter and it made Sam feel so much relief. He couldn't even describe it in words.

All he knew was that he felt these strong feelings towards the boy that was laying into his arms. And suddenly he realised that what he was feeling was indeed love.  
_I'm in love with Grizz Visser_ , he thought. The moment he thought it, it felt right and he couldn't stop himself from smiling.  
This must have looked so stupid if somebody had watched him randomly smiling out of nowhere. But all that mattered right now was that he was as close as he could get to Grizz. And all that mattered was that both of them were able to find comfort in each other when they needed it.

Sam's thoughts were suddenly interrupted as Grizz started to move and finally opened his eyes as well. Blinded by the bright light coming from the window, he immediately groaned, pressing his sleepy eyes together.  
Sam had to hold himself back from laughing a little at the cute faces Grizz made while trying to wake up.  
As the jock slowly but surely was able to see clearly enough, he noticed Sam right next to him, having his arms wrapped around him.

"Good morning," Grizz spoke with a little rusty voice from the long sleep he has had.  
"Morning," Sam slightly smiled back at him, nervously waiting for a reaction to the way the two were touching each other. But besides scooting away a little in order to be able to sign better, nothing else negative came. Grizz just stayed where he was.  
"What time is it?" he asked curiously.  
Sam quickly grabbed his phone from the nightstand next to the bed, checking the time.  
"8:27."  
"Too early," Grizz groaned again jokingly, throwing his head into the pillow behind him.

Sam already got the impression that he was feeling better. However, he actually couldn't really tell just from two sentences.  
"How are you feeling?" he asked to make sure Grizz wasn't as miserable as he was the evening before, where he fell asleep in Sam's arms, being extremely exhausted from the execution day.  
"Better, I guess. Not perfect but ... I'm alright," he confessed while biting his lip softly. Sam nodded out of relief. How bad he just wanted to kiss Grizz's lips in that moment. But was it appropriate enough right now?

"I'm sorry about ... tonight. I was really down ... with this whole Dewey thing and I didn't want to ... drag you into my feelings I guess."  
Even though Grizz had let his emotions fall that night, he felt guilty leaving it all out on Sam and occupying him for the whole night. Becca would probably pelt him with questions later on.  
"No, don't apologize. I'm there for you if you need me, you know that," Sam quickly assured him.

Grizz couldn't be more happy to have someone like Sam in his life. With all of this chaos going on around them, he was the person he could always come to. He was the person who made him feel at ease with himself everytime he was around.  
He couldn't describe how badly Grizz wanted to just press his lips onto his, finally being able to bond more and feel this amazing texture again. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing so for much longer. It was just way too tempting. He's been wanting it for so long. He could only pray that Sam was wanting the exact same thing.

"Thank you," Grizz signed as he scooted a closer again, lifting his face to look Sam more directly into his eyes.  
Sam's lips opened slightly as his gaze switched between Grizz's eyes and his lips. These beautiful, soft and tender lips that were so tempting to him. He couldn't even comprehend the situation any longer, he was so focused on his lips and his heart slowly beating out of his chest.

Grizz just wanted to express his feelings to the person he loved. Maybe not tell him directly. But he couldn't hide the fact that he just wanted to wildy kiss the beautiful boy and tell him how much he liked him for any longer.  
"I really like this, you know," Grizz started explaining nervously, "I mean, _this_ right here. Whatever that is."  
"Yeah ... me too," Sam smiled while trying to stay as calm as possible. But with his heart rate increasing more and more, that was rather difficult.

Grizz suddenly sat up a bit in order to use his hands more easily for signing purposes. He still remained pretty close to Sam, not wanting to loose any distance between the two.  
He had the strong desire to just tell Sam everything that he felt about him. Just telling him how much he liked him again and that he most certainly fell in love. If he wouldn't do it now, nothing would happen again and Grizz couldn't bare being without Sam for another eternity. He was craving for Sam. And luckily the ginger craved for Grizz, but the jock didn't know in that moment. Without being a tiny bit brave for a moment he would never find out.

"Look Sam ... I'm just going to be honest now. I don't want to mess this up ... again but ... uh ... I _really_ like you ... again and I'm sorry if this is weird now or anything but after the last couple of weeks with you I just realized that —"  
Grizz wasn't able to finish his sentence. Sam had suddenly cupped Grizz cheeks with his hands, leaning into his slightly parted lips and meeting them with his own. Blood was rushing through each others bodies as soon as Sam had placed his gentle and soft lips onto his opponents.

However, not even a moment later, Sam had already pulled himself away again, looking back at Grizz to see his reaction. Maybe the jock was still a bit in shock by this sudden kiss that Sam just gave him. A kiss he's been waiting for for so long. Nevertheless, he immediately exhaled deeply and his lips turned into a happy smile. Sam followed, smiling as bright as ever that day.  
"I like you too, Grizz. Wasn't that obvious?" were Sam's words before Grizz pulled them both into the long awaited passionate kiss, placing each others lips onto one another.

Sam's cheeks began to glow as Grizz's hands cupped them softly and pulled his face even closer towards his.  
He had missed this beautiful taste and this beautiful feeling he had while kissing Grizz as passionate as ever before. But most importantly, it was exactly the thing he wanted. It was what felt right to him. Even with all their history and all the things they've been through.  
Grizz felt the exact same way. In this moment it was just him, Sam and their lips connecting with each other in the most intimate way possible.  
What else could stop them now?

☾°✩↴

"Where the hell were you?" Becca immediately wanted to know as soon as Sam had entered their room and walked towards the bed. After sharing deep kisses with Grizz for at least half an hour, the jock had to get ready for his work shift. After all he was still wearing the same clothing as the day before and he definitely needed a deserved shower. Sam tried coming up with a lie. Maybe he was with Allie the night? Or just wanted to be alone? But Becca surely wouldn't believe that. He didn't see any other solution but to tell her at least half the truth.

"I was in the guest room with Grizz," he confessed as he sat down towards her.  
Becca immediately raised her eyebrows. She indeed had a good sense in what was going on in her best friends life, even if they had tried to keep it a secret.  
"With Grizz, huh? Why that?" she smirked.  
"It's not what you think. He wasn't feeling good because of the execution. So I stayed with him."  
"Stayed with him or _stayed with him_?" she teased the ginger. Sam immediately punshed her shoulder slightly, signaling her to stop thinking more about it than she should.

"Come on, you rarely tell me stuff anymore."  
"That's not true."  
"It is. How often have you seen Grizz without me knowing, huh?" she continued asking spicy questions.  
"I'm not seeing Grizz, Becca. We're just friends. Can't friends be there for each other?"  
"I wouldn't say that you two are just normal friends anyways. History can't be forgotten," she emphasized, knowing exactly what she was trying to reach with her questioning.

Sam rolled his eyes in annoyance. But he knew she was just being a little teasing. Probably more than usual because of her pregnancy hormones though.  
"There is nothing between me and Grizz. Should I write it on a piece of paper for you to get it?"  
"Okay okay, got it," she laughed it of, leaving Sam alone with it as she noticed how annoyed he got from it. Maybe he was really telling the truth, she thought for a moment.

"How's the baby? Felt anything again?" Sam quickly changed topics before she wqs able to start anything again.  
"I did, this morning actually. Not right now though. But isn't it kind of amazing?" Becca smiled. Sam couldn't believe she was actually quite happy about her pregnancy. Before she's always blocked it off, trying to ignore it as best as she could.  
"Yeah," Sam replied smiling as well.  
"I mean, there is a real human growing inside of me. Kind of amazing but ... scary I guess."

For a short moment, the father of her baby popped into Beccas mind. If he only knew, he'd probably yeet himself out of the window. Extremely immature boy, and he even has a girlfriend.  
Sooner or later he'd find out anyways as news spread fast with only around 200 teens in the town they were stuck in. But until her belly was not showing too obvious and her clothes could be hiding the fact that she was pregnant, she wouldn't tell a soul. That was sure. She hoped Sam would keep her secret for as long as she wanted. But she could usually trust him with that as he had the trait of being a loyal person. Sam didn't plan on telling anyone anyways.

☾°✩↴

After Grizz and Sam had finally had shared the intimate moment of kissing each other again after such a long time, they saw each other almost every day. Now that they have bonded with each other again, they wanted to spend as much time as possible together. Grizz had invited Sam over multiple times to his house, as it was always empty and no one would disturb them.

Even if both have expressed their feelings for each other, nothing has officially been declared as a real relationship. Sam wasn't expecting to want Grizz to make it official anyways, even though he really wanted to. He knew, Grizz was still afraid of his friends reactions and Sam would be willing to keep it under the radar with him, as long as they could still act as normal friends in public. Obviously they weren't just that.  
In contrary, Grizz wanted to be in a relationship with him really badly. And even if they practically already were in one, he wanted to make it official before it came to any misunderstandings between the two.

On a friendly sunday evening, Grizz had invited Sam over to his house again, after both of their work shifts were over.  
As soon as he heard the doorbell ring, his lips formed a little smile on his face, getting extremely excited to see Sam again. At the same time his nervousness rose as he had prepared something for the ginger. Something with which he would ask him to be his official boyfriend. Official in the sense of for themselves only, not anyone else yet, of course.

After opening the door, Grizz softly bit his lip as soon as he saw Sam standing there as beautiful as ever, even if he looked a tiny bit exhausted from work.  
Sam immediately smiled as well as soon as the door flipped open, being really happy to see Grizz in that moment.  
"Hey."  
"Hey, come in," the jock offered as fast as possible, giving him space to enter his house, as usual these last couple of days.

Sam thought that Grizz looked especially handsome that day in his well chosen outfit. Not that he never found him attractive, but that day he was especially appealed by his presence. One reason for that was probably the fact that the two would surely make out again, like they have done these last days. Sam couldn't complain about that at all. He loved kissing Grizz's soft and beautiful lips more than anything else. Feeling him like this again was more intense and beautiful than he had ever imagined.

The two quickly headed up towards Grizz's room. Even if they had the whole house for themselves, this was the place the two were most familiar with and secure in. Neither Sam nor Grizz wanted Helena to burst into them again, like on the pre-dawn raid day, or worse his other friends like Luke, Jason or Clark. And obviously for intimate reasons, the bed in the jocks room was more comfortable than the kitchen counter anyways.  
Sam immediately sat down on Grizz's bed, making himself feel at home like he always did. But instead of the jock settling with the ginger, he hestitantly and a bit nervous walked over to his desk, searching for something.

"Something wrong?" Sam asked curiously watching the jock pull something rectangle shaped out of his desk drawer. Hiding the mysterious object behind his back, Grizz now joined Sam on the bed, sitting down gently.  
"Here, open," he handed the unknown object to Sam which he quickly identified as a handmade card in the color blue. On the front Grizz had drawn six hands, each signing a different letter from the ASL alphabet and concluding in the phrase for sam.

The ginger immediately had to smile at the little drawings Grizz had made, even if they looked kind of poor. He was definitely not into drawing. But the fact that Grizz had made the effort to try something like that just for him, made Sam feel extremely lucky and just warm around his heart.  
"Impressive," he smiled at Grizz, who was biting his lip and shaking his leg nervously, mostly because of the content inside the card and what he was about to ask him afterwards. He gestured Sam to finally open it up in order to read what he had written.

_Dear Sam,  
The weight of the world is love.  
Under the burden of solitude,  
under the burden of dissatisfaction.  
the weight, the weight we carry is love.  
You remember that, right? Alan Ginsberg. Thanks to him, we started getting to know each other. And now we're here, even after a couple of struggles.  
Sam, you're my favorite place to go when my mind searches for peace. I don't think you understand how easily you make my day so much brighter just with your existence. If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes; only then you would realize how special you are to me.  
Now look at me._

Sam couldn't stop smiling the whole time he read the phrases Grizz had written down in a neat handwriting. He even got a tiny bit emotional from it, slightly noticing tears filling up in his eyes.  
As soon as he read the last four words, his eyes wandered towards Grizz who was looking at him with the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen. And then the jock gathered up all of his courage and signed what he had wanted ask for so long: "Will you officially be my boyfriend, Sam?"  
Even if the answer to this was more than obvious, Grizz was as nervous as never. What if he really changed his mind last minute? Was this all too cheesy?

However, Grizz's worries were unfounded. The ginger didn't hesitate long.  
"Yes ... of course. You have no idea how long I've already wanted this to happen," Sam smiled after carefully putting the card down next to him on the bed.  
"Really?"  
"Yes. Really," Sam reasured him.  
"Can I kiss you now?" Grizz asked almost a bit shy, but more in a romantic way. He just couldn't believe he could actually call himself Sam Eliot's boyfriend now. At least in front of himself, not for others.  
He secretly hoped having that title would last forever.

Sam just bit his lip, chuckling slightly and being as happy as ever before.  
"You have to ask?"  
And not a moment later, Sam leaned into a deep kiss, cupping Grizz's cheeks with his warm and soft hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! A 3000 word chapter just for you guys today <3 I hope you enjoyed it :)  
>  **Important note for the following chapters:** The following chapters will include _isolated scenes that all happen in a time span of 5 months_. After every "☾°✩↴" there will be a new scene with _no specific/defined time span between the scene before that_ but it will still be _in chronological order_. This will not continue throughout the rest of the fanfic but _only for a couple of chapters_. In the plot of the show there is a 5 month time skip, that's why I am not making any specific periods of time here. I'll let you know as soon as this 5 month time skip with the occasional scenes will be over :)


	44. ✩ Passionate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 43 recap: After comforting Grizz the night before, the two wake up in each others arms the next morning. Grizz then confesses that he's liked Sam for a while again but instead of a verbal response, Sam kisses him. Afterwards he confesses he likes him too. Becca is becoming suspicious about Sam and Grizz again, but as Sam doesn't want to bother her with her whole pregnancy going on, he assures her there is nothing going on. After spending lots of quality time with Grizz, the jock finally asks Sam to be his boyfriend, even if they have to do it in secret.
> 
> **CW: Detailed NSFW content!**  
>  If you don't want to read the nsfw part, read until the following sentence: "In the next moment, Grizz quickly leaned towards Sam and his tender lips..." Then you can skip the rest of the chapter.
> 
> **Little surprise:** I created a Spotify playlist for my fanfiction. A link will be added in the end notes.
> 
> **Side note again:** This event takes place at an undefined point of time in the time span of 5 months. The time that passed between this chapter and the last chapter is undefined and up for imagination!

_Last night I looked at you and I could feel it. I could feel that love that filled my entire body. The kind that made my tows curl and the kind of love that circulated through my veins. I could feel myself blush from having all types of emotions running rampant against my skin. The kind of love that made me want to scream all my worries and fears out so they have no way of finding their way back in. The kind that took my breath away just by the mention of our love being spoken in your tone. A soft voice that whispered kindness and sweet promises.  
Last night I looked at you and thought, "Ahhh, so this is how love is supposed to feel."_

_It's crazy, because I don't even know when you became so important to me. It's like watching a snowstorm. You see flakes falling, but you don't realize how they're adding up. Then suddenly, your whole lawn is covered. All these little things have added up, and you're my snowstorm, baby._

_With you I'm comfortable. I know I can talk about anything, or sit by your side in complete silence. You see me at my worst, but only talk about my best. I can be happy about my biggest achievements, while you know my deepest insecurities. I'm comfortable with you, and you should know that means everything to me._

☾°✩↴

After Dewey's death, almost everything went back to normal again. At least that's what it seemed on the outside for most of the teens. Secretly Becca was struggling more and more with her ongoing pregnancy while Allie was haunted by almost daily, horrifying nightmares. Others, like Gordie or Bean, were handling their new situation just fine, working their shifts regularly and finishing tasks or obligiations for their Committee on Going Home work. Sam in contrary was having an amazing time, even if work shifts and concerns about Becca's pregnancy were gnawing at him often. And the only reason for that was his boyfriend Grizz.

On another normal and ordinary day, after they both had finished their work, they wanted to see each other. Just like they had done most of the time since they were together. Sam sometimes wondered how he'd managed to spend time with Grizz and take care of Becca at the same time without her noticing his absence very often. A good "lots of work" excuse got her satisfied on most occasions. Especially with the pregnancy becoming more and more difficult for her to cope with, Becca not paying much attention to the things Sam did was more understandable. Luckily, it worked to his advantage.

"You don't remember?" Sam asked Grizz, lifting his eyebrows.  
"You know how drunk I was that night, how in the world should I remember that?" the jock defended himself and his drunken state back at the night of prom.  
Sam shrugged his shoulders, smirking playfully at his lover sitting in front of him.  
"Tell me then! What did I say?"  
"Oh it was ... about the apparent handcuff fetish you have," Sam obviously joked, knowing Grizz had said something completely different that night. But obviously with his opponent not remembering anything, he was quite surprised as he believed this statement.

"What the fuck, seriously? I don't have a freaking handcuff fetish! Why would I say that?" he quickly tried defending himself, not considering Sam could actually just lie to him.  
"Oh yeah? Why would you own handcuffs then? You're secretly arresting people?" Sam asked teasingly. This has to be a joke now, Grizz thought. He noticed quickly that the ginger was just messing around with him.  
"Oh shut up," he mumbled smiling as he gently pressed Sam down onto the bed, starting to give him a passionate kiss as he climbed on top of him. While cupping Sam's face gently with his hands to pull him even closer into the kiss, he propped himself up with his elbows.

"You know I'm kidding right?" Sam interrupted the steamy kiss, being a little bit out of breath already.  
"I figured," Grizz smirked at the boy beneath him.  
"So you wanna know the truth or not?"  
He nodded approving, wanting to know what he said at the night of prom after all.  
Sam suddenly took over, softly pressing his lips onto Grizz's while changing their laying position into a sitting one, in order to sign along more easily. The ginger was now sitting in Grizz's lap, both of his feet next to his waist, slowly parting his own from his boyfriends lips even if he would have craved to continue this forever.

"You told me about ... the first time you saw me in the cafeteria," Sam started retelling his memories.  
"That already sounds more realistic," Grizz noted.  
"You told me how you actually wanted to sit with me, even if your friends didn't approve it," he continued to reminisc.  
"In the end you didn't and ... you actually wanted to explain to me why. But we got interrupted by ... you know."  
"Yeah, right. I remember," Grizz's memory lapses filled itself.

"So you want to tell me now, why you didn't talk to me back then?" Sam asked curiously, biting his lip softly as he waited for an answer.  
"You know Sam ... the first time I saw you I was ... I was mesmerized by you; by your perfect hair, freckled skin and gentle movements. I immediately had little a crush on you."  
"Really?" Sam signed, being enthralled by this new information. Grizz nodded while signing a simple _yes._

"And you know what? That crush never really went away. Look at us now. Little sophomore Grizz wouldn't believe his eyes," the jock smiled happily.  
And suddenly, Grizz finally signed what he has felt so long for the boy in front of him. He's finally said what he's been planning on telling him since they got together but hasn't found the right time or place until now. In that moment, nothing has ever felt this right before in his entire life.  
"I love you, Sam."

Sam couldn't believe Grizz's movements. Did he sign something wrong? Did he seriously just say that he loved him? There was no doubt, Sam felt the same. However, this was extremly unexpected and not at all planned.  
The ginger's heart rate increased and his mouth couldn't help but start smiling, having the desire to just attack Grizz's lips in that moment. Nobody has ever said I love you to him before in a romantic way. This was something new to him. But something this new could never feel any better than this. Sam signed it back, finally after he'd been planning on telling this to Grizz as well.  
"I love you, too."

In the next moment, Grizz quickly leaned towards Sam and his tender lips, meeting them with his own and pulling him into an amorous kiss.  
While wrapping his arms around Grizz and letting his hands sink into his long and dark hair, shivers were covering up his whole body. But not the kind that you have when you're scared. It was the kind that was caused by the pure attraction and love between the two in that exact moment.  
Sam just couldn't get enough of him, not at any other thinkable time and especially not in that exact moment. The ginger pulled himself as close as possible on Grizz's lap, without even realizing his own movements. It was this sense inside of him that suddenly wanted to feel Grizz in every way imaginable.

The heat in Grizz's cheeks rised immesurably as soon as his tongue touched Sam's. A feeling of more and more small electric shocks ran through his whole body, craving for more each time their tongues shortly parted. Curiosity and arousal was what kept Grizz from not gasping for air for a second, even if he was a bit out of breath already. He didn't want to part his lips from Sam's and loose this breathtaking feeling and taste. He wished this could last forever.  
Grizz's arms wrapped themselves even closer around Sam's waist as he noticed him pressing his whole body towards him. From the body language Sam was giving Grizz, he noticed the obvious passion building up between them.

He couldn't deny that the way Sam slowly started to grind his hips down towards his own started to turn him on quicker than he thought. The passionate kissing going on at the same time didn't deminish this feeling in any way but rather increase it the longer their tongues were desirously stroking each other.  
The whole atmosphere has suddenly turned a lot steamier and excited for what was about to happen. Neither knew what exactly was about to happen between them. But in the end they would explore this new intriguing experience together.

While their bodies were as close as ever before and their lips were almost fused together, Grizz arms, which were wrapped around his partner's waist before, were slowly wandering down his back towards the hem of Sam's purple sweater that he was wearing. Whilst trying to gain access to the bare and soft skin underneath it, he quickly pulled out of the kiss to ask for Sam's consent before going any further. This was important to him as he wanted to make sure his boyfriend was willing to explore this with him now.  
"Can I?" Grizz mouthed, looking into Sam's already lustful shimmering eyes while tucking slightly at the hem of the sweater.  
"Yes," Sam quickly signed before throwing himself back onto Grizz's swollen lips that he was more than craving for.

As soon as the jocks hands disappeared beneath Sam's sweater and were able to feel his warm and sensual skin around his waist and lower back, Sam was gently pressing his hips progressively more towards Grizz's.  
These movements he made caused Grizz to go crazy, the heat inside him turning his cheeks immensly red. It didn't take long until Grizz grew hard and Sam was able to feel his partners arousal at his own pelvis. The ginger's own errection was already in full bloom and senseable to Grizz, making him even more fond of touching his partner.

Slowly and gently, the jock started undressing Sam by taking of his sweater. That was easier said than done as he had to advise him to lift his arms in order to pull it off properly. It didn't quite work out how he wanted it to due to Sam getting a little stuck and needing to help on his own. However, after his sweater was finally off and tossed to the side, they both were able to laugh about it before falling upon each others lips again.  
Grizz's hands were immediately on Sam's back again, caressing it while enjoying the beautiful taste that surrounded his mouth. Sam's smooth skin felt like heaven to him in every way possible.

Without hesitating for too long, driven by the present and rising arousal, the ginger moved his hands down to the hem of Grizz's shirt, pulling it up bit by bit until his bare torso was fully exposed.  
Fascinated by the way Grizz's body was so well shaped from all the football training he's done in the past, Sam himself got a little self-conscious for a moment. His body was slimer and not as well trained as his, mostly because sports were never really something he found a lot of joy in. Even though they've seen each other topless on multiple occassions before, besides little make-out sessions nothing like this has happened before.  
Sam had no doubt that this would finally lead into something more sexual than just passionate kissing. Not a big surprise, considering they've been craving for each other for a long time already. In that moment, the ginger was as sexually attracted to him as never before.

Despite Sam's insecureness, Grizz has never seen anyone this beautiful in this life. He had visualized Sam naked in his dreams before for multiple times but the reality was so much better than any imagination he's ever had. And until now, he's only seen Sam's chest.  
"Fuck ..." Grizz mumbled.  
"You're so beautiful Sam," he continued expressing his growing attraction towards him.  
With sparkling eyes, he immediately started smiling slightly as he figured his previous concerns were for nothing. Grizz loved him for the way he was, just like he loved him. Something totally objective would not change that.

With this ulterior thought, he quickly fell onto Grizz's smooth lips again, gently pushing him down onto the bed in this process. Sam once again started to grind his hips down onto Grizz's crotch, intentionally stimulating his still present hard-on. It drove Grizz mad, the way Sam moved so skillfullly while the two were bonded at their lips, passionately kissing each other like there's no tomorrow. He couldn't help his urges but push his own hips up towards Sam's as soon as his moved down.  
Surprised by this sudden response, Sam had to inhale sharply into the kiss, being more than turned on by this exciting motion.

After letting his fingertips brush along Sam's waist and back, Grizz took the opportunity and unbuckled his partners belt before throwing it on the floor to the other already taken off clothes. However, before the jock had the chance to unbutton the gingers pants like he desperately wanted to, Sam had already managed to maneuver his hands down, likewise taking off Grizz's belt. Only seconds later, he had undone the button of the jocks pants as well, now trying to pull them down his hips. To lend him a hand, Grizz lifted himself up and shoved his pants down a little until Sam was able to take over, tossing them to the ground.

Considering Sam's prior insecureness, he was suddenly driven by pure excitement, rushing through his whole body. He's been dreaming of being close to Grizz for so long; and now that he has the perfect opportunity, he didn't want to miss it any longer.  
After attacking the jocks lips again, he glid his hand down to the hem of his boxers, waiting for Grizz to stop him if this wasn't something he was comfortable with. But that never happened. Therefore after waiting for a short moment, Sam gently slid his hand inside, finally stroking Grizz's hard length.

Fuck, Grizz thought to himself. This already felt way better than he had ever expected. He couldn't help it but moan slightly into Sam's lips at this amazing feeling he gave him already just by touching him gently.  
Even though Grizz didn't mind it at all, he was surprised of Sam being this passionate, eager and gentle in that exact moment. This was so different from touching yourself, let alone sleeping with another girl, which he most definitely wasn't into at all. Alcohol was the only reason he's done it after all.  
_This_ just felt amazing and so right; and obviously so good that his errection seemed to grow even bigger the more Sam was touching it.

After softly stroking his length up and down a couple of times, leading Grizz to squirm and whimper a little under his touch, Sam got rid of the boxers that hindered him from having full access to his boyfriends hard-on. He was fascinated, aroused and maybe a tiny bit worried by looking at it, biting his lip suggestively as he did so. He was already able to tell from touching It before, that his was a little wider than his own. However, what he had in width, Sam's made up in length. In the end it didn't matter to him anyways; he was way too turned on to worry about size for that matter.

As Sam was trying to take over the lead again by deep kissing Grizz, the jock stopped him by smoothly throwing him down onto the bed, climbing on top of him. A little shocked by this sudden switch, Sam now seductively watched Grizz's hands gliding down his own body, until he undid his pants, sliding them down his legs. As tempting as only the look at Grizz's naked body was while he undressed him, he resisted his urges to just interrupt him at what he was doing.  
Soon after Sam's pants were down, Grizz dedicated himself to his lips again while shortly stroking over the gingers errection through his boxers before sliding them down a little to free his errection.

After mildly brushing over his tip and spreading the little precum he has produced with his thumb, he mildly clasped his length and started to slowly stroke up and down, jerking him off. Grizz could notice Sam's breath getting harder after only a couple of seconds.  
His cheeks filled with heat, almost being hypnotised by the way Grizz was able to touch him; able to make him feel like he's never felt before.  
Sam had to squirm a little under his movements as he continued touching him. It almost made him go crazy. If Grizz continued like that, he surely wouldn't last long.

"Do you like that?" Grizz looked into Sam's eyes, still continuously moving his hand along his hardness. The fact that he had to hold eye contact while the jock was still touching him, made Sam moan a little before he nodded in response. Grizz smiled rewardingly, before increasing his grip and speed little by little.  
By varying up his hand movements, including pressure and pace, Grizz was quickly able to increase Sam's pleasure more and more, making him wind and moan underneath him.

The blood rushing through Sam's veins turned warmer and hotter. His breath got faster and shorter. He wasn't even able to concentrate on kissing Grizz properly anymore, his touches felt too good to even think clearly; _way_ too good.  
Sam noticed himself getting close to finish quicker than he had expected. But he didn't want this to end just yet. He craved for enjoying this special moment as long as possible, especially as it was their first time together.  
After realizing he couldn't hold it much longer, Sam quickly grabbed Grizz's hand, stopping him from jerking him off.

"Grizz, stop," Sam advised him, totally being out of breathe. With a little confused look, the jock immediately got worried.  
"What is it? Did I — did I do something wrong? Didn't it feel good?"  
Sam chuckled, at how caring he really was.  
"You did fucking amazing, you know that?" Sam started explaining as he lifted himself up on his elbows, looking deeply into his eyes.  
"But now it's my turn."

And without hesitation, the ginger quickly pressed Grizz down onto the bed and crawled on top of him. While attacking his lips once again, his hand quickly moved down to stroke Grizz's hardness a couple of times. But instead of only jerking him off, Sam lifted himself off of Grizz's lips and slowly started tracing kisses all around his neck and behind, down to his shoulders. After caressing his trained upper body with his hands, his lips soon followed, kissing and nibbling their way over his chest down to his stomach.  
Subsequently reaching his crotch, Sam positioned himself between the jocks legs, gently taking his partners shaft and leading it to his own mouth.

As soon as Sam's lips had surrounded the tip, Grizz directly started moaning. This completely new experience was one of the best feelings he's felt in a long time. After just a couple of seconds, he already felt like exploding from how turned on he got. Watching Sam as he had pleasured him had already been such an exciting feeling for himself. Receiving it now was a lot more intense and hardly bearable for a long time.  
The moment Sam's took Grizz even deeper into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it, the jock turned into a moaning mess. As best as he could, he tried holding himself back from just coming in Sam's mouth, however big the temptation was.

And as Sam had suddenly started to make eye contact with him as he was sucking him off, Grizz had almost lost himself. Just in time, he was able to stop Sam from continuing what he was doing by sitting himself up, gently grabbing his head.  
"I want to come with you," the jock spat out, immediately pulling Sam against his own lips and letting himself fall onto the bed with him on top.  
High on the adrenaline rushing through his body, he grasped Sam's hard-on, starting to stroke it again. The ginger quickly understood what he was supposed to do, grabbing Grizz's length underneath him and doing just the same movements he did before.

Rapidly, heat was building up inside the two. While moaning into each others kisses, they continued increasing each others pace as they came closer and closer to climax, their hips moving passionately to the stroking movements.  
They were both sweating, heated, moaning and full of lust in that moment, just craving to bring their partner to orgasm, even if concentrating on your opponent while receiving pleasure yourself was harder than expected. But they both had managed to keep up with their pace, increasingly jerking each other off even more intense.

As Sam noticed Grizz's breath suddenly getting even shorter as it already was, he let go of his lips, looking down to his hand.  
"I'm coming Sam," Grizz moaned as he started to ejaculate onto his stomach and Sam's hand, his orgasm finally hitting his body. And even though he had just orgasmed, Grizz's hand continued to jerk Sam off.  
Seeing his boyfriend coming like this, had Sam almost sent over the edge. As he had been really close to finish beforehand anyways, it only took a couple of more strokes until Sam had his long awaited orgasm, squirting white ribbons all over several of Grizz's body parts as he moaned in pleasure.

After riding out both of their orgasm, Sam collapsed onto Grizz's body, trying to breathe normally again. The jock pulled out a tissue from one of his nightstand drawers in order to roughly clean up the little mess the two had made on each other.  
Both of them were almost speechless, still being exhausted from the feeling of this astonishing orgasm. Neither of them had imagined sex with the right person to be this breathtaking. Their veins filles with serotonin, they just laid happily in each others arms for a couple of minutes.

"Fuck, that was ... better than I've ever imagined," Grizz stated.  
"You've imagined this before?" Sam started teasing him playfully once again.  
"How could I not? You're the hotest person I know," he smiled, giving Sam a little kiss onto his cheek. The ginger widely smiled back at him.  
"Come on, let's clean us up," he suggested before the two hopped into the shower together and fell happily asleep into each others arms afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta admit, this is the longest chapter I've ever written and it took me 5 days to complete it (after already procrastinating it for about a month). I hope it turned out well and realistic enough! This was such a struggle ...
> 
> SPOTIFY PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FLYSPH2F8e14QovxAD6DN?si=YRV01w29S5KKK47hf7Iifw  
> Yes I created a spotify playlist for my fanfic wohooo!! Every single song is for one specific chapter and of course sorted in order. The playlist will be updated everytime a new chapter is posted! I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did making it <3 If you can't open the link, my spotify is _softvanne_ and the playlist is called _elysian_. If you don't have spotify, make sure to check out my twitter @softvanne. I'll post all the song titles in the right order there.
> 
> Also again, I added the little side not for everyone to remember about what I explained in the last chapter :) This means that them having sex does not take place immediately the day after them getting together. It's rather a couple weeks or a month later :D  
> Anyways, thank you guys for reading and supporting my story <3


	45. ✩ Her saviour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 44 recap: Grizz and Sam finally say "I love you" to each other and then have sex for the first time. That's it, that's the chapter.
> 
> **Side note:** These events takes place at an undefined point of time in the time span of 5 months. The time that passed between this chapter and the last chapter is undefined and up for imagination!

The more time flew by, the more complications and problems arrised with Becca's pregnancy. The most obvious one was her stomach growing bigger and bigger. Soon, barely any of her clothes were able to cover it up. She wasn't ready for anyone to know. Nobody needed to know it. Sooner or later she would have to give birth and without question, people would surely notice a crying new baby in town. In addition to that, how would she manage to birth a baby by herself?  
But until then, she didn't tell anyone except Sam of course. He really was her saviour in all of this.

The size of her belly wasn't the only issue coming along with the pregnancy. It got harder and harder for her to complete her work shifts. Working while being pregnant was definitely not something healthy, neither for her not for the baby. The hustle and bustle especially during shifts in the kitchen became more and more harder for her to handle, considering she not only had to deal with the pregnancy itself but also try to hide it from everyone.  
She had managed to not having to attend her work for a couple of times, with the excuse she had been feeling nauseous all day. But she knew that wouldn't be an all time solution.

Sam had offered to take her work shifts in order for her to have more rest. However, they came to the conclusion that this wouldn't work for more than one week as well. They had to keep records about who went to work after all and Becca missing for two months straight would be way too suspicious.  
The best friends thought about what they could about it as soon as possible and tried coming up with ideas to make work easier for her. But none of them would work out, that was for sure. The only solution left was telling Allie the truth about the baby. Otherwise Becca would severely damage herself and the baby if she kept going on like this.

This was definitely not something she has thought of before. How could she? She's never been pregnant before and all of this had been a huge mistake after all. Sleeping with him never should have had such consequences. She never should have gotten into partying again, especially not drinking so much alcohol as she did that one night in february. She had so much regret. And the worst thing was that sooner or later the father would find out. The moment the news about her pregnancy will spread, he will know. How will he react? Would he be willing to be a father to the baby? Would Becca even want him in her babys life?

After thinking about how to tell Allie the truth about her pregnancy, Becca finally had taken all of her courage and knocked on the door to Allie's room.  
"Allie, do you have a minute?"  
The blonde looked up from her desk she was sitting at, figuring out something for the town.  
"Sure, what's up?"  
Becca entered, carefully closing the door behind her. She took a deep breath, before beginning to explain her situation.

"I wanted to talk to you about uh ... my work shifts."  
"You're feeling nauseous again?" Allie asked, raising one of her eyebrows. The blonde liked Becca, but her not feeling well for a lot of times in a row made her s little suspicious. Especially as she knew how much Becca has eaten the last months. She obviously didn't know that this was because of her carrying a baby inside of her.  
"No ... no it's not that. I actually ... wanted to ask for your permission on not attending my work shifts anymore."

Allie shrugged, in disbelief of what Becca had just asked her. What would be a valid enough reason to do that?  
"Why should I? You know that everyone needs to work, no exceptions," Allie replied fumbling with the pen in her hand.  
Becca swallowed down a big lump in her throat, herself getting more and more nervous the closer she got to telling her the truth.  
"Well I'm ... I ..." she began but couldn't bring the words out. Instead she opened up the oversized cardigan she was wearing, exposing her more than tightly fitting shirt and her pregnant stomach.

Allie's gaze wandered between Becca's belly and her face, her eyebrows raising themselves in astonishment as she realized what was going on.  
"You ... you're pregnant?" Allie stammered, getting up from the chair she was sitting in.  
"Yeah," she whimpered, closing her cardigan again and uncomfortably crossing her arms in front if her body.  
"Becca, why didn't you tell me earlier? Are you out of your mind, working like this?" Allie asked concerned, before she wanted to know any other details about it.  
Becca just shrugged, not wanting to tell the blonde her concerns.

"How far along are you?"  
"6 to 7 months ... I guess."  
"Okay," Allie whispered while trying to process these more or less good news.  
"Who's the father?"  
Of course she would ask that question, Becca thought. She remembered that Sam and her had made the agreement to pretend like Sam was the father of the baby. But should she lie to Allie? Was it necessary to lie to her? She felt like she would be the one to understand her more than anyone else in this town, except Sam of course.

However, even though Becca thought there was no need to be ashamed of who she had been sleeping with in front of Allie, she still lied.  
"Sam."  
"Sam? My _gay_ cousin Sam?"  
Becca nodded. But Allie immediately knew she couldn't be serious about that. She knew that Sam would never, not even if he was super drunk or high, sleep with a girl and especially not his best friend.  
"Oh come on, you don't even believe that yourself."  
Becca sighed, feeling quite unsure now if everyone would buy the sam being zhe father card. Almost everyone knew he was gay, making it kind of unrealistic.

"I don't want to talk about him. I don't even know if I want him in the baby's life," she explained feeling more and more uncomfortable. At the same time she was reliefed that she had finally told someone. And the good thing was, Allie didn't judge her. She cared more about her well being than anything else.  
"That's okay. Is there anything else I can do for you?" Allie asked solicitous.  
"Please don't tell anyone. I don't want people to know yet."  
"Okay. I promise. And of course you won't have to work anymore. I'll just note down that your sick until the work shifts rotate again in a week and I'll ask Gordie to remove you from the algorythm. I won't tell him, I'll find a good excuse."  
"Thank you."

Becca didn't know in that moment, that Allie and Sam weren't the only people who knew about her pregnancy. Someone who she would have never expected had noticed her growing stomach during the work shifts they had had together. She would find out soon who that special someone was.

☾°✩↴

"Thanks again for doing this for me, guys," Luke thanked Clark and Grizz who were all entering the jeweler in town. Luke had informed his best friends about the marriage proposal he had made to Helena on the night they had executed Dewey. Apparently they had even had their first real sex that day. Therefore, to make it official, he wanted to get her a ring. "Sure," Clark replied while everyone was walking towards all the showcases with the jewelry in them.

"Just, I know it's silly, the world being what it is. Who gives a fuck about the institution of marriage? But ... it's important to me, so I appreciate it."  
"Yeah," Grizz answered simply, turning towards the showcase with all the rings in them.  
"All right. Um ... what are you thinking? Any of these guys?" he proposed, pointing at a black box with a lot of rings stuck inside it.

Grizz stepped behind the class container, opened the sliding little door and took the box out, placing it on top.  
"That's nice, right?" Luke exclaimed, almost with a little anticipation in his voice.  
"I don't know why you're fretting so hard on this ring shit. It's not like you're buying anything for her. You're just handing it to her," Clark asked confused. Grizz just rolled his eyes a bit. That was so typical of Clark, questioning every decision someone else made, even if it was actually none of his business.

"Well, I want to do it right, you know?" Luke started explaining while taking one of the rings out of the small black box and inspecting it in his hands.  
"She's special. I want her to feel special. She sees in me who I can be, not just the dude I think I am. When someone sees you like that, you want them looking at you forever," he smiled.  
Grizz couldn't agree more. Thinking about Luke's statement made Sam pop into his mind immediately.

The two had been dating for quite a while now and he couldn't be happier about what he had with the ginger.  
Keeping their relationship a secret was difficult for both of them. Sometimes they just wanted to jump onto each other in the middle of a town hall meeting or just randomly make out in the cafeteria. But they couldn't. Grizz knew keeping on like this forever wouldn't do any good to their relationship. He could already sense Sam becoming annoyed of hiding all the time. That was just not him.

The more time they spent together and the happier they grew, the more Grizz just wanted to scream out his sexuality to the whole world. He was scared to come out, no doubt about that. But would everyone really react that badly as he always thought? He was sure at least Luke wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Grizz knew he could and had to tell Luke soon. He just had no idea how to. He's never even said the words _I'm gay_ out loud yet; or not that he could remember at least.  
Luckily Sam didn't pressure him into doing anything. Instead he gave him advise on how to deal with accepting your sexuality and the process of coming out.

Sam told him about his own experience of coming out of the closet. In his case, wasn't really a surprise to a lot of people and nobody reacted badly about it. Except Campbell, everyone accepted him for who he is and he was more than grateful for that in such a conservative town.  
If they were home and not stuck in this other world, Grizz would be sure his mother would never accept his sexuality, let alone his father. They were definitely a lot more conservative than he was.  
More or less luckily, Grizz wouldn't have to deal with the bad reactions of his parents anymore. However, he didn't quite know if that was something he should be excited or devastated about.

In the teenagers world, he only would have to deal with his friends. And he was definitely planning on telling Luke first. He was the person he could trust it with the most. He is the one getting married after all. He must understand what love feels like and that it has no limits.

☾°✩↴

Around two weeks before Thanksgiving, Grizz had randomly found a book about sign language in the library. Grizz being as curious as he is, took it home with him to read but soon noticed something quite odd about it. Immediately the next day, he found his boyfriend Sam in the library copying some textbooks in order to ask him about the oddity. By stepping next to him, Grizz quickly caught Sams attention. The ginger immediately smiled, being happy to see him at such an early time in the morning. But at the same time he tried hiding the books he was trying to copy as they were all about pregnancys. Grizz didn't need to know as long as Becca didn't give Sam permission to tell anyone about it.

"What are you doing here? I thought we were hanging out tonight?" Sam asked curiously, looking around the room to notice that nobody else was in the library at the moment. Therefore the two could act differently. Maybe hiding felt a bit annoying and exhausting to Sam at some point but he'd be willing to do it for Grizz as long as he felt uncomfortable with coming out to anyone.  
"Gordie said I could find you in the library. I actually have a question."

Sam nodded, waiting for him to ask.  
"So I discovered this book about sign language yesterday and it's kind of weird. The signs are different from what you've taught me."  
"What do you mean with _different_?"  
"The movements are different. Wait ...," he explained while taking out the book from his backpack.  
Sam immediately started giggling as soon as he saw the book he had in his hand.  
"What?" Grizz wrinkeled his eyebrows, being confused what was so funny to Sam.

"What?" the jock repeated, now laughing a little himself.  
"This is a book about BSL. I use and taught you ASL."  
"Oh wait ... they're different?"  
Sam nodded, still finding it hilarious that even after all this months, Grizz didn't know there was a difference between british and american sign language.  
"Oh come one, first time I find a book about it and it's completely useless."  
"How did you not know about this?" Sam started teasing him a little.  
"How was I supposed to know? You never told me what sign language you use and especially not that there are different kinds!" he defended himself. Even if Grizz was a really smart person, this was sadly something he was definitely not educated enough about.

"I wish we had learned anything about that in school. I would probably not know anything about sign language or deaf culture by now if I haven't met you," Grizz explained his thoughts, while Sam scooted a little closer to him.  
"Well ... you have met me and you're willing to learn about it now. That's more than I could ever ask for," the ginger smiled at him. Especially with the new situation they were in, having someone to look forward to every single day was more than amazing. Having someone to kiss, cuddle and just have fun with was the only good thing about the place the teenagers were in.

"I know ... but what if I had never developed the biggest crush on you? Would we be standing here right now, holding each others hands and just being together?" Grizz further explained his concerns while taking Sam's hand. Sometimes he did tend to question certain coincidences. This all wouldn't have happened this exact way if just something small had been different. Butterfly effect.  
"Luckily I chose the newspaper course over creative writing. Otherwise I never would have done the interviews."  
"Right."  
"Right," Sam smiled at him, before pressing his lips onto Grizz's.

Without any concerns about the setting they were in, they kissed each other deeply and intense, showing the love they had for each other. Sam wrapped his arms around Grizz's neck, even standing up on his tip toes to be even closer to him while Grizz couldn't help but smile lightly into the kiss.  
The two were suddenly and quickly ripped apart as the jock heard the door to the library bang. Quickly looking over, full of concerns of somebody walking in on them, he saw nobody.  
"What?"  
"I thought I heard the door. But nobody's here."

What they didn't know was that somebody had indeed seen them kiss. If Grizz knew who it was, he'd probably be reliefed and ashamed at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, who could have seen them? You'll find out in the next chapter ;) Hope you enjoyed it!!   
> Again gonna share my spotify playlist for my fanfiction here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FLYSPH2F8e14QovxAD6DN?si=wGK7os-jSQ-eb4jRozzozA  
> A new song will be added everytime a new chapter comes out <3


	46. ✩ Coming out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 45 recap: More and more problems arrise with Beccas pregnancy, so she decides to talk with Allie about her work shifts. She reveals that she is pregnant to her and Allie reacts understanding, although she does not believe Beccas lie about Sam being the father. Grizz accompanies Luke for ring shopping for their wedding and considers coming out to him soon. As Grizz and Sam are kissing each other in the library one day, after Grizz had mixed up ASL and BSL, someone accidentally saw them without them knowing.
> 
> **Side note:** These events takes place at an undefined point of time in the time span of 5 months. The time that passed between this chapter and the last chapter is undefined and up for imagination!

"Do you have the book?" Helena asked as soon as Luke had settled down in their room they shared together, coming from his trip to the library.  
"Sorry babe, the library was ... occupied and I couldn't get it," he frowned, the pictures running through his head of what he had just witnessed.  
"Occupied?" Helena raised her eyebrows after putting her bible away and sitting next to him on their bed.  
"Doesn't matter," he shook it off, needing a little time to process everything.

"Well ... obviously it does since you didn't bring the book I asked you to get me. I know it's there. You were the one wanting to get it for me."  
"I'm sorry okay? I ... was a bit in a shock," he explained with a pissed undertone in his voice. Helena immediately noticed that there was something wrong with him. He must have seen something weird or shocking. But what could that be in a library?  
Helena carefully took his hand, drawing soothing circles onto his palm.

"What happened at the library? You know you can tell me."  
"I don't know if I should ..." Luke hesitated, knowing that telling Helena wouldn't be the best move he could do as this was something private and intimate. However, he knew he could trust her if he advised her not to tell anyone.  
"I don't quite understand, Luke."  
"Listen, I ... I saw two people making out. And I didn't want to interrupt so I rushed off as fast as I could."  
"We see people making out all the time. We live in a town with 200 teenagers. What's the big deal?" she chuckled, still not having any idea about who exactly he was talking about.

Luke took a deep breath.  
"It was Grizz and Sam," he blurted out fast. Helena wrinkled her eyebrows in astonishment.  
"Your Grizz? ... And Sam Eliot?"  
"How many Grizz's do you know? And yes, that Sam."  
"Sorry, I'm just a bit ... surprised. I mean I knew Sam was gay but ... Grizz?"  
"Apparently," Luke sighed, biting his fingernails nervously.

"Actually," Helena suddenly threw in the conversation, "I caught Sam at Grizz's house once ... being half naked to be precise. That would explain it."  
"What? And you haven't told me? When was that babe?"  
"The day you arrested Dewey I think."  
Luke gasped in shock. Have they been seeing each other for this long already? And how long has this been going on before that? And how in the world has Luke, his actual best friend, never noticed a single thing?  
"That was months ago. And I didn't know about any of this," he acknowledged despaired.

"Why didn't he tell me Helena? I'm his best friend, shouldn't best friends tell each other that kind of shit?" Luke uttered incomprehensibly.  
"I can't tell you why he didn't. But I do know that we don't live in the most liberal town on earth. I guess he was just scared."  
"Have I made the impression that I hate  
gay people or something? I mean I get it that he didn't tell Clark or Jason ... but what about me?"  
"You surely didn't. You probably just never brought it up and ... coming out to someone is not something that just slips out easily," Helena tried comforting him.

"Shouldn't you be against his behaviour?" Luke asked, considering Helena was one of the most religious teenagers in their town.  
"Being gay is against my own beliefs yes. But I still respect every single person for who they are, no matter what their sexuality is. God didn't tell us to hate on each other ... but to love. And Grizz is a good guy. Just scared of what people think of him," she explained her beliefs on this whole situation.

"What should I do about it? Never mention anything until he tells me himself or confront him?"  
"I don't really know. I guess it depends. If you find a right situation to confront him, do it. But if not, then just wait. He'll tell you eventually, I'm sure about that. You're a good guy, you'll make the right decision."  
Luke sighed out of relief, now having a clearer mind about all of this.  
"Thank you, babe. Just don't tell anyone, but I guess you know that."  
"I won't, I promise," she answered before pressing a light and gentle kiss onto Luke's lips.  
"I love you."  
"I love you, too."

☾°✩↴

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked concerned about Beccas well-being as her baby has been making her a lot of trouble recently. Sam actually wanted to talk to her about his relationship with Grizz as she still didn't know they were officially in one again. She had no idea about any of that. Sam wanted to keep her from worrying sbout him while she was going through such a hard time with her pregnancy. Becca still thought that Grizz and Sam were only friends. "Better, but the baby is still laying on this fucking nerve in my back," she explained while trying to sit up from her laying position in bed. "This is so annoying. I can't do anything anymore. Neither help nor work. Luckily we have that _Committee on Going Home_ meeting tomorrow," the brunette continued the conversation.

"If you have a lot of pain I can go by myself. I can record —"  
"No. I can go, Sam. No need to babysit me all the time," she quickly interrupted his caring attitude.  
He was just trying to help as best as he could. He was not the one carrying a human inside of him after all. He couldn't even imagine what that must feel like.  
Sometimes Becca was behaving unthankful, more or less peppery, towards him since she knew she was pregnant. But who was she to blame, Sam thought. Her behaviour was probably mostly the mass of hormones fault.

"Sorry," she quickly apologized as she noticed Sam's shocked facial expression. She knew he cared a lot about her. She couldn't even tell why she was reacting so impulsive sometimes.  
"People are gonna notice soon. My coat is getting tighter and tighter," she expressed her concerns, looking down on her big stomach.  
"You can't hide it forever and you knew that," Sam faced the truth, knowing he couldn't play the truth down anymore now.

"I know but ... what if people are going to ask stupid questions or ... make assumptions about me that I'm some whore? I mean, will they seriously believe that you're the father?"  
"Why not?"  
"Allie didn't believe me."  
"Because I am her cousin and she knows me too well for that," the ginger explained. The two have known each other since they were babies and literally grew up together. He probably knew his two cousins better than his own brother.

"I am out and everyone knows that. But people can change. Maybe I am bi after all, huh?" he chuckled, trying to cheer her up for at least a bit.  
"It's not like they can track if two people had sex right? It doesn't have to be true, as long as we convince them of the lie," he added.  
"Yeah, you're right. I'm really overthinking this," Becca sighed, rubbing her eyes.  
"It's good to question that stuff. We need to go through that anyways to avoid telling people different stories, you know."

"So what were you planning on telling people if they ask?"  
"I don't know. Say that we got drunk. We were lonely. Something like that," Sam came up with ideas. It had to be a simple but convincing story after all. As Sam was gay to everyone, being drunk while it happened was one of the only possible solutions.  
"Okay, let's go with that," Becca got convinced quickly, even though Sam had just roughly suggested something like that.  
"Sure."

After a short silence of thinking, a interesting question came to Sam's mind, depending on what people they would tell that lie. Considering this topic, Grizz finally came to his mind. What would he tell him? He'd have to tell him as soon as the news would spread. But telling him that lie would completely ruin their relationship? Sam was not expecting Grizz to take his partner having a baby very well.  
"So we tell everyone that I'm the father? Like even Will and Gordie and the others in the house?"  
"Yeah, I was thinking we'd do that. Why?"  
"Nothing, I was just making sure," Sam quickly shook it off, knewing he was about to wander into this big dilemma.

He's known Becca for years. He could never be unloyal to her in any way. This was just not him. However, at the same time he knew that he loved Grizz. He really did. But could he be this brutal and just lie to his face? What would be the problem with Grizz knowing the father is not him? Well, the big answer to that was Becca.  
How on earth should he ever be able to choose between being a loyal best friend to Becca but ruining his relationship with Sam or telling Grizz the truth but breaking Becca's trust for probably forever? He knew how sensitive Becca was about keeping her secrets.

Sam was about to ride himself into a panic attack if he'd continue to think about this huge treadmill. Until Grizz didn't know about the pregnancy, he wouldn't have to worry about this anyways. He'd just procrastinate his decision until then.  
"I just don't trust anyone enough besides you, okay? So please, stay with our agreement. Even with Grizz."  
Sam looked at her a bit guilty, but tried to turn it into a confused look as he didn't want this to turn suspicious.  
"I know you two hang out sometimes, so I figured you were friends. You haven't told me anything recently."

"That's because there is nothing interesting going on, trust me," Sam tried getting out of this part of the conversation as soon as possible.  
"Okay, fine. Just ... you had the idea. And if we do this now, stick with what you tell people ... please?"  
After taking a deep breathe, Sam nodded and gave Becca a short smile to reasure he had understood.  
That was it. That meant he'd have to tell Grizz the lie. He couldn't go against his best friends will. Or could he?

And telling Becca about their relationship now was definitely not on Sam's schedule anymore. She was in a bad mood and not ready for anything according to that. Him telling her that they were together would just make things even more complicated.  
"Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?"  
"No. All good."  
And the worst thing for Sam was, that he couldn't even get advice on this from the two people he usually got it from. He'd have to deal with this dilemma all on his own.

☾°✩↴

On a sunny afternoon without work, after Grizz and Sam had just spent some "alone time" together at Grizz's house, Luke spontaneously came around. He'd finally decided on confronting Grizz instead of waiting. Everytime he saw him he could barely even look him in the eyes, knowing that his best friend wasn't aware that he knew his secret. The first encounter of Sam being at Grizz's house and Luke suddenly standing in the door way was a bit more than just awkward. Luckily Sam was about to get ready for his evening work shift anyways and was able to escape the situation quickly.

After the ginger was gone, to Grizz's despair, he quickly wondered why Luke was searching for him anyways.  
"So what's up?"  
"Nothing much uh ... I just wanted to talk to you, you know. About life and shit," he started the conversation that was about to turn out to be a nightmare for Grizz.  
The jock wrinkled his eyebrows while walking towards the kitchen to get himself a glas of water.  
"Since when do you care about my life?" Grizz answered ironically, knowing exactly that Luke hasn't been in his life much recently.  
"I do. And I'm sorry that it seemed like you couldn't tell me stuff anymore. I know it's been a lot about me lately with Helena and the marriage."  
"Yeah."

"I'm just curious, man. I mean, are you seeing anyone? Is there anything interesting happening?" Luke now got more quickly to his point but was still not. Grizz cheeks immediately turned a bit red, but luckily he was standing with his back faced towards Luke so he wasn't able to see him.  
"Uh, no," he shortly hesitated before answering. Grizz still had no idea why Luke was suddenly asking him stuff that went into this certain direction.  
The other raised his eyebrows, knowing exactly that Grizz was lying to him. And he again asked himself why he still lied about it.  
"Okay ... you sure?"

Wait a minute. Did he just say _you sure_ to his answer to the question if he was seeing anyone? Did he know something Grizz didn't? Hasn't he been careful enough with Sam? Were rumours spreading around about him and someone else?  
"What the fuck does that mean?" Grizz reacted a bit annoyed, trying to act as unsuspicious as possible. However, secretly he knew he was fucked. Luke knew something.

"Dude, I'm just asking," Luke backed off a bit, trying to calm down the situation again. He would surely not want Grizz to be angry at him for confronting him about it.  
"No means no man. I'm not seeing anyone," Grizz reassured again, obviously lying to Luke. Even if he has considered talking to Luke about his sexuality and relationship status, he hasn't really found the right situation. The last weeks were mostly all about Luke and Helenas weeding.

Luke wasn't sure how exactly he should confront him now. He knew Grizz was lying. But wouldn it make him uncomfortable if he continued?  
He just wanted to know the truth from him and why he just couldn't be open about his personal life, especially towards him.  
After a short silence where Grizz sat down at the kitchen counter with Luke, drinking a sip of his water, Luke decided to speak up again and be as honest as he could. Otherwise this wouldn't lead to anything.  
"I know you're lying Grizz. I saw you ... with Sam."

Grizz's jaw dropped and he almost spit out the water he still had in his mouth. Fuck, he thought. He knew he heard something in the library that other day. And apparently, that has been Luke.  
"How long have you been seeing him?" he asked the other calmly, trying to not sound disrespectful towards him and his sexuality.  
Grizz couldn't get out a single sentence. He wasn't even sure how to react. He'd just considered telling Luke sometime in the future that he's gay and now he had found out himself? Grizz wasn't sure if he should feel more relieved or panicked in that moment.

"Uh ... I — I'm ... when did ... did you ...?" he stammered, not even being able to finish his sentence. But he wanted to make sure that the library was really the place he had seen the two, as other people could have been there as well.  
"In the library, couple weeks ago. You were ... making out so I'm guessing you're into men then?"  
Grizz's face was still bright red, heat filled uo in his cheeks.  
"Yeah," he mumbled, obviously still feeling shocked about the whole situation Luke has just brought him into.  
"Only men?" Luke asked a bit curious now. Grizz nodded in response.

"Sorry, I ... I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable with this man, but I was just a bit shocked when I saw you guys. And I was wondering why you didn't tell me before? I mean, I'm totally cool with it. I don't care. But ... didn't you know that?"  
Grizz had to swallow a big lump down his throat before he could breathe easy for s second. At least he knew for sure now that Luke didn't care about it.  
"I was planning on telling you. It's not as easy as it seems," Grizz was finally able to form a sentence. Luke nodded understanding of his situation.

"It has nothing to do with you, really. I knew from the start that you'd be the one to accept me the most. Not so sure about Clark and Jason though. I'm not ready to tell them. They're not part of my life as much as they used to be anyways."  
"I'll keep my mouth shut. But just for a warning, I told Helena."  
"Seriously dude? Isn't she totally anti gay?"  
"She isn't, she helped me to process this. And she won't tell anyone. She mentioned that she already suspected something between you and Sam anyways."

Grizz looked at him confused. How did she suspect that? She barely had anything to do with neither of them.  
"I think she ran into Sam once at your house or something."  
"Oh yeah ... he told me about that," Grizz remembered that day. The day they arrested Dewey and the night Sam and Grizz had a movie night.

"So ... how long have you been seeing each other now?" Luke asked now even more curious, as Grizz had gotten more comfortable with the whole situation.  
"Since the beginning of senior year. It's been kind of on and off here and there but we've been dating again now for a couple months."  
"Oh wow ... and we wanted to hook you up with a girl all the time dude."  
"I know, pretty annoying when you have someone else in mind," Grizz joked.

Grizz could definitely say that he felt more relieved than anything else now. He had finally, more or less, told someone else. One step closer to actually being able to turn his relationship with Sam more public. It was still a long path until that but he knew he'd get there someday. Someday with Sam together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Luke knows ... but will the others ever find out? I hope you once again enjoyed this chapter :) <3
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: This is the last chapter from the 5 month time jump. The next ones will ultimately show the events of episode 7 and ongoing from the plot of the show (but obviously with some stuff added and altered :D)


	47. ✩ Let me help you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 46 recap: It is revealed that Luke was the one who saw Sam and Grizz in the library together. He's getting advice from Helena on how to handle the whole situation. Meanwhile, Sam once again checks up on Becca and she makes it clear that they would tell everyone - even Grizz - the lie about Sam being the dad of the child. Luke finally confronts Grizz about what he saw in the library. Grizz is more than shocked but due to Luke being really chill about the whole situation he is able to calm down a little. Now he doesn't have to out himself in front of Luke after all.
> 
> **CW: Mentions of death & starvation**

_Six months ago, we were children. This is who we are now. We eat and live communally. We even sweat communally. This is all according to Cassandra's rules. Now, they are Allie's rules as well. A midnight curfew, mandatory weekly town meetings, and the community doctrine: those who don't work, don't eat. We found a balance between doing what's expected of us and finding happiness where we can. In love, or in sex, or play. We waffle between following the rules and bending them, constantly worrying that if we bend too far, this whole rickety structure might topple and break. Because we know that we're always one dumb move away from ruin._

☾°✩↴

Fall had finally arrived in town. A good sign, considering that seasons still occured on a regular basis. Everyone was trying to accommodate best to the situation they were all in. Allie seemed to have it all under control. More and more freetime activities got introduced, schedules worked perfectly and the Committees in town worked harder than ever. However, one thing, they were all aware of, came closer and closer the more time passed.

Will and Kelly, who were part of the Committee on resources, had gathered Allie, Sam, Becca, Grizz, Gordie and Bean at the Pressman's house one day, wanting to discuss something very essential.  
"We've finally finished counting all the food resources we have. The good news is, we'll survive the winter. However, the bad news is that we'll run low by next summer," Will explained as he was checking his results on his computer.

"Fuck," Grizz mumbled, biting his lip afterwards.  
"So we'll starve next year?" Becca sighed.  
"We knew that was about to happen someday," Sam signed while speaking in order for Bean, Grizz and Gordie to understand.  
"Yeah," they all acknowledged, trying to process the bad news.  
"Well, there's got to be something we can do," Bean answered.  
"Like what? Growing food ourselves?" Becca snapped back, a little more annoyed than she usually would.

"Yeah ... that's probably the only option," Allie now interfered as well, knowing it was her responsibility too.  
"Where do you want to plant crops? In front of the church?" Will commented.  
"Can't we just ration the food even more? Like skipping lunch or giving out smaller meals?" Bean suggested.  
"That will only make people angry, and that's the worst thing that could happen right now," Grizz responded.  
"I'd say we grow our own crops like we already do in the garden behind the church. That's the only option that will keep us alive long enough," he added.

However good this idea sounded, the problem where they would farm was still not solved. And who would take care of all the crops and plants anyways?  
"Maybe there is some open land out there, in the woods," Allie implied, looking specifically over at Grizz who was more or less the survival specialist in this circle.  
"Another search party? Don't you remember last time we sent them out and someone died?" Will reminded Allie of this not so pleasant event.  
"I'm not stupid Will."

"We were just unprepared for this to happen. We're smarter now," Grizz surprisingly explained. Sam shortly wondered why he was in favour of the expedition. After all he had seen Emily die and knew how dangerous these woods seem. On the other hand, he knew that Grizz was probably aware of the fact that this was their only option of surviving in this place.  
"We'll bring enough supplies, everything we need. I'll ask around if anyone wants to volunteer and go with me," Grizz further added, already volunteering for taking part and leading the expedition. His braveness was exactly why Will and Kelly had brought him to this meeting.

"Okay. We'll do it that way then," Allie agreed to Grizz's suggestion.  
"Town meeting is tomorrow. You wanna report it to everyone or should I?" she asked him.  
"Sure, I can do it."  
"Thank you. You think you could go someday after Thanksgiving? Beginning of December maybe?"  
"Yeah, I think that's doable."  
Allie nodded, thanking him again for being so brave.  
Grizz knew this was their only option. Even if he was worried about going into the woods again, considering Emily's death last time they went in there, he'd do it for everyone. He wasn't willing to starve nor let anyone starve.

☾°✩↴

Sam and Becca arrived a little late to the town meeting the next day, as Becca had been too worried about her stomach showing before going inside the church. As they were walking towards the front row, Gwen was already talking and explaining some of the freetime activities that were about to be established. "Uh, so, new class sign-up sheets are posted in the church lobby. Um, we've just added an improv class, and due to popular demand a second jiu-jitsu class. Oh and finally, I hope to see you all tomorrow for movie night," she reported happily.

As Becca sat down, trying to hide her stomach as unsuspicious as possible, she had no idea that someone standing on the side of the church had already noticed what was going on with her.  
"Thank you, Gwen," Allie stepped to the speakers podium now, replacing Gwen.  
"Okay, I just want to remind everybody that this Thursday is Thanksgiving, so bring all your recipes to Will so that he can make sure that you guys have all the right ingredients. Next, we have an update from the Committee on Resources."  
"What about the Committe on Going Home?" Lexie suddenly interrupted from the crowd.

"Gordie and Bean promised me a report on Thursday."  
"Are we going home?" Lexie asked again.  
"Not before Thursday." The crowd chuckled slightly at this uplifting comment. But that didn't distract Allie as she asked Will to step up now and explain the situation they were in.  
"Will?"  
"Okay. So we finished our audit on food supplies, and based on our current rationing, we have enough to carry us through spring. This winter won't be a problem, but our food won't last forever. We all knew that. It'll start to run low by next summer."  
The crowd started murmuring, wondering about what they were going to do against starving.

"So we're all going to fucking starve?" Erika, Jason's girlfriend, spoke up.  
"No. Of course not. We just got to change the way we do things. We have a plan. Grizz?" Allie stepped up.  
Grizz got up from his seat, starting to explain the plan they had come up with the day before.  
"Um ... so after Thanksgiving I'm going to lead a search party to look for farmland and for alternative food supplies. If anyone wants to join me, I'm looking for four to five volunteers to come along with me."  
"No fucking way!" someone from the crowd shouted, starting murmuring in the crowd again. But Grizz had it under control.

"Look, we all know what happened to Emily. But this is different. We know what to expect now. We'll be prepared. We'll bring proper supplies."  
"Yeah, but we don't know how to farm. Like, even if you find this land, who's gonna work it?" Lexie interrupted once again, doubting Allie's and Grizz's plan.  
"We will. All of us." Allie answered as Grizz had no response to the accusation.  
"We'll have to learn how. Just like we learned to do everything else around here. I know it's a lot and we still have to cook, and clean, and do everything else that makes this place work. It's going to get tougher. But what choice do we have? Right? No choice. So we'll do it. We're just gonna take it step by step, okay? Just ... solve each problem as it comes. And I think we can do that if we stay positive."

☾°✩↴

Later that day, Becca had decided to swing herself out of bed for the day and continue on documenting their life in this place. With her camera, she started taking pictures of the leaves and the trees all around the Pressman's house. Suddenly someone unexpected showed up. Kelly was watching her take all these photographs. "Still taking pictures?" she asked her curiously. "It's our first fall. Someone has to record our history in case we survive. Or not." "Right."

Kelly didn't start talking to Becca for no reason. She was there because she knew a secret about her.  
"I've been saving up a portion of my rations over the last few months in case of an emergency," she started explaining while taking her bag off her shoulders to show it to Becca. Becca gave her a light smile, not quite sure what she was trying to tell her with this.  
"Am ... Am I an emergency?"  
"Well, you're the only person I know who's eating for two."  
Becca quickly realised what she meant, looking away ashamed that someone besides Sam and Allie knew.

"When are you due?" Kelly asked caringly.  
"In a month ... or so. I'm still trying to figure that out."  
"Who's the father?"  
That question scared Becca for a second, thinking of the person that she had had sex with. But then she remembered what she and Sam had agreed on.  
"Uh ... Sam," she answered hesitant.  
"Really? I ... I thought he was gay?" Kelly acknowledged rather confused.  
"Right, well ... some people are more than they seem to be."  
Nevertheless, Kelly nodded understanding of the situation.

Luckily, at least she believed her lie about Sam. She didn't want the same thing that occurred with Allie before, where she was more or less forced to tell half the truth, happen again.  
"Listen, there's things that you and Sam can do in secret but having a baby is not one of them. Let me help you."  
Becca was surprised about someone like Kelly wanting to help her, considering that in her opinion she's always been a complete rich brat.  
"What? Are you a doctor now?"  
"In this universe, maybe," Kelly answered with a light smile on her face.

Becca was confused at first. However she quickly accepted the fact that Kelly has changed to a better person and wanted to help her in this critical situation. She wasn't the same person that she was six months ago. Nobody was the same anymore.  
Maybe having her by her side wasn't too bad as she was a girl. Even if Sam was her best friend, he would never completely understand the feeling of having a baby grow inside of you. Kelly didn't either, but Becca assumed she's had enough sexual experience to at least have thought about getting accidentally pregnant like she did.

☾°✩↴

It was Thursday; the 28th November 2019; Thanksgiving day. The teens had planned a lot on that day, as it was one of their first ever holidays they would celebrate together. And probably not their last. Lots of arrangements, considering keeping people entertained and fed up for the night, had been made by the different committees. In the morning, they would decorate and prepare the church for the big Thanksgiving dinner in the evening. To entertain the people (and mostly themselves) in the afternoon, the Guard had decided to organize a little football game. While everyone was helping setting up tables, preparing food for the dinner and hanging up decorations, Kelly had other plans with Becca.

She had brought her to the gynecologist clinic that Kelly had visited herself a couple of days before in order to perform an ultrasound on her and, possibly in the near future, deliever Beccas baby. She's been starting to read up on it anyways. Who else would deliver her baby after all? Becca would never survive it if she did it on her own with zero experience and Sam wouldn't really be a big help either.  
Carefully the two entered the building, Kelly leading her up to the room where the ultrasound machine was in. The walls were colored in a soft pink tone, making the atmosphere a little more comfortable for everyone. Next to the machine, there was a louncher to lay down on.

Becca hesitantly looked around as she stepped into the room.  
"This is where you want me to have my baby?" she asked confused, not being quite sure where this was about to head.  
"That's the idea," Kelly smiled, confident about her intention.  
"I was thinking we could try an ultrasound. See if everything is alright?" she suggested quickly, sitting down on a small chair in front of the ultrasound.  
Becca didn't look too amused, she was definitely not in the mood to be reminded of this baby once again. She's slowly been getting more and more tired and annoyed of the pregnancy.

However, even after a short amount of doubt, she agreed on the procedure, slowly laying down on the louncher and exposing her stomach. The excited Kelly started the machine and took a bottle with specific ultrasound gel, squeezing some of it onto Becca's belly. The weird liquid shortly made the pregnant girl flinch as it felt colder than expected.  
Moreover, Kelly moved the transducer to the lower stomach and spread the liquid over it to create a surface for the ultrasound to work.

Slowly she scanned every part of Becca's stomach but as she was no expert, she actually had no idea where exactly the baby was positioned. When she had had an ultrasound done on her in her childhood, it seemed a lot easier and especially faster than it was now. Even Becca herself was getting impatient while switching between looking on the screen with no results and her stomach.  
"You know, I can feel my baby. You really don't have to do this. It's fine."  
"Just wait," Kelly interrupted, having the ambition to do this.  
She moved the transducer even lower down her stomach, but was still not able to see the baby growing inside of Becca.

"I'm really fine."  
"Just give me a moment."  
"It feels weird, and it's cold. I swear, I don't ..."  
Suddenly, as Kelly had just turned her head towards the monitor, she started smiling. Becca immediately followed and couldn't believe her own eyes. Finally she saw her baby on the screen. Little heart beats could be heard and it quickly filled her heart with joy and excitement. It was one thing to feel her own baby but seeing it was just indescribable to her.  
Kelly chuckled happily, being just as happy as the mother-to-be.  
"Holy shit," Becca mumbled still astonished by this phenomenon, laughing a little.

"Holy shit," she repeated louder now with her head turned towards Kelly.  
"Happy Thanksgiving, Mama," the blonde smiled at her in joy. Seeing Becca this happy about something that usually worried her, made her own endorphines rise to the maximum level. Not only that but also the fact that she has managed to perfom this successful ultrasound on her was already a huge step into gaining Becca's trust with her pregnancy.  
Them being stuck in this other world was already crazy enough. But despite these insane circumstances, Kelly was the one who assured Becca she had a healthy baby; at least its heart rates were normal and it didn't look like it had any extra limbs. What was stopping her from delivering the baby in the future as well? She was sure, she could handle it.  
And it was true, Becca was indeed starting to trust her a lot with the whole baby situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, a whole Becca chapter this time. I hope you still enjoyed it!! More grizzam content on your way in the next one <3  
> Also I'm not quite sure when I'll get the next chapter up, I'm really hoping by valentines day but it's been super stressful with school lately and I wasn't able to prewrite anything. I'll try my best :)


	48. ✩ Wherever I go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 47 recap: After Will informed them about the food resources and how they will come to an end next summer, the teens are trying to figure out a way on how to survive and come up with an expedition Grizz is going to lead. Kelly surprisingly reveals that she knows about Beccas pregnancy and offers her help. Becca sticks to the agreement of telling everyone that Sam is the dad. On Thanksgiving day, Kelly performs an ultrasound on Becca.
> 
> **CW: Mentions of death & starvation**

Despite knowing that almost every resident of their town was watching the football game the guard had organized, after preparations for the big thanksgiving dinner were finished, Grizz had other plans with Sam. He wanted to spend the day with him; not everyone else, pretending to be happy on this actually not so content day. He missed his family a lot, even if he sometimes felt relief about the fact he would never have to come out to them. Well, that wasn't exactly set in stone yet but so far it looked like the teens would still be stuck in this outer world experience for a little while. It's been 6 months already after all.

About their other plans, Grizz finally wanted to show Sam how to harvest a little in the garden behind the church that he had been looking after for a couple months now. Carrots were ready and fresh to be picked, and the ginger had already shown interest in this topic before. It was the perfect timing for some gardening lessons.  
Now that this expedition was happening, he could at least show his skills to someone, in order to preserve them in case of an emergency. Who knew if they would come out of this expedition alive anyways.

As the two had settled down in front of the carrot patch, having their tools all ready, Grizz started shoveling free the first carrot a little.  
"So, what you want to do is you want to grab the whole vegetable," he started, leading Sam's hand to the carrot in the ground, "not just the green part. Okay?"  
"Okay, yeah."  
"So, now twist and pull."  
Sam tried his best by removing the vegetable from the soil, like his boyfriend instructed him. Only after a couple moments, he had the carrot in his hand.

"Oh, yeah. Nice. There you go," Grizz remarked, smiling a little at Sam's success.  
"Wow. That's pretty cool."  
"Thank you, yes."  
"Should we pull some more? I mean, we're missing dinner. Don't you think they'll miss us?"  
"Um, I don't know. Maybe. I don't really care if I'm honest. I'm having a great time right here."  
The ginger smiled in response, after handing the carrot over to Grizz and gently taking his hand into his own.  
"Me too."

"I sort of like loosing track of time. It happens a lot down here, as you might know."  
"That's why you were 40 minutes late on our last date, huh?"  
"I'm sorry Sam, you know that," Grizz apologized once again, knowing Sam was quite angry that one night. At least he had had a good excuse for his delay, working in the garden. He just loved the quietness of it, with everything else around him being turbulent most times.  
" _If you have a garden and a library you have everything you need._ It's Cicero, I think."  
"Cicero? Very smart," Sam chuckled, being quite impressed once again at how good Grizz was at finding quotes for the fitting situation.  
"Oh, thank you so much."

"So do you?" Sam asked curiously.  
"Do I what?"  
"Have all you need?"  
"Yes, what else would I need besides you?" Grizz responded quickly and leaned closer to Sam, giving him a little peck on his soft lips. Luckily they didn't have to worry about anyone seeing them there. Nobody besides Grizz ever checked on the garden anyways. Therefore this could in the future be a safer spot for the two to kiss instead of the library that people like Luke occasionally and unexpectedly visited.

"How about we have some dinner together? Just us two. I'm not really in the mood talking to everyone else right now. Pretend like this day is just as normal as always," Grizz suggested, looking at Sam expectantly.  
"Sure, let's do it."  
The ginger was aware of the fact he was actually supposed to meet with Becca at the dinner. He needed an excuse. But what was the most logical one? He couldn't pretend like he was sick, Becca would sooner or later freak out she could get infected and damage the baby somehow. And obviously he still didn't want to tell her the truth, even though he kind of felt obliged to do so soon.  
In the end he once again decided on telling her half of the truth.

_**Sam:** sorry, i probably can't make it to dinner tonight. I'm at the garden with Grizz rn but I'm dying to go to bed after  
**Becca:** don't worry, just come if you feel like it!_

☾°✩↴

"Let's see," Grizz mumbled as he opened the cupboard above the sink to look for some ingredients he could turn into a delicious meal for Sam and him. Even though he wasn't the best cook, he still wanted to try his best to prepare something at least half edible. Luckily, Sam was there to help, if necessary. The jock just assumed he had to be better at cooking than himself. Sam sat down on one of the highchairs at the counter, glancing into the open cabinet as well and observing Grizz rummaging around.

"We could make some pasta with ... tomato sauce," he turned himself towards Sam, showing him a pack of spaghetti and a can of chopped tomatoes that he had pulled out of the cupboard.  
"It's probably the only stuff that is not rotten. I barely ever eat here," he added as Sam's raised eyebrows sparked more doubt than a good feeling in Grizz.  
"You know how much I love pasta," the ginger quickly let Grizz's doubts disappear.  
"Just as much as you love me?" he teased as he put down the ingredients and strolled towards him.  
"No," Sam started, "I love pasta more."  
"Very funny," the jock smiled as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend‘s neck, kissing him softly on his lips.

"Are you good at cooking?" Grizz asked after pulling away from the kiss.  
"I guess ... I'm okay-ish," Sam admitted. He definitely wasn't talented but simple things were mostly not a big problem for him. However, knives were never his best friend, nor would they ever be. The little accident he had a while ago during dinner prep, where Grizz treated his cut after, popped into his mind shortly. This made him reminisce the - more or less - old times. Back when they were just friends, but already so in love.  
"Can you help me with this?" the jock asked nicely before Sam nodded, motivated to tackle this little challenge.

"Let's start with cooking the pasta, shall we?" Sam immediately approached the stove, looking around for a big enough pot underneath it.  
After handing it to Grizz who then filled it up with the right amount of water, Sam, as clumsy as he was sometimes, knocked over the pack of salt as he was trying to grab it from one of the shelves.  
"Shit," he mumbled, as Grizz was already coming to his rescue with a broom and some paper towels.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make a mess," the ginger apologized for spilling the salt all over the counter and floor beneath the shelf. But instead of being annoyed at Sam, Grizz was genuinely smiling at this, loving the fact that he was just as cute as always.

"Don't worry dear, I got this," the jock offered his help as Sam was hastingly trying his best to collect all the salt in his hands.  
While sweeping all the disarray together in order to remove it with the paper towel, Sam made himself a little more useful again by pouring some fresh salt into the pot with water before turning on the stove.  
"You're so cute being clumsy, do you know that?" Grizz teased him after getting his attention. Sam rolled his eyes sarcastically, laughing a little at his statement.  
"Thank you for pointing out how unskilled I am," he joked about himself.

After Grizz threw away the waste into the trash can, he dedicated his concentration on the food they planned on making for themselves. However, he was surely more distracted by Sam's pure presence than he thought.  
As he opened the can of chopped tomatoes, he almost cut himself on the sharp edges of the lid as his eyes couldn't resist to focus on Sam who was standing closely behind him. He could sense his hot breath brushing against his neck, as Sam was resting his head on Grizz's shoulders, watching him prepare the sauce while waiting for the pasta water to boil.  
After Sam cuddled himself even closer to his boyfriend, wrapping his arms comparatively low around his waist, Grizz was barely able to add the right amount of spices to the sauce he prepared in another pot. He prayed for it to still taste good in the end.

Sam backed off a little as Grizz was walking to the stove to place the pot on it. After turning around again, facing Sam, the ginger suddenly came up with a little idea to make time pass a little faster.  
"Let's turn on some music. I mean you have this big stereo unit in your house but we never use it."  
Grizz looked a little confused at first, as he barely ever listened to music with Sam. Kind of oblivious of him, as he knew Sam was able to feel the vibrations.  
"Okay sure, go ahead."  
Quickly Sam rushed over to the equipment, connecting his phone with it to play a fitting song with enough bass for him to feel.

_I know I could lie but I'm telling the truth  
Wherever I go there's a shadow of you  
I know I could try looking for something new  
But wherever I go, I'll be looking for you_

_Some people lie but they're looking for magic  
Others are quietly going insane  
I feel alive when I'm close to the madness  
No easy love could ever make me feel the same_

Sam turned up the volume, slightly being able to feel the song. Obviously at the same time he had to check if Grizz wasn't covering his ears of how loud he had turned it. But as he didn't do that, he turned it up even more. There was no one to hear them in the house anyways and with everyone being at the church, that was quite far away from Grizz's house, nobody would be there to interrupt them.  
"I love this song," the jock signed, walking towards Sam in the middle of the living room.

_I know I could lie, but I won't lie to you  
Wherever I go, you're the ghost in the room  
I don't even try looking for something new  
'Cause wherever I go, I'll be looking for you_

Sam carelessly started to dance a bit, noticing how he was able to feel the song better the more bass and loudness came in. Grizz joined in, moving his body to the beat as he was singing along with the lyrics.  
This had definitely been a good idea. Sam hadn't danced footloose in such a long time. Considering all the circumstances they were in, no wonder he hasn't had such a happy moment in forever.

_Some people try but they can't find the magic  
Others get down on their knees and they pray  
I come alive when I'm close to the madness  
No easy love could ever make me feel the same  
Make me feel the same  
Make me feel the same, same, same_

Both Sam and Grizz increased the extent of their movements, looking each other in the eyes while swinging closer and closer to one another. Sam took Grizz's hands, starting to dance even harder as the refrain started, the bass now completely kicking in.

_I know I could lie but I'm telling the truth  
Wherever I go there's a shadow of you  
I know I could try looking for something new  
But wherever I go, I'll be looking for you  
Wherever I go, I'll be looking for you, you_

Happily they were both swinging, jumping and turning together to the beat of the song. Grizz almost screamed the lyrics perfectly on top of his lungs while Sam was laughing joyfully.

_Some people pray to their God for some magic  
'Cause no easy love could ever make them feel the same  
No easy love could ever make me feel the same  
Make me feel the same, same, same_

As the beat was lowering itself for a couple of lines, the ginger slowed himself down and softly wrapped his arms around Grizz, just wanting to be closer to him in that moment. He hadn't been this content in months and especially the person standing right in front of him made this moment more perfect than it already was.  
And the moment Sam felt the beat dropping in again, he passionately placed his lips onto Grizz's, kissing him while tumbling around a bit.

_I know I could lie but I'm telling the truth  
Wherever I go there's a shadow of you  
I know I could try looking for something new  
But wherever I go, I'll be looking for you  
You think it's a lie when I'm telling the truth  
Wherever I go, I'll be looking for you  
Wherever I go, I'll be looking for you  
Looking for you, looking for you, ah_

While beforehand Grizz had barely been able to add spices into the sauce while Sam was just resting his head onto his shoulders, he was now completely caught in his own world. The only thing he was able to comprehend in that moment was Sam and his extremely amazing and soft lips. Everything else around him felt like a thousand miles away. The loud music around them enclosed them, like they were standing in their own eternity; far away from this town. They both wished to stay like this forever, kissing each other lustfully, their bodies almost perfectly merging into one another.

Shortly after the song stopped, they were slowly coming back into reality. Maybe faster than he had wished to, Grizz heard the loud boiling water on the stove.  
"Fuck the water," he exclaimed shocked as he unraveled himself from Sam's grip, rushing into the kitchen.  
The ginger quickly turned off the new song coming out of the speakers before following him. Grizz turned down the heat of the stove immediately as he poured the pasta in and set a timer on his phone. At the same time he set the stovetop with the sauce on a low heat, in order to warm it up slowly.

"That was close," Grizz mentioned relieved as Sam was approaching him.  
"We got way too distracted."  
"I couldn't resist this song. And dancing with you is amazing ... _you_ are amazing." Sam stated.  
"No, _you_ are," he added smiling at him in all joy.  
"We're both complete losers at cooking, aren't we?" Sam joked chuckling as he once again wrapped his arms around his waist.  
"We totally are."

Even though the water had once again almost boiled over with the pasta inside - the two had once again been way too caught up in each others kissing, even without music - Grizz served the final result of the meal to them on the counter.  
"I hope the sauce is alright. Maybe I added too much salt or something," Grizz confessed as he sat down.  
"I guess we'll have to taste and see."  
After mixing up the pasta and the tomato sauce on his plate, Sam tried some of it and was to his surprise impressed.  
"It's actually quite good. Simple but good. Way better than the cafeteria food sometimes."

Grizz smiled, happy that despite the distraction he had been able to cook well.  
"Shifts without Will are the worst. He's so good at cooking, in contrast to us," Grizz added.  
"Right, but at least it tastes good. And we have our first thanksgiving dinner together. That's all that matters to me."  
Without big hesitation, Sam gave Grizz a little kiss, before the two finally enjoyed their Thanksgiving dinner, without having to hide their relationship in front of everyone else.  
"Happy Thanksgiving, Sam."  
"Happy Thanksgiving my dear."

While Grizz and Sam were dining their pasta with relish, the Thanksgiving dinner at the church was in its full bloom. But what nobody knew was the fact that this night would not end happily for a couple of residents attending this dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wohoo, I was finally able to publish my next chapter! I'm really sorry that it took so long and I wasn't able to stick to my regular posting schedule. I had not had big motivation to write and I was pretty busy with school in most of my free time. I might only be able to upload one chapter per week for now, not every 3-5 days as I don't have many chapters prewritten at the moment. I do know where I want my chapters to go though, so I just need to realize these ideas :)
> 
> Also I once again want to remind you all that I have a playlist inspired by this fanfiction! My Spotify is @softvanne and the playlist is called "Elysian"  
> Here's a link to it: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7FLYSPH2F8e14QovxAD6DN?si=DZnR0E5QTbK7ez7K5HvRgg  
> You'll also be able to find the song used in this chapter!!  
> It's _Wherever I go_ from OneRepublic
> 
> I still hope you enjoyed this genuine grizzam chapter <3


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